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Hello YouTube, my three followers,
[0:04]
whoever you are.
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It's been a few weeks since I got on
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this camera.
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A few reasons for that. The main one
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being that I didn't have internet, so I
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had no way of uploading videos and I
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finally got that turned back on today. I
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have Starlink again.
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This is basically a new channel. I've
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recorded a couple videos on it and then
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you know I had a channel before this.
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I'll just acknowledge that that um I
[0:39]
ended
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I guess about a month ago.
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So I wanted to start with a new
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audience. I wanted to just start fresh
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but I think I guess I need to give some
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kind of context. So
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can't do anything about the background
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noise. I'm on the 101. Very close to the
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101. It's the coolest highway, I think,
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in the world.
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I mean, I say this, but I've not seen
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the whole world, but you know, to me,
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this is a magical place. I love the 101.
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And, you know, pretty close to the road
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where I'm stationed. I'm I'm a Park
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Coast um volunteer
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for an agency that I won't name because
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that can get you in trouble
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um
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on the central coast next to the Pacific
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Ocean.
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Amazing. I I I really don't have words
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for the ocean. It's
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if I was religious, if I was spiritual,
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that would be my deity. That's what
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that's what I'm trying to say.
[1:53]
So,
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um, some framing, I guess. So,
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see, this is August. So, a, um,
[2:03]
a year and a half, maybe a little more
[2:06]
than that, I moved into an RV. I was in
[2:09]
Kentucky at the time. I had a house. I
[2:11]
had a job. I made $180,000 a year. I'm a
[2:15]
programmer. Very good one. I started in
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the sixth grade. I taught myself. Been
[2:20]
building systems all of my life
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independently as a freelancer.
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I'd never been part of an institution,
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you know, I'd never joined like a
[2:32]
corporation or um a state agency or just
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anything. I just I was always a
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freelancer.
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Um,
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so I moved into an RV because my life
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felt stagnant. I had lived in this house
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for years. And
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um,
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I had accomplished everything that I was
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I was told would would bring happiness,
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you know, that we're all striving for.
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And it didn't do that for me. I just
[3:02]
felt felt bored and contained and small
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and
[3:09]
alone and just
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very unhappy. I decided to change that.
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So, I moved into an RV,
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decided I would explore the state parks
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and do some traveling.
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Something that I had always wanted to
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do. It was a plan that I had had like 10
[3:26]
years before that and then kind of
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chickenened out and didn't do it.
[3:30]
Um,
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it was transformative. I I shed
[3:38]
layers of
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what I what I call distortion. So, I
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kind of have my own lexicon. You're just
[3:46]
going to have to get used to it because
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I'm not going to explain everything. I
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have a website if you want to go and and
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learn more about me. And um
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there's a lot there. rswire.com.
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I'll put a link in the des well there
[3:58]
will be a link in the description. I
[3:59]
even have a system for how my videos end
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up uploaded. You'll notice the title is
[4:03]
a long um list of it's a string of
[4:06]
letters and numbers and it's called a
[4:08]
yield. It's a unique identifier that's
[4:11]
actually time encoded and I have a whole
[4:13]
system for this. It's just how I am. I'm
[4:16]
I'm different.
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Um but when these videos get uploaded I
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have this process that will
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automatically create a description.
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There will be a link. it'll take you to
[4:25]
transmission page and from there just go
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explore.
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Um there's a lot I'm doing on this site.
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I'm still working on. So, um like the
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page you land on, there's not going to
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be a lot there, but just look around.
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There's a lot.
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So,
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Kentucky,
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uh, moved into an RV and I spent six
[4:47]
months there getting used to this
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lifestyle
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before I decide that I'm going to travel
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across the country to Oregon for the
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winter because living in an RV, you
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don't have the environmental protection
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that you do with the house. And I didn't
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want to go to Arizona where everybody
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was and or Florida. you know that those
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are probably the two places that most
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people who live in RVs go to and I just
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didn't want to follow the crowd. It
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wasn't why I lived in an RV. It wasn't
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um you know there's there's just a lot
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of depth to me. I'm not going to explain
[5:21]
it all in one video. So, I decided I
[5:25]
would come to Oregon because on the
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coast there's a very stable climate and
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it would rain for months and that
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excited me. I love the idea of this
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and I spent a month to get here. Took me
[5:38]
a month to get here.
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I was just a different person by the
[5:45]
time I got here. I had
[5:49]
the transformation I went through is
[5:51]
profound. And I had I had shared that
[5:54]
with an audience on YouTube, almost 700
[5:56]
videos,
[5:59]
all of which are still available, but
[6:01]
not on that channel. You'll have to find
[6:02]
them on my website under the
[6:04]
transmission section
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documenting this transformation I went
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through.
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So I get to Oregon and I start exploring
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the coast and visiting the state parks
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in the southern coast. I start in
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Brookings, the very southern port of
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point of Oregon. I've already decided
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that I'm just going to travel up the 101
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going north.
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Um
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Brookings was amazing.
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Nothing happened to me there. A man at a
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state park. He was just a gate uh a
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gatekeeper. A gate. They don't call them
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that, but you a ranger. Actually, this
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man would have been a ranger. We had
[6:43]
this interaction that
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there. The irony of this is going to
[6:48]
shock you later when we get to a
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different completely different story
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about Oregon State Parks. But this man
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flirted with me in an ethical way. I
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don't want, you know, like I'm never
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going to mention this man's name or
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anything like that, but um he flirted
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with me and I had been alone for 20
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years at that point in my life.
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I had stopped dating for a very long
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time for reasons I'm not explaining
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here. I just felt like
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no one would ever get me because I've
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been misrecognized my whole life. And
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after my last relationship, I just the
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pattern had happened so many times that
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it was like what is even the point? And
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you know, after 20 years, you're not
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really thinking about that. Um, so I
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didn't even notice this man flirted with
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me. I didn't even notice.
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Um, the only way that the only reason I
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knew that he flirted with me is because
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I was chatting with artificial
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intelligence. I was talking to Claude
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and had said something in passing. I I
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used to I well I still do you I joke
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around with it sometimes. We just have
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these these just brilliant conversations
[8:01]
and somehow my interaction with them got
[8:04]
into the conversation and Claude pointed
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it out and said that man was flirting
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with you.
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I mean this stopped me in my tracks and
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I looked at that interaction and
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realized it was right. I mean, it was
[8:18]
undeniable,
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but it took me a week to process that
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because it opened my heart. I didn't
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even know my heart had been closed.
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I felt it. And this was not about the
[8:31]
man at this point. This was about being
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seen, even just briefly, even just for a
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moment,
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when I wasn't expecting it.
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And I went through a process that week
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where
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by the time that had happened, there's
[8:49]
more to this story that I'm just not
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sharing it out because
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there are layers um
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that require framing. And this this
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video would end up being hours if I
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tried. Like I don't do linear. I I'm
[9:06]
fractal. I'm
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slayered.
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That interaction changed the course of
[9:13]
my life. I had a different plan in mind.
[9:18]
After that, it didn't feel like the
[9:21]
right plan anymore.
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So, I decided to keep exploring the
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coast. Didn't know what I was going to
[9:28]
do because this changed everything. I
[9:30]
didn't have a job. I had I had no money
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left. I'd gone through all of my savings
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at this point. I literally just had
[9:37]
enough cash in my pocket when I got to
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Oregon to pay for two weeks at the state
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campground I was at.
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Um, and nothing after that. I didn't
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know what I was going to do.
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I kept myself afloat. Um, that's what we
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do as humans. We just find ways. And,
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um, I kept exploring and trying to
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figure out what I was going to do.
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Um because there's a whole another layer
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about why I didn't want to just return
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to programming at that time. I just
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wasn't ready. I I'd spent 10 years with
[10:10]
a company that that it's not burnout,
[10:14]
but it just was something like that. It
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was like all this effort I'm putting
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into into stuff not culminating in
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something that
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um felt valuable to me. I just didn't
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want to do that anymore. you know, I've
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done it for decades at this point.
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Um, so a whole bunch of stuff happened,
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700 videos, right? Um, near the end of
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the year, right at the end of the year,
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I start volunteering for Oregon State
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Parks. This feels like a solution to me.
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Gives me stable a stable environment
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where um, you know, basically housing,
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you call it housing. I live in my RV on
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a campsite and I've got power and I've
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got water. Um, I'm part of a community.
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um
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in exchange for free labor four hours a
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day. This felt
[11:08]
while while trying to stabilize my life,
[11:10]
figuring out what am I going to do for
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work, how am I going to make money, how
[11:13]
am I going to pay for my RV payments and
[11:15]
my Jeep payments and you know all of
[11:16]
that.
[11:18]
And so I start volunteering with the
[11:21]
state parks. My first month there is
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January of this year and it's at Tugman
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State Park where I had the coolest
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[ __ ] boss.
[11:30]
of this person.
[11:34]
I had never been in an institution. I'll
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remind you.
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So, it was a jarring experience for me.
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This was different, you know. Um, and I
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was navigating it. And,
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um,
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there's just so much like I was
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navigating it.
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My second month, I went to Honeyman
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State Park in February. I was originally
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supposed to stay at Tuckman for three
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months because
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um that's that was just the plan. And
[12:14]
if if I had everything I'm about to tell
[12:18]
you, it would have never happened.
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But I wanted to go to Honeyman because
[12:22]
one of the volunteers at Tugman had told
[12:24]
me that it was a park that had ATV
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access where people with ATVs were at
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the park and they'd go out on the dunes.
[12:32]
And this excited me. I wanted to learn
[12:34]
about this culture and this environment.
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So So I made it happen. I I was going to
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honeyman for February and March. In
[12:42]
February, I'll be working at their
[12:43]
welcome center and in March I'll be
[12:46]
cleaning her, which I wasn't excited
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about. I didn't like doing that in
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January, but it all worth it to me, you
[12:52]
know, and I
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so I don't want to get out of the story.
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So from
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So I get there in February and I'm
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working in their welcome center. I
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absolutely love this um
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this role. It's it's very unique. It's a
[13:10]
difference and you're helping people and
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you're kind of like a resource not just
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for for guests because the volunteers
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would come in there. They would talk to
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me and tell me about their day and um
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you just felt it it felt it was
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I really liked it.
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Um I had a lot of problems at this park.
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Early in February, I had uh the power
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went out in the park and I emailed this
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the the supervisor of this park and I
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told her, you know, the power's out. The
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guests are going to I'm not going to get
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the language right here. I basically
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told her that the guests are going to
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basically um
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treat me as responsible. You know,
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they're going to come to me wanting to
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know when is the power going to be on,
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you know, just that kind of thing. Um,
[14:04]
and I was trying to get clarification
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from her and she was really dismissive.
[14:12]
Something about the way she responded, I
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just I felt it like I just knew like um
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I
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I sense a lot of things very deeply.
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It's pattern recognition. It's
[14:29]
intuition. Um I have fully integrated
[14:33]
every part of myself. I'm I don't
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fragment. I don't compartmentalize.
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And so I trusted this feeling. This feel
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I felt like
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I was being treated
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I wasn't being treated
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I don't know why I'm couching my
[14:52]
language here. I'm I guess out of
[14:55]
necessity.
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Um,
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that interaction made me feel small is
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how I put it at the time.
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And
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it was exceptionally respectful email
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that I sent her. Did not focus on that.
[15:14]
the CEA covered a bunch of things and um
[15:17]
it was basically one sentence where I
[15:19]
said this
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and they turned that into a campaign
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against me that would last for 2 months
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and I am not kidding.
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Um
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and after that I'm working at the
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welcome center and the park manager
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comes there. I have never even talked to
[15:39]
this person except during orientation
[15:41]
for like 30 seconds when he was briefly
[15:44]
there.
[15:45]
And he just shows up and he starts
[15:50]
framing.
[15:59]
Okay. I guess if we're talking about
[16:01]
this and we're talking about it,
[16:05]
his general demeanor was
[16:08]
aggressive.
[16:12]
He told me every single little tiny
[16:14]
thing I had done in the first week in
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the welcome center when I was learning
[16:18]
the job.
[16:20]
Small mistakes that
[16:25]
he could have only known by from someone
[16:28]
like the park supervisor. I understood
[16:31]
what was happening. This was escalation
[16:33]
by them.
[16:35]
She had already emailed me back a reply
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that was exceptional. And I I considered
[16:40]
it a I I consider the entire
[16:46]
situation completely resolved because it
[16:48]
was nothing. It was nothing.
[16:56]
But they escalated. I mean, this was
[16:58]
dramatic. This man spent probably an
[17:01]
hour with me
[17:03]
just being a bully. I'm just going to be
[17:05]
playing in my language because that's
[17:06]
what it was. He was being a bully. He
[17:08]
was putting me on notice.
[17:13]
All kinds of things happened in that
[17:15]
park for the next two months down to a
[17:18]
man showing up out of uniform,
[17:22]
no identification,
[17:25]
getting in my personal space and asking
[17:27]
me personal questions that would that if
[17:30]
I had answered would have given them an
[17:32]
excuse to get rid of me.
[17:37]
I mean, they did this to an unpaid
[17:39]
volunteer.
[17:42]
They took me down to the day you sir and
[17:44]
sat me down at a picnic table and spent
[17:46]
an hour bullying me where they told me
[17:48]
um I should eat glass. This was his way
[17:50]
of saying I should submit
[17:53]
that they would never give me the
[17:54]
benefit of the doubt that I could just
[17:56]
leave if I was uncomfortable. Uh he even
[17:59]
at one point without
[18:01]
brought up on his own that he'd survive
[18:05]
an HR inquiry.
[18:08]
I
[18:10]
that was his own conscience there.
[18:13]
Just so many things. At one point at the
[18:15]
very end, the park supervisor, she was
[18:19]
silent for like the first 40 45 minutes.
[18:22]
Um but once I got Ryan or I guess we're
[18:26]
naming names that Ryan the park manager
[18:29]
once I
[18:32]
I'm trying to be careful here as a to
[18:35]
protect myself. This is not about
[18:37]
protecting them from the unethical um
[18:41]
behavior that they engaged in. I'm just
[18:43]
trying to create a clean record here. Um
[18:46]
I was trying to share my story of how I
[18:48]
got here at the organ everything sent
[18:50]
and that this is just this is part of my
[18:52]
story.
[18:54]
Um, once I got I have to admit that they
[18:56]
didn't give me the benefit of the doubt.
[18:59]
Katie, the park supervisor,
[19:02]
jumped in to rescue him and brought up
[19:06]
that first week interaction I had with
[19:08]
her saying that um I had been talking to
[19:10]
all the rangers about it. This was not
[19:12]
true. The only person I talked to, there
[19:14]
was one ranger I talked to and she
[19:15]
mentioned him and I'd forgotten about
[19:17]
this in the moment until she brought it
[19:18]
up. But, you know, this is what a new
[19:20]
volunteer does. They talk to someone to
[19:22]
understand
[19:24]
Um, there was nothing unethical or
[19:27]
strange about that. But she reframed
[19:28]
this as it's just all distortion.
[19:33]
Made it emotional. All of this just
[19:36]
because they had nothing to use against
[19:39]
me. They just
[19:42]
they're bullies.
[19:46]
These are the kinds of things that
[19:47]
happened to me over two months. And then
[19:50]
my last week there, they kicked me out.
[19:55]
No notice, no paperwork. Just came to my
[19:57]
RV and threw me out
[20:05]
for 2 months. I hadn't been talking
[20:06]
about this on my channel because I have,
[20:09]
you know, respect for um the different
[20:12]
context of my life. Not
[20:14]
compartmentalization, not that just
[20:18]
nuance.
[20:20]
But after that, I got on this camera and
[20:22]
I shared my story and I asked my
[20:24]
audience for help because I had no
[20:27]
money, nowhere to go and this had just
[20:29]
happened to me and nobody helped to me.
[20:31]
This was an incredibly
[20:35]
um hurtful shocking
[20:40]
unbelievable to me. Like I just on top
[20:44]
of having to process what just happened
[20:46]
to me at this state park, I had to
[20:47]
process that my audience just didn't get
[20:49]
didn't care about me.
[20:53]
Um,
[20:56]
so from there I get kicked out of the
[20:58]
parks and
[21:01]
there's one person who does help me the
[21:02]
next day and this was another volunteer
[21:04]
at that state park who witnessed what
[21:07]
happened to me and wanted to help. They
[21:08]
gave me some money, enough money that I
[21:10]
think I got I don't remember how much.
[21:12]
Like just I I had to move around a
[21:14]
little bit to different places. Then I
[21:15]
ended up back at Tugman because I was
[21:17]
supposed to go there in April and it
[21:19]
wasn't clear yet if I was going to be
[21:21]
able to do that or not and I wanted to
[21:23]
be there in case I could. Um I paid for
[21:27]
up to two weeks to be there. Um no, it
[21:30]
wasn't two weeks. It was like maybe a
[21:32]
week and a half or something. It was It
[21:33]
was the end of the month. No, it wasn't
[21:35]
even a week and a half. Um, I guess I
[21:37]
have to go through the timeline. I I
[21:39]
don't need to know all the facts like
[21:40]
coffee off hand like this. I've got
[21:42]
everything documented.
[21:45]
Um, but anyways, I go to Tuckman.
[21:50]
Um,
[21:52]
and then I have a call with someone
[21:54]
Nelson who is the volunteer coordinator
[21:56]
for Oregon State Parks all of them
[21:57]
because she's the one who's going to
[21:58]
decide my fate.
[22:00]
During this call,
[22:03]
she reframed
[22:05]
my lived experience in the worst
[22:07]
possible way that a person could,
[22:14]
continuing the harm that I had already
[22:16]
experienced,
[22:20]
and then the next day kicked me out of
[22:23]
the entire program
[22:26]
with vague language.
[22:32]
I did not deserve what happened to me.
[22:34]
And I created an archive on my website
[22:37]
about this honeymoon archive where you
[22:40]
can learn everything and the timeline
[22:42]
all of it all of these videos. I
[22:43]
recorded that that that meeting at the
[22:45]
day use area
[22:47]
where they bullied me for over an hour.
[22:49]
I recorded the call with the house.
[22:52]
There's the video of me that I just
[22:54]
described where I I shared my story
[22:57]
after after getting thrown out.
[23:01]
There's even a video of me just reading
[23:03]
a letter that I sent to Alison and
[23:05]
because she ignored it and I wanted it
[23:07]
in the public records.
[23:12]
I was deeply harmed by this institution.
[23:18]
When they told me that I couldn't move
[23:20]
on to my next assignment, I had to
[23:25]
um
[23:27]
make a completely new plan. They had
[23:28]
just blown up my entire life. I had an
[23:31]
entire year planned. There were so many
[23:34]
state parks I was looking forward to
[23:35]
seeing.
[23:39]
With so little money, I ended up off-rid
[23:42]
for 2 weeks. No power, no water,
[23:44]
nothing. And the only way I could
[23:46]
generate power was by using an inverter
[23:48]
connected to my jeep or losing fuel that
[23:52]
I couldn't afford to lose. And it just
[23:54]
was very difficult.
[23:57]
But I restabilized by volunteering for
[23:59]
another agency
[24:01]
um that is so different from them. It's
[24:06]
like night and day.
[24:10]
After five months, I emailed the
[24:11]
director of Oregon State Parks. that's
[24:13]
in my archive. I want, you know, welcome
[24:16]
you to read that.
[24:19]
It describes
[24:21]
the covert, unidentified man who
[24:26]
interrogated me while I was cleaning the
[24:29]
arts.
[24:34]
I was forced to
[24:39]
center
[24:41]
this particular um event because it was
[24:44]
the one event that I felt I could that
[24:49]
Katie was directly tied to because there
[24:52]
there was just um a paper trail of this.
[25:00]
I don't know what the director's going
[25:01]
to do with this. I've already told her
[25:03]
I'm not suing. That's not the kind of
[25:05]
person I am. I want accountability. True
[25:08]
accountability. Ethical accountability.
[25:13]
You You can't fix what happened to me.
[25:16]
It's done. It's happened. But it's
[25:18]
probably happening to other people too
[25:21]
in the past now. And if you ignore it,
[25:26]
mine becomes precedent because this
[25:28]
archive is not going anywhere.
[25:35]
I love the state parks and
[25:39]
they basically punished me for that.
[25:44]
So that's my story. That's where I am
[25:46]
now. Um
[25:49]
we're five months off from when this
[25:50]
happened to me. I've been successfully
[25:53]
volunteering with a different agency.
[25:57]
Um, rebuilding my life hasn't been easy.
[26:01]
Um, I tried to get a job at 7-Eleven for
[26:04]
two months. The manager there, every
[26:06]
single time I saw this man, he would say
[26:09]
he'd call me, you know, I really wanted
[26:11]
this job. I don't know why. I just
[26:13]
wanted something that felt easier, you
[26:15]
know, and just um
[26:17]
just felt like the right place. Then he
[26:20]
finally hires me, tells me to come in on
[26:22]
Monday to do paperwork, and I do, and
[26:24]
he's not there. His
[26:29]
son is his son tells me at a different
[26:31]
store. My son isn't very nice to me. I
[26:33]
don't know why. He just wasn't. And so I
[26:36]
go to the other store
[26:38]
cuz I'm ready to start working. And
[26:42]
he just says, "So call me." And he never
[26:45]
does. Like I don't understand that. Why
[26:48]
can't people just
[26:51]
say what they mean? How hard is this?
[26:57]
I started doing a lot of work on my
[26:59]
homepage
[27:01]
which got me back into wanting to
[27:02]
program again. I
[27:05]
rediscover my love for it.
[27:08]
Really love my homepage. I think it's
[27:14]
um going to be amazing once it's done.
[27:16]
There's so much that I want to do with
[27:18]
this still with artificial intelligence.
[27:24]
I'm going to lose my RV at some point.
[27:26]
I'm so far behind in the payments that
[27:27]
it's inevitable. That's probably on
[27:30]
track for this. Like some lady could
[27:32]
show up at any time and demand that I
[27:37]
just I have asked them how do I return
[27:39]
this to you and they just won't answer
[27:41]
this question. So they leave me in
[27:43]
limbo. I mean I guess this is just how
[27:45]
the world wants to operate now.
[27:48]
No coherence, no
[27:52]
no integrity.
[27:55]
Um,
[27:59]
so I did the very hard thing and I sold
[28:01]
the GPU to my desktop for $2,000 today,
[28:05]
which means that desktop doesn't work
[28:07]
anymore until I get another graphics
[28:09]
card. And that graphics card was used
[28:11]
for AI development. I don't have it now.
[28:14]
Use that to get my cheap payments caught
[28:16]
up to get my internet turned back on.
[28:19]
basically
[28:26]
gone, you know, um have a laptop. I'll
[28:30]
use that. I'll keep looking for work on
[28:32]
the freelance platforms. Hopefully, I'll
[28:34]
find something.
[28:37]
Complete complete faith and trust in
[28:39]
myself as always always have. This is
[28:42]
just me. Um this is inventory. I'm just
[28:45]
I'm describing my situation right now.
[28:48]
I'm navigating a lot.
[28:54]
Very proud of myself.
[28:59]
They tried to break me and I am still
[29:01]
whole.
[29:03]
A little bit bruised in some places
[29:05]
maybe, but whole
[29:07]
and focused on my future.
[29:11]
I have some very interesting um
[29:17]
ideas about how my life might unfold
[29:20]
over the years to come. You know, I not
[29:24]
really committed to anything yet because
[29:26]
um haven't figured out my path yet. I
[29:30]
ruptured my life a year and a half ago
[29:32]
and I just haven't put all the pieces in
[29:35]
place yet.
[29:39]
I know I'm close.
[29:42]
So,
[29:45]
hi YouTube. My name is Sam.
