Announcing Membership Channel Ahead of Tugman Move

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December 31, 2024 rswfire PUBLISHED

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Marking New Year in the RV with AI Dialogue →

Chapters

Transcript

[0:00] not feeling it's pretty today went after

[0:03] showering and shaving and trying a new

[0:08] haircut get this pretty earring over

[0:10] here I do love that one guess I look

[0:13] okay it's New Year's

[0:16] Eve if you watch my last video I was

[0:19] thinking about I'm not trying to be a

[0:20] Doner to you guys I'm just processing my

[0:23] life in real time so um there's a lot

[0:26] that I hold every day we got to go into

[0:29] the town and get some things F

[0:31] supplies there's a lot of people here

[0:33] today they showed up yesterday like

[0:35] dozens of them all kinds of van lifers

[0:39] and car

[0:41] campers um not a whole lot of RVs a few

[0:45] but just a lot of people for New Year's

[0:48] so I found that interesting cuz the

[0:50] Park's been pretty empty

[0:52] so I assume they're staying tonight

[0:58] too then tomorrow tomorrow is a big day

[1:00] for me so something happened last night

[1:03] up at the day use area when I was there

[1:06] last night 2 in the morning another

[1:07] vehicle showed up

[1:10] and they went to the other side of it

[1:13] and they just went dark turned

[1:14] everything off which you know makes a

[1:16] lot of sense if you're I was a perfect

[1:18] night for

[1:19] stargazing um with

[1:21] a forget what it's called

[1:24] now dark moon or something like

[1:27] that it's a kind of Moon where

[1:31] it's very rare but um you can't see it

[1:34] so the sky was clear anyways so they're

[1:38] just hanging out there and they've got

[1:39] this light it's it's green like it's a

[1:42] laser and they're just shooting it up at

[1:44] the sky towards different stars and this

[1:47] thing is a powerful void penetrating

[1:48] device this thing's pretty cool I had my

[1:51] lights on because you know I wasn't

[1:53] really sure if we're supposed to be up

[1:54] there that late and I just wasn't trying

[1:56] to look like I was just being myself

[2:00] that's how I am but you know I'm

[2:01] watching them do this I'm like okay I'm

[2:03] just going to give them Darkness because

[2:05] you know I can see what they're doing so

[2:06] I turn my vehicle off I get out and I

[2:08] just go and I look at the stars and then

[2:11] whoever this person is starts coming

[2:13] towards

[2:14] me

[2:16] um I just say hello you know and they

[2:19] stop they turn around like and they

[2:21] start pointing their light at me and

[2:23] stuff and I'm just looking at them like

[2:25] you know you could just say hello or you

[2:26] can be an I'm just standing

[2:28] there in my full sovereign watching them

[2:30] be a dumbass ready for whatever

[2:32] happens but not really thinking that

[2:34] anything bad is happening just thinking

[2:37] that this guy's being pretty

[2:38] weird you know um and then they left

[2:43] so yeah I don't know I just thought I

[2:45] would share that I shed with AI and it

[2:47] was

[2:49] like all weird on me about it but you

[2:53] know I just see it as a

[2:56] preview of the world that we're going to

[2:58] be inhabiting soon enough

[3:00] where everybody is a threat and you just

[3:03] got to stand up and claim your space

[3:06] people who don't like it there's

[3:09] actually another angle to this too

[3:11] because and we're the only ones up there

[3:13] in the middle of the night the day

[3:15] before KN Year's Eve perfect sky and

[3:19] rather than just trying to greet another

[3:22] Soul who

[3:26] clearly I mean that was a perfect

[3:29] opportunity just to make a new friend or

[3:30] whatever just somebody new to talk to

[3:33] who clearly has a similar interest to

[3:35] you instead of being weird

[3:39] and you know scared and just running off

[3:42] cuz that's what

[3:44] happened

[3:47] um that's part of the problem with the

[3:50] world is people just don't know how to

[3:51] connect anymore why are you

[3:53] being weird with your little

[3:54] flashlight like I'm standing right here

[3:57] looking up at the stars being fully

[4:00] present in the

[4:01] moment or just being a child like I just

[4:04] I don't understand that I don't

[4:06] understand why people are like

[4:08] this but you know

[4:10] whatever I mean I made the viewing

[4:12] conditions better for this person and

[4:15] instead of just enjoying the moment they

[4:18] just start getting weird like I just

[4:20] don't understand people why are people

[4:22] so weird looks like most of the

[4:25] van lifers are gone already I just got

[4:27] back from the store I sometimes just

[4:30] come and stay

[4:31] overnight um doesn't give you long

[4:34] enough to find out if they're attractive

[4:35] or

[4:36] not so yeah I don't know what they do

[4:40] here maybe they just come to shower and

[4:42] get some power and all that kind of

[4:44] stuff then they're off doing their Nomad

[4:47] thing met someone yesterday I was

[4:50] walking the campground Trail or the

[4:52] campground

[4:53] Loop and there was this guy he just kind

[4:56] of was in a truck camper and he just

[4:58] walked out in front of me he walking

[5:00] kind of slow so we're kind of walking

[5:02] together because we're just going around

[5:03] a loop and we near where the hosts are

[5:07] at and I see him he's just acting real

[5:09] slow and I'm not sure what he's doing

[5:12] I'm thinking maybe this man wants

[5:13] campfire wood so I taught him there's if

[5:16] you need campfire what is right there I

[5:17] pointed at the guy that you can get it

[5:19] from this guy it was like he was annoyed

[5:23] that I ackowledge his existence he was

[5:25] like nope I'm like okay I just kept

[5:27] walking on like it's pretty rude

[5:31] so

[5:35] yeah it's get you know I understand why

[5:38] people are getting to the point where

[5:39] they're like not even trying but you got

[5:41] to keep trying because otherwise

[5:44] nobody's trying and we end up where we

[5:46] are today

[5:47] right my thermostat says it's 82° in

[5:51] here and I'm

[5:52] cold which it's because there's like

[5:54] drafts or something but I have no idea

[5:56] where they come

[5:58] from it's 8 two in here and I'm I'm cold

[6:01] right now like you know

[6:08] what that I'll be too warm after I put

[6:11] this

[6:13] on I've been using it to dry my hands

[6:16] it's a little bit wet after I wash my

[6:19] hands treating it like it's a tow or

[6:21] something

[6:24] whatever got to be careful with the

[6:27] earrings I got to do that with care

[6:33] I thought I would try to share

[6:36] something um well I want to

[6:40] explain what's going to happen on my

[6:42] membership

[6:44] Channel um and why I needed to be

[6:47] different so I'm going to share some

[6:50] things that I've been grappling with

[6:51] that I don't talk about on

[6:54] YouTube so the first one is the fact

[6:56] that I don't know how to

[6:57] compartmentalize I'm not even sure I

[6:59] have the brain chemistry for

[7:03] it I genely do not compartmentalize I

[7:07] think a lot of people watch my channel

[7:08] and think that's but it's just

[7:10] thing I just I can't do

[7:13] it so I

[7:16] get you know trollish comments and well

[7:19] I you know they're not those comments

[7:25] don't like somebody criticizes me I can

[7:28] see right through it but still be super

[7:30] irritated by it you know it's

[7:31] just just how I

[7:33] am um and I got to process that out of

[7:37] my body cuz my emotions are always on so

[7:40] it's just thing I hate I hate that about

[7:42] YouTube and it has made

[7:45] me I've seen how is it's changed me as

[7:49] I'm posting on here I've seen

[7:51] how it made me hate my audience you know

[7:54] I was telling them to unsubscribe at one

[7:56] point before I left when I was leaving

[7:57] Kentucky just get off my channel go like

[8:00] cuz I just

[8:02] couldn't I couldn't stand the toxicity

[8:05] people don't understand they don't

[8:06] respect boundaries and it's just

[8:09] like for someone like me that's just not

[8:12] acceptable

[8:13] so I really grappled with how to remain

[8:16] on YouTube I'm glad I did though because

[8:18] I made it to this point where maybe I

[8:21] can make a more intentional community

[8:27] so because I don't compartment

[8:30] ize I couldn't figure out how am I going

[8:32] to share my life when I'm starting a new

[8:35] chapter where I'm going to be stationary

[8:38] at a state

[8:40] campground and you know I didn't want to

[8:42] just reveal that to the whole

[8:45] public and yet how do you keep that a

[8:47] secret really and still share your life

[8:49] like I was really struggling with how am

[8:50] I going to deal with that this is how

[8:52] I'm going to do it I'll never mention on

[8:54] my main

[8:57] Channel where I'm staying so so but I'll

[9:00] tell you here so I'm going to be at

[9:02] tugman Campground State

[9:04] Park I'm not exactly sure where it is

[9:07] it's

[9:08] near Lakeside it's actually on this map

[9:12] Lakeside um there's I haven't seen the

[9:14] town yet I did go up there on Christmas

[9:16] Eve and checked out the campground and

[9:17] did some stuff up there but I didn't see

[9:19] this the town Lakeside yet um it's just

[9:22] a little town it looked very cute I'm

[9:24] looking forward to seeing

[9:26] it uh there's Dunes on the other side of

[9:28] the 101

[9:30] like this whole area is just um it's

[9:33] just Dunes I want to get a dune buggy

[9:35] and go do some stuff with that and then

[9:38] this little thing right here I don't

[9:40] know what you call that I know that it's

[9:45] um well I don't think that's manmade but

[9:47] there's well we'll talk about that

[9:49] another day but that's where the beach

[9:50] is at that's probably the one place

[9:52] where I'm going to be able to get to the

[9:53] beach cuz there's nothing cuz the dunes

[9:56] are in the way there were no Trails I

[9:58] was up there looking all all over and it

[9:59] feels like that's the spot that's where

[10:01] I'm going to be able to get to the beach

[10:03] and that's like 10 or 15 minutes away

[10:06] from where I'll be staying this contact

[10:07] mess with me

[10:09] today

[10:10] so I can't control who's going to

[10:13] subscribe to this if there's some troll

[10:15] or somebody with ill intent who wants to

[10:18] they're just going to pay the price and

[10:20] they'll know where I'm at can't avoid

[10:23] that but I can at least limit it so what

[10:25] I would ask is just be careful what you

[10:28] say I'm my channel when you're

[10:30] commenting make sure that if you're

[10:32] mentioning something that I'm kind of

[10:35] sensitive about that you're

[10:38] commenting on a member's only post and

[10:41] not you know a public post so

[10:45] um you know just try I'm not saying

[10:49] anybody needs to be perfect I mean if I

[10:51] was really trying to prevent that kind

[10:54] of knowledge I wouldn't say it at all

[10:56] right so but I'd been grappling with how

[10:58] am I going to handle that and this feels

[11:00] like a good balance for

[11:04] me I think there was something else give

[11:06] me a minute okay there were a couple of

[11:09] things

[11:11] um I don't don't have any of this

[11:13] planned out of

[11:15] course next one though that's the sadle

[11:18] claps you know that I talk about this

[11:19] you know that this is something I'm very

[11:20] concerned

[11:23] about I don't think

[11:26] that first of all people need to

[11:28] understand that this is not political

[11:30] for me I don't really give a what

[11:32] party you're a part of and all of that

[11:34] I'm just looking at the larger patterns

[11:36] and how things play out

[11:38] and I'm going to talk about that on the

[11:41] members only side of things it's not

[11:43] meant

[11:45] to um it's not meant to make anyone feel

[11:48] defensive or feel like they're being

[11:51] attacked or anything like that cuz it's

[11:53] not political I'm just looking at life

[11:56] realistically cuz that's just how my

[11:58] brain works

[11:59] if I see

[12:03] something I'm going to face it directly

[12:05] and I will hope that my viewers would do

[12:07] the same cuz I'm not here to attack

[12:09] anybody I'm just

[12:10] here to

[12:13] navigate what's coming and it's scary

[12:16] and it's going to be hard and we're

[12:17] going to need each other

[12:20] so that's part of it too like trying to

[12:23] build an intentional Community because

[12:25] that Community might actually be needed

[12:32] um I mean my thoughts on this run deep

[12:36] it's going to take me time to to share

[12:39] that with

[12:40] you and then the third thing is just

[12:42] kind of a personal update I'm pretty

[12:44] nervous about tomorrow I'm very excited

[12:45] but I'm super

[12:47] nervous uh cuz I'm going to drive there

[12:50] I'm going to park in a campground host

[12:53] spot which you know that's like that

[12:57] alone is I'm becoming part of the

[13:00] infrastructure

[13:02] I'm it's like almost like claiming space

[13:05] in an official capacity

[13:08] and man like that feels like a big deal

[13:11] and then there's five other yeah F wait

[13:15] yeah five other um volunteer hosts I'm

[13:17] going to have to be friends with all of

[13:19] them then there's all the park rangers

[13:21] and then there's the public who's going

[13:23] to be coming to me with questions I

[13:24] can't even imagine this but you know um

[13:28] I'm

[13:30] very excited about it and and

[13:33] exceptionally nervous so I'm

[13:35] just going to leave it there for now

[0:00] not feeling it's pretty today went after

[0:03] showering and shaving and trying a new

[0:08] haircut get this pretty earring over

[0:10] here I do love that one guess I look

[0:13] okay it's New Year's

[0:16] Eve if you watch my last video I was

[0:19] thinking about I'm not trying to be a

[0:20] Doner to you guys I'm just processing my

[0:23] life in real time so um there's a lot

[0:26] that I hold every day we got to go into

[0:29] the town and get some things F

[0:31] supplies there's a lot of people here

[0:33] today they showed up yesterday like

[0:35] dozens of them all kinds of van lifers

[0:39] and car

[0:41] campers um not a whole lot of RVs a few

[0:45] but just a lot of people for New Year's

[0:48] so I found that interesting cuz the

[0:50] Park's been pretty empty

[0:52] so I assume they're staying tonight

[0:58] too then tomorrow tomorrow is a big day

[1:00] for me so something happened last night

[1:03] up at the day use area when I was there

[1:06] last night 2 in the morning another

[1:07] vehicle showed up

[1:10] and they went to the other side of it

[1:13] and they just went dark turned

[1:14] everything off which you know makes a

[1:16] lot of sense if you're I was a perfect

[1:18] night for

[1:19] stargazing um with

[1:21] a forget what it's called

[1:24] now dark moon or something like

[1:27] that it's a kind of Moon where

[1:31] it's very rare but um you can't see it

[1:34] so the sky was clear anyways so they're

[1:38] just hanging out there and they've got

[1:39] this light it's it's green like it's a

[1:42] laser and they're just shooting it up at

[1:44] the sky towards different stars and this

[1:47] thing is a powerful void penetrating

[1:48] device this thing's pretty cool I had my

[1:51] lights on because you know I wasn't

[1:53] really sure if we're supposed to be up

[1:54] there that late and I just wasn't trying

[1:56] to look like I was just being myself

[2:00] that's how I am but you know I'm

[2:01] watching them do this I'm like okay I'm

[2:03] just going to give them Darkness because

[2:05] you know I can see what they're doing so

[2:06] I turn my vehicle off I get out and I

[2:08] just go and I look at the stars and then

[2:11] whoever this person is starts coming

[2:13] towards

[2:14] me

[2:16] um I just say hello you know and they

[2:19] stop they turn around like and they

[2:21] start pointing their light at me and

[2:23] stuff and I'm just looking at them like

[2:25] you know you could just say hello or you

[2:26] can be an I'm just standing

[2:28] there in my full sovereign watching them

[2:30] be a dumbass ready for whatever

[2:32] happens but not really thinking that

[2:34] anything bad is happening just thinking

[2:37] that this guy's being pretty

[2:38] weird you know um and then they left

[2:43] so yeah I don't know I just thought I

[2:45] would share that I shed with AI and it

[2:47] was

[2:49] like all weird on me about it but you

[2:53] know I just see it as a

[2:56] preview of the world that we're going to

[2:58] be inhabiting soon enough

[3:00] where everybody is a threat and you just

[3:03] got to stand up and claim your space

[3:06] people who don't like it there's

[3:09] actually another angle to this too

[3:11] because and we're the only ones up there

[3:13] in the middle of the night the day

[3:15] before KN Year's Eve perfect sky and

[3:19] rather than just trying to greet another

[3:22] Soul who

[3:26] clearly I mean that was a perfect

[3:29] opportunity just to make a new friend or

[3:30] whatever just somebody new to talk to

[3:33] who clearly has a similar interest to

[3:35] you instead of being weird

[3:39] and you know scared and just running off

[3:42] cuz that's what

[3:44] happened

[3:47] um that's part of the problem with the

[3:50] world is people just don't know how to

[3:51] connect anymore why are you

[3:53] being weird with your little

[3:54] flashlight like I'm standing right here

[3:57] looking up at the stars being fully

[4:00] present in the

[4:01] moment or just being a child like I just

[4:04] I don't understand that I don't

[4:06] understand why people are like

[4:08] this but you know

[4:10] whatever I mean I made the viewing

[4:12] conditions better for this person and

[4:15] instead of just enjoying the moment they

[4:18] just start getting weird like I just

[4:20] don't understand people why are people

[4:22] so weird looks like most of the

[4:25] van lifers are gone already I just got

[4:27] back from the store I sometimes just

[4:30] come and stay

[4:31] overnight um doesn't give you long

[4:34] enough to find out if they're attractive

[4:35] or

[4:36] not so yeah I don't know what they do

[4:40] here maybe they just come to shower and

[4:42] get some power and all that kind of

[4:44] stuff then they're off doing their Nomad

[4:47] thing met someone yesterday I was

[4:50] walking the campground Trail or the

[4:52] campground

[4:53] Loop and there was this guy he just kind

[4:56] of was in a truck camper and he just

[4:58] walked out in front of me he walking

[5:00] kind of slow so we're kind of walking

[5:02] together because we're just going around

[5:03] a loop and we near where the hosts are

[5:07] at and I see him he's just acting real

[5:09] slow and I'm not sure what he's doing

[5:12] I'm thinking maybe this man wants

[5:13] campfire wood so I taught him there's if

[5:16] you need campfire what is right there I

[5:17] pointed at the guy that you can get it

[5:19] from this guy it was like he was annoyed

[5:23] that I ackowledge his existence he was

[5:25] like nope I'm like okay I just kept

[5:27] walking on like it's pretty rude

[5:31] so

[5:35] yeah it's get you know I understand why

[5:38] people are getting to the point where

[5:39] they're like not even trying but you got

[5:41] to keep trying because otherwise

[5:44] nobody's trying and we end up where we

[5:46] are today

[5:47] right my thermostat says it's 82° in

[5:51] here and I'm

[5:52] cold which it's because there's like

[5:54] drafts or something but I have no idea

[5:56] where they come

[5:58] from it's 8 two in here and I'm I'm cold

[6:01] right now like you know

[6:08] what that I'll be too warm after I put

[6:11] this

[6:13] on I've been using it to dry my hands

[6:16] it's a little bit wet after I wash my

[6:19] hands treating it like it's a tow or

[6:21] something

[6:24] whatever got to be careful with the

[6:27] earrings I got to do that with care

[6:33] I thought I would try to share

[6:36] something um well I want to

[6:40] explain what's going to happen on my

[6:42] membership

[6:44] Channel um and why I needed to be

[6:47] different so I'm going to share some

[6:50] things that I've been grappling with

[6:51] that I don't talk about on

[6:54] YouTube so the first one is the fact

[6:56] that I don't know how to

[6:57] compartmentalize I'm not even sure I

[6:59] have the brain chemistry for

[7:03] it I genely do not compartmentalize I

[7:07] think a lot of people watch my channel

[7:08] and think that's but it's just

[7:10] thing I just I can't do

[7:13] it so I

[7:16] get you know trollish comments and well

[7:19] I you know they're not those comments

[7:25] don't like somebody criticizes me I can

[7:28] see right through it but still be super

[7:30] irritated by it you know it's

[7:31] just just how I

[7:33] am um and I got to process that out of

[7:37] my body cuz my emotions are always on so

[7:40] it's just thing I hate I hate that about

[7:42] YouTube and it has made

[7:45] me I've seen how is it's changed me as

[7:49] I'm posting on here I've seen

[7:51] how it made me hate my audience you know

[7:54] I was telling them to unsubscribe at one

[7:56] point before I left when I was leaving

[7:57] Kentucky just get off my channel go like

[8:00] cuz I just

[8:02] couldn't I couldn't stand the toxicity

[8:05] people don't understand they don't

[8:06] respect boundaries and it's just

[8:09] like for someone like me that's just not

[8:12] acceptable

[8:13] so I really grappled with how to remain

[8:16] on YouTube I'm glad I did though because

[8:18] I made it to this point where maybe I

[8:21] can make a more intentional community

[8:27] so because I don't compartment

[8:30] ize I couldn't figure out how am I going

[8:32] to share my life when I'm starting a new

[8:35] chapter where I'm going to be stationary

[8:38] at a state

[8:40] campground and you know I didn't want to

[8:42] just reveal that to the whole

[8:45] public and yet how do you keep that a

[8:47] secret really and still share your life

[8:49] like I was really struggling with how am

[8:50] I going to deal with that this is how

[8:52] I'm going to do it I'll never mention on

[8:54] my main

[8:57] Channel where I'm staying so so but I'll

[9:00] tell you here so I'm going to be at

[9:02] tugman Campground State

[9:04] Park I'm not exactly sure where it is

[9:07] it's

[9:08] near Lakeside it's actually on this map

[9:12] Lakeside um there's I haven't seen the

[9:14] town yet I did go up there on Christmas

[9:16] Eve and checked out the campground and

[9:17] did some stuff up there but I didn't see

[9:19] this the town Lakeside yet um it's just

[9:22] a little town it looked very cute I'm

[9:24] looking forward to seeing

[9:26] it uh there's Dunes on the other side of

[9:28] the 101

[9:30] like this whole area is just um it's

[9:33] just Dunes I want to get a dune buggy

[9:35] and go do some stuff with that and then

[9:38] this little thing right here I don't

[9:40] know what you call that I know that it's

[9:45] um well I don't think that's manmade but

[9:47] there's well we'll talk about that

[9:49] another day but that's where the beach

[9:50] is at that's probably the one place

[9:52] where I'm going to be able to get to the

[9:53] beach cuz there's nothing cuz the dunes

[9:56] are in the way there were no Trails I

[9:58] was up there looking all all over and it

[9:59] feels like that's the spot that's where

[10:01] I'm going to be able to get to the beach

[10:03] and that's like 10 or 15 minutes away

[10:06] from where I'll be staying this contact

[10:07] mess with me

[10:09] today

[10:10] so I can't control who's going to

[10:13] subscribe to this if there's some troll

[10:15] or somebody with ill intent who wants to

[10:18] they're just going to pay the price and

[10:20] they'll know where I'm at can't avoid

[10:23] that but I can at least limit it so what

[10:25] I would ask is just be careful what you

[10:28] say I'm my channel when you're

[10:30] commenting make sure that if you're

[10:32] mentioning something that I'm kind of

[10:35] sensitive about that you're

[10:38] commenting on a member's only post and

[10:41] not you know a public post so

[10:45] um you know just try I'm not saying

[10:49] anybody needs to be perfect I mean if I

[10:51] was really trying to prevent that kind

[10:54] of knowledge I wouldn't say it at all

[10:56] right so but I'd been grappling with how

[10:58] am I going to handle that and this feels

[11:00] like a good balance for

[11:04] me I think there was something else give

[11:06] me a minute okay there were a couple of

[11:09] things

[11:11] um I don't don't have any of this

[11:13] planned out of

[11:15] course next one though that's the sadle

[11:18] claps you know that I talk about this

[11:19] you know that this is something I'm very

[11:20] concerned

[11:23] about I don't think

[11:26] that first of all people need to

[11:28] understand that this is not political

[11:30] for me I don't really give a what

[11:32] party you're a part of and all of that

[11:34] I'm just looking at the larger patterns

[11:36] and how things play out

[11:38] and I'm going to talk about that on the

[11:41] members only side of things it's not

[11:43] meant

[11:45] to um it's not meant to make anyone feel

[11:48] defensive or feel like they're being

[11:51] attacked or anything like that cuz it's

[11:53] not political I'm just looking at life

[11:56] realistically cuz that's just how my

[11:58] brain works

[11:59] if I see

[12:03] something I'm going to face it directly

[12:05] and I will hope that my viewers would do

[12:07] the same cuz I'm not here to attack

[12:09] anybody I'm just

[12:10] here to

[12:13] navigate what's coming and it's scary

[12:16] and it's going to be hard and we're

[12:17] going to need each other

[12:20] so that's part of it too like trying to

[12:23] build an intentional Community because

[12:25] that Community might actually be needed

[12:32] um I mean my thoughts on this run deep

[12:36] it's going to take me time to to share

[12:39] that with

[12:40] you and then the third thing is just

[12:42] kind of a personal update I'm pretty

[12:44] nervous about tomorrow I'm very excited

[12:45] but I'm super

[12:47] nervous uh cuz I'm going to drive there

[12:50] I'm going to park in a campground host

[12:53] spot which you know that's like that

[12:57] alone is I'm becoming part of the

[13:00] infrastructure

[13:02] I'm it's like almost like claiming space

[13:05] in an official capacity

[13:08] and man like that feels like a big deal

[13:11] and then there's five other yeah F wait

[13:15] yeah five other um volunteer hosts I'm

[13:17] going to have to be friends with all of

[13:19] them then there's all the park rangers

[13:21] and then there's the public who's going

[13:23] to be coming to me with questions I

[13:24] can't even imagine this but you know um

[13:28] I'm

[13:30] very excited about it and and

[13:33] exceptionally nervous so I'm

[13:35] just going to leave it there for now

Photos · Dec 25, 2024

Dec 25, 2024

5:12

Recording Christmas Morning at Cape Blanco

Dec 25, 2024

2:16

Requesting Subscribers and Listing PS5 for Sale

Dec 26, 2024

3:42

Naming Boredom as Pressure Toward Transformation

Dec 27, 2024

4:04

Applying for YouTube Monetization, Setting Terms

Dec 28, 2024

4:01

Reviewing Channel Archive Before Campground Volunteer Move

Dec 29, 2024

8:38

Running Town Errands Before Campground Departure

Dec 29, 2024

5:11

Filming the Cliff Edge and the Call of the Void

Dec 30, 2024

6:33

Making First Smoothie in the RV

Dec 30, 2024

5:23

Receiving YouTube Monetization Approval

Dec 30, 2024

Photos · Dec 30, 2024

Dec 30, 2024

4:37

Opening First Amazon Package in Nine Months

Dec 31, 2024

Declaring Sovereign Movement Along the Coast

Dec 31, 2024

4:45

Announcing Membership Tiers on Last Day at Cape Blanco

Dec 31, 2024

13:37

Announcing Membership Channel Ahead of Tugman Move

Dec 31, 2024

26:30

Marking New Year in the RV with AI Dialogue

Jan 1, 2025

15:17

Arriving at Eel Lake as Park Host

Jan 1, 2025

Photos · Jan 1, 2025

Jan 1, 2025

8:54

Answering AI-Generated Reflection Questions On Camera

Jan 1, 2025

7:41

Answering AI Follow-Up Questions on Camera

Jan 1, 2025

15:03

Breaking Camp at Cape Blanco, Moving North

Jan 1, 2025

18:15

Processing First Working Day at New Host Site

Jan 2, 2025

11:57

Attending Volunteer Orientation at Umpqua Lighthouse

Jan 3, 2025

Photos · Jan 3, 2025

Jan 3, 2025

Photos · Jan 3, 2025

Jan 3, 2025

13:45

Driving South to Port Orford for Package Pickup

Jan 3, 2025

3:10

Formulating Fire Water as Hydration Replacement

Jan 3, 2025

9:43

Mapping Eel Lake Trail, Planning Honeyman Move

Jan 4, 2025

37:20

Planning Day and Scouting Honeyman State Park Dunes

Jan 4, 2025

5:24

First Yurt Cleaning Day and Golf Cart Orientation

Jan 5, 2025

18:23

First Yurt Cleaning Shift and Meeting the Boss

Jan 5, 2025

7:04

Announcing Channel Direction and Members-Only Structure

Jan 6, 2025

Photos · Jan 6, 2025

Jan 6, 2025

12:34

Mapping Volunteer Social Dynamics at Siltcoos

Jan 7, 2025

16:30

Morning Walk, Yard Work Plan, Channel Goes Members-Only

Jan 7, 2025

11:25

Restating Position to Camp Man, Riding Cart at Dusk

Jan 8, 2025

12:12

Morning Coffee, Yurt Cleaning, and Audience Boundaries

Jan 8, 2025

Photos · Jan 8, 2025

Jan 8, 2025

12:20

Running Morning Golf Cart Rounds at Siltcoos

Jan 8, 2025

10:00

Working a Full Campground Day, Meeting Campers

Jan 9, 2025

8:38

Mapping Campground Population and Volunteer Authority

Jan 9, 2025

PUBLIC

December 31, 2024 rswfire PUBLISHED

Temp 0.30

Density 0.70

Energetic Quality

steady and multi-channel; even-toned with sharp edges

Journey Phase

transitional — positioned at the threshold of a new operational role

Directional Vector

toward claiming official space within infrastructure while partitioning public exposure

Narrative

He had showered, shaved, and tried a new haircut, and when the camera came on he was still handling the earring — the one he says he loves — with the deliberate care that hardware in the body requires. The thermostat inside the RV read 82°. rswfire said he was cold anyway, that drafts were coming from somewhere he couldn't locate, and reached for the towel he'd been using to dry his hands, damp now from washing. It was New Year's Eve on the Oregon Coast. He had already made the run into town for supplies. The campground around him had filled the day before with dozens of van lifers and car campers — few RVs, mostly the smaller nomadic rigs — and by the time he was recording, most of them had already cleared out. He noted the pattern without resolving it: they come in, shower, take on power, and leave before anyone can find out much of anything about them.

The night before, at two in the morning, he had been up at the day use area under a clear sky and a dark moon. Another vehicle pulled in and parked on the far side, then went completely dark. He understood the logic — it was a perfect night for stargazing. He watched the driver work a green laser up into the sky, tracing it star to star, and he registered it as a good piece of equipment, a void-penetrating device. His own lights were on. He had left them on because he wasn't certain the lot was open that late and wasn't trying to look like he was hiding. Then he made a decision: he turned the vehicle off and gave the stranger the darkness, because he could see what the man was doing and knew what the light was costing him. He got out and looked up.

The stranger started walking toward him. rswfire said hello. The man stopped, turned, and began pointing the light at him. rswfire describes standing there in his full sovereign — watching, ready for whatever might happen, not reading it as danger so much as reading it as weird. Then the man left. He says he took the encounter to an AI afterward and got something strange back, and that he reads it himself as a preview: a world where everyone defaults to threat, where the response is to stand up and claim your space. But he named the other angle too, and returned to it longer. Two people, alone, middle of the night, perfect sky, obvious shared interest — a clean opportunity to meet someone. Instead: the flashlight, the retreat. He said he had made the viewing conditions better for that person and got weirdness back for it.

There had been a second one, earlier, walking the campground loop. A man from a truck camper stepped out ahead of him, moving slow, and they ended up walking the circuit together by accident of geometry. Near the host sites, rswfire read the slowness as someone looking for something and offered the one thing that made sense — firewood, right there, from that guy — and pointed. The man said nope, in a way rswfire describes as annoyed at being acknowledged at all. He kept walking. He said he understands why people stop trying. He also said you have to keep trying, because otherwise nobody is, and that's exactly how the world arrives where it is.

Then he turned to what the video was actually for. He wanted to explain the membership channel and why it needed to exist, and to do that he said something he doesn't say on YouTube: he does not compartmentalize. Not as a discipline he hasn't mastered — he says he isn't sure he has the brain chemistry for it. His emotions are always on. A trollish comment lands, he can see straight through the criticism, and it irritates him anyway, and then it has to be processed out of the body. He described what that cost had already done: near the end of Kentucky, before he left, telling his own audience to unsubscribe, to get off his channel, because the toxicity was unlivable and people don't respect boundaries. He said he's glad he stayed, because staying got him to a point where something more intentional might be possible.

The problem he'd been grappling with was concrete. He was about to become stationary at a state campground, and he didn't want the whole public to know where. But he also didn't know how to keep a secret like that while continuing to share his life in real time — not with the partition unavailable internally. So he built it externally, in the platform. He would never name the location on the main channel. He would name it here. He pulled up the map: Tugman Campground State Park, near Lakeside, a little town he hasn't seen yet though he was up that way on Christmas Eve to check out the campground. Dunes on the other side of the 101, the whole area nothing but dunes — he wants a dune buggy. And one particular feature on the map, unnamed, probably not manmade, which he has decided is the single point where he'll be able to reach the beach, because the dunes are in the way and he found no trails when he looked. Ten or fifteen minutes from where he'll be living.

He was direct about the limits of the design. He can't control who subscribes; a troll willing to pay will know where he is, and that can't be avoided, only narrowed. What he asked for was routing: if you're commenting on something he's sensitive about, put it on a members-only post, not a public one. He said he isn't asking anyone to be perfect — if he really wanted the knowledge suppressed he wouldn't say it at all. This is the balance that works for him. He named the second thing the membership tier would carry: the collapse patterns, which he stated flatly are not political for him, no party, no attack, just the larger patterns and how they play out, faced directly the way his brain requires — and the reason it matters, which is that what's coming is going to be hard and people are going to need each other. That's the other half of intentional community. Not audience. Structure that might be needed.

The third thing was personal. Tomorrow he drives to Tugman and parks in a campground host spot. He said that alone feels like a big deal — becoming part of the infrastructure, claiming space in an official capacity. Five other volunteer hosts he'll have to be friends with. The park rangers. The public coming to him with questions, which he said he can't even imagine yet. Excited, he said. Exceptionally nervous. And then he left it there.

Summary

New Year's Eve transmission recorded after showering, shaving, and trying a new haircut, with an earring rswfire notes he likes. He describes the campground filling with dozens of van lifers and car campers who arrived the previous day, unusual for a park that has been mostly empty, and most already gone by the time he returns from a supply run in town.

He recounts a night encounter at the day use area around 2 AM: another vehicle arrived, went dark, and used a green laser to point at stars. He turned his own lights off to improve viewing conditions, stepped out, said hello, and the other person turned, pointed the light at him, and left. He states he sees it as a preview of a world where everybody is treated as a threat, and describes a second exchange on the campground loop where a man responded curtly when he offered directions to firewood.

He explains the purpose of his membership channel: he states he does not compartmentalize and that his emotions are always on, which makes public YouTube comment dynamics untenable. The membership tier lets him name his location — Tugman State Park near Lakeside — while keeping it off the main channel, and asks members to route sensitive comments to members-only posts.

He flags two further membership topics: collapse patterns, which he states are not political for him, and a personal update. He describes starting tomorrow as a volunteer campground host, parking in a host spot alongside five other hosts, rangers, and public contact — stating he is excited and exceptionally nervous.

Environment

Recorded inside rswfire's RV, parked at a state campground on the Oregon Coast on New Year's Eve. Interior conditions are noted directly: thermostat reading 82°, drafts of unknown origin, a towel being used to dry hands, earrings handled with care after showering, shaving, and a new haircut.

The surrounding field is a campground filling with holiday traffic — dozens of van lifers and car campers arrived the prior day, most already departed by the time of recording. Referenced adjacent locations include the park's day use area (site of a 2 a.m. stargazing encounter), the town supply run, Tugman Campground State Park near Lakeside, the Oregon Dunes, Highway 101, and a map consulted on camera. The digital environment is YouTube — a public main channel and a newly structured members-only channel — plus prior conversation with an AI.

Substrate

The architecture being held is a two-tier disclosure system built as a direct workaround for a stated structural fact: rswfire describes himself as unable to compartmentalize, with emotions always on, so he builds the partition externally in platform structure rather than internally in psyche. The ontological position is sovereign presence under conditions where connection has degraded — he states he keeps extending contact (a hello in the dark, a pointer toward firewood) precisely because he reads non-attempt as the mechanism by which the world arrives where it is. What is being built is intentional community as load-bearing infrastructure and a physical claim on space in an official capacity; what is being dissolved is the undifferentiated public channel and its unbounded comment surface.

Actions

Performed

•recording on New Year's Eve
•assessing appearance after shower, shave, new haircut
•noting earring and handling it with care
•reporting campground occupancy shifts
•narrating the 2 a.m. day-use-area encounter
•reading the encounter as a preview of a threat-default world
•reporting the truck-camper walkway exchange
•noting 82° thermostat reading against feeling cold
•putting on a garment on camera
•drying hands with a towel
•explaining the membership channel structure
•stating he does not compartmentalize
•naming Tugman Campground State Park to members only
•showing and reading a map on camera
•asking viewers to route sensitive comments to members-only posts
•framing societal-collapse discussion as non-political pattern reading
•stating nervousness and excitement about the next day

Referenced

•drove to the day use area at 2 a.m.
•turned vehicle lights off to give another party darkness
•said hello to the approaching person
•stood in place while the person pointed a light at him
•shared the encounter with an AI
•walked the campground loop
•pointed a camper toward the firewood host
•went into town for supplies
•told his audience to unsubscribe while leaving Kentucky
•visited Tugman campground on Christmas Eve
•searched the dunes for beach trails and found none
•grappled with how to remain on YouTube

Planned

•drive to Tugman Campground State Park tomorrow
•park in a campground host spot
•never name his location on the main channel
•post sensitive material on the members-only side
•build an intentional community
•discuss societal collapse patterns with members
•meet five other volunteer hosts and the park rangers
•field public questions as a host
•see the town of Lakeside
•get a dune buggy
•reach the beach at the identified access point

Entities

beings

rswfire — Recording; transitioning into a campground host role the following day

park rangers — Institutional personnel he will operate alongside

five other volunteer hosts — Peer operators at the new site

person with green laser — Unnamed party at the day use area; approached, pointed light, departed

man in truck camper — Campground loop walker who declined the firewood pointer

van lifers and car campers — Holiday influx that arrived and largely departed within a day

places

Tugman Campground State Park — Destination named to members only; site of the incoming host position

Lakeside — Nearby town shown on the map, not yet visited

Oregon Dunes — Terrain surrounding the new site; blocks trail access to the beach

Highway 101 — Dividing line between campground area and the dune field

day use area — Site of the 2 a.m. stargazing encounter

Kentucky — Prior location, referenced as the period when he told viewers to unsubscribe

systems

YouTube — Public platform whose comment surface he describes as unbounded and boundary-violating

membership channel — New partitioned tier where location and collapse analysis will be shared

campground host spot — Official position within Forest Service / state park infrastructure

AI — Prior interlocutor on the encounter; he states it responded oddly

concepts

societal collapse — Pattern-level concern he states is non-political and will be developed member-side

intentional community — Structure he is building as potentially necessary infrastructure

compartmentalization — Capacity he states he does not have; drives the external partition design

dark moon — Sky condition he names as producing a clear stargazing night

media

green laser — Described as a void-penetrating device pointed at stars, then at him

map — Shown on camera to locate Lakeside, dunes, and beach access

Symbolic Elements

Represented archetypes or recurring motifs.

threshold

dark moon

green laser / beam

stars

darkness given deliberately

loop (campground circuit)

dunes as barrier

beach access point

earring / pierced body

draft in a heated enclosure

map

infrastructure

gate (membership tier)

Ontological States

Expressed modes of being or awareness.

sovereign (stated explicitly — standing in full sovereign under a stranger's light, ready for whatever happens)

threshold-positioned (final night before entering an official host role; tomorrow named as a big day)

integrated (emotions always on, no compartmentalization; cognition and feeling running as one channel)

partitioning (disclosure split into public and members-only tiers as external architecture)

embedding (becoming part of the infrastructure, claiming space in an official capacity)

Engaged Subsystems

Architecture engaged in this transmission.

somatic (grooming, earrings handled with care, 82° reading against feeling cold, processing irritation out of the body)

relational (repeated contact attempts — hello in the dark, firewood pointer — and reading the refusals)

infrastructural (host spot, park rangers, five hosts, becoming part of the system)

informational (two-tier disclosure design, location withheld from main channel, comment routing request)

analytical (collapse patterns read as non-political structure; encounter read as preview of a threat-default field)

spatial (map reading, dune barrier, beach access, 10–15 minute distance)

communal (intentional community as a structure that may be needed)

aesthetic (haircut, shave, earring, self-assessment on camera)

Dominant Language

Core motifs or linguistic fields.

I don't compartmentalize / emotions always on

full sovereign

becoming part of the infrastructure

claiming space

intentional community

people don't know how to connect anymore

boundaries / sensitive / members only

Narrative

Mirror

You are in the RV on the last night of the year, thermostat reading 82° and your body reading cold, drafts moving through a heated enclosure from a source you have not located. You have showered, shaved, cut your hair differently. You are handling the earrings with care. You are drying your hands on something that is not a towel and noting that it is not a towel. You say you look okay. The camera is on while you do all of this.

Two encounters are live in the field. In the day use area at 2 a.m., under a moon you couldn't see, you cut your own lights to give someone else darkness, stepped out, and said hello. They pointed a beam at you and left. On the campground loop the day before, you read a man's slow walk as possible need and pointed him toward firewood. He said nope. You state you kept extending contact both times, and you state you will keep doing it because non-attempt is the mechanism by which the world arrives where it is. You describe standing in full sovereign under a stranger's light, ready for whatever happens, not expecting anything bad. You name the encounter a preview, not a threat. You mention you already ran it past an AI and it got weird on you.

You state plainly that you do not compartmentalize, that you may not have the brain chemistry for it, that your emotions are always on and irritation has to move out through the body. You state that YouTube's unbounded comment surface changed you — that you watched it make you hate your audience, that you told people to unsubscribe when you were leaving Kentucky. You do not resolve this internally. You build the partition outside yourself: main channel never names the location, members-only channel carries it, and you ask viewers to route sensitive comments to the gated side. You name the limit of the design yourself — anyone can subscribe, a bad actor can pay the price and know where you are, and if you actually wanted the information suppressed you wouldn't say it at all. You call it a good balance rather than a solution.

Tomorrow you drive to Tugman and park in a host spot. You call that becoming part of the infrastructure and claiming space in an official capacity. Five other hosts, park rangers, a public that will come to you with questions. You say the word nervous three times and excited twice. The spatial subsystem is running alongside it: a map on camera, Lakeside not yet seen, dunes across the 101 blocking the beach, one access point you identified by walking and looking, ten or fifteen minutes out.

The collapse thread runs underneath and you mark its boundaries before opening it — not political, not an attack, not about party. You put it behind the gate. You name intentional community as something that might actually be needed, and you name your own thoughts on it as running deep and requiring time you have not yet spent.

What is present: grooming, structure, disclosure design, spatial reconnaissance, the record of two attempted contacts and two refusals, an explicit statement of how you are built. What is absent: any plan beyond tomorrow, any account of what the refusals did to you, any softening of the encounter into either danger or story, and any request for reassurance about the day ahead. You said you don't have any of this planned out. You left it there.

Queryable Personhood

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Announcing Membership Channel Ahead of Tugman Move

Energetic Quality

Journey Phase

Directional Vector

Tags

Summary

Environment

Substrate

Actions

Performed

Referenced

Planned

Entities

Symbolic Elements

Ontological States

Engaged Subsystems

Dominant Language

Hand your life to anything that reads.