Crossing Wyoming Toward Oregon, Naming Matthew Shepard

01J8REV7N0Q440VE7PFYG10DM7

PUBLIC

September 27, 2024 rswfire PUBLISHED

Temp 0.40

Density 0.80

Energetic Quality

clear and declarative, alternating between edged precision and open curiosity

Journey Phase

in transit — sustained forward motion with active reckoning

Directional Vector

westward toward Oregon; toward making peace with a place that carries cultural weight

Failed to load video

← Photos · Sep 26, 2024

Photos · Sep 27, 2024 →

Chapters

Transcript

[0:00] I managed to take a

[0:02] nap it's now 9:30 in the morning I gotta

[0:07] I gotta start doing stuff cuz you

[0:11] know it's a travel day you got to go got

[0:15] to get up working at

[0:18] it I come my first shower that requires

[0:22] payment I think I can do this in 6

[0:24] minutes 4 minutes 6 minutes $2 for 8

[0:29] minutes

[0:31] military shower I guess this is what

[0:34] happens when you live this lifestyle I

[0:36] don't even know what that is been

[0:38] attacked and I don't even know when or

[0:40] how so we are off I just finished

[0:43] dumping my

[0:45] tanks um got the Jeep hooked up we're

[0:49] leaving this thing will probably go off

[0:51] in a

[0:52] sec on the

[0:54] GPS just want to say you know I'm off to

[0:58] a not

[1:02] Wyoming and even though it does carry

[1:06] some relational memories for me it's not

[1:08] like I'm going to it's not like I'm

[1:09] going the whole state right it's just

[1:12] it's impossible for me to think about

[1:15] Wyoming without thinking about Matthew

[1:18] Shepard

[1:20] and it makes me think about all the pain

[1:24] the society has caused me and other

[1:26] people like me and continue to cause

[1:30] and you if you are not like me then you

[1:32] don't understand and you can't you have

[1:35] no idea how damaging and cruel even evil

[1:38] it

[1:40] is you take something that's

[1:43] personal and precious and you fragment

[1:46] it you you decide that that's got to be

[1:50] my identity even though it's was just a

[1:51] part of myself when I was younger I

[1:53] didn't know any better so that was my

[1:55] identity that was a big part of it and

[1:59] it's because you guys do

[2:01] that you don't understand that the only

[2:03] reason that things like Pride parades

[2:06] turn left on broken plow road then take

[2:08] the first right things like Pride

[2:11] parades and you know all these things

[2:13] that you complain about they only exist

[2:15] because you complain about them because

[2:18] you force us to have

[2:23] to live in opposition to you even though

[2:26] we're not trying to that's what happens

[2:28] because you don't just accept people

[2:31] and so we have to build communities and

[2:34] we have to support each

[2:37] other it's because the wider World

[2:40] Won't you have no idea how damaging that

[2:46] is so anyways I am

[2:48] off try the light in the mood shall we

[2:52] so yesterday I was talking with AI about

[2:55] strategies for dealing with the wind

[2:57] when I get to uh Morgan

[3:00] it's pretty cool like the ideas it told

[3:02] me you know basically how much wind

[3:04] Force I could take and the Gus and just

[3:07] different strategies for like you know

[3:08] be next to a building or some kind of

[3:11] Windbreak

[3:13] um I'm excited for it got to me thinking

[3:17] about this hurricane that's coming into

[3:19] Florida what all the RVs do there

[3:21] because you know there's so many they go

[3:23] there for the for the winter so there

[3:25] must be so many there like what did they

[3:28] do obviously they

[3:31] like migrate I guess but but to where

[3:34] like and why would you want to go to a

[3:36] place where hurricanes are so common

[3:39] like I wouldn't want to do that myself

[3:42] so but it got me thinking about them I

[3:44] hope everybody is safe

[3:47] and cuz that would you know that's its

[3:49] own little that's its own difficulty

[3:51] that's its own

[3:54] um challenge that people have to deal

[3:56] with mine is different mine's going to

[3:58] be rain and wind

[4:00] I mean I guess it's similar but it's not

[4:02] it's not tornadoes or in hurricanes you

[4:05] know

[4:07] so yeah here's my here's my we're just

[4:10] driving down this road you know you got

[4:15] just grassland everywhere basically

[4:18] headed

[4:20] towards uh Wyoming somewhere looks like

[4:23] we got some mountains in the distance

[4:27] cool I feel prepared for it my my Jeep

[4:30] um I was having issues with the brake

[4:32] system because I just cannot seem to get

[4:35] that thing

[4:36] to sit perfectly in in the space but I

[4:40] think I finally worked to solution out

[4:43] and I also now have a 20 lb TR propane

[4:46] tank in the back of my Jeep I did I have

[4:49] a it's called a sh it sits in a Sho and

[4:53] um I use some some bungee cords but you

[4:57] know people tell you all the time not

[5:00] very smart you know it's just

[5:04] not so I don't know how much of about I

[5:08] mean I hope it's safe like I mean I know

[5:12] that it is like but if something were to

[5:15] happen like how big of a deal is it I

[5:16] don't know I suppose I will ask a at

[5:19] some point when I work up the cour by

[5:21] the way I want you to notice that I'm

[5:25] not I'm not

[5:28] avoiding going to this

[5:31] place even though it's bringing up so

[5:33] many dark memories for me you guys truly

[5:36] don't know how much this event affected

[5:39] me I was the same age as

[5:43] Matthew we looked a lot

[5:45] alike I saw myself in him I cried so

[5:49] much so many times over that and then to

[5:52] see all of the hatred that came out

[5:53] after it's just

[5:56] like and it's not like that was new you

[5:59] know like I didn't already know how much

[6:01] people hated me cuz I am paying

[6:03] attention I'm always paying attention

[6:04] I've always been a systems thinker you

[6:07] know but that

[6:09] really had a very deep impact on me and

[6:12] that's why I cannot associate Wyoming

[6:14] without thinking of Matthew Shepherd

[6:16] they the two are linked for me

[6:18] forever

[6:20] what that will not stop me from going

[6:22] there and I will try to make peace with

[6:25] the place that's all I can

[6:27] do so we're in C offord I don't know

[6:30] what those natural structures in the

[6:33] background are called they're quite tall

[6:35] my phone is so

[6:36] terrible we got

[6:39] a mod mower here a very big

[6:44] one very small town passing through

[6:47] check that out nice little Community

[6:50] just right here on this hill whole thing

[6:52] that's the community they have I bet

[6:55] they have very a very interesting life

[6:56] with each

[6:57] other I think we might be y there it is

[7:02] Wyoming we've just entered

[7:06] Wyoming very understated sign

[7:09] there welcome to

[7:11] Wyoming wow the speed limit just

[7:16] increased the further west you go the

[7:18] faster they let you go it's

[7:21] crazy oh check that guy out he is just

[7:25] zooming down that road over there oh you

[7:28] probably can't see see him I'd have to

[7:31] zoom in I can't do that right now he is

[7:34] really booking it though

[7:38] wow I was thinking Matthew Shepard grew

[7:41] up here he probably loved this

[7:44] place he probably

[7:47] loved the Landscapes

[7:52] and and I don't know that for sure

[7:56] but don't know love the places you're

[7:58] from

[8:01] these fence posts though

[8:04] F that's where he was tied

[8:23] up

[8:25] there's there are no

[8:28] wor you know there 's an article online

[8:31] about Matthew Shephard story someone

[8:35] wrote this

[8:37] article where they tried to make it

[8:39] sound like it was a drug deal gone

[8:44] mad but this

[8:48] person completely solid something that

[8:52] they had no right to

[8:55] even just that

[8:58] story I I mean this is this is years old

[9:01] probably a decade or more this person

[9:04] comes along and decides to

[9:08] investigate it paints a completely

[9:10] different

[9:14] picture and even if that were true which

[9:17] I don't think it is what happened to him

[9:20] was

[9:21] awful

[9:24] evil

[9:27] and that article did not under

[9:30] him

[9:33] or the Deep Impact it had on people like

[9:36] me cuz that was a cultural

[9:41] moment so that's why it is so strongly

[9:44] associated with Wyoming for me because

[9:47] it became a

[9:48] symbol

[9:50] of all the homophobia I have dealt with

[9:53] in my

[9:56] life people always try to minimize

[10:00] minimize it and it's all

[10:10] right trying to erase the bad

[10:20] things but you need to sit with your

[10:23] sin cuz that's what it is

[10:29] I will pretend like it's not something

[10:38] that your

[10:40] hatred your

[10:43] bigotry the way you Center my sexuality

[10:46] as if that is the core of my

[10:49] being othering me instead of just

[10:52] looking at me as a human

[10:54] being all of you who do things like that

[10:58] are responsible for his

[11:01] death and all the suffering that I've

[11:03] experienced in my

[11:05] life it's a

[11:16] sin you need to sit with

[11:19] that so it's really starting to feel

[11:21] like a desert out

[11:23] there it's not like Kansas we still got

[11:27] the open Skies and everything but

[11:31] just feels like a bit of a desert to

[11:36] me I'm going to try to like it though

[11:39] why not the mounts are nice I guess I

[11:42] mean if that's what you call

[11:47] these I wish I could explain to you guys

[11:50] what it's like to grow off

[11:52] game in this

[11:54] world at least during my formative years

[11:59] a little different now but I'm sure that

[12:02] it's still not perfect but for

[12:05] me I cried myself to sleep every single

[12:08] night praying that someone that God

[12:10] would make me

[12:12] straight I hated

[12:15] myself for

[12:17] years that's because of what I saw in

[12:19] society I saw how Society treated

[12:22] me I was in the closet hiding a part of

[12:26] myself that's why when people come out

[12:29] becomes a big part of their identity

[12:31] because they're finally acknowledging

[12:33] and celebrating a part of themselves

[12:35] that they've had to deny for so

[12:37] long and they shouldn't have to if they

[12:40] didn't have to do

[12:43] that if people just treated it as normal

[12:46] because it

[12:49] is it wouldn't become a central part of

[12:51] your character it wouldn't need to be it

[12:54] becomes a form of fragmentation that you

[12:56] have inflicted on them and you inflicted

[12:58] on me when when I was

[13:01] younger I'm not fragmented

[13:04] anymore but I remember what it was

[13:08] like having to separate that part of

[13:10] myself because other people saw it as

[13:13] bad or

[13:17] evil you're still doing

[13:19] it you're concerned about what bathrooms

[13:22] a person

[13:24] uses who reads to children at a

[13:27] library you know like it's always

[13:31] something just this

[13:34] judgment that is so superficial and

[13:37] comes from nowhere but causes so much

[13:40] damage to

[13:41] human

[13:45] Minds you're causing fragmentation in

[13:48] people that don't deserve it they never

[13:51] deserved

[13:57] it to have to live in this

[14:00] world where people think that their

[14:02] [ __ ]

[14:04] business it's

[14:09] just I don't know who the [ __ ] you think

[14:11] you

[14:14] are you talk about how people like me

[14:17] are sinners no if you want to call

[14:20] something sin it's what's happening in

[14:22] your

[14:23] mind by hating and judging people for

[14:27] something so fundamental

[14:30] diversity is a part of life you can see

[14:31] it in everything but when it comes to

[14:34] humans we treat it like that's not a

[14:36] thing we try to make everyone

[14:43] conform this

[14:46] unacceptable this sign right here has

[14:48] these little horses running and it says

[14:50] if he's open we're open that is so

[14:54] cool oh my God we are in the middle of

[14:57] nowhere out here this guy he took my

[15:00] pump on accident so I'm just waiting for

[15:04] him this is nice he was very nice

[15:08] so seem well truck he's a truck driver

[15:12] who just he said his grandfather did he

[15:15] was very

[15:18] nice this is

[15:20] nice he was very friendly so was the

[15:23] woman in there

[15:29] it's experiences like that because I

[15:32] can't help

[15:34] it can't you can't just that M

[15:44] really first time eating a pump like

[15:47] that so we're all ready to go now full

[15:51] tank of

[15:52] gas 48 miles to go I

[15:55] think so

[15:59] oh I'm way dirty now wow okay L man was

[16:03] so present like we were just sitting

[16:05] there talking and stuff he just was so

[16:07] present like he

[16:09] just this is not like many of the

[16:11] encounters I've had in recent years with

[16:13] people like this

[16:18] man just fully present by the way Ba's

[16:23] over

[16:24] here when we stopped to get gas he did

[16:26] go and hide in the The Well of the

[16:29] stairs the

[16:31] steps but you know you know I'm working

[16:35] on

[16:36] them you're fine you're so funny this

[16:41] thing's safe now like nothing nothing

[16:43] goes anywhere it's it's

[16:45] good got a new mountain range over there

[16:48] in the distance it's just

[16:50] blue because it's I'm done cuz it's so

[16:54] far away

[16:55] maybe oh Ba's going in there she's going

[16:58] in it's cares is I don't like this road

[17:01] my tires make um the type of tires I

[17:04] have make it way

[17:06] more like you hear

[17:09] every crack in the road I guess I don't

[17:11] know how else to explain that it's not

[17:14] like my other

[17:15] tires look at

[17:18] that somebody must live there maybe cuz

[17:23] there's I mean there's cows there what

[17:26] is that

[17:30] wow somebody might live

[17:38] there check out those trees all line

[17:42] down right at the I'm guessing that's a

[17:44] property

[17:47] line very

[17:50] cool got a little Homestead up here

[17:53] railroad tracks I love railroad tracks

[17:55] those are I Love

[17:57] Trains always love

[17:59] trains I love whatever these roads are

[18:02] made out of cuz they're kind of reddish

[18:04] tinted it's very Furious check it out

[18:08] here comes a train moving real

[18:12] slow big long

[18:19] train I love trains trains are

[18:24] awesome I wonder what this one's powered

[18:27] by

[18:36] nice wow moving all of that that is like

[18:43] incredible you imagine how much wave

[18:46] that thing is

[18:53] pulling it looks like I don't know what

[18:55] that is it's Black Rock stuff maybe it's

[18:57] cold I don't know

[19:00] but man there must be a 100 or

[19:07] more this thing is

[19:15] endless the power would take to move all

[19:17] of

[19:24] that I wonder what's in the last car

[19:32] it's coming up

[19:39] here wonder what that one does wonder if

[19:42] it's helping push it I don't know so

[19:45] cool love

[19:47] it it's definitely been getting more and

[19:50] more remote so there's this SP you can

[19:53] just stop right there and just chill for

[19:54] a while picnic benches and

[19:56] everything that is so cool

[20:01] I oh man all right so anyways um it's

[20:05] getting more

[20:07] remote I mean you

[20:09] know Kansas was remote but not like it

[20:13] was very fascinating to me I loved it I

[20:15] liked Kansas lot Nebraska I mean I drove

[20:19] right through that place so I don't know

[20:22] but you know where I was yeah I was

[20:25] pretty remote and now we're it's remote

[20:28] remote remote and I'm thinking

[20:31] if if if the Pacific Northwest feels too

[20:35] populated to me like I will find a place

[20:39] out here

[20:40] somewhere maybe even in Wyoming who

[20:45] knows um I

[20:48] like I like this remoteness this is

[20:51] something I

[20:52] like we just entered Bost Springs

[20:56] population six that is so so cool oh my

[21:00] God population

[21:02] six

[21:05] wow if we can honor those six

[21:09] lives there's no reason why we can't

[21:12] honor everyone's diversity

[21:16] matters it's necessary for

[21:23] life we under those six lives

[21:31] we don't need to know anything else

[21:33] about them I said there are six humans

[21:35] living there I've been thinking I want a

[21:38] CV radio I'm going to try to find one

[21:41] maybe at an auto part store something I

[21:43] don't

[21:44] know not an expensive one or anything I

[21:47] wonder if you have to install it

[21:50] like you know like an external antenna I

[21:52] don't

[21:54] know but I'd like to have one now I can

[21:57] listen to the truckers

[21:59] maybe even say something once in a while

[22:01] if there's a reason to and AI was

[22:04] telling me that when

[22:06] you're out on the um Forest roads like

[22:09] in the Pacific

[22:11] Northwest sometimes people have CB

[22:13] radios with them so they can communicate

[22:15] when on those roads and you know there's

[22:20] I was talking with them

[22:22] because I was trying to understand like

[22:24] what is what's the

[22:25] protocol when you're both going

[22:29] in opposite directions on a oneway

[22:31] Forest Road how do you handle

[22:33] that um especially when I have a teeth

[22:36] that I can't I can't reverse my RB with

[22:39] that

[22:41] so he learning about that I'm always I'm

[22:45] always thinking ahead I'm trying to be

[22:47] as prepared as I can for every situation

[22:49] that I might

[22:52] encounter wow that's really cool why um

[22:55] there's it's like there's a shadow over

[22:57] there over the land why is it like

[23:04] that I don't know why it's doing

[23:07] that is there Cloud it must be clouds I

[23:11] guess but it's so like it's the whole

[23:15] range

[23:17] there we are definitely out in the

[23:19] middle of well I don't want to call it

[23:20] nowhere because this is somewhere to

[23:22] someone but it's that's why I say things

[23:25] like

[23:26] remote um

[23:29] I honor the people who live

[23:32] here this is a lifestyle

[23:38] that is probably very rewarding and

[23:41] challenging

[23:43] and they found a way to make it work for

[23:48] Generations yeah that's worth

[23:51] honoring so it's not the middle of

[23:53] nowhere this is somewhere to someone

[23:56] including myself this is somewhere to me

[23:59] we got some horses in the field oh

[24:02] there's some Gear with the horses how

[24:05] cool got some

[24:09] hills Mountain way out there I don't

[24:11] think we're going to reach those today

[24:12] cuz I only have 24 miles to go and I'm

[24:15] turning left in 10 miles

[24:18] so don't think we're reaching that today

[24:21] probably on my next my next thing of my

[24:24] trip though a day and a half from now

[24:29] this is

[24:30] nice that's the second set of trains

[24:33] that I've seen just sitting on the

[24:35] tracks I wonder why they do that like

[24:37] they're just they're just J there I mean

[24:40] how long has they even been there

[24:42] like wonder why they do

[24:45] that they're definitely just parked

[24:47] there there's nothing that can tow them

[24:50] so whatever the first you know drain

[24:53] vehicle is called I don't actually know

[24:57] it's so funny

[24:59] oh what are they

[25:01] called I don't know I guess I have to

[25:04] look that up but yeah they're just

[25:06] sitting out here there's nothing out

[25:08] here so why that's very curious there's

[25:12] a tiny windmill over there all by

[25:15] itself you can see some

[25:18] cows what's that windmill

[25:22] for see if we can find out I don't know

[25:26] wonder what it's there for

[25:28] what's it

[25:32] doing does it feed their water somehow

[25:34] or I don't

[25:37] know oh there's a mountain in the

[25:39] distance with quite a peak on it that

[25:42] one's pretty

[25:43] tall I don't know if you'll be able to

[25:45] see it on my phone cuz I can't really

[25:47] zoom in on anything but it's over

[25:52] there it's got to be a good distance

[25:54] away cuz it's in

[25:56] blue I like it here

[26:00] I had nothing else

[26:02] to relate Wyoming

[26:06] to probably one of the reasons it stood

[26:08] out that way for me

[26:11] cuz I guess

[26:14] I could have done something about that I

[26:16] could have learned more about the

[26:21] place it's quite

[26:27] beautiful so

[26:43] expansive yeah I like you

[26:46] here me they taking a bath over there so

[26:49] he's pretty comfortable hey buddy that's

[26:52] nice to

[26:53] see oh I don't know if I mentioned this

[26:56] little bugger walked right out of his

[26:58] harness this

[27:00] morning so I need to find one that's um

[27:04] tighter for him something a little

[27:06] smaller than what that one so I find now

[27:09] that I know how they work like I truly

[27:11] understand them now that was it's so

[27:13] hard to use those harnesses but I

[27:16] understand it now so I'm just going to

[27:18] find one that fits them better cuz it's

[27:21] nice being able to take him out like

[27:23] that I can even walk him around a little

[27:25] bit and I could just let him chill with

[27:27] himself

[27:28] it's nice I really like being able to do

[27:31] that so we're just heading down this

[27:33] road next to the railroad tracks can see

[27:36] a train coming and these trees here on

[27:38] the side you can see autumns coming

[27:41] in it's right around the corner

[27:45] now I think this gives me some time so I

[27:49] don't have any of my insulating

[27:50] materials yet but I think so I'm going

[27:55] to get to Oregon

[28:00] can't remember I think it's either the

[28:03] like September 30th or October 2nd I

[28:06] can't remember which one or the other

[28:08] but I think that I'll have so basically

[28:11] I'll have

[28:12] October I'm hoping to really insulate

[28:16] this thing then November is when autumn

[28:19] really starts I

[28:22] think

[28:24] and yeah then winter will come and

[28:28] it's going to be interesting I'm I'm

[28:30] excited for this little venture

[28:32] line what I do after that I don't

[28:36] know so we're almost there coming up on

[28:40] a

[28:43] lake

[28:47] fasinating so this is a state park I'm

[28:49] going to it's called Glendo State Park

[28:52] and it's really big I think it's at I

[28:55] was on their website this morning I

[28:56] could swear it's at something like 7 00

[28:58] different campsites like that's

[29:00] huge looking at it on the map I'm a

[29:04] little less sure that was

[29:07] accurate I can't see it cuz it looks

[29:09] like it's on a little penin on the lake

[29:11] I can't imagine that many campsites

[29:13] being there we're about to find

[29:16] out so I mean I used to hike things like

[29:19] that in

[29:21] Arizona the landscape just feels this

[29:24] does not feel like the kind of thing I'd

[29:26] want to hike these days

[29:30] I don't know maybe it would be enjoyable

[29:32] though all those clear

[29:34] skies

[29:38] Horizons I haven't really had time for

[29:40] that sort of thing so I have been moving

[29:44] so fast across this

[29:53] country I wonder what that

[29:56] is I mean it's obviously line of some

[29:59] some

[30:01] kind wonder what they're doing

[30:09] there yeah my phone makes that look so

[30:12] flat it is so much taller than this

[30:14] phone is showing you I I don't

[30:17] understand that why can't it show it

[30:19] with the scale that it is just doesn't

[30:21] seem

[30:25] right those are pretty tall

[30:33] so I think we're real close

[30:39] now that there I wouldn't mind hiking

[30:42] there's just like multiple levels

[30:45] of Cliff formations they probably want

[30:49] walk

[30:51] across pretty

[30:53] cool see we got some red roads again

[30:56] that is so cool

[30:59] so I'm guessing these trees are being

[31:01] nourished by the lake

[31:02] somehow yeah there's a it's a reservoir

[31:05] and it it's right on the other side of

[31:07] those trees so we're very close I'm

[31:09] looking at it on the map here we're

[31:11] almost there buddy got to look at you

[31:14] we're almost there relax oh it's like

[31:17] the lake is dried up

[31:22] wow

[31:25] oh wow it really is

[31:28] it is oh

[31:30] my the lake has just dried

[31:35] up oh that's so

[31:39] sad wonder how these trees are

[31:43] surviving look at all those RVs sitting

[31:45] together in the distance that's not

[31:48] where we're

[31:50] going for 140 Acres that's a lot Private

[31:56] Road

[31:58] no Lake access private property is tell

[32:01] me to go this 34 miles turn left on tape

[32:05] Lane I'm confused it's tell me to go

[32:08] this way now I can't turn

[32:12] around you better be right GPS well I

[32:16] can see roads up there

[32:18] so I know that

[32:21] sometimes private roads you have to give

[32:24] Public Access but I mean I don't know

[32:27] that's just

[32:28] e there were no signs to the state

[32:32] park wonder what's going on over there

[32:35] though we're going to go real slow like

[32:38] 15 M an hour We're on a gravel road

[32:42] here my GPS did it again that Garmin it

[32:46] did private property I was able to turn

[32:48] around uh I'm not even sure that Google

[32:51] Maps has good direction to the state

[32:53] park so I got to figure it out when I

[32:56] get up here

[32:59] oh there's a car coming maybe they can

[33:01] help me cuz yeah so yeah I even Google

[33:05] had that wrong this is a

[33:07] campground uh it's pretty

[33:10] interesting I think RVs would have a

[33:13] real hard time camping here but I ended

[33:15] up finding it is 5 miles from where I am

[33:21] so oh this is part of the lifestyle I

[33:25] guess we're getting there

[33:28] that said it wouldn't be

[33:30] impossible like I could have stayed back

[33:33] there I didn't have reservation

[33:35] somewhere else I might even done it cuz

[33:37] I can you know just be off grid um this

[33:41] is a terrible things I don't like

[33:48] these in 800 ft turn left onto Wyoming

[33:51] 319 South okay I think we got like 5

[33:56] miles to go and we're good

[33:59] all right it makes sense now I'm at the

[34:01] state park and there are dozens of

[34:04] campgrounds stretching for Miles so I

[34:07] found it oh I might make some changes to

[34:11] my plans cuz this is real out of the no

[34:14] out of out of what was I trying to

[34:18] say it's just it's out of the way for me

[34:21] like it's not out of nowhere it's just

[34:23] out of the way for me and

[34:28] it took me so long just to get here

[34:30] because it was so hard to find

[34:32] like I could have used that time to just

[34:35] keep driving you know and so I might do

[34:38] that I'm going to look at my plans

[34:39] figure out what I still what what's left

[34:43] and maybe adjust because really want to

[34:46] get

[34:49] to to organ so that's only place I want

[34:54] to be like I don't really want to spend

[34:56] time here hiking or

[34:58] boring just want to get to organ start

[35:00] my life

[35:02] there thing started on its own but I was

[35:05] pulling it up the dumb stations whole

[35:07] bunch of

[35:09] them it's very big Park you can see my

[35:12] camera

[35:14] is pointing this way

[35:17] whatever so we're heading over to Dam

[35:21] right here I'm having to travel really

[35:23] far to get to my Campground look at

[35:25] where we're going over there that's

[35:27] almost scary

[35:29] looking but also very

[35:43] cool we are heading over a dam there's

[35:47] some water here at least so it must be

[35:52] working but yeah my camp this is a very

[35:55] expansive State Park wherever my my

[35:57] Campground is is still miles away

[36:16] miles wow slide

[36:23] area this is something else

[36:33] sure glad I got Fel when I

[36:36] did man I'm going to have to do some

[36:38] investigating on where to get fuel next

[36:41] though it's just getting out of here is

[36:43] going to be a

[36:45] [Music]

[36:51] chore I like that fence pretty pretty

[36:55] color

[37:01] so we're driving up a mountain I

[37:04] guess oh got ourselves narv

[37:14] hello very long

[37:21] distance this was not what I was

[37:24] expecting that's for sure

[37:28] hope hope it's easy

[37:31] like to get set up like I don't know if

[37:33] it's a back inside or what but EAS just

[37:37] detach my Jeep and maybe just pull in

[37:40] somewhere this is feel like a long day

[37:43] now this is pretty

[37:48] cool wonder if this is a hiking trail up

[37:51] here oh little tiny houses cute those

[37:56] are cute oh okay those are

[37:58] uh rest are restroom but yeah trail head

[38:02] maybe we'll do a little bit of hiking

[38:04] here yeah I see it there's the trail

[38:07] fascinating all right yeah

[38:11] maybe that that I yeah maybe sure I keep

[38:16] I don't know I'm trying to decide like I

[38:18] don't know

[38:28] it was quite a chore getting

[38:33] here wor it though just wasn't expecting

[38:37] it cuz for me I'm just kind of just

[38:41] trying to get to organ that's the only

[38:43] thing on my mind it really

[38:45] is just want to get to

[38:50] Oregon

[38:55] okay oh I don't like these why do they I

[38:58] don't understand the point of these I'm

[39:00] sure has something to do with draining

[39:02] water these are not fun hang in there

[39:07] Bailey cattle crossing

[39:14] fascinating we're almost there buddy he

[39:16] is so tired of this he is absolutely

[39:19] over this I don't blame you Bailey we

[39:23] were we went a couple places we weren't

[39:26] supposed to

[39:29] you know it could have been real sticky

[39:31] situations but we got out of

[39:34] them so let me see here I got I a got

[39:37] many more Michel to

[39:39] go oh my God this is a really big state

[39:43] park where are we going there is

[39:46] literally just a road in the desert on

[39:48] my GPS over here oh

[39:54] wow okay this is what I wanted let's

[39:57] hope let's hope there's nobody out there

[40:00] let's hope it's just us looks like that

[40:03] part of the

[40:04] forest had a forest fire or

[40:07] something I don't know if it was that or

[40:09] something else but you can tell it got

[40:14] damaged we are definitely out in the

[40:16] middle of

[40:18] nowhere well I guess the I'm seeing that

[40:21] now but this is

[40:24] remote I wonder where that road goes

[40:30] Wonder there is loose livestock I've

[40:33] been seeing signs about

[40:37] that oh you can see one of the little

[40:39] watering holes over

[40:43] there okay we got another one of these

[40:47] things trying to take these

[40:54] slow it's okay Bailey it's okay buddy I

[40:57] understand trying to figure out yep so

[41:00] that's private property over

[41:06] there it's okay buddy we're almost there

[41:09] we're

[41:11] close very expansive views this might be

[41:15] nice I might enjoy this I mean there's

[41:18] no denying that's a pretty incredible

[41:22] view we're up

[41:25] high nice

[41:31] so amazing how those clouds

[41:34] cause that shadow effect on the

[41:38] ground it's remarkable

[41:46] [Music]

[42:07] okay we getting back there towards that

[42:12] mate really hope it's not busy

[42:16] like man this

[42:19] is quite a drive just to get back here

[42:24] so guess we'll see

[42:34] still miles to go we got some cows in

[42:38] the road up ahead I don't know how

[42:40] you're supposed to handle

[42:43] that

[42:47] uhoh bet they completely ignore me too

[43:00] wow this is so

[43:03] incredible

[43:05] like all of it I can't believe that

[43:09] there's a camground way out here like

[43:11] this so far from the other one it's

[43:14] like it's a

[43:19] wild we're close I see at that sign up

[43:22] there I

[43:25] bet oh what do you do with these

[43:29] cows drive really slow around

[43:37] them

[43:42] Wow Let's see what happens that one's

[43:45] looking at

[43:50] me this is

[43:55] remarkable okay

[44:03] see what happens

[44:06] here go slow as

[44:13] possible

[44:18] remarkable okay they're moving you have

[44:21] a little your face is cool different

[44:24] color faces

[44:27] interesting hi hello oh you're so cool

[44:33] oh wow there's more oh

[44:36] my

[44:38] oh this is something

[44:42] else oh I don't know what to do

[44:46] here wow this is something

[44:50] else hope they don't charge at my

[44:53] vehicle or

[44:54] something like wow this is something

[44:57] something else look at you just eating

[44:58] your food you are so

[45:01] cool what that one though it's so

[45:04] different

[45:07] looking I am not

[45:09] like I am not going faster than a mile

[45:12] an hour because

[45:15] wow this

[45:17] is

[45:24] different they are

[45:27] I guess they're used

[45:30] to I don't know like this

[45:37] is

[45:40] wow okay so we're going to be fac of

[45:43] that on the way out I guess um I don't

[45:47] think in 600 ft turn left onto padon

[45:50] Creek Road all right so we're there um

[45:54] I'm guessing there's not a lot of people

[45:56] out here

[45:58] out that sign that is so cool those are

[46:00] different family names all with

[46:02] different you know they kind of

[46:04] personized them that is so

[46:08] cool say can we get some where Bailey

[46:11] wants out I know it's hot out there it's

[46:16] 88 in here go find a different window it

[46:19] is so hot man that's going to do a

[46:21] number on my fridge because of the

[46:22] direction it's in guess we can bring the

[46:25] awning out might help

[46:29] I was thinking about I was about to

[46:31] detach my Jeep then I thought you know

[46:32] what I'm not going anywhere from

[46:35] here so maybe I won't I don't

[46:39] know um mey you can't go out buddy

[46:42] that's not happening not happening not

[46:45] yet no especially because you got out of

[46:48] your thing just stay there I need a

[46:54] minute yeah

[46:56] that sun is beating down on

[46:59] us so we're not very level we'd have to

[47:04] detach the Jeep to get us level so I'm

[47:07] going to try to get this side fixed

[47:08] while I'm here there's some RVs down

[47:11] that way but we're we're by oursel

[47:14] there's a beach down

[47:16] there um that way go check that out

[47:21] maybe

[47:24] yeah you did have to go down pretty far

[47:27] so we're not up and you know we don't

[47:29] have that view that we

[47:33] had oh some luck I can get this slide

[47:38] fixed I'm going to try that's what I'll

[47:40] do

[47:42] tomorrow just going to let this be and

[47:45] just disconnect the power

[47:48] and I just can't see me going anywhere

[47:50] from

[47:54] here poor Jean it's cuz I went down a

[47:57] gravel road that when I was went the

[48:00] wrong

[48:01] way

[48:04] so we are

[48:07] here

[48:10] and I will get some things done that I

[48:13] need to get done while I'm here and I

[48:15] will look at my plans and see if there's

[48:17] any changes I can make cuz I'd really

[48:20] like to get where we're trying to get to

[48:23] so it's still so hot like where's botom

[48:28] I mean it's almost

[48:30] October but yeah let me get us hooked up

[48:33] here don't think I see any water

[48:36] anywhere let's

[48:38] see got

[48:40] electric I don't think there's any water

[48:42] back

[48:45] here that sound definitely

[48:48] h a little tree there if you wanted yeah

[48:51] I'd have I was trying to straighten my

[48:53] Jeep out so that I could unhook it

[48:56] the that tree is there to help protect

[48:58] your

[49:00] fridge that's what that's

[49:04] for oh well we're not here for long

[49:07] that's the whole point this is just a

[49:08] stop along the

[49:10] way not too worried

[49:12] about

[49:15] anything amazing we're

[49:25] just for

[0:00] I managed to take a

[0:02] nap it's now 9:30 in the morning I gotta

[0:07] I gotta start doing stuff cuz you

[0:11] know it's a travel day you got to go got

[0:15] to get up working at

[0:18] it I come my first shower that requires

[0:22] payment I think I can do this in 6

[0:24] minutes 4 minutes 6 minutes $2 for 8

[0:29] minutes

[0:31] military shower I guess this is what

[0:34] happens when you live this lifestyle I

[0:36] don't even know what that is been

[0:38] attacked and I don't even know when or

[0:40] how so we are off I just finished

[0:43] dumping my

[0:45] tanks um got the Jeep hooked up we're

[0:49] leaving this thing will probably go off

[0:51] in a

[0:52] sec on the

[0:54] GPS just want to say you know I'm off to

[0:58] a not

[1:02] Wyoming and even though it does carry

[1:06] some relational memories for me it's not

[1:08] like I'm going to it's not like I'm

[1:09] going the whole state right it's just

[1:12] it's impossible for me to think about

[1:15] Wyoming without thinking about Matthew

[1:18] Shepard

[1:20] and it makes me think about all the pain

[1:24] the society has caused me and other

[1:26] people like me and continue to cause

[1:30] and you if you are not like me then you

[1:32] don't understand and you can't you have

[1:35] no idea how damaging and cruel even evil

[1:38] it

[1:40] is you take something that's

[1:43] personal and precious and you fragment

[1:46] it you you decide that that's got to be

[1:50] my identity even though it's was just a

[1:51] part of myself when I was younger I

[1:53] didn't know any better so that was my

[1:55] identity that was a big part of it and

[1:59] it's because you guys do

[2:01] that you don't understand that the only

[2:03] reason that things like Pride parades

[2:06] turn left on broken plow road then take

[2:08] the first right things like Pride

[2:11] parades and you know all these things

[2:13] that you complain about they only exist

[2:15] because you complain about them because

[2:18] you force us to have

[2:23] to live in opposition to you even though

[2:26] we're not trying to that's what happens

[2:28] because you don't just accept people

[2:31] and so we have to build communities and

[2:34] we have to support each

[2:37] other it's because the wider World

[2:40] Won't you have no idea how damaging that

[2:46] is so anyways I am

[2:48] off try the light in the mood shall we

[2:52] so yesterday I was talking with AI about

[2:55] strategies for dealing with the wind

[2:57] when I get to uh Morgan

[3:00] it's pretty cool like the ideas it told

[3:02] me you know basically how much wind

[3:04] Force I could take and the Gus and just

[3:07] different strategies for like you know

[3:08] be next to a building or some kind of

[3:11] Windbreak

[3:13] um I'm excited for it got to me thinking

[3:17] about this hurricane that's coming into

[3:19] Florida what all the RVs do there

[3:21] because you know there's so many they go

[3:23] there for the for the winter so there

[3:25] must be so many there like what did they

[3:28] do obviously they

[3:31] like migrate I guess but but to where

[3:34] like and why would you want to go to a

[3:36] place where hurricanes are so common

[3:39] like I wouldn't want to do that myself

[3:42] so but it got me thinking about them I

[3:44] hope everybody is safe

[3:47] and cuz that would you know that's its

[3:49] own little that's its own difficulty

[3:51] that's its own

[3:54] um challenge that people have to deal

[3:56] with mine is different mine's going to

[3:58] be rain and wind

[4:00] I mean I guess it's similar but it's not

[4:02] it's not tornadoes or in hurricanes you

[4:05] know

[4:07] so yeah here's my here's my we're just

[4:10] driving down this road you know you got

[4:15] just grassland everywhere basically

[4:18] headed

[4:20] towards uh Wyoming somewhere looks like

[4:23] we got some mountains in the distance

[4:27] cool I feel prepared for it my my Jeep

[4:30] um I was having issues with the brake

[4:32] system because I just cannot seem to get

[4:35] that thing

[4:36] to sit perfectly in in the space but I

[4:40] think I finally worked to solution out

[4:43] and I also now have a 20 lb TR propane

[4:46] tank in the back of my Jeep I did I have

[4:49] a it's called a sh it sits in a Sho and

[4:53] um I use some some bungee cords but you

[4:57] know people tell you all the time not

[5:00] very smart you know it's just

[5:04] not so I don't know how much of about I

[5:08] mean I hope it's safe like I mean I know

[5:12] that it is like but if something were to

[5:15] happen like how big of a deal is it I

[5:16] don't know I suppose I will ask a at

[5:19] some point when I work up the cour by

[5:21] the way I want you to notice that I'm

[5:25] not I'm not

[5:28] avoiding going to this

[5:31] place even though it's bringing up so

[5:33] many dark memories for me you guys truly

[5:36] don't know how much this event affected

[5:39] me I was the same age as

[5:43] Matthew we looked a lot

[5:45] alike I saw myself in him I cried so

[5:49] much so many times over that and then to

[5:52] see all of the hatred that came out

[5:53] after it's just

[5:56] like and it's not like that was new you

[5:59] know like I didn't already know how much

[6:01] people hated me cuz I am paying

[6:03] attention I'm always paying attention

[6:04] I've always been a systems thinker you

[6:07] know but that

[6:09] really had a very deep impact on me and

[6:12] that's why I cannot associate Wyoming

[6:14] without thinking of Matthew Shepherd

[6:16] they the two are linked for me

[6:18] forever

[6:20] what that will not stop me from going

[6:22] there and I will try to make peace with

[6:25] the place that's all I can

[6:27] do so we're in C offord I don't know

[6:30] what those natural structures in the

[6:33] background are called they're quite tall

[6:35] my phone is so

[6:36] terrible we got

[6:39] a mod mower here a very big

[6:44] one very small town passing through

[6:47] check that out nice little Community

[6:50] just right here on this hill whole thing

[6:52] that's the community they have I bet

[6:55] they have very a very interesting life

[6:56] with each

[6:57] other I think we might be y there it is

[7:02] Wyoming we've just entered

[7:06] Wyoming very understated sign

[7:09] there welcome to

[7:11] Wyoming wow the speed limit just

[7:16] increased the further west you go the

[7:18] faster they let you go it's

[7:21] crazy oh check that guy out he is just

[7:25] zooming down that road over there oh you

[7:28] probably can't see see him I'd have to

[7:31] zoom in I can't do that right now he is

[7:34] really booking it though

[7:38] wow I was thinking Matthew Shepard grew

[7:41] up here he probably loved this

[7:44] place he probably

[7:47] loved the Landscapes

[7:52] and and I don't know that for sure

[7:56] but don't know love the places you're

[7:58] from

[8:01] these fence posts though

[8:04] F that's where he was tied

[8:23] up

[8:25] there's there are no

[8:28] wor you know there 's an article online

[8:31] about Matthew Shephard story someone

[8:35] wrote this

[8:37] article where they tried to make it

[8:39] sound like it was a drug deal gone

[8:44] mad but this

[8:48] person completely solid something that

[8:52] they had no right to

[8:55] even just that

[8:58] story I I mean this is this is years old

[9:01] probably a decade or more this person

[9:04] comes along and decides to

[9:08] investigate it paints a completely

[9:10] different

[9:14] picture and even if that were true which

[9:17] I don't think it is what happened to him

[9:20] was

[9:21] awful

[9:24] evil

[9:27] and that article did not under

[9:30] him

[9:33] or the Deep Impact it had on people like

[9:36] me cuz that was a cultural

[9:41] moment so that's why it is so strongly

[9:44] associated with Wyoming for me because

[9:47] it became a

[9:48] symbol

[9:50] of all the homophobia I have dealt with

[9:53] in my

[9:56] life people always try to minimize

[10:00] minimize it and it's all

[10:10] right trying to erase the bad

[10:20] things but you need to sit with your

[10:23] sin cuz that's what it is

[10:29] I will pretend like it's not something

[10:38] that your

[10:40] hatred your

[10:43] bigotry the way you Center my sexuality

[10:46] as if that is the core of my

[10:49] being othering me instead of just

[10:52] looking at me as a human

[10:54] being all of you who do things like that

[10:58] are responsible for his

[11:01] death and all the suffering that I've

[11:03] experienced in my

[11:05] life it's a

[11:16] sin you need to sit with

[11:19] that so it's really starting to feel

[11:21] like a desert out

[11:23] there it's not like Kansas we still got

[11:27] the open Skies and everything but

[11:31] just feels like a bit of a desert to

[11:36] me I'm going to try to like it though

[11:39] why not the mounts are nice I guess I

[11:42] mean if that's what you call

[11:47] these I wish I could explain to you guys

[11:50] what it's like to grow off

[11:52] game in this

[11:54] world at least during my formative years

[11:59] a little different now but I'm sure that

[12:02] it's still not perfect but for

[12:05] me I cried myself to sleep every single

[12:08] night praying that someone that God

[12:10] would make me

[12:12] straight I hated

[12:15] myself for

[12:17] years that's because of what I saw in

[12:19] society I saw how Society treated

[12:22] me I was in the closet hiding a part of

[12:26] myself that's why when people come out

[12:29] becomes a big part of their identity

[12:31] because they're finally acknowledging

[12:33] and celebrating a part of themselves

[12:35] that they've had to deny for so

[12:37] long and they shouldn't have to if they

[12:40] didn't have to do

[12:43] that if people just treated it as normal

[12:46] because it

[12:49] is it wouldn't become a central part of

[12:51] your character it wouldn't need to be it

[12:54] becomes a form of fragmentation that you

[12:56] have inflicted on them and you inflicted

[12:58] on me when when I was

[13:01] younger I'm not fragmented

[13:04] anymore but I remember what it was

[13:08] like having to separate that part of

[13:10] myself because other people saw it as

[13:13] bad or

[13:17] evil you're still doing

[13:19] it you're concerned about what bathrooms

[13:22] a person

[13:24] uses who reads to children at a

[13:27] library you know like it's always

[13:31] something just this

[13:34] judgment that is so superficial and

[13:37] comes from nowhere but causes so much

[13:40] damage to

[13:41] human

[13:45] Minds you're causing fragmentation in

[13:48] people that don't deserve it they never

[13:51] deserved

[13:57] it to have to live in this

[14:00] world where people think that their

[14:02] [ __ ]

[14:04] business it's

[14:09] just I don't know who the [ __ ] you think

[14:11] you

[14:14] are you talk about how people like me

[14:17] are sinners no if you want to call

[14:20] something sin it's what's happening in

[14:22] your

[14:23] mind by hating and judging people for

[14:27] something so fundamental

[14:30] diversity is a part of life you can see

[14:31] it in everything but when it comes to

[14:34] humans we treat it like that's not a

[14:36] thing we try to make everyone

[14:43] conform this

[14:46] unacceptable this sign right here has

[14:48] these little horses running and it says

[14:50] if he's open we're open that is so

[14:54] cool oh my God we are in the middle of

[14:57] nowhere out here this guy he took my

[15:00] pump on accident so I'm just waiting for

[15:04] him this is nice he was very nice

[15:08] so seem well truck he's a truck driver

[15:12] who just he said his grandfather did he

[15:15] was very

[15:18] nice this is

[15:20] nice he was very friendly so was the

[15:23] woman in there

[15:29] it's experiences like that because I

[15:32] can't help

[15:34] it can't you can't just that M

[15:44] really first time eating a pump like

[15:47] that so we're all ready to go now full

[15:51] tank of

[15:52] gas 48 miles to go I

[15:55] think so

[15:59] oh I'm way dirty now wow okay L man was

[16:03] so present like we were just sitting

[16:05] there talking and stuff he just was so

[16:07] present like he

[16:09] just this is not like many of the

[16:11] encounters I've had in recent years with

[16:13] people like this

[16:18] man just fully present by the way Ba's

[16:23] over

[16:24] here when we stopped to get gas he did

[16:26] go and hide in the The Well of the

[16:29] stairs the

[16:31] steps but you know you know I'm working

[16:35] on

[16:36] them you're fine you're so funny this

[16:41] thing's safe now like nothing nothing

[16:43] goes anywhere it's it's

[16:45] good got a new mountain range over there

[16:48] in the distance it's just

[16:50] blue because it's I'm done cuz it's so

[16:54] far away

[16:55] maybe oh Ba's going in there she's going

[16:58] in it's cares is I don't like this road

[17:01] my tires make um the type of tires I

[17:04] have make it way

[17:06] more like you hear

[17:09] every crack in the road I guess I don't

[17:11] know how else to explain that it's not

[17:14] like my other

[17:15] tires look at

[17:18] that somebody must live there maybe cuz

[17:23] there's I mean there's cows there what

[17:26] is that

[17:30] wow somebody might live

[17:38] there check out those trees all line

[17:42] down right at the I'm guessing that's a

[17:44] property

[17:47] line very

[17:50] cool got a little Homestead up here

[17:53] railroad tracks I love railroad tracks

[17:55] those are I Love

[17:57] Trains always love

[17:59] trains I love whatever these roads are

[18:02] made out of cuz they're kind of reddish

[18:04] tinted it's very Furious check it out

[18:08] here comes a train moving real

[18:12] slow big long

[18:19] train I love trains trains are

[18:24] awesome I wonder what this one's powered

[18:27] by

[18:36] nice wow moving all of that that is like

[18:43] incredible you imagine how much wave

[18:46] that thing is

[18:53] pulling it looks like I don't know what

[18:55] that is it's Black Rock stuff maybe it's

[18:57] cold I don't know

[19:00] but man there must be a 100 or

[19:07] more this thing is

[19:15] endless the power would take to move all

[19:17] of

[19:24] that I wonder what's in the last car

[19:32] it's coming up

[19:39] here wonder what that one does wonder if

[19:42] it's helping push it I don't know so

[19:45] cool love

[19:47] it it's definitely been getting more and

[19:50] more remote so there's this SP you can

[19:53] just stop right there and just chill for

[19:54] a while picnic benches and

[19:56] everything that is so cool

[20:01] I oh man all right so anyways um it's

[20:05] getting more

[20:07] remote I mean you

[20:09] know Kansas was remote but not like it

[20:13] was very fascinating to me I loved it I

[20:15] liked Kansas lot Nebraska I mean I drove

[20:19] right through that place so I don't know

[20:22] but you know where I was yeah I was

[20:25] pretty remote and now we're it's remote

[20:28] remote remote and I'm thinking

[20:31] if if if the Pacific Northwest feels too

[20:35] populated to me like I will find a place

[20:39] out here

[20:40] somewhere maybe even in Wyoming who

[20:45] knows um I

[20:48] like I like this remoteness this is

[20:51] something I

[20:52] like we just entered Bost Springs

[20:56] population six that is so so cool oh my

[21:00] God population

[21:02] six

[21:05] wow if we can honor those six

[21:09] lives there's no reason why we can't

[21:12] honor everyone's diversity

[21:16] matters it's necessary for

[21:23] life we under those six lives

[21:31] we don't need to know anything else

[21:33] about them I said there are six humans

[21:35] living there I've been thinking I want a

[21:38] CV radio I'm going to try to find one

[21:41] maybe at an auto part store something I

[21:43] don't

[21:44] know not an expensive one or anything I

[21:47] wonder if you have to install it

[21:50] like you know like an external antenna I

[21:52] don't

[21:54] know but I'd like to have one now I can

[21:57] listen to the truckers

[21:59] maybe even say something once in a while

[22:01] if there's a reason to and AI was

[22:04] telling me that when

[22:06] you're out on the um Forest roads like

[22:09] in the Pacific

[22:11] Northwest sometimes people have CB

[22:13] radios with them so they can communicate

[22:15] when on those roads and you know there's

[22:20] I was talking with them

[22:22] because I was trying to understand like

[22:24] what is what's the

[22:25] protocol when you're both going

[22:29] in opposite directions on a oneway

[22:31] Forest Road how do you handle

[22:33] that um especially when I have a teeth

[22:36] that I can't I can't reverse my RB with

[22:39] that

[22:41] so he learning about that I'm always I'm

[22:45] always thinking ahead I'm trying to be

[22:47] as prepared as I can for every situation

[22:49] that I might

[22:52] encounter wow that's really cool why um

[22:55] there's it's like there's a shadow over

[22:57] there over the land why is it like

[23:04] that I don't know why it's doing

[23:07] that is there Cloud it must be clouds I

[23:11] guess but it's so like it's the whole

[23:15] range

[23:17] there we are definitely out in the

[23:19] middle of well I don't want to call it

[23:20] nowhere because this is somewhere to

[23:22] someone but it's that's why I say things

[23:25] like

[23:26] remote um

[23:29] I honor the people who live

[23:32] here this is a lifestyle

[23:38] that is probably very rewarding and

[23:41] challenging

[23:43] and they found a way to make it work for

[23:48] Generations yeah that's worth

[23:51] honoring so it's not the middle of

[23:53] nowhere this is somewhere to someone

[23:56] including myself this is somewhere to me

[23:59] we got some horses in the field oh

[24:02] there's some Gear with the horses how

[24:05] cool got some

[24:09] hills Mountain way out there I don't

[24:11] think we're going to reach those today

[24:12] cuz I only have 24 miles to go and I'm

[24:15] turning left in 10 miles

[24:18] so don't think we're reaching that today

[24:21] probably on my next my next thing of my

[24:24] trip though a day and a half from now

[24:29] this is

[24:30] nice that's the second set of trains

[24:33] that I've seen just sitting on the

[24:35] tracks I wonder why they do that like

[24:37] they're just they're just J there I mean

[24:40] how long has they even been there

[24:42] like wonder why they do

[24:45] that they're definitely just parked

[24:47] there there's nothing that can tow them

[24:50] so whatever the first you know drain

[24:53] vehicle is called I don't actually know

[24:57] it's so funny

[24:59] oh what are they

[25:01] called I don't know I guess I have to

[25:04] look that up but yeah they're just

[25:06] sitting out here there's nothing out

[25:08] here so why that's very curious there's

[25:12] a tiny windmill over there all by

[25:15] itself you can see some

[25:18] cows what's that windmill

[25:22] for see if we can find out I don't know

[25:26] wonder what it's there for

[25:28] what's it

[25:32] doing does it feed their water somehow

[25:34] or I don't

[25:37] know oh there's a mountain in the

[25:39] distance with quite a peak on it that

[25:42] one's pretty

[25:43] tall I don't know if you'll be able to

[25:45] see it on my phone cuz I can't really

[25:47] zoom in on anything but it's over

[25:52] there it's got to be a good distance

[25:54] away cuz it's in

[25:56] blue I like it here

[26:00] I had nothing else

[26:02] to relate Wyoming

[26:06] to probably one of the reasons it stood

[26:08] out that way for me

[26:11] cuz I guess

[26:14] I could have done something about that I

[26:16] could have learned more about the

[26:21] place it's quite

[26:27] beautiful so

[26:43] expansive yeah I like you

[26:46] here me they taking a bath over there so

[26:49] he's pretty comfortable hey buddy that's

[26:52] nice to

[26:53] see oh I don't know if I mentioned this

[26:56] little bugger walked right out of his

[26:58] harness this

[27:00] morning so I need to find one that's um

[27:04] tighter for him something a little

[27:06] smaller than what that one so I find now

[27:09] that I know how they work like I truly

[27:11] understand them now that was it's so

[27:13] hard to use those harnesses but I

[27:16] understand it now so I'm just going to

[27:18] find one that fits them better cuz it's

[27:21] nice being able to take him out like

[27:23] that I can even walk him around a little

[27:25] bit and I could just let him chill with

[27:27] himself

[27:28] it's nice I really like being able to do

[27:31] that so we're just heading down this

[27:33] road next to the railroad tracks can see

[27:36] a train coming and these trees here on

[27:38] the side you can see autumns coming

[27:41] in it's right around the corner

[27:45] now I think this gives me some time so I

[27:49] don't have any of my insulating

[27:50] materials yet but I think so I'm going

[27:55] to get to Oregon

[28:00] can't remember I think it's either the

[28:03] like September 30th or October 2nd I

[28:06] can't remember which one or the other

[28:08] but I think that I'll have so basically

[28:11] I'll have

[28:12] October I'm hoping to really insulate

[28:16] this thing then November is when autumn

[28:19] really starts I

[28:22] think

[28:24] and yeah then winter will come and

[28:28] it's going to be interesting I'm I'm

[28:30] excited for this little venture

[28:32] line what I do after that I don't

[28:36] know so we're almost there coming up on

[28:40] a

[28:43] lake

[28:47] fasinating so this is a state park I'm

[28:49] going to it's called Glendo State Park

[28:52] and it's really big I think it's at I

[28:55] was on their website this morning I

[28:56] could swear it's at something like 7 00

[28:58] different campsites like that's

[29:00] huge looking at it on the map I'm a

[29:04] little less sure that was

[29:07] accurate I can't see it cuz it looks

[29:09] like it's on a little penin on the lake

[29:11] I can't imagine that many campsites

[29:13] being there we're about to find

[29:16] out so I mean I used to hike things like

[29:19] that in

[29:21] Arizona the landscape just feels this

[29:24] does not feel like the kind of thing I'd

[29:26] want to hike these days

[29:30] I don't know maybe it would be enjoyable

[29:32] though all those clear

[29:34] skies

[29:38] Horizons I haven't really had time for

[29:40] that sort of thing so I have been moving

[29:44] so fast across this

[29:53] country I wonder what that

[29:56] is I mean it's obviously line of some

[29:59] some

[30:01] kind wonder what they're doing

[30:09] there yeah my phone makes that look so

[30:12] flat it is so much taller than this

[30:14] phone is showing you I I don't

[30:17] understand that why can't it show it

[30:19] with the scale that it is just doesn't

[30:21] seem

[30:25] right those are pretty tall

[30:33] so I think we're real close

[30:39] now that there I wouldn't mind hiking

[30:42] there's just like multiple levels

[30:45] of Cliff formations they probably want

[30:49] walk

[30:51] across pretty

[30:53] cool see we got some red roads again

[30:56] that is so cool

[30:59] so I'm guessing these trees are being

[31:01] nourished by the lake

[31:02] somehow yeah there's a it's a reservoir

[31:05] and it it's right on the other side of

[31:07] those trees so we're very close I'm

[31:09] looking at it on the map here we're

[31:11] almost there buddy got to look at you

[31:14] we're almost there relax oh it's like

[31:17] the lake is dried up

[31:22] wow

[31:25] oh wow it really is

[31:28] it is oh

[31:30] my the lake has just dried

[31:35] up oh that's so

[31:39] sad wonder how these trees are

[31:43] surviving look at all those RVs sitting

[31:45] together in the distance that's not

[31:48] where we're

[31:50] going for 140 Acres that's a lot Private

[31:56] Road

[31:58] no Lake access private property is tell

[32:01] me to go this 34 miles turn left on tape

[32:05] Lane I'm confused it's tell me to go

[32:08] this way now I can't turn

[32:12] around you better be right GPS well I

[32:16] can see roads up there

[32:18] so I know that

[32:21] sometimes private roads you have to give

[32:24] Public Access but I mean I don't know

[32:27] that's just

[32:28] e there were no signs to the state

[32:32] park wonder what's going on over there

[32:35] though we're going to go real slow like

[32:38] 15 M an hour We're on a gravel road

[32:42] here my GPS did it again that Garmin it

[32:46] did private property I was able to turn

[32:48] around uh I'm not even sure that Google

[32:51] Maps has good direction to the state

[32:53] park so I got to figure it out when I

[32:56] get up here

[32:59] oh there's a car coming maybe they can

[33:01] help me cuz yeah so yeah I even Google

[33:05] had that wrong this is a

[33:07] campground uh it's pretty

[33:10] interesting I think RVs would have a

[33:13] real hard time camping here but I ended

[33:15] up finding it is 5 miles from where I am

[33:21] so oh this is part of the lifestyle I

[33:25] guess we're getting there

[33:28] that said it wouldn't be

[33:30] impossible like I could have stayed back

[33:33] there I didn't have reservation

[33:35] somewhere else I might even done it cuz

[33:37] I can you know just be off grid um this

[33:41] is a terrible things I don't like

[33:48] these in 800 ft turn left onto Wyoming

[33:51] 319 South okay I think we got like 5

[33:56] miles to go and we're good

[33:59] all right it makes sense now I'm at the

[34:01] state park and there are dozens of

[34:04] campgrounds stretching for Miles so I

[34:07] found it oh I might make some changes to

[34:11] my plans cuz this is real out of the no

[34:14] out of out of what was I trying to

[34:18] say it's just it's out of the way for me

[34:21] like it's not out of nowhere it's just

[34:23] out of the way for me and

[34:28] it took me so long just to get here

[34:30] because it was so hard to find

[34:32] like I could have used that time to just

[34:35] keep driving you know and so I might do

[34:38] that I'm going to look at my plans

[34:39] figure out what I still what what's left

[34:43] and maybe adjust because really want to

[34:46] get

[34:49] to to organ so that's only place I want

[34:54] to be like I don't really want to spend

[34:56] time here hiking or

[34:58] boring just want to get to organ start

[35:00] my life

[35:02] there thing started on its own but I was

[35:05] pulling it up the dumb stations whole

[35:07] bunch of

[35:09] them it's very big Park you can see my

[35:12] camera

[35:14] is pointing this way

[35:17] whatever so we're heading over to Dam

[35:21] right here I'm having to travel really

[35:23] far to get to my Campground look at

[35:25] where we're going over there that's

[35:27] almost scary

[35:29] looking but also very

[35:43] cool we are heading over a dam there's

[35:47] some water here at least so it must be

[35:52] working but yeah my camp this is a very

[35:55] expansive State Park wherever my my

[35:57] Campground is is still miles away

[36:16] miles wow slide

[36:23] area this is something else

[36:33] sure glad I got Fel when I

[36:36] did man I'm going to have to do some

[36:38] investigating on where to get fuel next

[36:41] though it's just getting out of here is

[36:43] going to be a

[36:45] [Music]

[36:51] chore I like that fence pretty pretty

[36:55] color

[37:01] so we're driving up a mountain I

[37:04] guess oh got ourselves narv

[37:14] hello very long

[37:21] distance this was not what I was

[37:24] expecting that's for sure

[37:28] hope hope it's easy

[37:31] like to get set up like I don't know if

[37:33] it's a back inside or what but EAS just

[37:37] detach my Jeep and maybe just pull in

[37:40] somewhere this is feel like a long day

[37:43] now this is pretty

[37:48] cool wonder if this is a hiking trail up

[37:51] here oh little tiny houses cute those

[37:56] are cute oh okay those are

[37:58] uh rest are restroom but yeah trail head

[38:02] maybe we'll do a little bit of hiking

[38:04] here yeah I see it there's the trail

[38:07] fascinating all right yeah

[38:11] maybe that that I yeah maybe sure I keep

[38:16] I don't know I'm trying to decide like I

[38:18] don't know

[38:28] it was quite a chore getting

[38:33] here wor it though just wasn't expecting

[38:37] it cuz for me I'm just kind of just

[38:41] trying to get to organ that's the only

[38:43] thing on my mind it really

[38:45] is just want to get to

[38:50] Oregon

[38:55] okay oh I don't like these why do they I

[38:58] don't understand the point of these I'm

[39:00] sure has something to do with draining

[39:02] water these are not fun hang in there

[39:07] Bailey cattle crossing

[39:14] fascinating we're almost there buddy he

[39:16] is so tired of this he is absolutely

[39:19] over this I don't blame you Bailey we

[39:23] were we went a couple places we weren't

[39:26] supposed to

[39:29] you know it could have been real sticky

[39:31] situations but we got out of

[39:34] them so let me see here I got I a got

[39:37] many more Michel to

[39:39] go oh my God this is a really big state

[39:43] park where are we going there is

[39:46] literally just a road in the desert on

[39:48] my GPS over here oh

[39:54] wow okay this is what I wanted let's

[39:57] hope let's hope there's nobody out there

[40:00] let's hope it's just us looks like that

[40:03] part of the

[40:04] forest had a forest fire or

[40:07] something I don't know if it was that or

[40:09] something else but you can tell it got

[40:14] damaged we are definitely out in the

[40:16] middle of

[40:18] nowhere well I guess the I'm seeing that

[40:21] now but this is

[40:24] remote I wonder where that road goes

[40:30] Wonder there is loose livestock I've

[40:33] been seeing signs about

[40:37] that oh you can see one of the little

[40:39] watering holes over

[40:43] there okay we got another one of these

[40:47] things trying to take these

[40:54] slow it's okay Bailey it's okay buddy I

[40:57] understand trying to figure out yep so

[41:00] that's private property over

[41:06] there it's okay buddy we're almost there

[41:09] we're

[41:11] close very expansive views this might be

[41:15] nice I might enjoy this I mean there's

[41:18] no denying that's a pretty incredible

[41:22] view we're up

[41:25] high nice

[41:31] so amazing how those clouds

[41:34] cause that shadow effect on the

[41:38] ground it's remarkable

[41:46] [Music]

[42:07] okay we getting back there towards that

[42:12] mate really hope it's not busy

[42:16] like man this

[42:19] is quite a drive just to get back here

[42:24] so guess we'll see

[42:34] still miles to go we got some cows in

[42:38] the road up ahead I don't know how

[42:40] you're supposed to handle

[42:43] that

[42:47] uhoh bet they completely ignore me too

[43:00] wow this is so

[43:03] incredible

[43:05] like all of it I can't believe that

[43:09] there's a camground way out here like

[43:11] this so far from the other one it's

[43:14] like it's a

[43:19] wild we're close I see at that sign up

[43:22] there I

[43:25] bet oh what do you do with these

[43:29] cows drive really slow around

[43:37] them

[43:42] Wow Let's see what happens that one's

[43:45] looking at

[43:50] me this is

[43:55] remarkable okay

[44:03] see what happens

[44:06] here go slow as

[44:13] possible

[44:18] remarkable okay they're moving you have

[44:21] a little your face is cool different

[44:24] color faces

[44:27] interesting hi hello oh you're so cool

[44:33] oh wow there's more oh

[44:36] my

[44:38] oh this is something

[44:42] else oh I don't know what to do

[44:46] here wow this is something

[44:50] else hope they don't charge at my

[44:53] vehicle or

[44:54] something like wow this is something

[44:57] something else look at you just eating

[44:58] your food you are so

[45:01] cool what that one though it's so

[45:04] different

[45:07] looking I am not

[45:09] like I am not going faster than a mile

[45:12] an hour because

[45:15] wow this

[45:17] is

[45:24] different they are

[45:27] I guess they're used

[45:30] to I don't know like this

[45:37] is

[45:40] wow okay so we're going to be fac of

[45:43] that on the way out I guess um I don't

[45:47] think in 600 ft turn left onto padon

[45:50] Creek Road all right so we're there um

[45:54] I'm guessing there's not a lot of people

[45:56] out here

[45:58] out that sign that is so cool those are

[46:00] different family names all with

[46:02] different you know they kind of

[46:04] personized them that is so

[46:08] cool say can we get some where Bailey

[46:11] wants out I know it's hot out there it's

[46:16] 88 in here go find a different window it

[46:19] is so hot man that's going to do a

[46:21] number on my fridge because of the

[46:22] direction it's in guess we can bring the

[46:25] awning out might help

[46:29] I was thinking about I was about to

[46:31] detach my Jeep then I thought you know

[46:32] what I'm not going anywhere from

[46:35] here so maybe I won't I don't

[46:39] know um mey you can't go out buddy

[46:42] that's not happening not happening not

[46:45] yet no especially because you got out of

[46:48] your thing just stay there I need a

[46:54] minute yeah

[46:56] that sun is beating down on

[46:59] us so we're not very level we'd have to

[47:04] detach the Jeep to get us level so I'm

[47:07] going to try to get this side fixed

[47:08] while I'm here there's some RVs down

[47:11] that way but we're we're by oursel

[47:14] there's a beach down

[47:16] there um that way go check that out

[47:21] maybe

[47:24] yeah you did have to go down pretty far

[47:27] so we're not up and you know we don't

[47:29] have that view that we

[47:33] had oh some luck I can get this slide

[47:38] fixed I'm going to try that's what I'll

[47:40] do

[47:42] tomorrow just going to let this be and

[47:45] just disconnect the power

[47:48] and I just can't see me going anywhere

[47:50] from

[47:54] here poor Jean it's cuz I went down a

[47:57] gravel road that when I was went the

[48:00] wrong

[48:01] way

[48:04] so we are

[48:07] here

[48:10] and I will get some things done that I

[48:13] need to get done while I'm here and I

[48:15] will look at my plans and see if there's

[48:17] any changes I can make cuz I'd really

[48:20] like to get where we're trying to get to

[48:23] so it's still so hot like where's botom

[48:28] I mean it's almost

[48:30] October but yeah let me get us hooked up

[48:33] here don't think I see any water

[48:36] anywhere let's

[48:38] see got

[48:40] electric I don't think there's any water

[48:42] back

[48:45] here that sound definitely

[48:48] h a little tree there if you wanted yeah

[48:51] I'd have I was trying to straighten my

[48:53] Jeep out so that I could unhook it

[48:56] the that tree is there to help protect

[48:58] your

[49:00] fridge that's what that's

[49:04] for oh well we're not here for long

[49:07] that's the whole point this is just a

[49:08] stop along the

[49:10] way not too worried

[49:12] about

[49:15] anything amazing we're

[49:25] just for

Photos · Sep 13, 2024

Sep 13, 2024

Photos · Sep 13, 2024

Sep 13, 2024

Photos · Sep 13, 2024

Sep 13, 2024

3:07

Clarifying Platform Use and Unheeded Unsubscribe Request

Sep 15, 2024

2:11

Testing Threat Response After False Bear Alarm

Sep 16, 2024

14:12

Explaining Direct Address and Preparing to Depart

Sep 18, 2024

10:57

Crossing Into Kansas, Assessing RV Water Leak

Sep 18, 2024

1:38

Observing Ripple Effects at Truman Lake

Sep 19, 2024

9:42

Touring RV Office Build and Route West

Sep 20, 2024

10:32

Driving Kansas Backroads, Documenting Landscape

Sep 20, 2024

9:49

Removing Teeth on Camera, Rejecting External Judgment

Sep 22, 2024

9:48

Naming Integration Versus Fragmentation in Process

Sep 24, 2024

6:36

Disinfecting Ear Piercings Before Long Drive Day

Sep 24, 2024

Photos · Sep 25, 2024

Sep 25, 2024

22:33

Restocking and Rebuilding Systems in Chadron, Nebraska

Sep 25, 2024

17:02

Entering Wyoming, Naming Matthew Shepard

Sep 26, 2024

Photos · Sep 26, 2024

Sep 26, 2024

49:39

Crossing Wyoming Toward Oregon, Naming Matthew Shepard

Sep 27, 2024

Photos · Sep 27, 2024

Sep 27, 2024

18:28

Morning Walk to the Sand Fish at Glendo

Sep 27, 2024

13:35

Sealing a Failed RV Slide Before Oregon

Sep 27, 2024

First Time Boondocking

Sep 28, 2024

25:13

Driving Wyoming Toward Oregon With Bailey

Sep 28, 2024

9:46

Recording Night Sky at Wagon Trail Pullout

Sep 29, 2024

9:04

Approaching Oregon Without a Plan

Sep 30, 2024

4:07

Naming the Unguarded Man from the Gas Station

Sep 30, 2024

22:41

Crossing Into Nevada En Route to Oregon Coast

Sep 30, 2024

2:31

Driving Into Elko for Supplies and Laundry

Oct 1, 2024

13:42

Contemplating Rootedness and Exploration on the Ruby Mountain

Oct 2, 2024

Photos · Oct 3, 2024

Oct 3, 2024

6:05

Facing the Mountain Without Medication

Oct 4, 2024

23:25

Driving Chimney Rock Mountain Road, Integrating Fear Response

Oct 4, 2024

10:44

Weighing Reopening Comments While Cooking Chili

Oct 5, 2024

48:33

Solving Off-Grid Battery Charging in Nevada

Oct 5, 2024

2:54

Charging House Batteries Through Solar Inverter

Oct 6, 2024

11:41

Weighing Nevada Against Oregon While Handling a Mouse

Oct 6, 2024

19:02

Deciding on Oregon While Hiking in Nevada

Oct 7, 2024

19:18

Last Day in Nevada, Preparing Departure for Oregon

Oct 7, 2024

Photos · Oct 8, 2024

Oct 8, 2024

Photos · Oct 8, 2024

Oct 8, 2024

Photos · Oct 8, 2024

Oct 8, 2024

PUBLIC

September 27, 2024 rswfire PUBLISHED

Temp 0.40

Density 0.80

Energetic Quality

clear and declarative, alternating between edged precision and open curiosity

Journey Phase

in transit — sustained forward motion with active reckoning

Directional Vector

westward toward Oregon; toward making peace with a place that carries cultural weight

Summary

Travel day. rswfire wakes from a nap at 9:30 AM, takes his first paid shower ($2 for 8 minutes, described as a military shower), dumps his tanks, hooks up the Jeep, and departs. He notes being bitten or attacked by something without knowing when or how.

Entering Wyoming. Before crossing the state line he states that Wyoming is inseparable for him from Matthew Shepard. He describes being the same age as Shepard, resembling him, seeing himself in him, and the cultural moment it became. He addresses an audience directly on societal homophobia:

States that Pride parades and community structures exist because people are forced to live in opposition, not by preference
Describes praying nightly as a young person to be made straight, and years of self-hatred sourced to what he observed in society
Names coming out as celebration of a denied part of self, and identifies the mechanism as fragmentation inflicted from outside — states plainly that he is not fragmented anymore
References an online article recasting the Shepard killing as a drug deal, which he rejects
Names current examples: bathroom policing, library reading events
States he is not avoiding the place and will try to make peace with it

Route and observations. He passes through small towns, sees fence posts, mountain ranges, cloud shadows across the land, red-tinted roads, horses, cows, and two sets of parked trains. He states repeated affection for trains and railroad tracks. Passing Bosler Springs, population six, he states the six lives are worth honoring and that diversity is necessary for life. He rejects the phrase "middle of nowhere," stating the land is somewhere to someone, including himself.

Logistics and preparation.

Discussed wind strategies with AI for an upcoming Morgan stop — wind force tolerances, using buildings as windbreaks
Notes a hurricane approaching Florida and wonders how RVers there relocate
Reports resolving a Jeep brake-system seating issue; carries a 20 lb propane tank in the Jeep secured with bungee cords, and states uncertainty about the risk
Wants a CB radio, and has asked AI about Forest Road passing protocol since he cannot reverse with the Jeep attached
Plans insulation work in Oregon during October ahead of winter

Arrival at Glendo State Park. Both Garmin and Google Maps route him wrong, onto private property and a gravel road; he turns around and finds the park is 5 miles further. He observes the lake appears dried up. The park proves extremely large — dozens of campgrounds spread across miles, a dam crossing, cattle in the road he passes at under a mile per hour.

Decision point. He states the detour cost more time than it was worth and that he may revise his remaining itinerary to reach Oregon faster — Oregon being the only place he wants to be. He leaves the Jeep attached, notes the site is unlevel, plans to attempt a slide repair the next day, and reports 88°F inside affecting the fridge. His cat Bailey hid in the stairwell at a gas stop and walked out of his harness that morning; rswfire plans to find a tighter one. A friendly truck driver at a fuel stop is described as fully present, unlike many recent encounters.

Environment

Mobile documentation captured from inside a towing vehicle and RV during a westbound travel day, beginning at a paid-shower campground in eastern Colorado/Nebraska grassland and crossing into Wyoming. The route passes through small towns including Bost Springs (population six), open rangeland, railroad corridors, and a gas stop in remote country.

The day terminates at Glendo State Park, a large reservoir park where the lake is largely dried up. Access requires navigating GPS misdirection onto private property and gravel roads, a dam crossing, cattle guards, and open-range cattle in the roadway before reaching a remote campground at Paddock Creek Road at 88°F interior temperature, unlevel, electric-only hookup, with the cat Bailey aboard.

Substrate

rswfire holds two structures simultaneously without collapsing either: a geographic transit toward a chosen destination, and a direct address to the social systems that impose fragmentation on gay people, anchored in Wyoming's association with Matthew Shepard. He states the position explicitly — he is not avoiding the place, he is entering it, naming what it carries, and attempting to relate to the land on its own terms. The architecture built here is one of refusal of erasure paired with active reattachment: he insists that minimization is the sin, that fragmentation was inflicted rather than intrinsic, and that he is no longer fragmented, while simultaneously extending honor to the six residents of a town he passes and the ranchers who have made remote life work for generations.

Actions

Performed

•taking a paid timed shower
•dumping RV tanks
•hooking up the Jeep
•driving westward into Wyoming
•addressing homophobia directly to camera
•naming Matthew Shepard and the fence posts
•narrating landscape, trains, windmills, cattle
•refueling at a remote station
•talking with a truck driver and station attendant
•correcting course after GPS misdirection onto private property
•crossing a dam and cattle guards
•driving at walking speed through open-range cattle
•arriving at Paddock Creek Road campground
•extending awning against sun load
•connecting electric hookup
•declining to detach the Jeep
•managing Bailey's heat and confinement

Referenced

•consulted AI about wind force strategies for Oregon
•consulted AI about CB radio protocol on one-way forest roads
•worked out a solution to the Jeep brake system issue
•secured a 20 lb propane tank in the Jeep with bungee cords
•reviewed Glendo State Park website that morning
•Bailey walked out of his harness that morning
•hiked comparable landscape in Arizona
•drove through Kansas and Nebraska
•read an article reframing the Matthew Shepard case as a drug deal
•prayed nightly as a youth to be made straight
•lived closeted during formative years

Planned

•attempt to fix the slide the next day
•revise remaining trip plan to reach Oregon sooner
•acquire a smaller, tighter harness for Bailey
•acquire an inexpensive CB radio
•locate fuel for the outbound leg
•insulate the RV during October
•arrive in Oregon around September 30 or October 2
•winter in Oregon
•possibly ask AI about propane tank transport safety
•consider remote Wyoming as an alternative if the Pacific Northwest feels too populated

Entities

beings

Matthew Shepard — Murdered in Wyoming; rswfire states they were the same age and looked alike, and that the event was a cultural moment with deep impact

Bailey — Cat traveling with rswfire; walked out of his harness that morning, hid during the fuel stop, tired of the drive

places

Wyoming — State entered during this signal; carries permanent association with Matthew Shepard for rswfire

Glendo State Park — Destination campground; large reservoir park with dried-up lake and campgrounds spread across miles

Bost Springs — Town of population six that rswfire names as worthy of honoring

Paddock Creek Road — Final approach road to the remote campground site

Oregon — Stated destination; the only place rswfire says he wants to be, where he intends to start his life

Kansas — Previously traversed state rswfire states he liked; reference point for remoteness

Nebraska — State driven straight through

Arizona — Prior location where rswfire hiked comparable terrain

Florida — Site of an incoming hurricane prompting reflection on RV migration patterns

Pacific Northwest — Region of destination; forest roads and CB radio protocol discussed

fence posts — Roadside structures rswfire names as the type where Shepard was tied

systems

Jeep — Towed vehicle; brake system and positioning issues, now carrying a secured propane tank

AI — Consulted for wind-force strategy, forest road protocol, and preparation planning

Garmin GPS — Misdirected rswfire onto private property; Google Maps also had incorrect directions

CB radio — Planned acquisition for forest road communication and trucker channels

concepts

Pride parades — Named as existing in response to societal non-acceptance, not in spite of it

media

the Matthew Shepard revisionist article — Online piece reframing the murder as a drug deal gone bad; rswfire names it as erasure

Symbolic Elements

Represented archetypes or recurring motifs.

threshold (state line crossing)

fence post

road

train

dried lake

dam

cattle guard

windmill

shadow on the land

open range

wind

closet

autumn

gravel

Ontological States

Expressed modes of being or awareness.

sovereign (stating he is no longer fragmented while naming exactly who inflicted the fragmentation)

in transit (physically crossing terrain with a fixed destination and an adjustable route)

integrated (emotional field, historical memory, and mechanical problem-solving running in the same continuous stream)

witnessing (naming Wyoming's cultural weight directly rather than routing around it)

relationally open (registering the truck driver's full presence, the six residents, the ranchers, the cattle)

Engaged Subsystems

Architecture engaged in this transmission.

navigational (route planning, GPS failure, course correction, fuel logistics)

mechanical (Jeep brakes, propane transport, slide repair, leveling, tank dumping)

ethical (direct address to homophobia, refusal of historical minimization, honoring remote lives)

somatic (heat load, paid shower timing, physical fatigue, the body's memory of self-hatred)

ecological (grassland, desert, dried reservoir, cloud shadow, autumn onset, livestock)

relational (Bailey's care, the truck driver, the station attendant, the six residents)

cognitive (systems thinking, forward preparation, AI consultation, protocol research)

domestic-infrastructural (insulation planning, hookups, awning, refrigerator orientation)

Dominant Language

Core motifs or linguistic fields.

fragmentation

you have no idea how damaging

sit with your sin

remote / somewhere to someone

I'm not avoiding going to this place

just want to get to Oregon

always thinking ahead

Queryable Personhood

Hand your life to anything that reads.

Share this link with artificial intelligence — it reads the full transcript, analysis, and reflections. An AI-readable mirror of this signal.

URL

The qpkey in this URL is a per-signal access token. Anyone with the URL can read the record — treat it like a share link, not a password.

Crossing Wyoming Toward Oregon, Naming Matthew Shepard

Energetic Quality

Journey Phase

Directional Vector

Tags

Summary

Environment

Substrate

Actions

Performed

Referenced

Planned

Entities

Symbolic Elements

Ontological States

Engaged Subsystems

Dominant Language

Hand your life to anything that reads.