Cooking Chili While Cutting Ties With Mother

01HZB1HGMGGHP5PKBY2N1310BP

PUBLIC

June 1, 2024 rswfire PUBLISHED

Temp 0.30

Density 0.60

Energetic Quality

steady and unguarded

Journey Phase

severing and reorganizing

Directional Vector

away from inherited family structure, toward self-defined domestic infrastructure

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[0:00] hey everyone so I'm going to make some

[0:01] chili and I thought you could join me I

[0:04] can't promise that I will do a very good

[0:05] job at like showing you this perfectly

[0:08] but you know over time it'll get

[0:10] better I'm going to be smoking you know

[0:13] I'm a smoker and if I'm going to be

[0:14] sitting here on camera with you guys I'm

[0:16] going to be smoking

[0:18] sorry I'm having a very emotional day I

[0:20] had to cut ties with my mom today and

[0:22] we'll talk about that while I'm making

[0:24] chil and that's why I'm making it it's a

[0:26] comfort food for

[0:28] me I am not no expert at this by any

[0:31] means well I'm good at making chili but

[0:33] not in a camper and not the way that I'm

[0:35] doing it plus I'm going to make it a

[0:36] little bit differently than I usually do

[0:38] kind of just following chat gbt's

[0:41] suggestions

[0:42] and this could be fun this could be

[0:48] interesting so I guess I should start by

[0:51] getting my crockpot out

[0:54] right which is way over

[0:58] here cuz I have not been figed out a

[1:00] place for this stuff

[1:02] yet oh boy am I trying though just have

[1:07] no

[1:10] room m's on the floor that has been

[1:13] that's my fault happened happened last

[1:16] night I got to fix

[1:19] those

[1:23] so yeah I will get better at this pretty

[1:27] much organized there is a little bit on

[1:28] the floor but most I think it's going

[1:31] outside real

[1:33] close wonder if I should put this up a

[1:36] little

[1:37] higher um this one

[1:47] maybe how's

[1:49] that so I'm going to have to cook the

[1:51] beef and my electric

[1:54] skillet um decided to get these just to

[1:57] make it easier last time I made chili

[1:59] made it with you guys actually what was

[2:02] that

[2:04] messy very hard to clean in a

[2:07] camper

[2:09] so I mean good enough it's going to have

[2:13] one of these things in

[2:19] it so I realized

[2:22] today that my mom is very emotionally

[2:24] unavailable I think I knew this but I

[2:27] never consciously acknowledged it until

[2:29] today

[2:30] whenever I chat with her they're very

[2:32] short Cur messages from her doesn't

[2:35] matter what I'm talking about she

[2:36] doesn't communicate with me when she was

[2:39] at my house all the time she never talks

[2:41] about anything serious she's just like

[2:44] my dad in that respect it's like they

[2:47] they're just it just comes across as

[2:49] very

[2:50] shallow and I can't I'm not good with

[2:53] those kinds of

[2:55] relationships you know we're talking

[2:57] about my parents though

[3:00] so obviously I tried my whole damn

[3:03] life and I tried to explain to

[3:07] her see I warned her that if I was going

[3:10] to post something about my dad I'd let

[3:12] her know and I did

[3:14] that

[3:17] and then I started explain just it kind

[3:20] of blew up from there I she didn't say

[3:23] anything it's just I just wanted to

[3:26] explain I just felt a need to explain

[3:29] and

[3:31] also I had come to the realization that

[3:33] my mom is not the Savior I saw her as I

[3:36] used to think that she saved me from him

[3:38] no she taught me to endure him saving me

[3:41] from him would have been leaving him

[3:43] something she tried a couple of

[3:46] times but she just never had the

[3:48] strength of the courage to really do it

[3:50] and my father is super manipulative he

[3:53] actually kidnapped us

[3:54] once with the help of his parents and

[3:58] there was a court case and everything

[4:02] and just terrible toxic family

[4:06] Dynamics

[4:08] [Applause]

[4:10] so I

[4:12] just I guess I'm a little heartbroken

[4:15] I'm

[4:19] honest but I think it's for the best I

[4:21] had to cut ties with her

[4:24] because if she's not going to be the

[4:27] mother I need her to be

[4:30] then I

[4:32] just having her in my life means having

[4:35] my father in my life there's you can't

[4:37] separate the two

[4:39] so I have been thinking this for a while

[4:42] now since I made the decision to to live

[4:44] in an

[4:45] RV before I left my house like that was

[4:48] part of it for me and I just

[4:51] couldn't I didn't want to do this but I

[4:54] knew that it might happen because

[4:58] my I just knew

[5:02] that I don't know what I'm saying guys

[5:04] I'm still processing

[5:10] this and see if we can get some food

[5:12] going so I have absolutely this Skillet

[5:14] doesn't have like it just has high

[5:15] medium

[5:17] low I don't really know what I'm doing

[5:19] here but we're just going to cook a

[5:22] pound of ground beef can't be too

[5:25] hard I'll put it on medium I guess

[5:30] and I always get gloves because I am a

[5:34] germaphobe and I don't like to touch raw

[5:38] meat um beef is about the only thing

[5:41] I've ever really cooked I I I need to

[5:44] learn to cook chicken

[5:46] fish anything else probably a little too

[5:48] crazy for me like I I can't see me

[5:52] like chat gbt was you know was helping

[5:55] me to learn to cook right and suggested

[5:58] something it was like a chicken shoulder

[6:01] some kind of shoulder like you want me

[6:03] to touch a shoulder like

[6:05] what no way that's insane so yeah we're

[6:09] not doing that one I got extra so that I

[6:12] can make hamburgers tomorrow which will

[6:14] be very interesting cuz I'm making

[6:16] something special that I've never made

[6:20] before and I kind of learned about it by

[6:25] accident I asked

[6:27] it man

[6:34] this thing is just so loud I can't stand

[6:37] it um I asked so I have these pimento

[6:42] manino olives or something like that I

[6:44] don't know what it is and I thought they

[6:47] were just called pimento olives I didn't

[6:50] understand there's a difference and so I

[6:52] asked CH how can I make pimento Burgers

[6:55] thinking it's just burger with olives

[6:58] and then it came up with this recipe

[7:01] that included like this this spread you

[7:03] make I was like damn that sounds good so

[7:07] we're making that

[7:08] tomorrow all right so there are 5 lbs

[7:13] here okay how many do I need in a 34

[7:18] pot I don't really

[7:21] know I'm just going to do

[7:25] that I guess we'll cook half of it

[7:27] whatever I only need a couple burgers

[7:31] [Applause]

[7:33] okay I'll bring you over here one

[7:40] second see if we can do

[7:43] this I like this thing by the

[7:46] way hold

[7:49] on all right I knew this would be a

[7:53] challenge I knew

[7:55] it let's bring this down that how

[8:00] can you see

[8:01] me all right so I got these special

[8:04] spatulas that are made

[8:06] for and this isn't going to work very

[8:09] easily we're going to use the wood

[8:12] [Music]

[8:15] one this don't seem like a lot of meat

[8:18] really I guess it's

[8:23] enough I'll have to figure out some new

[8:27] angles like I can probably put it up

[8:29] here I'm going to try that in a

[8:31] second wow that cooks really

[8:36] fast My Hope Is that I can cook things

[8:39] really fast and therefore not use a lot

[8:41] of solar power when I'm off grid and

[8:44] look how big this thing is it's way

[8:46] bigger than I thought you could cook so

[8:49] much in this I wanted a smaller one I

[8:52] didn't think I was getting something

[8:53] this

[8:58] huge I don't know if it really needs

[9:04] the um lid let's try

[9:11] this all right let's just bring you guys

[9:13] down

[9:15] here

[9:17] whoa and then see if we can do

[9:23] this

[9:27] H what would Carolyn do

[9:31] right this feels very

[9:35] difficult M where's ba always over in

[9:38] the

[9:38] window so I would need to control the

[9:41] angle I don't think this one does

[9:44] that let me see here well this is

[9:49] impossible I don't know what to do guys

[9:51] this I guess I should have you know

[9:53] practice in the beginning or something

[9:55] can hold

[9:56] it let's make some beef over here

[10:01] here I'll figure this out I'll get

[10:03] better cuz I want to make cooking

[10:06] videos I don't know

[10:08] why just cuz I don't know what I'm doing

[10:11] and I think it's fun to challenge

[10:14] yourself and why not share that with

[10:17] others kind of what I did on this

[10:19] channel the whole

[10:22] time all right we'll let this cook up I

[10:26] guess and then we got to get all our

[10:28] other stuff going

[10:30] oh no I don't think I brought any tomato

[10:32] juice

[10:34] like it didn't say to bring that I just

[10:38] went to the store it didn't say anything

[10:40] about tomato juice I always put tomato

[10:41] juice in

[10:42] mine so now

[10:46] what I always have a lot of chili stuff

[10:51] generally but I don't oh this could be

[10:55] difficult it did not tell me to get

[10:57] tomato juice I'm going to have to at

[10:59] that

[11:01] thing oh man I hope I have

[11:08] like

[11:13] something so a very hard space I'm still

[11:16] trying to organize

[11:18] it it's not easy that's for

[11:22] sure oh I can't believe that I didn't

[11:25] think of

[11:27] that should have told me though

[11:32] all right let's

[11:34] see

[11:39] nothing I mean obviously you need tomato

[11:44] juice all I really have are diced

[11:50] tomatoes let's

[11:53] see well this is going to be a weird

[11:56] chili I guess cuz

[11:57] I'm a long ways from a

[12:01] store we will just try I'm guessing this

[12:04] is in

[12:08] water like I don't is that even possible

[12:15] like you need tomato

[12:20] juice

[12:23] H this doesn't cook so well without a

[12:25] lid on it maybe that's my design I don't

[12:28] know

[12:35] okay

[12:38] so I'm making a weird version of chili I

[12:42] guess because I have no tomato

[12:45] juice it didn't tell me to get

[12:54] any oh well this is in like some kind of

[12:57] I mean maybe this will work

[12:59] just way more diced tomatoes I got I got

[13:04] more let's

[13:12] see so dark light kidney

[13:20] beans

[13:23] wait yeah

[13:26] okay so we'll try

[13:30] not sure how I'm going to drain these

[13:33] yet the beans don't know what to do

[13:36] about

[13:42] that I have never made it without tomato

[13:45] juice this works though I

[13:49] think I always put diced tomatoes in

[13:51] there I don't

[13:54] understand

[13:56] okay let's see I want

[14:00] to don't want to just dump these in

[14:02] there

[14:06] but I mean what is this in

[14:15] water I mean I assume you can

[14:20] uh-oh we're just doing it it let's

[14:23] just do it and then one more other beans

[14:30] and then the meat and then I got to do

[14:32] my

[14:33] garlic and then the spices that's the

[14:37] funnest part the thing about a camper is

[14:40] that I mean where do you put liquid

[14:42] stuff it's it's a

[14:44] problem so you know I don't know what to

[14:51] do okay

[15:04] I need to get way better at this

[15:07] because there's no room for

[15:12] anything okay this looks

[15:14] good how are we going to drain

[15:20] this

[15:22] challenging all right I have this old

[15:25] gallon of milk

[15:27] here let's put this

[15:35] away

[15:37] um turn this

[15:41] off you will go through a lot of paper

[15:44] towels that's the main way you clean

[15:46] stuff like

[15:49] that there one my

[15:55] hamburgers tomorrow

[16:03] okay all

[16:04] right this is a family thing we always

[16:07] put these in them we just Cho them

[16:13] up I think that's

[16:15] it along with the

[16:20] garlic uh-oh I don't have all of my

[16:22] utensils yet some of them are at my

[16:24] parents house

[16:29] which I'm never visiting again so now

[16:41] what well we're using a spoon for now I

[16:45] guess or did I put anything down

[16:50] here

[16:53] no all right

[16:57] whatever nothing I can do about

[17:00] it this is going to be some weird

[17:09] chil oh might help if you turn the

[17:11] crockpot

[17:13] on guess I'll turn it on high it's the

[17:16] middle of the day

[17:21] now I don't know guys I'm

[17:24] just I'm disappointed I'm

[17:27] disappointed not in my myself I'm

[17:29] disappointed in my parents truly I

[17:35] am all right let's try to get this out

[17:38] and well here's an idea might be able to

[17:41] just put this over where the hamburger

[17:43] meat is ignore the other grease for now

[17:46] you know and then that'll decrease this

[17:48] a little

[17:50] bit and then maybe I can just put it

[17:53] directly in there I don't mind a little

[17:56] Grease

[18:02] okay

[18:05] yeah very

[18:11] messing just clean the whole pot

[18:16] here this is going to be an experiment

[18:20] for

[18:21] real got to hurry and get it over there

[18:23] hot

[18:25] grease

[18:27] okay I am not I cook

[18:29] guys I told you this worked really well

[18:33] though it almost cleans it it's amazing

[18:36] to

[18:38] me

[18:42] okay and you definitely want to conserve

[18:45] water so this is a very

[18:48] helpful but not very environmentally

[18:53] friendly so I guess we're not going with

[18:55] that

[18:57] approach now I just got to get it in

[18:59] there

[19:02] [Music]

[19:05] somehow all right we'll put it on a

[19:08] paper

[19:10] plate with some

[19:12] napkins paper

[19:22] towels how many of you can imagine what

[19:24] it's like to grow up in a family well

[19:27] you're like the only s

[19:29] one like everybody else is just so

[19:32] unconscious they

[19:35] don't they don't try to

[19:38] grow they don't talk about their

[19:40] feelings

[19:43] ever they don't apologize when they do

[19:46] something wrong

[19:51] ever it's just very

[19:55] frustrating and so I grow up thinking

[19:58] I'm the

[19:59] problem I was never the

[20:03] problem they're the problem they just

[20:05] their whole life they never chose to

[20:07] grow not once in their whole lives I

[20:10] cannot understand that apparently that's

[20:13] kind of normal though and that's what

[20:15] mindfulness is all about I've been

[20:17] having chats about that and that's just

[20:20] something I do naturally just because of

[20:21] the kind of personality have being an

[20:23] infj and a highly sensitive person I

[20:26] don't have a choice I'm always mindful

[20:29] apparently some people have to work at

[20:32] that and so I don't know it's

[20:37] like I wish I could just accept them the

[20:40] way they are I guess but not at not not

[20:44] not when they've hurt me as much as they

[20:45] have for so as long as they

[20:48] have cuz that's not fair to

[20:51] me and I can't can't just let them stay

[20:54] in my life you know continuing to har

[21:02] me just

[21:06] disappointing but I'll move on and I

[21:09] will have a great

[21:10] life this is going to be some weird

[21:12] chili it really is this is not the it

[21:15] looks like watery like I don't care I'll

[21:18] eat

[21:19] it okay we're going to cut up some

[21:26] garlic cloes

[21:30] don't want to be too messy in

[21:36] here sorry I really will have to figure

[21:38] out that camera

[21:39] cuz I don't know how other people do

[21:42] it

[21:45] um mostly just wanted to chat about

[21:47] what's going on in my

[21:54] life so

[22:02] it's getting hot in here I'm going to

[22:03] have to turn the air on it's getting

[22:11] hot my mic does have noise cancelling

[22:16] technology can turn that on

[22:28] I love

[22:43] garlic uh-oh my one knife is

[22:48] dirty they have some big knives but

[22:51] usually just use this little steak knife

[22:53] that I have

[22:54] but guess not today

[23:07] I'm surprised it called for two

[23:10] clothes usually it's

[23:16] one

[23:17] okay cut this

[23:20] up maybe you want to you can tell me the

[23:23] difference between these two cuz I have

[23:24] no idea I'm thinking maybe this is for

[23:27] me but I don't know that for

[23:30] sure and this seems awfully big for

[23:33] cutting things

[23:34] but oh it's very sharp these were gifts

[23:38] from my mom the only gift I can remember

[23:41] her ever giving

[23:43] me was very

[23:46] thoughtful well I shouldn't say that

[23:48] she's giv me things that were hers you

[23:53] know just it was very thoughtful she

[23:56] thought of something I truly needed and

[23:57] didn't have would have never thought to

[23:59] get

[24:01] myself that was it was a thoughtful

[24:04] gift so was a very sharp

[24:07] knife could easily cut

[24:12] myself I have a garlic press don't know

[24:16] how to use

[24:18] it um I should have asked chat gbt ahead

[24:21] of time normally I just cut it up and

[24:23] throw it in there though so

[24:32] and I'll just show you what it looks

[24:33] like in the

[24:37] end this is going to be

[24:40] interesting cuz no tomato juice that is

[24:43] a requirement oh boy am I going to have

[24:45] it out with jet

[24:47] DVT cuz I went through a lot of I kept

[24:50] telling it you have to be thorough or I

[24:52] will not get it this is definitely a lot

[24:56] of

[24:57] garlic or three

[25:00] quarts but we'll do it why

[25:04] not it's going to need flavor from

[25:07] something then we'll just put some of

[25:09] these in

[25:11] there um I did get onions um I'm not

[25:14] going to put any in here

[25:16] though they're not really my favorite

[25:19] thing

[25:20] and this looks like it'll be all right

[25:30] and I'm just thinking about how am I

[25:32] going to clean this

[25:34] up it is a challenge you have Min you

[25:37] know little

[25:40] tanks maybe I'll become an expert and

[25:44] then I'll have cooking classes for

[25:46] people where for people who live in RVs

[25:50] I don't know that would be so

[25:53] cool um I'm just thinking about new ways

[25:56] of living and making money because CU I

[25:59] don't want to keep doing what I've done

[26:00] my whole

[26:01] life I would like a

[26:04] change I haven't figured out what that's

[26:06] going to be

[26:11] at these are so slimy and gross and so

[26:14] many

[26:15] seeds

[26:17] oops good thing my rug's not down there

[26:19] right

[26:22] now but yeah we're just going to dump

[26:25] that in there

[26:28] why

[26:32] not think that's probably

[26:37] it oh the spices of

[26:42] course um limited

[26:45] space truly it is a

[26:51] problem and that sink is

[26:53] inaccessible while doing

[26:56] this it's interesting hadn't really

[27:00] thought about

[27:02] that

[27:05] so oh come

[27:10] on you definitely need to think through

[27:13] where you put your dishes

[27:15] and that you're

[27:20] using

[27:23] okay I don't know what I would call this

[27:27] I wouldn't call this

[27:33] chil it's pretty

[27:36] watery I don't know why I thought that

[27:38] would

[27:40] work but you know what I'm just making

[27:42] deal with what I have any

[27:45] y I think that's

[27:47] okay as long as you can make it taste

[27:52] good you

[27:55] know I can't believe it didn't tell me

[27:58] what all right

[28:01] spices so there are three of

[28:04] them chili

[28:08] powder

[28:10] cayenne and

[28:12] paprika or wait

[28:16] cumin now I'm confused which ones do I

[28:18] normally use I didn't have them in these

[28:22] before I think I'm probably use cumin

[28:25] paprika and cayenne

[28:28] maybe this chili powder is something

[28:30] else I don't know we're just going to

[28:32] put them all in not a lot to

[28:35] start I've made that mistake

[28:39] before I think cumin is the

[28:43] strongest yeah I think

[28:50] so paprika doesn't sound right to me but

[28:54] must be something I've

[28:56] used used it quite a lot

[29:01] oh yeah I know that color pretty

[29:06] color mix that

[29:12] up some point I'll put this on

[29:18] low cuz I mean it's all basically

[29:23] cooked of course you need time for the

[29:25] spices and the chili and the garlic

[29:32] but I don't know quick simple meal I

[29:35] guess kind of could have done simpler

[29:38] with way less

[29:40] mess

[29:45] so here's what we got hope it comes out

[29:48] all

[29:51] right just going to end it there I'm I'm

[29:54] probably a little bit sad but I'm trying

[29:56] not to be because I just don't see see

[29:58] the point anymore it's

[30:00] like I just don't see the point anymore

[30:05] because this has been going on my whole

[30:07] freaking life and it's just I'm just

[30:09] over it I want to be over it just truly

[30:11] over it and the best way to get over it

[30:13] is to just cut them out of your life and

[30:15] move on

[30:17] [Music]

[0:00] hey everyone so I'm going to make some

[0:01] chili and I thought you could join me I

[0:04] can't promise that I will do a very good

[0:05] job at like showing you this perfectly

[0:08] but you know over time it'll get

[0:10] better I'm going to be smoking you know

[0:13] I'm a smoker and if I'm going to be

[0:14] sitting here on camera with you guys I'm

[0:16] going to be smoking

[0:18] sorry I'm having a very emotional day I

[0:20] had to cut ties with my mom today and

[0:22] we'll talk about that while I'm making

[0:24] chil and that's why I'm making it it's a

[0:26] comfort food for

[0:28] me I am not no expert at this by any

[0:31] means well I'm good at making chili but

[0:33] not in a camper and not the way that I'm

[0:35] doing it plus I'm going to make it a

[0:36] little bit differently than I usually do

[0:38] kind of just following chat gbt's

[0:41] suggestions

[0:42] and this could be fun this could be

[0:48] interesting so I guess I should start by

[0:51] getting my crockpot out

[0:54] right which is way over

[0:58] here cuz I have not been figed out a

[1:00] place for this stuff

[1:02] yet oh boy am I trying though just have

[1:07] no

[1:10] room m's on the floor that has been

[1:13] that's my fault happened happened last

[1:16] night I got to fix

[1:19] those

[1:23] so yeah I will get better at this pretty

[1:27] much organized there is a little bit on

[1:28] the floor but most I think it's going

[1:31] outside real

[1:33] close wonder if I should put this up a

[1:36] little

[1:37] higher um this one

[1:47] maybe how's

[1:49] that so I'm going to have to cook the

[1:51] beef and my electric

[1:54] skillet um decided to get these just to

[1:57] make it easier last time I made chili

[1:59] made it with you guys actually what was

[2:02] that

[2:04] messy very hard to clean in a

[2:07] camper

[2:09] so I mean good enough it's going to have

[2:13] one of these things in

[2:19] it so I realized

[2:22] today that my mom is very emotionally

[2:24] unavailable I think I knew this but I

[2:27] never consciously acknowledged it until

[2:29] today

[2:30] whenever I chat with her they're very

[2:32] short Cur messages from her doesn't

[2:35] matter what I'm talking about she

[2:36] doesn't communicate with me when she was

[2:39] at my house all the time she never talks

[2:41] about anything serious she's just like

[2:44] my dad in that respect it's like they

[2:47] they're just it just comes across as

[2:49] very

[2:50] shallow and I can't I'm not good with

[2:53] those kinds of

[2:55] relationships you know we're talking

[2:57] about my parents though

[3:00] so obviously I tried my whole damn

[3:03] life and I tried to explain to

[3:07] her see I warned her that if I was going

[3:10] to post something about my dad I'd let

[3:12] her know and I did

[3:14] that

[3:17] and then I started explain just it kind

[3:20] of blew up from there I she didn't say

[3:23] anything it's just I just wanted to

[3:26] explain I just felt a need to explain

[3:29] and

[3:31] also I had come to the realization that

[3:33] my mom is not the Savior I saw her as I

[3:36] used to think that she saved me from him

[3:38] no she taught me to endure him saving me

[3:41] from him would have been leaving him

[3:43] something she tried a couple of

[3:46] times but she just never had the

[3:48] strength of the courage to really do it

[3:50] and my father is super manipulative he

[3:53] actually kidnapped us

[3:54] once with the help of his parents and

[3:58] there was a court case and everything

[4:02] and just terrible toxic family

[4:06] Dynamics

[4:08] [Applause]

[4:10] so I

[4:12] just I guess I'm a little heartbroken

[4:15] I'm

[4:19] honest but I think it's for the best I

[4:21] had to cut ties with her

[4:24] because if she's not going to be the

[4:27] mother I need her to be

[4:30] then I

[4:32] just having her in my life means having

[4:35] my father in my life there's you can't

[4:37] separate the two

[4:39] so I have been thinking this for a while

[4:42] now since I made the decision to to live

[4:44] in an

[4:45] RV before I left my house like that was

[4:48] part of it for me and I just

[4:51] couldn't I didn't want to do this but I

[4:54] knew that it might happen because

[4:58] my I just knew

[5:02] that I don't know what I'm saying guys

[5:04] I'm still processing

[5:10] this and see if we can get some food

[5:12] going so I have absolutely this Skillet

[5:14] doesn't have like it just has high

[5:15] medium

[5:17] low I don't really know what I'm doing

[5:19] here but we're just going to cook a

[5:22] pound of ground beef can't be too

[5:25] hard I'll put it on medium I guess

[5:30] and I always get gloves because I am a

[5:34] germaphobe and I don't like to touch raw

[5:38] meat um beef is about the only thing

[5:41] I've ever really cooked I I I need to

[5:44] learn to cook chicken

[5:46] fish anything else probably a little too

[5:48] crazy for me like I I can't see me

[5:52] like chat gbt was you know was helping

[5:55] me to learn to cook right and suggested

[5:58] something it was like a chicken shoulder

[6:01] some kind of shoulder like you want me

[6:03] to touch a shoulder like

[6:05] what no way that's insane so yeah we're

[6:09] not doing that one I got extra so that I

[6:12] can make hamburgers tomorrow which will

[6:14] be very interesting cuz I'm making

[6:16] something special that I've never made

[6:20] before and I kind of learned about it by

[6:25] accident I asked

[6:27] it man

[6:34] this thing is just so loud I can't stand

[6:37] it um I asked so I have these pimento

[6:42] manino olives or something like that I

[6:44] don't know what it is and I thought they

[6:47] were just called pimento olives I didn't

[6:50] understand there's a difference and so I

[6:52] asked CH how can I make pimento Burgers

[6:55] thinking it's just burger with olives

[6:58] and then it came up with this recipe

[7:01] that included like this this spread you

[7:03] make I was like damn that sounds good so

[7:07] we're making that

[7:08] tomorrow all right so there are 5 lbs

[7:13] here okay how many do I need in a 34

[7:18] pot I don't really

[7:21] know I'm just going to do

[7:25] that I guess we'll cook half of it

[7:27] whatever I only need a couple burgers

[7:31] [Applause]

[7:33] okay I'll bring you over here one

[7:40] second see if we can do

[7:43] this I like this thing by the

[7:46] way hold

[7:49] on all right I knew this would be a

[7:53] challenge I knew

[7:55] it let's bring this down that how

[8:00] can you see

[8:01] me all right so I got these special

[8:04] spatulas that are made

[8:06] for and this isn't going to work very

[8:09] easily we're going to use the wood

[8:12] [Music]

[8:15] one this don't seem like a lot of meat

[8:18] really I guess it's

[8:23] enough I'll have to figure out some new

[8:27] angles like I can probably put it up

[8:29] here I'm going to try that in a

[8:31] second wow that cooks really

[8:36] fast My Hope Is that I can cook things

[8:39] really fast and therefore not use a lot

[8:41] of solar power when I'm off grid and

[8:44] look how big this thing is it's way

[8:46] bigger than I thought you could cook so

[8:49] much in this I wanted a smaller one I

[8:52] didn't think I was getting something

[8:53] this

[8:58] huge I don't know if it really needs

[9:04] the um lid let's try

[9:11] this all right let's just bring you guys

[9:13] down

[9:15] here

[9:17] whoa and then see if we can do

[9:23] this

[9:27] H what would Carolyn do

[9:31] right this feels very

[9:35] difficult M where's ba always over in

[9:38] the

[9:38] window so I would need to control the

[9:41] angle I don't think this one does

[9:44] that let me see here well this is

[9:49] impossible I don't know what to do guys

[9:51] this I guess I should have you know

[9:53] practice in the beginning or something

[9:55] can hold

[9:56] it let's make some beef over here

[10:01] here I'll figure this out I'll get

[10:03] better cuz I want to make cooking

[10:06] videos I don't know

[10:08] why just cuz I don't know what I'm doing

[10:11] and I think it's fun to challenge

[10:14] yourself and why not share that with

[10:17] others kind of what I did on this

[10:19] channel the whole

[10:22] time all right we'll let this cook up I

[10:26] guess and then we got to get all our

[10:28] other stuff going

[10:30] oh no I don't think I brought any tomato

[10:32] juice

[10:34] like it didn't say to bring that I just

[10:38] went to the store it didn't say anything

[10:40] about tomato juice I always put tomato

[10:41] juice in

[10:42] mine so now

[10:46] what I always have a lot of chili stuff

[10:51] generally but I don't oh this could be

[10:55] difficult it did not tell me to get

[10:57] tomato juice I'm going to have to at

[10:59] that

[11:01] thing oh man I hope I have

[11:08] like

[11:13] something so a very hard space I'm still

[11:16] trying to organize

[11:18] it it's not easy that's for

[11:22] sure oh I can't believe that I didn't

[11:25] think of

[11:27] that should have told me though

[11:32] all right let's

[11:34] see

[11:39] nothing I mean obviously you need tomato

[11:44] juice all I really have are diced

[11:50] tomatoes let's

[11:53] see well this is going to be a weird

[11:56] chili I guess cuz

[11:57] I'm a long ways from a

[12:01] store we will just try I'm guessing this

[12:04] is in

[12:08] water like I don't is that even possible

[12:15] like you need tomato

[12:20] juice

[12:23] H this doesn't cook so well without a

[12:25] lid on it maybe that's my design I don't

[12:28] know

[12:35] okay

[12:38] so I'm making a weird version of chili I

[12:42] guess because I have no tomato

[12:45] juice it didn't tell me to get

[12:54] any oh well this is in like some kind of

[12:57] I mean maybe this will work

[12:59] just way more diced tomatoes I got I got

[13:04] more let's

[13:12] see so dark light kidney

[13:20] beans

[13:23] wait yeah

[13:26] okay so we'll try

[13:30] not sure how I'm going to drain these

[13:33] yet the beans don't know what to do

[13:36] about

[13:42] that I have never made it without tomato

[13:45] juice this works though I

[13:49] think I always put diced tomatoes in

[13:51] there I don't

[13:54] understand

[13:56] okay let's see I want

[14:00] to don't want to just dump these in

[14:02] there

[14:06] but I mean what is this in

[14:15] water I mean I assume you can

[14:20] uh-oh we're just doing it it let's

[14:23] just do it and then one more other beans

[14:30] and then the meat and then I got to do

[14:32] my

[14:33] garlic and then the spices that's the

[14:37] funnest part the thing about a camper is

[14:40] that I mean where do you put liquid

[14:42] stuff it's it's a

[14:44] problem so you know I don't know what to

[14:51] do okay

[15:04] I need to get way better at this

[15:07] because there's no room for

[15:12] anything okay this looks

[15:14] good how are we going to drain

[15:20] this

[15:22] challenging all right I have this old

[15:25] gallon of milk

[15:27] here let's put this

[15:35] away

[15:37] um turn this

[15:41] off you will go through a lot of paper

[15:44] towels that's the main way you clean

[15:46] stuff like

[15:49] that there one my

[15:55] hamburgers tomorrow

[16:03] okay all

[16:04] right this is a family thing we always

[16:07] put these in them we just Cho them

[16:13] up I think that's

[16:15] it along with the

[16:20] garlic uh-oh I don't have all of my

[16:22] utensils yet some of them are at my

[16:24] parents house

[16:29] which I'm never visiting again so now

[16:41] what well we're using a spoon for now I

[16:45] guess or did I put anything down

[16:50] here

[16:53] no all right

[16:57] whatever nothing I can do about

[17:00] it this is going to be some weird

[17:09] chil oh might help if you turn the

[17:11] crockpot

[17:13] on guess I'll turn it on high it's the

[17:16] middle of the day

[17:21] now I don't know guys I'm

[17:24] just I'm disappointed I'm

[17:27] disappointed not in my myself I'm

[17:29] disappointed in my parents truly I

[17:35] am all right let's try to get this out

[17:38] and well here's an idea might be able to

[17:41] just put this over where the hamburger

[17:43] meat is ignore the other grease for now

[17:46] you know and then that'll decrease this

[17:48] a little

[17:50] bit and then maybe I can just put it

[17:53] directly in there I don't mind a little

[17:56] Grease

[18:02] okay

[18:05] yeah very

[18:11] messing just clean the whole pot

[18:16] here this is going to be an experiment

[18:20] for

[18:21] real got to hurry and get it over there

[18:23] hot

[18:25] grease

[18:27] okay I am not I cook

[18:29] guys I told you this worked really well

[18:33] though it almost cleans it it's amazing

[18:36] to

[18:38] me

[18:42] okay and you definitely want to conserve

[18:45] water so this is a very

[18:48] helpful but not very environmentally

[18:53] friendly so I guess we're not going with

[18:55] that

[18:57] approach now I just got to get it in

[18:59] there

[19:02] [Music]

[19:05] somehow all right we'll put it on a

[19:08] paper

[19:10] plate with some

[19:12] napkins paper

[19:22] towels how many of you can imagine what

[19:24] it's like to grow up in a family well

[19:27] you're like the only s

[19:29] one like everybody else is just so

[19:32] unconscious they

[19:35] don't they don't try to

[19:38] grow they don't talk about their

[19:40] feelings

[19:43] ever they don't apologize when they do

[19:46] something wrong

[19:51] ever it's just very

[19:55] frustrating and so I grow up thinking

[19:58] I'm the

[19:59] problem I was never the

[20:03] problem they're the problem they just

[20:05] their whole life they never chose to

[20:07] grow not once in their whole lives I

[20:10] cannot understand that apparently that's

[20:13] kind of normal though and that's what

[20:15] mindfulness is all about I've been

[20:17] having chats about that and that's just

[20:20] something I do naturally just because of

[20:21] the kind of personality have being an

[20:23] infj and a highly sensitive person I

[20:26] don't have a choice I'm always mindful

[20:29] apparently some people have to work at

[20:32] that and so I don't know it's

[20:37] like I wish I could just accept them the

[20:40] way they are I guess but not at not not

[20:44] not when they've hurt me as much as they

[20:45] have for so as long as they

[20:48] have cuz that's not fair to

[20:51] me and I can't can't just let them stay

[20:54] in my life you know continuing to har

[21:02] me just

[21:06] disappointing but I'll move on and I

[21:09] will have a great

[21:10] life this is going to be some weird

[21:12] chili it really is this is not the it

[21:15] looks like watery like I don't care I'll

[21:18] eat

[21:19] it okay we're going to cut up some

[21:26] garlic cloes

[21:30] don't want to be too messy in

[21:36] here sorry I really will have to figure

[21:38] out that camera

[21:39] cuz I don't know how other people do

[21:42] it

[21:45] um mostly just wanted to chat about

[21:47] what's going on in my

[21:54] life so

[22:02] it's getting hot in here I'm going to

[22:03] have to turn the air on it's getting

[22:11] hot my mic does have noise cancelling

[22:16] technology can turn that on

[22:28] I love

[22:43] garlic uh-oh my one knife is

[22:48] dirty they have some big knives but

[22:51] usually just use this little steak knife

[22:53] that I have

[22:54] but guess not today

[23:07] I'm surprised it called for two

[23:10] clothes usually it's

[23:16] one

[23:17] okay cut this

[23:20] up maybe you want to you can tell me the

[23:23] difference between these two cuz I have

[23:24] no idea I'm thinking maybe this is for

[23:27] me but I don't know that for

[23:30] sure and this seems awfully big for

[23:33] cutting things

[23:34] but oh it's very sharp these were gifts

[23:38] from my mom the only gift I can remember

[23:41] her ever giving

[23:43] me was very

[23:46] thoughtful well I shouldn't say that

[23:48] she's giv me things that were hers you

[23:53] know just it was very thoughtful she

[23:56] thought of something I truly needed and

[23:57] didn't have would have never thought to

[23:59] get

[24:01] myself that was it was a thoughtful

[24:04] gift so was a very sharp

[24:07] knife could easily cut

[24:12] myself I have a garlic press don't know

[24:16] how to use

[24:18] it um I should have asked chat gbt ahead

[24:21] of time normally I just cut it up and

[24:23] throw it in there though so

[24:32] and I'll just show you what it looks

[24:33] like in the

[24:37] end this is going to be

[24:40] interesting cuz no tomato juice that is

[24:43] a requirement oh boy am I going to have

[24:45] it out with jet

[24:47] DVT cuz I went through a lot of I kept

[24:50] telling it you have to be thorough or I

[24:52] will not get it this is definitely a lot

[24:56] of

[24:57] garlic or three

[25:00] quarts but we'll do it why

[25:04] not it's going to need flavor from

[25:07] something then we'll just put some of

[25:09] these in

[25:11] there um I did get onions um I'm not

[25:14] going to put any in here

[25:16] though they're not really my favorite

[25:19] thing

[25:20] and this looks like it'll be all right

[25:30] and I'm just thinking about how am I

[25:32] going to clean this

[25:34] up it is a challenge you have Min you

[25:37] know little

[25:40] tanks maybe I'll become an expert and

[25:44] then I'll have cooking classes for

[25:46] people where for people who live in RVs

[25:50] I don't know that would be so

[25:53] cool um I'm just thinking about new ways

[25:56] of living and making money because CU I

[25:59] don't want to keep doing what I've done

[26:00] my whole

[26:01] life I would like a

[26:04] change I haven't figured out what that's

[26:06] going to be

[26:11] at these are so slimy and gross and so

[26:14] many

[26:15] seeds

[26:17] oops good thing my rug's not down there

[26:19] right

[26:22] now but yeah we're just going to dump

[26:25] that in there

[26:28] why

[26:32] not think that's probably

[26:37] it oh the spices of

[26:42] course um limited

[26:45] space truly it is a

[26:51] problem and that sink is

[26:53] inaccessible while doing

[26:56] this it's interesting hadn't really

[27:00] thought about

[27:02] that

[27:05] so oh come

[27:10] on you definitely need to think through

[27:13] where you put your dishes

[27:15] and that you're

[27:20] using

[27:23] okay I don't know what I would call this

[27:27] I wouldn't call this

[27:33] chil it's pretty

[27:36] watery I don't know why I thought that

[27:38] would

[27:40] work but you know what I'm just making

[27:42] deal with what I have any

[27:45] y I think that's

[27:47] okay as long as you can make it taste

[27:52] good you

[27:55] know I can't believe it didn't tell me

[27:58] what all right

[28:01] spices so there are three of

[28:04] them chili

[28:08] powder

[28:10] cayenne and

[28:12] paprika or wait

[28:16] cumin now I'm confused which ones do I

[28:18] normally use I didn't have them in these

[28:22] before I think I'm probably use cumin

[28:25] paprika and cayenne

[28:28] maybe this chili powder is something

[28:30] else I don't know we're just going to

[28:32] put them all in not a lot to

[28:35] start I've made that mistake

[28:39] before I think cumin is the

[28:43] strongest yeah I think

[28:50] so paprika doesn't sound right to me but

[28:54] must be something I've

[28:56] used used it quite a lot

[29:01] oh yeah I know that color pretty

[29:06] color mix that

[29:12] up some point I'll put this on

[29:18] low cuz I mean it's all basically

[29:23] cooked of course you need time for the

[29:25] spices and the chili and the garlic

[29:32] but I don't know quick simple meal I

[29:35] guess kind of could have done simpler

[29:38] with way less

[29:40] mess

[29:45] so here's what we got hope it comes out

[29:48] all

[29:51] right just going to end it there I'm I'm

[29:54] probably a little bit sad but I'm trying

[29:56] not to be because I just don't see see

[29:58] the point anymore it's

[30:00] like I just don't see the point anymore

[30:05] because this has been going on my whole

[30:07] freaking life and it's just I'm just

[30:09] over it I want to be over it just truly

[30:11] over it and the best way to get over it

[30:13] is to just cut them out of your life and

[30:15] move on

[30:17] [Music]

6:14

Organizing RV Storage and Launching Gaming Channel

May 16, 2024

3:07

Bifurcating YouTube Channels by Interest

May 16, 2024

7:10

Recording Gaming Channel Intro on a Morning Hike

May 18, 2024

1:40

Booking 90-Day Campground Stay for Bailey

May 19, 2024

4:43

Clarifying Channel Purpose While Driving Back

May 19, 2024

4:03

Speaking on Emotions as Energy in Motion

May 20, 2024

1:27

Planning Westward Route to Nevada

May 21, 2024

2:06

Explaining AI Utility After Assisting a Stranger

May 21, 2024

9:15

Breaking Camp in Rain, Relocating with Bailey

May 23, 2024

10:22

Arriving at Bailey's Down Site in Rain

May 24, 2024

4:29

Booking 89 Days and Naming Chapter Three

May 24, 2024

20:28

Planning 89 Days of RV Maintenance and Content

May 24, 2024

13:39

Riding Out a Storm Without Power

May 26, 2024

3:51

Captured Channel Introduction: RV Transition to Nevada

May 27, 2024

5:18

Planning Transition to Full-Time Boondocking

May 29, 2024

8:03

Adjusting Systems for Full-Time Camper Living

May 29, 2024

4:17

Cataloging Kind Acts and Issuing a Challenge

May 29, 2024

3:47

Cooking Baked Potatoes While Listing Reasons for Solitude

May 31, 2024

6:12

Mapping Paternal Pattern and Departure Motivations

Jun 1, 2024

30:18

Cooking Chili While Cutting Ties With Mother

Jun 1, 2024

1:30

Recommending ChatGPT for Exercise and Stretching Routines

Jun 2, 2024

5:58

Cutting Ties With Parents

Jun 4, 2024

6:43

Running Errands and Organizing the RV

Jun 4, 2024

Photos · Jun 5, 2024

Jun 5, 2024

7:37

Outfitting the Camper Against Heat and Humidity

Jun 6, 2024

3:28

Packing Up Camp and Driving Untowed

Jun 7, 2024

5:41

Documenting Equipment Failures After Tire Installation

Jun 7, 2024

3:16

Stating Terms of Visibility to Audience

Jun 8, 2024

3:25

Clarifying Intent and Thanking Supportive Audience

Jun 8, 2024

3:30

Naming the Channel as Video Journal, Reworking Camper Workspace

Jun 8, 2024

10:06

Reconfiguring Camper Layout After Monitor Loss

Jun 8, 2024

6:56

Marking 60 Days on the Road at Camp

Jun 9, 2024

9:46

Morning Check-In on Sleep, Smoking Cessation, Logistics

Jun 10, 2024

3:26

Dental Appointment, New Piercings, Family Exposure Risk

Jun 10, 2024

10:42

Adjusting to Dentures While Planning Town Errands

Jun 11, 2024

7:00

Cataloging Site Constraints at Two-Week Mark

Jun 12, 2024

7:10

Reorganizing RV Storage and Sorting Kept Books

Jun 12, 2024

1:34

Making Chili in the Crockpot

Jun 12, 2024

1:07

Addressing an Unsolicited Comment on Etiquette

Jun 13, 2024

23:47

Leveling the RV and Rebuilding the Sleep Setup

Jun 13, 2024

5:25

Managing RV Heat Load and Weighing Site Options

Jun 17, 2024

PUBLIC

June 1, 2024 rswfire PUBLISHED

Temp 0.30

Density 0.60

Energetic Quality

steady and unguarded

Journey Phase

severing and reorganizing

Directional Vector

away from inherited family structure, toward self-defined domestic infrastructure

Narrative

On June 1, 2024, rswfire turned on a camera inside a camper he had not yet learned, told whoever was watching that he was going to make chili, and said plainly that he could not promise to do it well. He named his terms in the first thirty seconds: he would be smoking, because he is a smoker and if he was going to sit on camera he was going to smoke. He said he was having a very emotional day. He said he had cut ties with his mother that day, and that they would talk about it while he cooked, and that this was why he was cooking — chili is a comfort food for him. Then he went looking for the crockpot, which was "way over here," because he had not yet figured out where any of this belonged.

The camper answered every move with a constraint. Mats were on the floor from the night before; he named that as his own doing and said he would fix it. Counter space was short. The sink went inaccessible the moment he started working, which he noticed aloud as a thing he had not thought about until it happened. He set up an electric skillet for the ground beef — bought specifically to make cleanup easier, after a previous chili he had made on camera turned into a mess very hard to clean in a camper — and put it on medium, saying he did not really know what he was doing, the dial offering only high, medium, and low. He pulled on gloves before touching the raw meat, stating he is a germaphobe. The skillet ran loud enough that he complained about it. He watched the beef cook faster than expected and said he hoped fast cooking would mean less solar draw when he goes off grid.

He talked while he worked, and neither task yielded to the other. He stated that he had realized his mother is emotionally unavailable — that he thinks he knew it but had never consciously acknowledged it until that day. He described short, curt messages regardless of subject, and years at his house without a serious conversation. He said he had warned her he would post something about his father, that he had done what he said he would do, and that it blew up from there — that she said nothing, and he had only wanted to explain. He stated the realization underneath it: that she was not the savior he had seen her as, that she did not save him from his father, she taught him to endure him. Saving him would have been leaving, which he says she attempted and never completed. He described a kidnapping carried out by his father with the help of his father's parents, and a court case. He said he was a little heartbroken, honestly, and that he thought it was for the best, because having her in his life means having his father in it — you can't separate the two.

The camera fought him the whole time. He carried it down to the skillet, then over to the counter, hunting an angle that would let the audience see the work. He tried propping it higher. He said out loud, mid-maneuver, what would Carolyn do, and then concluded that this one wouldn't hold the angle he needed and that the shot was impossible. He set it aside and cooked anyway, saying he would get better, that he wants to make cooking videos, that he likes challenging himself at things he doesn't know how to do and sharing that — which, he noted, is what he has done on the channel the whole time.

Then the recipe broke. He had no tomato juice. He had just been to the store; ChatGPT had not told him to get any, and he said he had pressed it repeatedly to be thorough. He searched the camper, found nothing, and stated the obvious problem — that tomato juice is a requirement, that he has never made chili without it, and that he is a long way from a store. He opened diced tomatoes instead, uncertain whether the packing liquid would stand in, said well this is going to be a weird chili, and put them in. He drained the kidney beans into an old milk jug because there was nowhere else for liquid to go. Reaching for a utensil, he found he didn't have it — some of his utensils are still at his parents' house, which, he said, he is never visiting again. He used a spoon. He remembered the crockpot was off and turned it on high. He scraped the beef across with the grease still in the pan, said he doesn't mind a little grease, and cleaned the skillet with paper towels, noting that this is how you conserve water in a camper and that it is not environmentally friendly.

He said he was disappointed — not in himself, in his parents, truly. He asked the camera how many of them could imagine growing up as the only conscious one in a family; described people who never talk about feelings, never apologize, never chose to grow, not once. He said he grew up thinking he was the problem and that he was never the problem. He said he wished he could just accept them as they are, but not after that much hurt for that long, because that isn't fair to him and he can't let them stay in his life and keep harming him.

He cut garlic next, with a knife his mother had given him. He said it out loud while holding it — that these were gifts from his mom, that it was the only gift he can remember her giving him, and that it was thoughtful, because she had thought of something he truly needed and would never have bought himself. He noted the knife was very sharp, that he could easily cut himself with it. He had a garlic press and didn't know how to use it, and said he should have asked ChatGPT ahead of time, then chopped by hand the way he normally does. The recipe called for two cloves; he used more, reasoning that the flavor had to come from somewhere. He added the peppers and skipped the onions. He got to the spices, which he called the funnest part — cumin, paprika, cayenne, and a chili powder he wasn't sure about — and put them all in, a little at a time, having over-spiced before. The color came up and he said he knew that color, that it was pretty.

The cabin got hot and he said he would have to turn the air on. While stirring, he floated a thought about becoming expert enough at this to teach cooking classes for people who live in RVs, and said he is thinking about new ways of living and making money, that he doesn't want to keep doing what he has done his whole life, that he hasn't figured out what the change will be. He looked into the pot and said he wouldn't call it chili, it was too watery, that he doesn't know why he thought it would work, but he was making do with what he had — and that it's fine as long as he can make it taste good. He ended the video there, saying he was probably a little bit sad and trying not to be, because he doesn't see the point anymore after a whole lifetime of it, that he wants to be over it, and that the way to get over it is to cut them out and move on. He said he will have a great life. The crockpot went to low, and the chili — weird, watery, made without the one thing it required — sat cooking in the middle of the day.

Summary

rswfire records a live cooking transmission from inside his camper, making chili as a comfort food while stating he cut ties with his mother that day. He notes he is smoking on camera and describes the day as emotional.

He states that he informed his mother in advance that he would post something about his father, that the exchange escalated, and that he arrived at the realization that she is emotionally unavailable and was never the savior he had understood her to be — he states she taught him to endure his father rather than leave him. He describes his father as manipulative, references a kidnapping incident involving his father's parents and a subsequent court case, and states that keeping his mother in his life means keeping his father in it. He notes he has been considering this since deciding to live in an RV.

The cooking runs in parallel: browning ground beef in a new electric skillet, discovering he has no tomato juice because the ChatGPT recipe never listed it, substituting extra diced tomatoes, draining beans, cutting garlic with knives his mother gave him, and adding cumin, paprika, cayenne, and chili powder.

Throughout, he works camera angles, storage limits, water conservation, and cleanup constraints, and states an interest in RV cooking videos or classes as a possible new income direction.

Environment

Interior of an RV/camper, filmed to a camera addressing an audience. The setting is early-occupancy: storage locations for cookware are undetermined, items are on the floor from a prior night, counter and sink access is constrained, and camera angles have to be improvised mid-task. Cooking runs on an electric skillet and a crockpot, with stated attention to solar power draw for future off-grid operation and to water conservation (paper towels substituting for washing).

Distance from a store is named as a constraint on ingredients. ChatGPT is present as an in-loop advisory system for the recipe. rswfire smokes on camera throughout and states this as a standing condition of filming.

Substrate

Two systems are being reorganized in the same frame: a domestic operating environment that has no established layout yet, and a familial structure rswfire states he has terminated. He holds the position that the maternal relationship functioned as endurance training rather than protection, and that the two parental nodes are not separable — so removal is structural, not punitive. The chili itself is built from substitution under scarcity: the required input is absent, the recipe is improvised anyway, and the standard applied is functional rather than formal.

Actions

Performed

•filming a cooking session for an audience
•smoking on camera
•retrieving and positioning the crockpot
•cooking ground beef in an electric skillet
•wearing gloves to handle raw meat
•adding diced tomatoes in place of tomato juice
•adding dark and light kidney beans
•draining grease into an old milk jug
•chopping garlic with a gifted knife
•adding chili powder, cayenne, paprika, cumin
•wiping cookware with paper towels to conserve water
•repositioning the camera repeatedly
•stating the termination of contact with his parents

Referenced

•cut ties with his mother that day
•notified his mother before posting about his father
•attempted explanation, which escalated
•made chili previously on camera
•left his house to live in an RV
•consulted ChatGPT for a chili recipe and cooking instruction
•asked ChatGPT about pimento burgers
•received knives as a gift from his mother
•documented a childhood kidnapping by his father and paternal grandparents, with a court case

Planned

•make pimento burgers the next day
•make cooking videos and improve filming setup
•learn to cook chicken and fish
•organize the camper interior
•operate off grid on solar
•possibly teach cooking classes for RV dwellers
•find new ways of living and earning
•never visit his parents' house again

Entities

beings

rswfire — Records the session, cooks, and states the decision to end contact with his parents.

rswfire's mother — Described as emotionally unavailable and as having taught endurance rather than exit; contact terminated the day of recording.

rswfire's father — Described as manipulative; referenced in connection with a childhood kidnapping and court case.

paternal grandparents — Described as assisting in the kidnapping.

Carolyn — Invoked as a reference point for camera handling during filming.

places

the RV / camper — Operating environment; its spatial and utility constraints structure every step of the cook.

his parents' house — Location of utensils he no longer has access to; stated as never to be visited again.

systems

ChatGPT — Advisory system supplying the chili recipe and cooking instruction; named as the source of the omitted tomato juice.

solar power — Constraint shaping cooking speed and appliance choice for future off-grid operation.

concepts

INFJ — Self-description he uses to frame his default mindfulness.

highly sensitive person — Self-description paired with INFJ to explain constant awareness.

mindfulness — Framed as automatic for him and effortful for others; used to describe the gap with his family.

media

the YouTube channel — Ongoing documentation venue; he names continuity with how he has always used it.

Symbolic Elements

Represented archetypes or recurring motifs.

fire

hearth

knife

threshold

severance

substitution

containment

grease

mobile shelter

camera eye

Ontological States

Expressed modes of being or awareness.

severing (contact with both parental nodes ended in a single act, stated as structural rather than negotiable)

provisional (camper layout, camera position, and recipe all unfixed and being solved in real time)

sovereign (he sets the terms of what stays in his life and what the meal has to be)

narrating-while-operating (interior account and manual task run in parallel without either yielding)

Engaged Subsystems

Architecture engaged in this transmission.

domestic-infrastructural (crockpot, skillet, water tanks, storage, solar budget)

relational (parental structure named, evaluated, and terminated)

documentary (camera, framing, audience address, channel continuity)

advisory-computational (ChatGPT as recipe and instruction source, its omission surfaced)

somatic (gloves, germ aversion, smoking, heat in the cabin)

economic (scarcity of ingredients, distance to store, speculation on new income modes)

Dominant Language

Core motifs or linguistic fields.

cut ties

emotionally unavailable

she taught me to endure him

you can't separate the two

I was never the problem

weird chili / no tomato juice

I'll move on and I will have a great life

Narrative

Mirror

You are cooking and severing in the same hour, and neither task is waiting for the other. The camera is running. The beef is on medium in a skillet you didn't expect to be this large. The crockpot is retrieved from across a room whose storage locations you have not yet assigned. You state you cut ties with your mother today, and you say it early, in the same breath as the disclaimer about smoking and the disclaimer about not doing this perfectly. The chili is named as the reason you are cooking — comfort food — and the naming is done out loud, to an audience, without preamble.

The relational subsystem is running as declaration, not deliberation. You state that your mother is emotionally unavailable, that you knew it before today and consciously acknowledged it today. You state she did not save you from your father — she taught you to endure him — and that saving would have meant leaving. You state the two nodes cannot be separated, so keeping her means keeping him. You state you were never the problem. You state you are heartbroken, disappointed, sad, and that you will move on and have a great life. These run in sequence with no hedge between them and no attempt to reconcile them into a single tone.

The domestic subsystem is entirely provisional and you say so continuously. Cookware has no home. Items are on the floor from last night, attributed to yourself without apology. The sink is inaccessible while you work, which you notice mid-task as new information. Water is conserved by substituting paper towels, which you name as helpful and not environmentally friendly in the same sentence. Solar draw is tracked forward against off-grid operation you have not begun. Grease is moved between vessels because there is nowhere else to put it. The camera cannot hold the angle you need and you say this repeatedly, adjusting, failing, continuing anyway.

The tomato juice is absent and its absence is the sharpest thing in the frame. You return to it seven times. You did not buy it because ChatGPT did not list it, and you name that the advisory system omitted a required input after you instructed it to be thorough. The store is far. You substitute diced tomatoes, watch the result run watery, name it a weird chili, and eat it anyway. The standard applied is functional: as long as you can make it taste good. Some of your utensils are at your parents' house, which you state you are never visiting again, and you use a spoon.

You cut garlic with a knife your mother gave you and you say, while cutting, that it was thoughtful — that she identified something you needed and would not have bought yourself. The knife stays in your hand. It is not withdrawn from the frame or reframed. The knife works and you use it.

What is present: fire, food, camera, the audience you address directly, a channel you intend to continue, speculation about RV cooking classes and new income modes you have not chosen yet. What is absent: any request for input on the decision, any counter-argument you stage against yourself, any timeline for reversal, any softening of the word cut. The signal points away from the inherited structure and toward a domestic infrastructure that does not exist yet — one you are building while the meal cooks, on the floor, in a space where nothing has a place.

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Cooking Chili While Cutting Ties With Mother

Energetic Quality

Journey Phase

Directional Vector

Tags

Summary

Environment

Substrate

Actions

Performed

Referenced

Planned

Entities

Symbolic Elements

Ontological States

Engaged Subsystems

Dominant Language

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