Naming Boundary Limits With Bailey on Morning Hike

01JB0PQNNRCZQX4T05AMDQ8XAR

PUBLIC

October 25, 2024 rswfire PUBLISHED

Temp 0.40

Density 0.70

Energetic Quality

clear-edged, direct

Journey Phase

boundary reassessment under sustained cohabitation load

Directional Vector

away from lifelong accommodation, toward enforced boundaries and internal grounding

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Transcript

[0:00] good morning fellow humans so that cat

[0:03] and I are not getting along these days

[0:05] we're going to talk about him hi

[0:09] Bailey it's been

[0:11] stressful so I got rid of my table

[0:15] earlier in the week been making some

[0:17] changes I got these Ottomans to store my

[0:20] clothes and things

[0:23] in just on my

[0:25] clothes Bailey has already started

[0:28] clawing it up he did that last night

[0:29] he's done this three times

[0:32] now cuz this is not a cat that

[0:35] listens so I'm going to go for a hike

[0:38] and we're just going to talk about how

[0:39] stressful it is to live with this cat

[0:44] because I've had some

[0:46] pretty dark thoughts about

[0:49] him feels a little cold this morning

[0:53] it's 44 degrees out

[1:00] think I like the 50s and

[1:03] 60s those are quite tolerable for

[1:07] me 40s uh it's not terrible it's

[1:12] totally

[1:14] livable you know make some hot coffee

[1:17] and go for a hike why

[1:20] not but a little bit

[1:23] cold I've been trying to I don't know

[1:26] it's not always about the temperature

[1:27] though i' oh okay okay there's somebody

[1:30] out on the

[1:32] rivered with their truck I don't know

[1:34] why people do

[1:36] this I don't get

[1:39] it but you know to each their

[1:43] own so

[1:46] anyway um I've noticed that temperature

[1:49] doesn't really tell

[1:50] you how comfortable you'll be there are

[1:53] so many other factors and it's not just

[1:54] temperature and humidity

[1:57] either I did something just popped up on

[1:59] my screen about recording hold on I

[2:02] don't

[2:04] know um I was getting a phone call at

[2:06] the same time I guess or something I

[2:07] don't know um it's not just temperature

[2:11] and humidity it's a little more relative

[2:14] I'm still I've been trying to figured

[2:16] this out for 7 months cuz when you live

[2:18] in an

[2:20] RV you're

[2:23] very I mean you're exposed

[2:26] to the environment in a different way I

[2:29] feel like and I'm just trying to figure

[2:32] out what are the parameters of what is

[2:35] comfortable for

[2:37] me um cuz it's it's relative it's

[2:43] variable definitely don't seem to mind

[2:46] Colder

[2:47] Weather which I find that

[2:51] interesting there's another person out

[2:54] there I think that one is fishing though

[2:56] so now that makes a little more sense

[2:59] okay that's why while you're driving out

[3:02] there

[3:04] okay it's for the fishing

[3:12] okay so when I talk about dark

[3:17] thoughts um largely it's like I just

[3:20] want to abandon this cat I just want to

[3:22] get rid of him because he is a source of

[3:28] stress I mean the

[3:32] most profound and

[3:35] persistent source of stress that I have

[3:37] in my

[3:40] life but you know my values would never

[3:43] let me do that cannot just abandoned a

[3:46] cat

[3:47] that I've been raising you know living

[3:50] with

[3:52] for I don't even know maybe a decade at

[3:55] this point I love this cat but he

[3:58] frustrates me

[4:02] because he's constantly violating my

[4:06] boundaries he doesn't respect that I

[4:08] need space and I get he's a cat right

[4:11] he's not thinking in human terms trust

[4:14] me I know that's part of the

[4:18] frustration so I tolerate

[4:21] it you know constantly wants

[4:25] out I mean

[4:28] that by I go outside he wants to go

[4:32] outside and I just feel like he ruins a

[4:34] lot of things for me so when I was

[4:38] in oh I don't even remember what state

[4:40] it

[4:42] was I think it was

[4:45] Kansas and I got to look at the stars

[4:51] outside you know he broke the immersion

[4:53] of that experience because he sitting

[4:55] there howling at the window demanding to

[4:57] be let out

[5:00] it's just

[5:03] like I have been on this journey for

[5:05] seven months trying

[5:07] to find true Solitude and I have this

[5:11] cat with me who I feel responsible

[5:16] for who does not he doesn't make that

[5:19] any easier for

[5:23] me and it's a small space so I have to

[5:27] be very accommodating for him

[5:30] large litter box in the cab

[5:33] area a scratching post his

[5:37] food spaces for him you know to just

[5:40] chill

[5:41] and um a small bed that we're trying to

[5:44] share

[5:45] and I mean for for me this is very very

[5:51] difficult um the stress of driving with

[5:54] him cuz he doesn't like

[5:57] it it's just it's a compounding of

[6:01] effect and when he started clawing my

[6:04] new

[6:07] ottoman that just felt like that was it

[6:09] for me like it just it broke something

[6:11] in me it's like I have to get rid of

[6:14] this cat I can't live with him

[6:17] anymore and I'm so far away

[6:20] from you know my mother could have him I

[6:24] should have left him with

[6:26] her so I'm looking up how far of a drive

[6:30] it is take my Jeep there 30 hours one

[6:33] way okay let's look up flights well

[6:36] that's 12 hours

[6:38] and

[6:40] probably some Logistics I don't know

[6:42] like maybe you got to take them to a vet

[6:45] first

[6:48] um there's no easy

[6:51] answer I'm stuck with this

[6:54] cat

[6:57] and there are dates where I just think

[7:00] to

[7:01] myself I'm just trying to outlive you

[7:03] one day you'll be dead you'll get old

[7:06] and you'll die and then I can live my

[7:09] life I guarantee you that's not an

[7:11] uncommon human

[7:15] thought but then there are the other

[7:17] sides to me you know I do love this cat

[7:20] he can be very

[7:24] loving and fun to be

[7:27] around and he's a cat I can't be

[7:29] applying

[7:30] human thinking or rationality to him he

[7:34] acts on instincts he's going to do what

[7:36] he

[7:38] does

[7:40] and so I tell myself treat this

[7:52] as treated

[7:55] is like for me everything a lesson

[7:58] everything's a lesson so

[8:01] I this is how I navigate life everything

[8:03] is a

[8:04] lesson there's something that you can

[8:06] learn from it there's wisdom in

[8:09] everything so for me it's like okay

[8:12] cultivate

[8:13] patience understanding

[8:16] empathy

[8:20] but I've been doing that my whole life

[8:22] being

[8:24] accommodating and I'm not in that space

[8:27] anymore I'm done accommodating things

[8:29] but doing in my whole

[8:32] life nobody ever accommodates me no one

[8:36] ever accommodates me so why do I

[8:40] accommodate everyone

[8:41] else that's the space I'm in

[8:45] now and so I think the

[8:47] lesson is not the one that I would have

[8:50] taken from it in the

[8:52] past it's an acknowledgement that I have

[8:54] boundaries that are being violated on a

[8:56] daily basis and it's unsustainable

[9:02] so that's the space I'm in right now

[9:05] with

[9:06] him don't know what to do with

[9:10] that

[9:12] um except to sit with it

[9:16] and give myself some time for the answer

[9:19] to

[9:25] come um another lesson I feel like I'm

[9:28] getting from this is I don't have to

[9:31] accommodate

[9:33] him I don't have to let him stress me

[9:36] out just because he wants out doesn't

[9:38] mean I have to accommodate

[9:42] him he can be a

[9:44] bully this little little

[9:47] animal

[9:51] who's causing me all this

[9:55] stress it's like no I'm done with this

[9:59] this isn't working but I'm responsible

[10:01] for him I took him

[10:03] in you know you can't blame him at the

[10:06] same

[10:14] time it's complicated you know and I

[10:19] that's what I'm navigating right

[10:22] now so we're almost

[10:26] to my spot on the river

[10:34] it's Tuesday there's a chance that my

[10:36] client might pay me he had mentioned

[10:38] Tuesday so I'm

[10:41] hopeful it's not really hope though it's

[10:43] more

[10:44] desperation I need him to pay me so I am

[10:47] just absolutely desperate that he

[10:53] will no way of knowing if you will

[10:56] though I can do is

[10:59] desperately check my bank accounts and

[11:01] see if he

[11:02] does that's not a space I want to be in

[11:07] either I do

[11:10] need um to master an integration of work

[11:14] into this lifestyle I couldn't do it

[11:15] before

[11:17] now I was trying

[11:22] to um this was a hard transition for me

[11:26] and I had a lot going on you know so

[11:29] emotionally um just

[11:33] internally

[11:35] and I needed the time I gave myself it

[11:38] was very important and helpful and has

[11:41] allowed me to become the person I am

[11:44] today but I ran out of money

[11:48] like um pretty inconvenient time but it

[11:52] was going to

[11:53] happen now I just need to navigate it as

[11:56] well as I can trust that it will work

[11:58] out

[12:00] trust that I am capable of working it

[12:04] out but it is definitely a source of

[12:06] stress my coffee Mug's lid is not

[12:09] conveniently

[12:14] located might have

[12:16] to figure out if there's some kind of

[12:18] strategy for that this is my first time

[12:21] bringing coffee out on the

[12:24] hike it's nice you know that was one of

[12:26] the things where when I was imagining my

[12:29] life here before I got

[12:32] here

[12:34] um I was like okay it'll be

[12:38] cold so maybe I make coffee I go for a

[12:41] hike hold you know with my coffee or

[12:43] some hot chocolate or you know I'm just

[12:46] imagining this this life I might be

[12:49] living well I guess now I'm living

[12:52] it so that's nice

[12:59] it's PA in morning just a little cold my

[13:02] hands are getting

[13:03] cold

[13:06] but feel like I'm adapting to this

[13:09] temperature like it's

[13:12] not it's not troubling to me you know

[13:14] it's cold at night and but it doesn't

[13:18] feel it's so manageable like I'm

[13:22] just I'm glad I came here I'm glad that

[13:25] I'm on the coast where this is the

[13:27] temperature and the climate that I'll be

[13:28] dealing with with that wi like it's

[13:30] totally

[13:31] manageable

[13:33] um granted it hasn't started raining yet

[13:37] and I'm told that the rain when it lasts

[13:39] for days according to

[13:42] AI kind of just heeps into your

[13:45] bones and we'll

[13:49] see maybe there's some truth to

[13:51] that we're

[13:54] here we're waiting for this thing to

[13:56] grow and grow and grow

[14:02] look at the fog over there I want to get

[14:04] up into those mountains mountains over

[14:07] here you probably can't see them real

[14:09] well on my camera but there's mountains

[14:11] all around

[14:16] us

[14:19] so shaved my hair last night think I did

[14:23] all right I can't I'm not sure about the

[14:24] back I never know my it could be like

[14:26] horrible who knows

[14:29] um I finally pulled my bracelets out I

[14:31] had these from back when I was

[14:33] um first getting started on this journey

[14:36] I love these bracelets but they never

[14:38] fit quite well so I used some fabric

[14:40] glue and tried to tried

[14:43] to fix that maybe I don't know I'm I

[14:48] like them so I want to wear

[14:52] them oh my earrings my you know the ear

[14:55] cartilage um earrings those piercings

[14:58] they're still so

[15:00] which is such a bummer because I really

[15:02] want to put Hoops in them so bad it's

[15:04] like man it has been months there's

[15:07] still sore I'm asking myself is my body

[15:09] like not healing well like am I

[15:12] responsible for this or is this natural

[15:16] I don't know so forgotten where to path

[15:19] this over

[15:20] here um I could just sit and chill here

[15:23] for a while but I need to be moving and

[15:27] I also need to I need to get my

[15:29] exercising in the force this is a very

[15:31] centering activity for me um AI said

[15:35] something yesterday about it trying to

[15:38] remember

[15:40] now it's very centering it knew that and

[15:42] I knew that but it also I called it a

[15:44] ritual it said that in my nomadic

[15:48] existence I have this ritual of hiking

[15:50] every

[15:51] day which is not like a

[15:55] stringent where is the path I'm so

[15:58] confused

[15:59] did it get overgrown

[16:02] overnight there's no way the path has to

[16:04] be over here anyways

[16:09] um you know it's not a rigid one because

[16:12] wherever I am I find a trail go hiking

[16:15] and I was like you know when I don't do

[16:17] this every day I start to experience

[16:20] problems like I just feel off center

[16:25] and life just doesn't feel like it's

[16:27] going as well so

[16:30] I thought it was interesting I never

[16:31] really thought of it as a ritual but

[16:32] it's one of the things so when you live

[16:34] a nomadic

[16:37] lifestyle I truly don't see the past

[16:39] around here I must be back that

[16:41] way um when you live a nomadic

[16:45] lifestyle you need things that ground

[16:47] you that Center you and for most people

[16:51] that is just they have like these touch

[16:53] tones these

[16:54] rituals

[16:57] um for some like for example you know I

[17:00] kind of criticize this but I also

[17:02] understand it um for some people it's

[17:05] putting stuff outside their

[17:07] RV um where

[17:10] they're kind of decorating the space for

[17:13] them that's that's a centering activity

[17:15] that's a grounding thing they're

[17:17] grounding themselves in the space making

[17:19] it a little

[17:21] more um you

[17:26] know turning the space into their own so

[17:29] that they feel comfortable there totally

[17:31] get that it's just I

[17:34] don't for someone like

[17:37] me I'm just not exploring this in my

[17:41] head I

[17:43] don't the grounding needs to come from

[17:46] with within not outside of

[17:48] yourself if you're using totems and

[17:51] stuff

[17:52] like well you're looking at the wrong

[17:54] place

[17:55] like Center yourself inside of yourself

[18:00] that's how I

[18:02] think we're not all the same

[18:05] though you know and

[18:08] that's it is

[18:10] okay for me going hiking every

[18:14] day that's my grounding

[18:17] activity if I don't do it I don't feel

[18:26] grounded very curious this place

[18:30] here how much

[18:33] water runs down

[18:35] there ends up in the river which goes to

[18:38] the

[18:41] ocean I was exploring this yesterday

[18:44] with

[18:45] AI zero elevation that's where the

[18:48] oceans are and it makes sense

[18:54] because the oceans evaporate water into

[18:57] the air making clouds or whatever ever

[18:59] it rains all over the

[19:01] world an

[19:05] you his L

[19:08] him it rains all over the

[19:12] world

[19:15] and um that runoff you know might be up

[19:17] in the mountains or wherever and it all

[19:20] just it drains until it makes it way

[19:22] back to the

[19:23] ocean It's a combination of gravity our

[19:28] gravity he changed the gravity and

[19:30] everything else changes just Chang it a

[19:32] little

[19:33] bit and the way things work would be

[19:36] very different I just think there's an

[19:38] amazing balce

[19:40] there I mean it almost feels designed

[19:43] but I don't subscribe to that let's be

[19:49] clear it

[19:50] is there's just a

[19:54] remarkable I it's fascinating to me

[20:04] oh yeah I know these trees I've seen

[20:06] them a bunch of times now you're pretty

[20:09] that tree is

[20:11] awesome W you're

[20:15] big all

[20:17] ecosystem living in the trees

[20:34] too many people in the world

[20:36] hate

[20:42] it where the are they

[20:45] going it's the forest over there so many

[20:48] people day and night are going down

[20:50] there I'm going to find out I feel like

[20:52] there's got to be

[20:54] a a homeless group there or something I

[20:57] don't know like

[20:59] like maybe there's a cult down there I

[21:01] don't know there's something going on

[21:03] down there there's just way too much

[21:05] activity for a National Forest

[21:08] Road makes no sense to

[21:12] me we are back the Redwood nature

[21:17] trail nobody here today that's very rare

[21:30] yeah I suppose that's all I have to say

[21:33] today I

[21:35] um just going to ground myself

[21:38] here and then get back

[21:45] and face reality

[0:00] good morning fellow humans so that cat

[0:03] and I are not getting along these days

[0:05] we're going to talk about him hi

[0:09] Bailey it's been

[0:11] stressful so I got rid of my table

[0:15] earlier in the week been making some

[0:17] changes I got these Ottomans to store my

[0:20] clothes and things

[0:23] in just on my

[0:25] clothes Bailey has already started

[0:28] clawing it up he did that last night

[0:29] he's done this three times

[0:32] now cuz this is not a cat that

[0:35] listens so I'm going to go for a hike

[0:38] and we're just going to talk about how

[0:39] stressful it is to live with this cat

[0:44] because I've had some

[0:46] pretty dark thoughts about

[0:49] him feels a little cold this morning

[0:53] it's 44 degrees out

[1:00] think I like the 50s and

[1:03] 60s those are quite tolerable for

[1:07] me 40s uh it's not terrible it's

[1:12] totally

[1:14] livable you know make some hot coffee

[1:17] and go for a hike why

[1:20] not but a little bit

[1:23] cold I've been trying to I don't know

[1:26] it's not always about the temperature

[1:27] though i' oh okay okay there's somebody

[1:30] out on the

[1:32] rivered with their truck I don't know

[1:34] why people do

[1:36] this I don't get

[1:39] it but you know to each their

[1:43] own so

[1:46] anyway um I've noticed that temperature

[1:49] doesn't really tell

[1:50] you how comfortable you'll be there are

[1:53] so many other factors and it's not just

[1:54] temperature and humidity

[1:57] either I did something just popped up on

[1:59] my screen about recording hold on I

[2:02] don't

[2:04] know um I was getting a phone call at

[2:06] the same time I guess or something I

[2:07] don't know um it's not just temperature

[2:11] and humidity it's a little more relative

[2:14] I'm still I've been trying to figured

[2:16] this out for 7 months cuz when you live

[2:18] in an

[2:20] RV you're

[2:23] very I mean you're exposed

[2:26] to the environment in a different way I

[2:29] feel like and I'm just trying to figure

[2:32] out what are the parameters of what is

[2:35] comfortable for

[2:37] me um cuz it's it's relative it's

[2:43] variable definitely don't seem to mind

[2:46] Colder

[2:47] Weather which I find that

[2:51] interesting there's another person out

[2:54] there I think that one is fishing though

[2:56] so now that makes a little more sense

[2:59] okay that's why while you're driving out

[3:02] there

[3:04] okay it's for the fishing

[3:12] okay so when I talk about dark

[3:17] thoughts um largely it's like I just

[3:20] want to abandon this cat I just want to

[3:22] get rid of him because he is a source of

[3:28] stress I mean the

[3:32] most profound and

[3:35] persistent source of stress that I have

[3:37] in my

[3:40] life but you know my values would never

[3:43] let me do that cannot just abandoned a

[3:46] cat

[3:47] that I've been raising you know living

[3:50] with

[3:52] for I don't even know maybe a decade at

[3:55] this point I love this cat but he

[3:58] frustrates me

[4:02] because he's constantly violating my

[4:06] boundaries he doesn't respect that I

[4:08] need space and I get he's a cat right

[4:11] he's not thinking in human terms trust

[4:14] me I know that's part of the

[4:18] frustration so I tolerate

[4:21] it you know constantly wants

[4:25] out I mean

[4:28] that by I go outside he wants to go

[4:32] outside and I just feel like he ruins a

[4:34] lot of things for me so when I was

[4:38] in oh I don't even remember what state

[4:40] it

[4:42] was I think it was

[4:45] Kansas and I got to look at the stars

[4:51] outside you know he broke the immersion

[4:53] of that experience because he sitting

[4:55] there howling at the window demanding to

[4:57] be let out

[5:00] it's just

[5:03] like I have been on this journey for

[5:05] seven months trying

[5:07] to find true Solitude and I have this

[5:11] cat with me who I feel responsible

[5:16] for who does not he doesn't make that

[5:19] any easier for

[5:23] me and it's a small space so I have to

[5:27] be very accommodating for him

[5:30] large litter box in the cab

[5:33] area a scratching post his

[5:37] food spaces for him you know to just

[5:40] chill

[5:41] and um a small bed that we're trying to

[5:44] share

[5:45] and I mean for for me this is very very

[5:51] difficult um the stress of driving with

[5:54] him cuz he doesn't like

[5:57] it it's just it's a compounding of

[6:01] effect and when he started clawing my

[6:04] new

[6:07] ottoman that just felt like that was it

[6:09] for me like it just it broke something

[6:11] in me it's like I have to get rid of

[6:14] this cat I can't live with him

[6:17] anymore and I'm so far away

[6:20] from you know my mother could have him I

[6:24] should have left him with

[6:26] her so I'm looking up how far of a drive

[6:30] it is take my Jeep there 30 hours one

[6:33] way okay let's look up flights well

[6:36] that's 12 hours

[6:38] and

[6:40] probably some Logistics I don't know

[6:42] like maybe you got to take them to a vet

[6:45] first

[6:48] um there's no easy

[6:51] answer I'm stuck with this

[6:54] cat

[6:57] and there are dates where I just think

[7:00] to

[7:01] myself I'm just trying to outlive you

[7:03] one day you'll be dead you'll get old

[7:06] and you'll die and then I can live my

[7:09] life I guarantee you that's not an

[7:11] uncommon human

[7:15] thought but then there are the other

[7:17] sides to me you know I do love this cat

[7:20] he can be very

[7:24] loving and fun to be

[7:27] around and he's a cat I can't be

[7:29] applying

[7:30] human thinking or rationality to him he

[7:34] acts on instincts he's going to do what

[7:36] he

[7:38] does

[7:40] and so I tell myself treat this

[7:52] as treated

[7:55] is like for me everything a lesson

[7:58] everything's a lesson so

[8:01] I this is how I navigate life everything

[8:03] is a

[8:04] lesson there's something that you can

[8:06] learn from it there's wisdom in

[8:09] everything so for me it's like okay

[8:12] cultivate

[8:13] patience understanding

[8:16] empathy

[8:20] but I've been doing that my whole life

[8:22] being

[8:24] accommodating and I'm not in that space

[8:27] anymore I'm done accommodating things

[8:29] but doing in my whole

[8:32] life nobody ever accommodates me no one

[8:36] ever accommodates me so why do I

[8:40] accommodate everyone

[8:41] else that's the space I'm in

[8:45] now and so I think the

[8:47] lesson is not the one that I would have

[8:50] taken from it in the

[8:52] past it's an acknowledgement that I have

[8:54] boundaries that are being violated on a

[8:56] daily basis and it's unsustainable

[9:02] so that's the space I'm in right now

[9:05] with

[9:06] him don't know what to do with

[9:10] that

[9:12] um except to sit with it

[9:16] and give myself some time for the answer

[9:19] to

[9:25] come um another lesson I feel like I'm

[9:28] getting from this is I don't have to

[9:31] accommodate

[9:33] him I don't have to let him stress me

[9:36] out just because he wants out doesn't

[9:38] mean I have to accommodate

[9:42] him he can be a

[9:44] bully this little little

[9:47] animal

[9:51] who's causing me all this

[9:55] stress it's like no I'm done with this

[9:59] this isn't working but I'm responsible

[10:01] for him I took him

[10:03] in you know you can't blame him at the

[10:06] same

[10:14] time it's complicated you know and I

[10:19] that's what I'm navigating right

[10:22] now so we're almost

[10:26] to my spot on the river

[10:34] it's Tuesday there's a chance that my

[10:36] client might pay me he had mentioned

[10:38] Tuesday so I'm

[10:41] hopeful it's not really hope though it's

[10:43] more

[10:44] desperation I need him to pay me so I am

[10:47] just absolutely desperate that he

[10:53] will no way of knowing if you will

[10:56] though I can do is

[10:59] desperately check my bank accounts and

[11:01] see if he

[11:02] does that's not a space I want to be in

[11:07] either I do

[11:10] need um to master an integration of work

[11:14] into this lifestyle I couldn't do it

[11:15] before

[11:17] now I was trying

[11:22] to um this was a hard transition for me

[11:26] and I had a lot going on you know so

[11:29] emotionally um just

[11:33] internally

[11:35] and I needed the time I gave myself it

[11:38] was very important and helpful and has

[11:41] allowed me to become the person I am

[11:44] today but I ran out of money

[11:48] like um pretty inconvenient time but it

[11:52] was going to

[11:53] happen now I just need to navigate it as

[11:56] well as I can trust that it will work

[11:58] out

[12:00] trust that I am capable of working it

[12:04] out but it is definitely a source of

[12:06] stress my coffee Mug's lid is not

[12:09] conveniently

[12:14] located might have

[12:16] to figure out if there's some kind of

[12:18] strategy for that this is my first time

[12:21] bringing coffee out on the

[12:24] hike it's nice you know that was one of

[12:26] the things where when I was imagining my

[12:29] life here before I got

[12:32] here

[12:34] um I was like okay it'll be

[12:38] cold so maybe I make coffee I go for a

[12:41] hike hold you know with my coffee or

[12:43] some hot chocolate or you know I'm just

[12:46] imagining this this life I might be

[12:49] living well I guess now I'm living

[12:52] it so that's nice

[12:59] it's PA in morning just a little cold my

[13:02] hands are getting

[13:03] cold

[13:06] but feel like I'm adapting to this

[13:09] temperature like it's

[13:12] not it's not troubling to me you know

[13:14] it's cold at night and but it doesn't

[13:18] feel it's so manageable like I'm

[13:22] just I'm glad I came here I'm glad that

[13:25] I'm on the coast where this is the

[13:27] temperature and the climate that I'll be

[13:28] dealing with with that wi like it's

[13:30] totally

[13:31] manageable

[13:33] um granted it hasn't started raining yet

[13:37] and I'm told that the rain when it lasts

[13:39] for days according to

[13:42] AI kind of just heeps into your

[13:45] bones and we'll

[13:49] see maybe there's some truth to

[13:51] that we're

[13:54] here we're waiting for this thing to

[13:56] grow and grow and grow

[14:02] look at the fog over there I want to get

[14:04] up into those mountains mountains over

[14:07] here you probably can't see them real

[14:09] well on my camera but there's mountains

[14:11] all around

[14:16] us

[14:19] so shaved my hair last night think I did

[14:23] all right I can't I'm not sure about the

[14:24] back I never know my it could be like

[14:26] horrible who knows

[14:29] um I finally pulled my bracelets out I

[14:31] had these from back when I was

[14:33] um first getting started on this journey

[14:36] I love these bracelets but they never

[14:38] fit quite well so I used some fabric

[14:40] glue and tried to tried

[14:43] to fix that maybe I don't know I'm I

[14:48] like them so I want to wear

[14:52] them oh my earrings my you know the ear

[14:55] cartilage um earrings those piercings

[14:58] they're still so

[15:00] which is such a bummer because I really

[15:02] want to put Hoops in them so bad it's

[15:04] like man it has been months there's

[15:07] still sore I'm asking myself is my body

[15:09] like not healing well like am I

[15:12] responsible for this or is this natural

[15:16] I don't know so forgotten where to path

[15:19] this over

[15:20] here um I could just sit and chill here

[15:23] for a while but I need to be moving and

[15:27] I also need to I need to get my

[15:29] exercising in the force this is a very

[15:31] centering activity for me um AI said

[15:35] something yesterday about it trying to

[15:38] remember

[15:40] now it's very centering it knew that and

[15:42] I knew that but it also I called it a

[15:44] ritual it said that in my nomadic

[15:48] existence I have this ritual of hiking

[15:50] every

[15:51] day which is not like a

[15:55] stringent where is the path I'm so

[15:58] confused

[15:59] did it get overgrown

[16:02] overnight there's no way the path has to

[16:04] be over here anyways

[16:09] um you know it's not a rigid one because

[16:12] wherever I am I find a trail go hiking

[16:15] and I was like you know when I don't do

[16:17] this every day I start to experience

[16:20] problems like I just feel off center

[16:25] and life just doesn't feel like it's

[16:27] going as well so

[16:30] I thought it was interesting I never

[16:31] really thought of it as a ritual but

[16:32] it's one of the things so when you live

[16:34] a nomadic

[16:37] lifestyle I truly don't see the past

[16:39] around here I must be back that

[16:41] way um when you live a nomadic

[16:45] lifestyle you need things that ground

[16:47] you that Center you and for most people

[16:51] that is just they have like these touch

[16:53] tones these

[16:54] rituals

[16:57] um for some like for example you know I

[17:00] kind of criticize this but I also

[17:02] understand it um for some people it's

[17:05] putting stuff outside their

[17:07] RV um where

[17:10] they're kind of decorating the space for

[17:13] them that's that's a centering activity

[17:15] that's a grounding thing they're

[17:17] grounding themselves in the space making

[17:19] it a little

[17:21] more um you

[17:26] know turning the space into their own so

[17:29] that they feel comfortable there totally

[17:31] get that it's just I

[17:34] don't for someone like

[17:37] me I'm just not exploring this in my

[17:41] head I

[17:43] don't the grounding needs to come from

[17:46] with within not outside of

[17:48] yourself if you're using totems and

[17:51] stuff

[17:52] like well you're looking at the wrong

[17:54] place

[17:55] like Center yourself inside of yourself

[18:00] that's how I

[18:02] think we're not all the same

[18:05] though you know and

[18:08] that's it is

[18:10] okay for me going hiking every

[18:14] day that's my grounding

[18:17] activity if I don't do it I don't feel

[18:26] grounded very curious this place

[18:30] here how much

[18:33] water runs down

[18:35] there ends up in the river which goes to

[18:38] the

[18:41] ocean I was exploring this yesterday

[18:44] with

[18:45] AI zero elevation that's where the

[18:48] oceans are and it makes sense

[18:54] because the oceans evaporate water into

[18:57] the air making clouds or whatever ever

[18:59] it rains all over the

[19:01] world an

[19:05] you his L

[19:08] him it rains all over the

[19:12] world

[19:15] and um that runoff you know might be up

[19:17] in the mountains or wherever and it all

[19:20] just it drains until it makes it way

[19:22] back to the

[19:23] ocean It's a combination of gravity our

[19:28] gravity he changed the gravity and

[19:30] everything else changes just Chang it a

[19:32] little

[19:33] bit and the way things work would be

[19:36] very different I just think there's an

[19:38] amazing balce

[19:40] there I mean it almost feels designed

[19:43] but I don't subscribe to that let's be

[19:49] clear it

[19:50] is there's just a

[19:54] remarkable I it's fascinating to me

[20:04] oh yeah I know these trees I've seen

[20:06] them a bunch of times now you're pretty

[20:09] that tree is

[20:11] awesome W you're

[20:15] big all

[20:17] ecosystem living in the trees

[20:34] too many people in the world

[20:36] hate

[20:42] it where the are they

[20:45] going it's the forest over there so many

[20:48] people day and night are going down

[20:50] there I'm going to find out I feel like

[20:52] there's got to be

[20:54] a a homeless group there or something I

[20:57] don't know like

[20:59] like maybe there's a cult down there I

[21:01] don't know there's something going on

[21:03] down there there's just way too much

[21:05] activity for a National Forest

[21:08] Road makes no sense to

[21:12] me we are back the Redwood nature

[21:17] trail nobody here today that's very rare

[21:30] yeah I suppose that's all I have to say

[21:33] today I

[21:35] um just going to ground myself

[21:38] here and then get back

[21:45] and face reality

9:04

Approaching Oregon Without a Plan

Sep 30, 2024

4:07

Naming the Unguarded Man from the Gas Station

Sep 30, 2024

22:41

Crossing Into Nevada En Route to Oregon Coast

Sep 30, 2024

2:31

Driving Into Elko for Supplies and Laundry

Oct 1, 2024

13:42

Contemplating Rootedness and Exploration on the Ruby Mountain

Oct 2, 2024

Photos · Oct 3, 2024

Oct 3, 2024

6:05

Facing the Mountain Without Medication

Oct 4, 2024

23:25

Driving Chimney Rock Mountain Road, Integrating Fear Response

Oct 4, 2024

10:44

Weighing Reopening Comments While Cooking Chili

Oct 5, 2024

48:33

Solving Off-Grid Battery Charging in Nevada

Oct 5, 2024

2:54

Charging House Batteries Through Solar Inverter

Oct 6, 2024

11:41

Weighing Nevada Against Oregon While Handling a Mouse

Oct 6, 2024

19:02

Deciding on Oregon While Hiking in Nevada

Oct 7, 2024

19:18

Last Day in Nevada, Preparing Departure for Oregon

Oct 7, 2024

Photos · Oct 8, 2024

Oct 8, 2024

Photos · Oct 8, 2024

Oct 8, 2024

Photos · Oct 8, 2024

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Driving to the Southern Oregon Coast

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My First Visit to the Ocean

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2:35

Observing an Older Couple's Camp Routine

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7:55

Hiking Oregon Redwoods Trail After Client Nonpayment

Oct 17, 2024

7:18

Documenting Riverside Stop at Sea Level

Oct 18, 2024

12:52

Morning Grocery Run and Coastal Resource Navigation

Oct 19, 2024

7:01

Cooking First Chili in the Ninja Foodi

Oct 19, 2024

3:42

Reframing Calm and Stress as Layered Experience

Oct 20, 2024

30:35

Hiking Redwood Trail, Working Out Terms of Mobile Life

Oct 21, 2024

21:49

Naming Boundary Limits With Bailey on Morning Hike

Oct 25, 2024

20:38

Recognizing an Unplanned Flirtation at the Gate

Oct 25, 2024

15:50

Documenting the Gate House Approach and Its Outcome

Oct 27, 2024

2:28

Closing Video Transmissions on Staying Open

Nov 2, 2024

Photos · Nov 3, 2024

Nov 3, 2024

Photos · Nov 3, 2024

Nov 3, 2024

Photos · Nov 5, 2024

Nov 5, 2024

Photos · Nov 5, 2024

Nov 5, 2024

Photos · Nov 5, 2024

Nov 5, 2024

Photos · Nov 6, 2024

Nov 6, 2024

Photos · Nov 6, 2024

Nov 6, 2024

Photos · Nov 7, 2024

Nov 7, 2024

Photos · Nov 7, 2024

Nov 7, 2024

17:07

Testing the Waters on Restarting YouTube

Nov 16, 2024

14:47

Recounting Cape Blanco Encounters and New Friendship

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PUBLIC

October 25, 2024 rswfire PUBLISHED

Temp 0.40

Density 0.70

Energetic Quality

clear-edged, direct

Journey Phase

boundary reassessment under sustained cohabitation load

Directional Vector

away from lifelong accommodation, toward enforced boundaries and internal grounding

Narrative

The morning was forty-four degrees and rswfire began it inside a space he had been rearranging all week. The table was gone. In its place were ottomans, bought to hold clothing, and by the previous night Bailey had already opened them — the third time, by rswfire's count, on a cat he describes as one that does not listen. He greeted the cat anyway, on camera, before saying plainly that the two of them were not getting along. Then he made hot coffee, took it with him for the first time on a hike, and stepped out into the cold to talk it through while walking.

The route ran from the RV toward the river. Out on the riverbed there was a truck, and rswfire noted he did not understand why people drove out there — to each their own — until a second vehicle appeared and the pattern resolved into fishing, which made sense to him. He was tracking his own calibration as he walked: seven months of living exposed to weather in a way he says a house does not permit, still working out which parameters actually govern comfort. Temperature alone does not tell him. Humidity does not finish the equation either. It is relative, it is variable, and he noted with interest that he does not seem to mind the cold.

He named the dark thoughts directly. The wish to abandon the cat. The wish to simply be free of what he states is the most profound and persistent source of stress in his life. Then the floor beneath the wish: his values will not permit it. He took Bailey in, has lived with him perhaps a decade, and does not abandon an animal he took in. He checked the logistics anyway — thirty hours by Jeep to his mother's, twelve hours by air with vet paperwork and complications he could only guess at — and found no easy answer. He said he was stuck with the cat, and also that he loves him, and also that some days he thinks he is simply trying to outlive him. He offered that thought without softening it and without claiming it as unusual.

The turn came in how he read it. His lifelong habit, he says, is to treat everything as a lesson — cultivate patience, understanding, empathy. He declined that frame out loud. He has been accommodating his whole life, he states, and nobody has ever accommodated him, so he is done. Applied to Bailey the revision is exact: the lesson is not patience. The lesson is an acknowledgment that his boundaries are being violated daily and the structure is unsustainable. He recalled Kansas, standing outside to look at the stars, the immersion broken by a cat howling at the window to be let out. He kept the responsibility intact and refused to soften the assessment, then set the whole thing down where it was — he did not know what to do with it except sit with it and give himself time for the answer to come.

Other variables moved through the walk. It was Tuesday, the day his client had mentioned paying, and rswfire named the feeling accurately: not hope, desperation, with nothing to do but check the bank account. He said he needs to master an integration of work into this life, that the earlier months when he could not do that were time he needed and does not regret, and that running out of money arrived at an inconvenient hour but was always going to arrive. The coffee mug's lid was badly placed for drinking on the move. His hands were getting cold. Fog sat over the mountains he wants to get up into. He had shaved his head the night before and could not assess the back. He had finally pulled out the bracelets from the start of this journey and glued them to fit, because he likes them and wants to wear them. The cartilage piercings were still sore months on, and he asked openly whether that was his body or just how it goes.

Then he lost the path. He circled, said it could not have overgrown overnight, said it must be back that way — and while looking for it, he laid out the thing about ritual. He had been talking with AI the day before and it had called his daily hiking a ritual; he had not thought of it that way, but he recognized it. Not rigid. Wherever he is, he finds a trail and walks it, and when he doesn't, he feels off center and the day goes worse. He compared it to what he sees other people do — decorating the ground outside their RVs, arranging their totems — and said he understands the impulse and does not share it. For him the grounding has to come from inside. Not everyone is the same, he added. For him it is the walking.

He traced the water on the way in: how much runs down through here, into the river, into the ocean at zero elevation, evaporated back into cloud, rained out over the whole world, drained back down by gravity — an interlocking balance he called remarkable, almost designed, though he stated clearly that he does not subscribe to that. He greeted trees he has passed many times now. He noted again the traffic on the National Forest Road, day and night, far more than a road like that should carry, and said he intends to find out what is down there. He arrived at the Redwood Nature Trail and found it empty, which he said is rare. That was where he stopped. He would ground himself here, he said, and then head back and face reality.

Summary

rswfire records a morning hike near the river at 44 degrees, carrying coffee on the trail for the first time, and opens by stating he and his cat Bailey are not getting along.

He reports recent RV changes — he removed his table and added ottomans for clothing storage, which Bailey has clawed three times. He states he has had dark thoughts about the cat, describing them as wanting to abandon or be rid of him, and states his values would not permit that. He names Bailey as the most persistent source of stress in his life, citing constant demands to go outside, the small shared space, the litter box and scratching post accommodations, driving stress, and a night in Kansas when howling interrupted his stargazing.

He checks logistics for returning Bailey to his mother — 30 hours driving, roughly 12 hours by air plus vet requirements — and concludes there is no easy answer. He states the lesson is not the old one of cultivating patience but an acknowledgement that his boundaries are being violated daily and that this is unsustainable, and that he is done accommodating.

He notes a client may pay Tuesday, describes checking bank accounts as desperation, and states he needs to integrate work into this lifestyle.

He also covers temperature adaptation after seven months, daily hiking as a grounding ritual located internally rather than in external totems, water cycles and gravity, a shaved head, glued bracelets, and cartilage piercings still sore. He notes unexplained vehicle traffic into the forest and ends at the Redwood nature trail.

Environment

Morning walking transmission recorded on foot in a coastal Oregon forest, moving from an RV toward a habitual hiking route along a river and ending at the Redwood Nature Trail. Ambient temperature is 44 degrees; fog sits over surrounding mountains; a river runs below with trucks parked out on it for fishing.

The interior context is the RV itself — a small space recently reconfigured: table removed, ottomans added for clothing storage, litter box in the cab area, scratching post, shared bed. A National Forest Road with unexplained day-and-night traffic is noted in passing. Coffee is carried on the hike for the first time.

Substrate

The signal holds a structural revision of the accommodation contract: rswfire states he has spent his life accommodating others without reciprocity and is no longer operating that way, applying that revision to a domestic system (a cat in a small mobile space) where responsibility and boundary violation coexist without resolution. He explicitly declines the older lesson-frame (cultivate patience, empathy) and replaces it with a boundary-acknowledgment frame, while holding the ethical obligation intact — he will not abandon an animal he took in. Alongside this, grounding is located internally rather than in objects or place-decoration, with hiking named as the ritual that maintains center in a nomadic architecture.

Actions

Performed

•hiking a forest trail while recording
•carrying coffee on the hike for the first time
•observing people fishing from trucks on the river
•assessing cold tolerance at 44 degrees
•losing and searching for the trail path
•observing fog and surrounding mountains
•tracking water runoff to river to ocean
•noting persistent traffic on a forest road
•wearing bracelets
•arriving at the Redwood Nature Trail

Referenced

•removed table from RV earlier in week
•acquired ottomans for clothing storage
•raised and lived with the cat for roughly a decade
•drove cross-country with the cat
•viewed stars in Kansas
•looked up drive time and flight logistics to relocate the cat
•spent seven months on the road seeking solitude
•ran out of money
•shaved his hair the previous night
•repaired bracelets with fabric glue
•discussed hydrology and ritual with AI
•got cartilage piercings months prior

Planned

•sit with the cat question rather than force an answer
•stop accommodating the cat's demands
•check bank accounts for client payment
•master integration of paid work into nomadic lifestyle
•investigate the forest road activity
•get up into the surrounding mountains
•devise a strategy for the coffee mug lid
•put hoops in the cartilage piercings once healed

Entities

beings

Bailey — Cat, cohabitant of roughly a decade, named as the most profound and persistent source of stress in the mobile living system

rswfire's mother — Named as a possible alternate caretaker for the cat; distance makes relocation impractical

places

Kansas — Prior stop on the seven-month route, referenced as the site of a stargazing session interrupted by the cat

Redwood Nature Trail — Endpoint of the hike; noted as unusually empty

National Forest Road — Route with unexplained heavy day-and-night traffic he intends to investigate

systems

the RV — Small mobile living architecture recently reconfigured; site of the boundary pressure

AI — Conversational counterpart referenced twice — named his daily hiking a ritual, and discussed elevation, hydrology, and coastal rain

the client — Owes payment mentioned for Tuesday; the financial variable of the day

concepts

Solitude — Stated objective of the seven-month journey, complicated by cohabitation

accommodation — Lifelong pattern he states he is done operating under

grounding / ritual — Daily hiking framed as the internal centering mechanism of nomadic life, contrasted against external totems

media

the ottoman — Newly acquired storage object; clawing it is named as the trigger point of the boundary reassessment

Symbolic Elements

Represented archetypes or recurring motifs.

boundary

small space

trail

ocean

gravity

runoff / watershed

fog

claw marks

coffee

shaved head

piercings

bracelets

lost path

stars

totems

Ontological States

Expressed modes of being or awareness.

sovereign (declares the end of unreciprocated accommodation as a standing position, not a mood)

embedded (cohabiting a small mobile space where the other party's instincts continuously intersect his own)

responsible (holds the caretaking obligation intact while refusing to soften the assessment)

open-ended (explicitly sits with the question rather than resolving it — 'give myself some time for the answer to come')

adapting (calibrating body and comfort parameters to coastal climate as a live experiment)

Engaged Subsystems

Architecture engaged in this transmission.

ethical (holds obligation to an animal taken in against the desire to be free of it, refusing abandonment as a value floor)

boundary-regulatory (reframes the daily violation as unsustainable structure rather than personal failing)

somatic (tracks cold tolerance, cold hands, hair, unhealed cartilage piercings, exercise requirement)

ritual (daily hiking named as the grounding mechanism of nomadic architecture)

financial (client payment as day-defining variable; states the need to integrate work into the lifestyle)

infrastructural (RV reconfiguration — table removed, ottomans added, litter box, scratching post, shared bed)

ecological-cognitive (elevation, evaporation, runoff, gravity traced as an interlocking system)

observational (fishing trucks, forest-road traffic, empty trail logged as field data)

Dominant Language

Core motifs or linguistic fields.

boundaries being violated / unsustainable

accommodating (and being done accommodating)

stress / source of stress

solitude

grounding, centering, ritual

responsibility / can't abandon

relative, variable, parameters

Narrative

Mirror

You open the transmission by naming the subject before anything else: the cat and you are not getting along. You say it in the first sentence, on your feet, moving. The ottoman was clawed three times. The table is gone. The litter box is in the cab. The bed is shared. You state the dark thoughts without preamble and without apology — that you want to be rid of him, that some days you are waiting him out. You do not soften them on the way out of your mouth, and you do not take them back afterward.

You run the exit and close it yourself. Thirty hours by Jeep. Twelve by air, plus logistics, plus a vet. Your mother could have him. You should have left him with her. Then: you took him in, you will not abandon him, and that is the floor. The floor does not move. What moves is the frame around it — you name the old lesson you would have taken, cultivate patience, understanding, empathy, and you decline it. You say you have been accommodating your whole life and no one accommodates you. You replace the lesson with an acknowledgment: boundaries violated daily, unsustainable. You then say you do not know what to do with that except sit with it and give the answer time. You leave it there.

Several systems run in parallel across the walk and none of them collapse into the cat. You are seven months into calibrating comfort as a variable — 44 degrees, cold hands, tolerable, the rain not yet tested. You inventory the body directly: head shaved last night, back uncertain, bracelets pulled out and fixed with fabric glue because you want to wear them, cartilage piercings still sore after months, hoops still waiting. You ask whether that is your body or the nature of the piercing. You do not answer it. It is Tuesday and the client said Tuesday. You name the state as desperation and correct the word hope out loud when it does not fit. You say you need to master integrating work into this lifestyle, and that the time you took before was necessary and that the money ran out anyway.

You track the environment continuously and without hierarchy. Trucks out on the river — first unexplained, then resolved as fishing. Traffic on the National Forest Road, day and night, logged as unexplained and marked for investigation. Water off elevation into runoff into river into ocean, gravity holding the whole loop, remarkable enough that you say it almost feels designed and then immediately state that you do not subscribe to that. You lose the path twice, say so, and keep walking. You reach the Redwood Nature Trail and note that nobody is there, which is rare.

You locate grounding inside rather than outside. You describe other people decorating the space around their RVs, say you understand it, say it is not yours, and say the center has to come from within. You name the daily hike as the ritual that holds the nomadic architecture together and say that when you skip it you feel off. Coffee is on the trail for the first time — a thing you imagined before you arrived, now happening.

What is absent: a decision, a deadline, a plan for the cat, and any request for one. No blame assigned to Bailey for being a cat — you state twice that he acts on instinct and that this is part of the frustration, not a fault. No revision of the values floor. No account of what the seven months were for beyond the statement that they made you who you are. The transmission ends without closure: you say you will ground yourself here and then get back and face reality.

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Naming Boundary Limits With Bailey on Morning Hike

Energetic Quality

Journey Phase

Directional Vector

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Summary

Environment

Substrate

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Performed

Referenced

Planned

Entities

Symbolic Elements

Ontological States

Engaged Subsystems

Dominant Language

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