[0:00]
since this is my last day in Nevada I
[0:03]
figured I'll go into Alo and get some
[0:06]
Starbucks I contemplated going to Salt
[0:09]
Lake City but a little too far away I
[0:11]
want to get that Renegy inverter and I
[0:14]
couldn't find it
[0:15]
anywhere around here so they have a
[0:18]
Lowe's and a Home Depot and Elco but
[0:21]
they don't have exactly what I'm looking
[0:24]
for it doesn't have to be a renogy it
[0:25]
just has to be a pure sine wave one and
[0:30]
um there were some other factors I can't
[0:32]
remember them all
[0:34]
but I'm not going to settle I'm going to
[0:36]
get the right
[0:37]
one my batteries are already going dead
[0:39]
they're at
[0:40]
like 12.5 or something I mean it's just
[0:44]
ridiculous those
[0:47]
batteries which is not surprising I
[0:49]
think this is what happens when you buy
[0:51]
an RV you know they give you bad
[0:53]
batteries and you have it for a while
[0:56]
and then you go offgrade and discover
[0:57]
your batteries suck so
[1:01]
just roll with it got my coffee here
[1:06]
yay and now I'm at a pet store see if I
[1:10]
can get Bailey his fish flakes I haven't
[1:12]
been able to find them in months I check
[1:14]
every time I can so so on ad decided to
[1:18]
come here and see get something for
[1:21]
Bailey no fish flakes for
[1:24]
Bailey got him a new kind of he doesn't
[1:27]
like so I'll explain a second I'm got
[1:28]
some of these um so my cat his mom
[1:32]
abandoned him when he was a day old and
[1:33]
this woman took care of him till he was
[1:35]
six weeks old and then I took over then
[1:38]
he got sick and I had to feed him with
[1:41]
the syringe I had to feed him like this
[1:43]
wet food with um pumpkin in it and I
[1:47]
think that that experience made him not
[1:49]
like wet food cuz now he won't eat
[1:51]
anything wet like only dry food
[1:54]
and basically he likes kitten food
[1:56]
actually kitten chow is what I got for
[1:58]
him that's what he likes
[2:00]
and those treats and he likes fish
[2:02]
flakes and popsicles that's all my cat
[2:05]
likes so I tried to I went to a couple
[2:08]
different stores looking for inverters
[2:11]
but none of them were pure sine wave
[2:13]
ones and
[2:16]
I I could probably get away with other
[2:18]
ones but I don't know for certain so I'm
[2:21]
just going to special order one you can
[2:25]
like order it like from Home Depot and
[2:27]
it'll go to their store and then pick it
[2:29]
up on the way so going to order one and
[2:32]
pick it up on the way to the organ
[2:34]
Coast now I'm heading back to my RV got
[2:37]
hours driving from me so a few people
[2:41]
told me that they thought I might regret
[2:43]
my decision if I stayed in Nevada and
[2:45]
didn't go to
[2:46]
work I'm not just talking about comments
[2:49]
on YouTube but actually in my personal
[2:50]
life heard this and I'm very curious why
[2:55]
it is framed this way why isn't it
[2:58]
framed you might regret it if you
[2:59]
believe in
[3:01]
abandon why are you making that choice
[3:04]
for me by the way like why are you even
[3:06]
assuming you know what I might or might
[3:08]
not regret why are you doing
[3:10]
that now with that being said I don't
[3:13]
actually experience regret all that
[3:14]
often regret isn't a natural feeling for
[3:18]
me I am an integrated person so when I
[3:22]
make a decision it's because that's what
[3:24]
resonates with me I choose one path over
[3:27]
another path all paths are equal valid
[3:30]
until you choose one and even if that
[3:33]
path turns out to be what some people
[3:34]
might describe as a wrong path you can
[3:38]
always make a new choice I don't
[3:40]
experience regret that often I say that
[3:43]
often because you know there are moments
[3:45]
where I miss my cat Oliver or I'm
[3:48]
extremely annoyed with Bailey like
[3:50]
sometimes I wish Bailey was with my mom
[3:53]
sometimes I wish Oliver was with
[3:55]
me those aren't even regrets because I
[3:59]
don't see things in black and white
[4:01]
terms like that there are many emotions
[4:04]
evolved
[4:05]
there's nothing is simple I live with
[4:10]
complexity and fragmented people break
[4:12]
everything down into simplistic terms it
[4:14]
don't apply to me and there's no reason
[4:17]
to be sharing that kind of world view
[4:18]
with me just don't do
[4:21]
it I know that people mean well but they
[4:24]
approach the they approach like very
[4:26]
differently than I
[4:28]
do and it's like we're just not
[4:31]
compatible it's like we have to keep
[4:33]
things on the surface
[4:35]
because that's the only place that's
[4:37]
comfortable and even
[4:41]
possible don't experience regret the way
[4:44]
you guys
[4:46]
do and I don't think you can understand
[4:49]
why
[4:50]
because we approach life so differently
[4:53]
I don't compartmentalize
[4:56]
anything and the way it's framed you'll
[4:59]
you'll miss out if you don't go to
[5:00]
Oregon well what about Nevada I happen
[5:03]
to love it
[5:04]
here it shows that you have a bias
[5:07]
towards one One path or
[5:11]
another it's
[5:14]
like you're basically just projecting
[5:17]
you're just you're projecting your world
[5:19]
view want to me this is how you would
[5:21]
feel not how I would feel don't you get
[5:25]
that that's what you do all the time
[5:26]
when you're giving advice to people
[5:30]
like this is why I don't do that I don't
[5:34]
give you advice I don't tell you what
[5:36]
path to
[5:41]
take because I don't know what's right
[5:43]
for you any more than you know what's
[5:45]
right for
[5:47]
me I am going to organ but I'm going
[5:50]
there for my own reasons reasons that
[5:53]
that I decided on last
[5:57]
night
[5:58]
after a week of contemplating my this
[6:02]
choice this was not an easy
[6:09]
one if organ doesn't work out I can come
[6:11]
back to Nevada if I stayed in Nevada and
[6:14]
felt like this wasn't working I could
[6:15]
have gone to
[6:17]
Oregon life is not black and white I
[6:21]
don't know why people frame it that way
[6:22]
I think it's this binary
[6:24]
compartmentalized thinking that just
[6:26]
seems to
[6:30]
be very
[6:32]
common and it has always
[6:34]
been challenging for
[6:39]
me to have to
[6:45]
navigate my
[6:47]
life in relation to the way everyone
[6:49]
else
[6:53]
thinks when you frame something that way
[6:56]
you're attempting to fragment my process
[6:58]
you may not know know you're doing that
[7:00]
but that's what you're
[7:01]
doing you're trying to make me see
[7:04]
things in a binary way and that's not
[7:06]
how I
[7:07]
work at all I am a non-binary
[7:12]
thinker I get that you may not
[7:16]
understand what that means I get that
[7:17]
it's not
[7:18]
common but you should respect it how
[7:21]
many times have I said on my channel
[7:23]
don't give me advice just don't do it
[7:27]
because your advice isn't helpful
[7:36]
I'm not looking for
[7:38]
advice I'm not even really looking for
[7:41]
anything or not even encouragement or
[7:43]
anything like that just a
[7:46]
witnessing I'm traveling up this
[7:48]
mountain and we're going to see how that
[7:50]
goes
[7:52]
and you can witness that and say
[7:55]
wow you see me
[8:00]
confronting the fear and anxiety they
[8:03]
have around certain terms or and but
[8:06]
it's more than that because nothing's
[8:08]
binary for me there's so much about this
[8:11]
it's amazing to me I love
[8:15]
this
[8:18]
um I don't have simple
[8:21]
emotions and my emotions are not
[8:23]
separate from the rest of me I know you
[8:26]
guys don't get this you probably think
[8:29]
that it's
[8:31]
but you'd be wrong and I've
[8:35]
been this way my whole
[8:40]
life and it took me a long time to
[8:42]
understand that everyone else is
[8:44]
different they're not like
[8:48]
me I got to switch gears
[8:54]
here so I figured out kind of what
[8:57]
triggers me it's when the road starts
[8:59]
starts curving and you can't see it and
[9:01]
all you see is the sky The
[9:03]
Horizon somehow that it just seems to
[9:06]
trigger something Primal in me but if I
[9:09]
go slow enough if I go 20 M an hour I've
[9:11]
discovered that seems to be the The
[9:14]
Sweet Spot for me it's not so
[9:18]
bad so there's an element of
[9:23]
um really it's just me controlling my
[9:25]
experience a little bit
[9:30]
um I've explored it multiple times with
[9:32]
a I know I don't feel like it gets it
[9:35]
yet it keeps trying to use metaphors
[9:39]
like you
[9:42]
know like right here all I see is the
[9:44]
sky and the road curving and um it makes
[9:48]
a metaphor of that being uncertainty but
[9:51]
I know this road I've been on this road
[9:53]
many
[9:53]
times it's not that it's just a physical
[9:56]
reaction it's just something that
[9:58]
triggers
[9:59]
a primal part of my
[10:02]
brain you know and that's okay there's
[10:05]
no reason
[10:07]
to
[10:09]
um there's nothing to do about it just
[10:13]
adjust course go a little
[10:15]
slower you know embrace it accept
[10:19]
it doesn't have to stop me it doesn't
[10:22]
have to overwhelm
[10:25]
me fear doesn't work that way for me and
[10:29]
and I get that you guys don't understand
[10:30]
that generally because fear seems to
[10:33]
work very differently for
[10:36]
you I'm
[10:39]
learning that we are fundamentally
[10:42]
different kinds of
[10:46]
people you know and I don't really know
[10:48]
what to do with that
[10:50]
I've spent a lot of time thinking about
[10:53]
it and talking about it on this
[10:57]
channel and you know I'll continue to do
[11:01]
that until I reach some kind of
[11:04]
understanding or integration or
[11:06]
acceptance or something because for me
[11:09]
right now it's
[11:11]
attention me versus everybody
[11:14]
else cuz we are not the same we are not
[11:20]
alike and I get that you don't believe
[11:25]
that maybe you think it's in my head
[11:28]
maybe you think that
[11:31]
you know I'm exaggerating or something I
[11:33]
don't know like you'd be
[11:36]
wrong I don't compartmentalize that's
[11:39]
not how I
[11:42]
work it's why a simple comment can be so
[11:45]
triggering for me
[11:49]
because I don't compartmentalize
[11:52]
anything when I receive a comment that's
[11:54]
directed at me even though it's meant
[11:57]
well
[12:00]
that fundamentally misunderstands who I
[12:06]
am I have to process
[12:12]
that we're really going up this mountain
[12:15]
let's see 20 M an
[12:18]
hour this feels fine today um every
[12:22]
little thing can change how I experience
[12:25]
this fact that I'm sitting here talking
[12:27]
to the camera could be a big part of
[12:29]
that if I was just here on my own in my
[12:32]
own thoughts or whatever might be a
[12:34]
little scary because I'd be in my
[12:37]
thoughts um but I'm not afraid of my
[12:40]
thoughts you know I've done this this is
[12:42]
how I know that because I have done this
[12:45]
many times now by myself
[12:49]
alone just with my
[12:54]
thoughts
[12:57]
and you know I guess is kind of like a
[12:59]
feedback loop but it's worth exploring I
[13:03]
believe in
[13:06]
exploring my my feelings my thoughts all
[13:10]
of it is just a holistic process that
[13:13]
has great value for me and always
[13:20]
has we are fundamentally different I
[13:24]
don't you know I I truly don't know what
[13:26]
to do with that here's the really hard
[13:28]
one I'm actually feeling this one a
[13:30]
little bit we're going to slow down a
[13:31]
the way
[13:32]
here yeah that one just there's
[13:36]
something about this turn right here man
[13:40]
oh it's not so bad though it's got to
[13:42]
slow down I'm discovering that's really
[13:45]
what it was if I just slow down go up my
[13:49]
Pace don't feel like I need to be rushed
[13:51]
in it's
[13:53]
fine we've got a big turn I can't
[13:56]
remember if this is the last one or not
[13:59]
there's one that's very long this is
[14:01]
long path so
[14:04]
um that's the one that can really do you
[14:06]
in cuz you're just going around right on
[14:09]
the
[14:10]
edge for a while like cuz you're going
[14:12]
all the way around like 180° or
[14:17]
something so I think we're about to hit
[14:20]
that one but this isn't so bad today
[14:23]
it's too bad this is my last
[14:26]
time um part me wanted to try doing it
[14:30]
at night but I just didn't think I had
[14:32]
that in me yeah it's this
[14:35]
one um I'm feeling this one so we're
[14:39]
going to take this very
[14:42]
slow it's just
[14:45]
a something about the way that looks to
[14:48]
my brain my brain says no no what's that
[14:52]
that's not right there's something wrong
[14:55]
here there's one more they're both bad
[15:00]
that was the shorter of the
[15:04]
two
[15:05]
um I don't know if this ever gets easy I
[15:08]
don't know I don't think so I truly
[15:11]
don't I just think
[15:13]
that
[15:17]
um you just got to embrace
[15:21]
it I
[15:23]
wish I wish that you guys like I wish
[15:27]
that we were more alike because
[15:29]
I'd make a lot more sense to
[15:32]
you
[15:35]
um when I say you should embrace
[15:39]
something that is a very complex thing
[15:41]
it is not
[15:43]
simple it doesn't just mean push ahead
[15:47]
it doesn't mean that to embrace
[15:50]
something is to wrap yourself around
[15:53]
it all of it the fear the
[15:57]
anxiety the the
[15:59]
long whatever it is whatever you feel
[16:02]
this is the very long one um just
[16:06]
embrace it give it a hug and go with
[16:11]
it yeah not bad today this is my last
[16:14]
time but um there will be other
[16:16]
mountains there will be other mountains
[16:19]
oh my solar panels are out
[16:21]
there uh those are a little hard to
[16:23]
disconnect so I've been leaving them out
[16:26]
but I'm like I'm at a campground there's
[16:27]
a lot of people on I don't I don't know
[16:29]
maybe it's
[16:30]
R
[16:32]
um I do Wonder every time I get up here
[16:36]
though so 12 minutes which makes sense
[16:40]
it's like about 8 minutes to get up to
[16:45]
smile see how Bailey's doing giving him
[16:47]
some new treats I haven't caught the
[16:49]
mouse yet unfortunately hopefully it
[16:51]
left though we're hoping you know maybe
[16:54]
Bailey scared it
[16:56]
off um I haven't heard any noises I
[16:58]
don't think you know every once in a
[17:00]
while you might hear something and
[17:01]
wonder but you know RVs make noise
[17:05]
so
[17:08]
um just hoping that it's either gone or
[17:11]
that it comes out and gets caught I
[17:12]
don't want it to die in there cuz that
[17:14]
would be bad right
[17:16]
so um I hope I don't have a stow away
[17:19]
tomorrow on my trip it's kind of partly
[17:22]
why one of the reasons I decided to stay
[17:24]
an extra day just to give it some time
[17:26]
and
[17:29]
feels a little
[17:30]
weird to be driving to Oregon knowing
[17:33]
there might be a mouse in there like I
[17:35]
don't know it just weird to me out a
[17:37]
little
[17:39]
bit we got an RV over in the parking lot
[17:43]
wonder why it's
[17:45]
there not in the
[17:47]
campground I'm going have to use that
[17:49]
parking lot tomorrow to get my Jeep
[17:51]
pitched up
[17:55]
and oh is it going to be an adventure
[17:57]
going down that mountain when my RV told
[18:00]
my
[18:01]
G that'll be
[18:03]
fun
[18:05]
right one more night then we're off I do
[18:08]
have plans to make I need
[18:10]
to you start charting my path stuff like
[18:13]
that going to run my generator today cuz
[18:15]
my S didn't do much Justice For Those
[18:18]
battery my house batteries and now my S
[18:20]
is at
[18:22]
20%
[18:23]
so um really was hoping to get an
[18:27]
inverter but it's okay I'm back I'm
[18:29]
going to stop for now so I'm back it got
[18:32]
up into the 90° in here which you would
[18:36]
think would be bad for Bailey but he
[18:39]
always goes into the cabber when it's
[18:41]
that hot so I know he was
[18:44]
fine but oh look like I to get out thank
[18:49]
you um he's outside right now enjoying
[18:52]
the fresh air I got my generator going
[18:56]
just going to prepare for tomorrow
[18:59]
I'm planning to turn my solar
[19:02]
um Power Station into like the main
[19:05]
source of power for everything but
[19:08]
that's going to be a process
[19:11]
um and I have a lot of thoughts on this
[19:13]
that I'm working through I'll share when
[19:15]
I'm ready y are having a good day
