Ending a Connection, Relocating Ahead of Storm

01JD2SY5EG2X1HG8TFEVZNZDTB

PUBLIC

November 19, 2024 rswfire PUBLISHED

Temp 0.50

Density 0.70

Energetic Quality

clear-edged and weather-charged

Journey Phase

recalibrating

Directional Vector

away from a compromised location, toward chosen ground and sovereignty defense

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Chapters

Transcript

[0:00] so it's almost 700 in the morning here

[0:02] I'm just going to say this briefly

[0:04] things didn't work out with my new

[0:06] [Music]

[0:07] friend I want to respect his privacy so

[0:10] I'm not going to say more than that

[0:11] other than to say he made me feel very

[0:13] unsafe very

[0:15] scared

[0:18] and destroyed something that was

[0:20] absolutely

[0:22] beautiful it's heartbreaking and I'm

[0:25] grieving and I'm moving on so um I'm

[0:27] doing laundry this morning it's almost 7

[0:30] in the morning I might have said that we

[0:31] have a major storm coming the wind um

[0:35] the sustained winds are going to be in

[0:37] like the 50s or 60s I think and the the

[0:40] Gus they're going to be in the 80s but

[0:42] the campground is pretty secure I think

[0:45] maybe just have to worry about the trees

[0:47] but there's really nothing you can do

[0:48] about that so

[0:51] um just going to tough it out today got

[0:53] to get my laundry done and just you know

[0:56] whatever so yeah things didn't work out

[1:00] so I'm here doing

[1:02] hry two people in here and they're using

[1:05] all the washers there was only one I

[1:08] crab out so those are going to probably

[1:10] take hours I guess I need to do my

[1:13] laundry anyways I want to honor had this

[1:17] because it was wonderful I'm trying to

[1:18] get this door shut it was wonderful up

[1:21] until it wasn't right

[1:27] so very I'll take away

[1:30] this place is

[1:32] done oh my God yesterday I hooked him on

[1:36] the

[1:36] beach when he came to get me

[1:39] wonderful absolutely love

[1:43] that I got him a tie table because I

[1:46] know how important that is to him it's a

[1:48] way of showing I

[1:51] care told him I want you to meet his mom

[1:54] that I wanted her to like me

[1:57] rtic I love the berry picking

[2:01] I teased him about it because who

[2:02] wouldn't it was

[2:07] adorable I like this man just as he

[2:12] was quirks and a like just so different

[2:14] from

[2:15] me let him be himself and

[2:22] then I have a lot to process I just I'm

[2:26] I want

[2:28] to I don't want

[2:31] to trying to be respectful you know I'm

[2:34] not trying

[2:39] to there just some things I can't

[2:43] say what I'm hurting pretty

[2:46] obvious w't close me off though

[2:49] because that was wonderful it was Come

[2:54] on

[2:55] B oh

[2:56] yeah we started cuddling together a few

[2:59] days going that gave me one fuzzy

[3:02] feeling inside that I still have mixed

[3:05] with everything else that's

[3:13] going by the way my Xbox one there and

[3:18] hopefully very

[3:19] soon hopefully I'm really hopeing

[3:24] soon I don't know I

[3:27] can because

[3:31] complications can't really afford to

[3:33] leave yet I week at this

[3:37] place but I'm probably going to leave

[3:40] early

[3:42] somehow go back to um Brookings cuz I

[3:46] love it there I missed it I'm making

[3:50] friends there too there's this one woman

[3:52] on the beach that I met a couple of

[3:53] times he had to

[4:06] dis gu was kind of

[4:09] building know

[4:13] I

[4:14] for these little connection make then

[4:18] this happened it was

[4:20] like it was beautiful was

[4:24] [ __ ] think I was falling in love with

[4:26] this man I think I might have actually I

[4:30] don't

[4:38] know I felt safe with him right up until

[4:42] I

[4:43] didn't just breaks my

[4:50] heart confuses me why like I didn't see

[4:54] it

[4:56] how you can only see what's there right

[4:58] what you're shown

[5:00] so I don't blame

[5:03] myself it just sucks you know it just

[5:07] sucks so all these people you like

[5:09] taking all the washers I think I'm just

[5:10] going to go somewhere else I Bailey

[5:12] threw up on a blanket that I really

[5:14] needed to get washed so that's in there

[5:16] once that's washed and again dry I'm

[5:18] going to go to a different town I

[5:22] think but there is a major storm coming

[5:25] in I just don't know like I don't need

[5:26] to be out in this weather I got to be

[5:29] with Bailey don't want him being scared

[5:31] I doesn't need to be there

[5:33] so guess

[5:36] I'll I don't know it's kind of tricky

[5:38] because you can't really trust weather

[5:39] apps so you know the storm comes when it

[5:42] comes I guess

[5:44] and 80 M an hour like all week I've been

[5:48] like wow that's even for me that's a lot

[5:50] you know I want to document I want to

[5:52] see it I want to experience it to an

[5:57] extent I don't know I'm trying to think

[5:59] like just so much happened we it was

[6:02] wonderful I destroy something so

[6:05] beautiful that had so much

[6:11] potential it's over there's no going

[6:18] back yeah gu I'll leave it there for on

[6:22] ohlo this one side I'm going to try to

[6:25] get

[6:27] some these clouds are just moving

[6:45] it's going to be an

[6:48] event I'll be okay you guys don't worry

[6:50] about me we going to be good well I

[6:53] clean my blankets I didn't get all my

[6:55] laundry done I really wanted to clean my

[6:57] pants because I'm always getting them

[6:59] wet on in the ocean and I have to dry

[7:02] them out with my electric heater and you

[7:04] know after a while they do get dirty and

[7:06] you got to wash them so I still have

[7:09] cleaned pants though so we're good do it

[7:11] another day um this is a major storm

[7:14] system maybe I even um put a screenshot

[7:18] up of it cuz it's so cool looking so

[7:21] cool and so I'm not going to head

[7:23] south cuz it's everywhere I mean and

[7:26] these are very strong winds so

[7:29] um and I was talking to a guy at the

[7:31] laundry man I asked him what he thought

[7:33] cuz he's lived here forever and he's

[7:35] like it's a little bit about luck and

[7:37] I'm like that's not a good word to use

[7:39] like that's not a reason to you know

[7:41] don't be out at luck that I'm not going

[7:43] to yeah no so I'm doing

[7:47] better um these feelings will build

[7:51] linger a little while and you know I'll

[7:53] process the things that happened and

[7:55] I'll move on that's what I do and still

[7:59] up and

[8:01] still you know

[8:05] I'm I'm

[8:07] good yeah oh I didn't want to mention

[8:11] though I cook for this man twice do you

[8:13] know what kind of a cook I am so I made

[8:16] burgers the first night those were good

[8:20] getting pretty good at that using my

[8:21] ninja foodie then I made chili yesterday

[8:23] but I made a special chili I chopped up

[8:27] onions like red pepper whole bunch of

[8:31] garlic Chopped all that up and cooked it

[8:35] like seared it or whatever and then put

[8:38] in brown sugar and cocoa powder mix all

[8:42] that together then you know just a whole

[8:44] bunch of stuff like this was a lot of

[8:46] work I wanted to nourish this man

[8:50] cuz apparently there's that part of me

[8:53] that I didn't know about so that was

[8:55] interesting to discover and loved it

[8:58] and um

[9:02] oh

[9:04] man I'm [ __ ]

[9:06] awesome turning me into the

[9:10] monster

[9:13] because what because I'm awesome like

[9:17] makes no sense could have been

[9:20] beautiful

[9:23] M it is what it is there are other men

[9:26] out there I didn't tell you guys about

[9:28] the fishermen there was one day I was at

[9:30] a different Campground and I saw this

[9:32] fisherman holding a fishing pole this

[9:34] man knew how to hold a fishing pole like

[9:37] that just did something to me I just had

[9:39] to talk to that

[9:41] man um that's a whole other story um

[9:46] yeah yeah I

[9:49] [Music]

[9:51] guess um I don't know just kind of

[9:55] having a moment here because

[10:01] I love this place so I got to I don't

[10:03] know if I can show

[10:04] you um oh I can't show you very well let

[10:09] me try you look back there somewhere

[10:11] there it

[10:13] is I got a 101 sticker put above my baby

[10:17] Yoda because this place claimed me I

[10:20] claimed it back

[10:22] so I live on this Coast now this is

[10:25] where I

[10:26] live so before I wrap this video up I I

[10:29] thought maybe I'll just go check the

[10:31] cape out and oh some people okay so I

[10:35] just want to show you though isn't it

[10:36] pretty yes this is my campsite it floods

[10:40] real bad this is nothing it'll get a lot

[10:43] worse um well let's go check the KP

[10:46] we'll talk about a few

[10:48] things um nor might I just come out here

[10:51] so I've been hiking every day since my

[10:54] heart got opened up that over a month

[10:56] ago and according to Samsung health I'm

[10:59] the top 3% of everybody who's out here

[11:01] walking and stuff which I'm very proud

[11:04] of I'm probably going to put a

[11:05] screenshot up of that because maybe I'll

[11:08] just document that fact cuz I'm hiking

[11:11] everywhere you know um very sore I

[11:15] there's a I don't know if I mentioned it

[11:16] but my I got a core muscle that's real

[11:19] sore and I'm not giving it enough rust

[11:22] to get better so anyways

[11:26] um probably not going to stay here

[11:28] because quite honestly it doesn't feel

[11:30] safe

[11:32] anymore um it's

[11:35] complicated but it doesn't feel safe

[11:38] so um I think what I'm going to do cuz I

[11:41] I want to stay on the southern coast and

[11:43] I do actually kind of Miss Brookings and

[11:45] Gold Beach area um and Humbug Mountain

[11:49] like I'll probably stay in those areas

[11:51] and the next place up is this one and

[11:55] once you get to here cap

[11:57] blonco um

[11:59] things start to get a little more remote

[12:01] so um there's just it's a different vibe

[12:05] a little bit more solitary in a sense

[12:08] and you know that's not the energy I

[12:11] have these days I really want to

[12:15] um socialize so want to be on the

[12:19] beaches and Brookings generally it has

[12:22] this effect where it tends to have it's

[12:24] got a microclimate that's uh might make

[12:27] some of the days better

[12:29] um all kinds of reasons you know I just

[12:32] absolutely love it and then maybe in the

[12:34] spring I'll start heading north but I'm

[12:37] going

[12:38] to recalibrate I was going to make this

[12:41] my base camp it's going to spend two

[12:43] weeks at a time here go somewhere else

[12:45] for 3 Days come back this is going to be

[12:47] my base camp cuz I love so much about

[12:49] this place

[12:51] but maintaining privacy here

[12:54] because despite everything that happens

[12:56] I care very much about this person and

[13:04] I just hope that

[13:08] they and I can't you know I just I can't

[13:11] talk about it but I don't feel safe here

[13:13] so I'm going to move

[13:14] on um under different

[13:18] circumstances a normal breakup or

[13:20] something like that would not be an

[13:22] issue but this is

[13:23] different um that being said got this

[13:27] pocket knife don't even remember where

[13:29] I carry it everywhere

[13:31] now because I am still expecting social

[13:34] claps obviously but you know I will

[13:37] defend my sovereignty against anybody

[13:39] any

[13:40] threat and I mean I'm not saying

[13:43] anything by saying that not an

[13:46] implication of any kind I'm basically

[13:49] telling my viewers

[13:51] that not to worry so I'll be

[13:54] fine trust

[13:56] myself love myself

[14:00] and making me feel unsafe that's wrong

[14:03] unacceptably

[14:05] wrong so

[14:08] no putting me in that position

[14:10] absolutely [ __ ] wrong

[14:15] undeserved I'm going to keep living my

[14:18] best [ __ ]

[14:19] life that's what I want for

[14:22] everybody so we're about to leave the

[14:24] tree line and that's when the wind will

[14:26] pick up because this Campground really

[14:27] is protected so let's see what's going

[14:28] on

[14:31] there's a couple up ahead of me so I'm

[14:32] trying to not pan over

[14:36] there oh I'm going to

[14:55] lose yeah this is

[15:00] 4 M hour um

[15:15] GS

[15:23] that can't be

[15:25] predicted does of for what it is

[15:32] sheer force of nature that is me that

[15:36] will always be

[15:38] me Lighthouse over there void

[15:41] penetrating

[15:43] device to meet

[15:45] too can see

[15:48] deeply here the void but here turned it

[15:52] on the light hasn't been on since we got

[15:54] here people coming hold on they were

[15:57] cool dos they're like I guess we're not

[15:59] all The Crazy Ones nope you're sure

[16:03] not um still kind few not

[16:09] bad so anyways yeah um oldest lighthouse

[16:12] in Oregon and they're trying to collect

[16:16] funds for it to repair it maybe that's

[16:19] why the light is not anymore I don't

[16:21] know I haven't been able to see it that

[16:23] way and this was is sad cuz I don't

[16:24] really want

[16:25] to um you know

[16:33] that pants are falling down wait a

[16:35] minute why is this upside down oh my god

[16:38] of course I did guys of course I did

[16:40] okay let me just send it there this is

[16:41] so very

[0:00] so it's almost 700 in the morning here

[0:02] I'm just going to say this briefly

[0:04] things didn't work out with my new

[0:06] [Music]

[0:07] friend I want to respect his privacy so

[0:10] I'm not going to say more than that

[0:11] other than to say he made me feel very

[0:13] unsafe very

[0:15] scared

[0:18] and destroyed something that was

[0:20] absolutely

[0:22] beautiful it's heartbreaking and I'm

[0:25] grieving and I'm moving on so um I'm

[0:27] doing laundry this morning it's almost 7

[0:30] in the morning I might have said that we

[0:31] have a major storm coming the wind um

[0:35] the sustained winds are going to be in

[0:37] like the 50s or 60s I think and the the

[0:40] Gus they're going to be in the 80s but

[0:42] the campground is pretty secure I think

[0:45] maybe just have to worry about the trees

[0:47] but there's really nothing you can do

[0:48] about that so

[0:51] um just going to tough it out today got

[0:53] to get my laundry done and just you know

[0:56] whatever so yeah things didn't work out

[1:00] so I'm here doing

[1:02] hry two people in here and they're using

[1:05] all the washers there was only one I

[1:08] crab out so those are going to probably

[1:10] take hours I guess I need to do my

[1:13] laundry anyways I want to honor had this

[1:17] because it was wonderful I'm trying to

[1:18] get this door shut it was wonderful up

[1:21] until it wasn't right

[1:27] so very I'll take away

[1:30] this place is

[1:32] done oh my God yesterday I hooked him on

[1:36] the

[1:36] beach when he came to get me

[1:39] wonderful absolutely love

[1:43] that I got him a tie table because I

[1:46] know how important that is to him it's a

[1:48] way of showing I

[1:51] care told him I want you to meet his mom

[1:54] that I wanted her to like me

[1:57] rtic I love the berry picking

[2:01] I teased him about it because who

[2:02] wouldn't it was

[2:07] adorable I like this man just as he

[2:12] was quirks and a like just so different

[2:14] from

[2:15] me let him be himself and

[2:22] then I have a lot to process I just I'm

[2:26] I want

[2:28] to I don't want

[2:31] to trying to be respectful you know I'm

[2:34] not trying

[2:39] to there just some things I can't

[2:43] say what I'm hurting pretty

[2:46] obvious w't close me off though

[2:49] because that was wonderful it was Come

[2:54] on

[2:55] B oh

[2:56] yeah we started cuddling together a few

[2:59] days going that gave me one fuzzy

[3:02] feeling inside that I still have mixed

[3:05] with everything else that's

[3:13] going by the way my Xbox one there and

[3:18] hopefully very

[3:19] soon hopefully I'm really hopeing

[3:24] soon I don't know I

[3:27] can because

[3:31] complications can't really afford to

[3:33] leave yet I week at this

[3:37] place but I'm probably going to leave

[3:40] early

[3:42] somehow go back to um Brookings cuz I

[3:46] love it there I missed it I'm making

[3:50] friends there too there's this one woman

[3:52] on the beach that I met a couple of

[3:53] times he had to

[4:06] dis gu was kind of

[4:09] building know

[4:13] I

[4:14] for these little connection make then

[4:18] this happened it was

[4:20] like it was beautiful was

[4:24] [ __ ] think I was falling in love with

[4:26] this man I think I might have actually I

[4:30] don't

[4:38] know I felt safe with him right up until

[4:42] I

[4:43] didn't just breaks my

[4:50] heart confuses me why like I didn't see

[4:54] it

[4:56] how you can only see what's there right

[4:58] what you're shown

[5:00] so I don't blame

[5:03] myself it just sucks you know it just

[5:07] sucks so all these people you like

[5:09] taking all the washers I think I'm just

[5:10] going to go somewhere else I Bailey

[5:12] threw up on a blanket that I really

[5:14] needed to get washed so that's in there

[5:16] once that's washed and again dry I'm

[5:18] going to go to a different town I

[5:22] think but there is a major storm coming

[5:25] in I just don't know like I don't need

[5:26] to be out in this weather I got to be

[5:29] with Bailey don't want him being scared

[5:31] I doesn't need to be there

[5:33] so guess

[5:36] I'll I don't know it's kind of tricky

[5:38] because you can't really trust weather

[5:39] apps so you know the storm comes when it

[5:42] comes I guess

[5:44] and 80 M an hour like all week I've been

[5:48] like wow that's even for me that's a lot

[5:50] you know I want to document I want to

[5:52] see it I want to experience it to an

[5:57] extent I don't know I'm trying to think

[5:59] like just so much happened we it was

[6:02] wonderful I destroy something so

[6:05] beautiful that had so much

[6:11] potential it's over there's no going

[6:18] back yeah gu I'll leave it there for on

[6:22] ohlo this one side I'm going to try to

[6:25] get

[6:27] some these clouds are just moving

[6:45] it's going to be an

[6:48] event I'll be okay you guys don't worry

[6:50] about me we going to be good well I

[6:53] clean my blankets I didn't get all my

[6:55] laundry done I really wanted to clean my

[6:57] pants because I'm always getting them

[6:59] wet on in the ocean and I have to dry

[7:02] them out with my electric heater and you

[7:04] know after a while they do get dirty and

[7:06] you got to wash them so I still have

[7:09] cleaned pants though so we're good do it

[7:11] another day um this is a major storm

[7:14] system maybe I even um put a screenshot

[7:18] up of it cuz it's so cool looking so

[7:21] cool and so I'm not going to head

[7:23] south cuz it's everywhere I mean and

[7:26] these are very strong winds so

[7:29] um and I was talking to a guy at the

[7:31] laundry man I asked him what he thought

[7:33] cuz he's lived here forever and he's

[7:35] like it's a little bit about luck and

[7:37] I'm like that's not a good word to use

[7:39] like that's not a reason to you know

[7:41] don't be out at luck that I'm not going

[7:43] to yeah no so I'm doing

[7:47] better um these feelings will build

[7:51] linger a little while and you know I'll

[7:53] process the things that happened and

[7:55] I'll move on that's what I do and still

[7:59] up and

[8:01] still you know

[8:05] I'm I'm

[8:07] good yeah oh I didn't want to mention

[8:11] though I cook for this man twice do you

[8:13] know what kind of a cook I am so I made

[8:16] burgers the first night those were good

[8:20] getting pretty good at that using my

[8:21] ninja foodie then I made chili yesterday

[8:23] but I made a special chili I chopped up

[8:27] onions like red pepper whole bunch of

[8:31] garlic Chopped all that up and cooked it

[8:35] like seared it or whatever and then put

[8:38] in brown sugar and cocoa powder mix all

[8:42] that together then you know just a whole

[8:44] bunch of stuff like this was a lot of

[8:46] work I wanted to nourish this man

[8:50] cuz apparently there's that part of me

[8:53] that I didn't know about so that was

[8:55] interesting to discover and loved it

[8:58] and um

[9:02] oh

[9:04] man I'm [ __ ]

[9:06] awesome turning me into the

[9:10] monster

[9:13] because what because I'm awesome like

[9:17] makes no sense could have been

[9:20] beautiful

[9:23] M it is what it is there are other men

[9:26] out there I didn't tell you guys about

[9:28] the fishermen there was one day I was at

[9:30] a different Campground and I saw this

[9:32] fisherman holding a fishing pole this

[9:34] man knew how to hold a fishing pole like

[9:37] that just did something to me I just had

[9:39] to talk to that

[9:41] man um that's a whole other story um

[9:46] yeah yeah I

[9:49] [Music]

[9:51] guess um I don't know just kind of

[9:55] having a moment here because

[10:01] I love this place so I got to I don't

[10:03] know if I can show

[10:04] you um oh I can't show you very well let

[10:09] me try you look back there somewhere

[10:11] there it

[10:13] is I got a 101 sticker put above my baby

[10:17] Yoda because this place claimed me I

[10:20] claimed it back

[10:22] so I live on this Coast now this is

[10:25] where I

[10:26] live so before I wrap this video up I I

[10:29] thought maybe I'll just go check the

[10:31] cape out and oh some people okay so I

[10:35] just want to show you though isn't it

[10:36] pretty yes this is my campsite it floods

[10:40] real bad this is nothing it'll get a lot

[10:43] worse um well let's go check the KP

[10:46] we'll talk about a few

[10:48] things um nor might I just come out here

[10:51] so I've been hiking every day since my

[10:54] heart got opened up that over a month

[10:56] ago and according to Samsung health I'm

[10:59] the top 3% of everybody who's out here

[11:01] walking and stuff which I'm very proud

[11:04] of I'm probably going to put a

[11:05] screenshot up of that because maybe I'll

[11:08] just document that fact cuz I'm hiking

[11:11] everywhere you know um very sore I

[11:15] there's a I don't know if I mentioned it

[11:16] but my I got a core muscle that's real

[11:19] sore and I'm not giving it enough rust

[11:22] to get better so anyways

[11:26] um probably not going to stay here

[11:28] because quite honestly it doesn't feel

[11:30] safe

[11:32] anymore um it's

[11:35] complicated but it doesn't feel safe

[11:38] so um I think what I'm going to do cuz I

[11:41] I want to stay on the southern coast and

[11:43] I do actually kind of Miss Brookings and

[11:45] Gold Beach area um and Humbug Mountain

[11:49] like I'll probably stay in those areas

[11:51] and the next place up is this one and

[11:55] once you get to here cap

[11:57] blonco um

[11:59] things start to get a little more remote

[12:01] so um there's just it's a different vibe

[12:05] a little bit more solitary in a sense

[12:08] and you know that's not the energy I

[12:11] have these days I really want to

[12:15] um socialize so want to be on the

[12:19] beaches and Brookings generally it has

[12:22] this effect where it tends to have it's

[12:24] got a microclimate that's uh might make

[12:27] some of the days better

[12:29] um all kinds of reasons you know I just

[12:32] absolutely love it and then maybe in the

[12:34] spring I'll start heading north but I'm

[12:37] going

[12:38] to recalibrate I was going to make this

[12:41] my base camp it's going to spend two

[12:43] weeks at a time here go somewhere else

[12:45] for 3 Days come back this is going to be

[12:47] my base camp cuz I love so much about

[12:49] this place

[12:51] but maintaining privacy here

[12:54] because despite everything that happens

[12:56] I care very much about this person and

[13:04] I just hope that

[13:08] they and I can't you know I just I can't

[13:11] talk about it but I don't feel safe here

[13:13] so I'm going to move

[13:14] on um under different

[13:18] circumstances a normal breakup or

[13:20] something like that would not be an

[13:22] issue but this is

[13:23] different um that being said got this

[13:27] pocket knife don't even remember where

[13:29] I carry it everywhere

[13:31] now because I am still expecting social

[13:34] claps obviously but you know I will

[13:37] defend my sovereignty against anybody

[13:39] any

[13:40] threat and I mean I'm not saying

[13:43] anything by saying that not an

[13:46] implication of any kind I'm basically

[13:49] telling my viewers

[13:51] that not to worry so I'll be

[13:54] fine trust

[13:56] myself love myself

[14:00] and making me feel unsafe that's wrong

[14:03] unacceptably

[14:05] wrong so

[14:08] no putting me in that position

[14:10] absolutely [ __ ] wrong

[14:15] undeserved I'm going to keep living my

[14:18] best [ __ ]

[14:19] life that's what I want for

[14:22] everybody so we're about to leave the

[14:24] tree line and that's when the wind will

[14:26] pick up because this Campground really

[14:27] is protected so let's see what's going

[14:28] on

[14:31] there's a couple up ahead of me so I'm

[14:32] trying to not pan over

[14:36] there oh I'm going to

[14:55] lose yeah this is

[15:00] 4 M hour um

[15:15] GS

[15:23] that can't be

[15:25] predicted does of for what it is

[15:32] sheer force of nature that is me that

[15:36] will always be

[15:38] me Lighthouse over there void

[15:41] penetrating

[15:43] device to meet

[15:45] too can see

[15:48] deeply here the void but here turned it

[15:52] on the light hasn't been on since we got

[15:54] here people coming hold on they were

[15:57] cool dos they're like I guess we're not

[15:59] all The Crazy Ones nope you're sure

[16:03] not um still kind few not

[16:09] bad so anyways yeah um oldest lighthouse

[16:12] in Oregon and they're trying to collect

[16:16] funds for it to repair it maybe that's

[16:19] why the light is not anymore I don't

[16:21] know I haven't been able to see it that

[16:23] way and this was is sad cuz I don't

[16:24] really want

[16:25] to um you know

[16:33] that pants are falling down wait a

[16:35] minute why is this upside down oh my god

[16:38] of course I did guys of course I did

[16:40] okay let me just send it there this is

[16:41] so very

2:28

Closing Video Transmissions on Staying Open

Nov 2, 2024

Photos · Nov 3, 2024

Nov 3, 2024

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Photos · Nov 5, 2024

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Photos · Nov 5, 2024

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Photos · Nov 5, 2024

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Photos · Nov 6, 2024

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Photos · Nov 7, 2024

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Photos · Nov 7, 2024

Nov 7, 2024

17:07

Testing the Waters on Restarting YouTube

Nov 16, 2024

14:47

Recounting Cape Blanco Encounters and New Friendship

Nov 17, 2024

16:43

Ending a Connection, Relocating Ahead of Storm

Nov 19, 2024

6:56

Mapping Nomadic Romance and Energetic Intensity

Nov 20, 2024

5:36

Documenting the Night a Guest Was Removed

Nov 21, 2024

12:26

Answering Boondocking Question, Documenting Storm Damage

Nov 21, 2024

7:15

Tracing a Wet Brake Controller, Then Walking to the Lighthouse

Nov 21, 2024

2:59

Standing on the Cliff Edge, Naming Parking Lot People

Nov 21, 2024

7:01

Filming After Ocean Play at High Tide

Nov 21, 2024

13:28

Filming a Wind Storm on the Coast

Nov 22, 2024

4:58

Recording on Emotional Integration at Cape Blanco

Nov 22, 2024

8:45

Taking a Rest Weekend Before Monday Departure

Nov 23, 2024

5:11

Waiting on Cattle, Driving to Cape Edge

Nov 24, 2024

9:29

Clearing the Roof, Dropping Minimizing Language

Nov 24, 2024

8:21

Last Day at Cape, Planning Boondocking on 101

Nov 24, 2024

11:32

Preparing First Coastal Boondock at Pinned Pullout

Nov 25, 2024

12:42

Claiming Public Space on the Coast

Nov 26, 2024

15:43

Testing Power Systems and Relocating to Bandon

Nov 26, 2024

13:13

Pivoting to Humbug Mountain, Setting Comment Protocol

Nov 27, 2024

15:02

Recording Thanksgiving Night at Humbug Mountain

Nov 29, 2024

13:41

Driving South Coast, Weighing RV Loan Outcome

Nov 29, 2024

11:09

Breaking Camp for Cape Blanco, Resting Body

Dec 1, 2024

5:56

Recording from Cape Blanco After Missed Uploads

Dec 1, 2024

2:16

Morning Walk to Shower House, Rest Protocol

Dec 2, 2024

10:30

Resting Core Muscles at Cape Blanco, Discovering the Kettle

Dec 4, 2024

3:05

Grocery Run in Pajamas, RV Payment Deferred

Dec 4, 2024

37:15

Recounting the Oregon Journey From Bed Rest

Dec 5, 2024

6:58

Tracking Earthquake Alert and Tsunami Warning on Coast

Dec 5, 2024

3:50

Unhiding the Full Archive, Opening Chapter Seven

Dec 6, 2024

8:46

Driving to Store, Reviewing Memory and Body Signals

Dec 7, 2024

5:26

Counting Nine Days of Muscle Recovery

Dec 8, 2024

PUBLIC

November 19, 2024 rswfire PUBLISHED

Temp 0.50

Density 0.70

Energetic Quality

clear-edged and weather-charged

Journey Phase

recalibrating

Directional Vector

away from a compromised location, toward chosen ground and sovereignty defense

Narrative

Just before seven in the morning, rswfire stands inside a laundromat on the southern Oregon coast with a door that won't quite shut and a storm three days of forecasts have been building toward. Two other patrons have taken every washer but one. He states the thing he came to state plainly and briefly, and then declines to say more: things didn't work out with his new friend, the man made him feel unsafe and scared, and something beautiful was destroyed. He names his own condition without naming the other person's — he wants to respect his privacy — and holds that boundary for the length of the recording, returning to it each time the story presses against it. He says he is heartbreaking and grieving and moving on, in that order, in one breath.

The storm sits alongside the rupture rather than behind it. Sustained winds in the fifties and sixties, gusts forecast into the eighties. He notes the campground is protected — good tree line, secure — and that the trees themselves are the only real variable, and that there is nothing to be done about trees. He plans to tough out the day, get the laundry done, and see what the sky does. Bailey has thrown up on a blanket rswfire actually needs, so that goes in first. What emerges hours later is a partial result: the blanket clean, the pants unwashed, salt-stiff from the ocean and dried out night after night against the electric heater. He decides the pants can wait. He still has clean ones.

Between loads, the connection surfaces in fragments, each one specific. Hooking Bailey on the beach the day before, when the man came to get him. Buying him a tide table, because he knew how much the tides mattered to him, and because that is how rswfire shows care. Telling him he wanted to meet his mother, wanted her to like him. Teasing him about berry picking. Cuddling that started a few days in and left a fuzzy feeling he states he still carries, mixed in with everything else. And the cooking — burgers the first night on the Ninja Foodi, then a chili he built from scratch: onions, red pepper, a whole head's worth of garlic, all of it seared down, brown sugar and cocoa powder folded in. He describes discovering a part of himself he hadn't known was there, the part that wanted to nourish this man, and states that he loved it. He does not turn the wound inward. You can only see what you're shown, he says, so he doesn't blame himself. It sucks. It was wonderful up until it wasn't.

Outside the laundromat, the clouds are moving fast enough to be an event on their own, and rswfire films them and tells his viewers not to worry about him. He mentions a man at the laundromat, a local who has lived here forever, and what that man offered when asked about the storm: it's a little bit about luck. rswfire rejects the word outright. Luck is not a reason to be out in something. He substitutes decision, timing, and preparation, and moves on. He takes a screenshot of the system because it is so cool looking. He will not head south into it — the storm is everywhere, and the winds are very strong.

Back at the site he wants to show the camera something first: a Highway 101 sticker he has put up above his Baby Yoda. This place claimed me, he says, and I claimed it back. I live on this Coast now. This is where I live. Then he pans across the campsite itself — pretty, and flood-prone, and this is nothing compared to how bad it gets. Both facts stand together without contradiction, and the second one is the one that governs. He heads for the cape.

He has been hiking every day for over a month, since his heart got opened up. Samsung Health puts him in the top three percent of everyone out walking, and he says he is proud of that and intends to screenshot it as documentation. A core muscle is sore and he is not resting it enough. Walking, he lays out the recalibration: he had meant to make this a base camp, two weeks here, three days elsewhere, back again, because he loves so much about this place. That plan dissolves mid-formation. It doesn't feel safe here anymore. He states he still cares very much about this person, that a normal breakup would not be an issue, that this is different, and that safety — not attachment — decides where he sites himself. So he maps south instead: Brookings, which he misses and where he is already making friends, the woman he's met a couple of times on the beach; Gold Beach; Humbug Mountain. Past Cape Blanco it gets remote and solitary, and that is not the energy he has right now. He wants beaches and people. Maybe north in the spring.

He mentions the pocket knife he now carries everywhere, and stops to draw a hard line around it — this implies nothing about anyone, he is telling his viewers not to worry. Then the statement underneath it: he will defend his sovereignty against anybody, any threat. Making him feel unsafe was wrong, unacceptably wrong, undeserved. He says he trusts himself and loves himself and is going to keep living his best life, and that this is what he wants for everybody. Then the tree line ends and the wind takes the recording. A couple passes on the trail and he angles the camera away from them, and afterward notes they were cool, not all the crazy ones out here. The oldest lighthouse in Oregon stands off to the side, dark — the light hasn't been on since he arrived, and there is a fund being collected to repair it. He calls it a void-penetrating device and says you can see deeply into the void here. Sheer force of nature that is me, he says into the gusts, that will always be me. Then his pants are falling down, the frame is upside down, and of course it is — of course he did — and he sends it anyway.

Summary

Recorded near 7:00 AM at a coastal campground while doing laundry. rswfire states that things did not work out with a man he had been seeing, and declines to give details out of respect for that person's privacy. He states the man made him feel unsafe and scared and destroyed something beautiful, that he is grieving, and that he is moving on. He states he does not blame himself.

He documents what the connection contained: cooking for the man twice (burgers, then a chili built with onions, red pepper, garlic, brown sugar, and cocoa powder in his Ninja Foodi), buying him a tide table, hooking him on the beach, berry picking, cuddling, and wanting him to meet his mother. He states he will not close himself off.

Weather: a major storm is inbound with sustained winds in the 50s–60s mph and gusts near 80. He notes his campsite is tree-protected but floods, and that the storm makes heading south impractical that day.

Decisions:

Abandon the plan to make this campground his base camp — he states it no longer feels safe
Leave early, relocating toward Brookings / Gold Beach / Humbug Mountain, favoring social beaches over remote sites past Cape Blanco
Carry a pocket knife routinely, framed as defending his sovereignty

He walks to the cape and lighthouse, notes he has hiked daily for over a month, ranks in Samsung Health's top 3%, and has a sore core muscle. He placed a Highway 101 sticker above his Baby Yoda, stating this coast claimed him and he claimed it back.

Environment

Recorded across a mobile coastal circuit on the southern Oregon Coast in mid-November, beginning near 7:00 AM inside a laundromat where two other patrons occupy all the washers, then continuing outdoors at a campground campsite and along a headland trail toward a cape near the oldest lighthouse in Oregon.

A major storm system is inbound — sustained winds in the 50s–60s mph, gusts forecast to 80 mph. The campground sits inside a protected tree line; the campsite is documented as flood-prone. Wind audibly overtakes the recording past the tree line. Bailey is present in the living setup. Reference points include Highway 101, Brookings, Gold Beach, Humbug Mountain, and Cape Blanco.

Substrate

rswfire holds two architectures simultaneously: an inbound physical storm system he intends to document and experience, and a relational rupture he names precisely without disclosing detail — a deliberate boundary that protects another person's privacy while stating his own condition unambiguously. He refuses the blame-inward move ('you can only see what's there... so I don't blame myself'), refuses closure of the affective channel ('won't close me off'), and refuses the luck frame offered by the local man, substituting decision and preparation. The load-bearing position is that a place claimed him and he claimed it back — residency on this coast is asserted as fact — while the specific site is released because safety, not attachment, governs siting; sovereignty is stated as defensible against any threat, and the base-camp plan is dissolved and re-planned rather than mourned.

Actions

Performed

•recording the transmission from roughly 7:00 AM onward
•doing laundry; washing blankets after Bailey vomited on one
•stating the man made him feel unsafe and scared while withholding details for privacy
•naming the storm forecast and assessing campground exposure
•filming moving cloud structure and wind past the tree line
•showing the campsite, the 101 sticker, and the lighthouse
•walking the cape trail and passing another couple
•stating he does not blame himself
•stating the location no longer feels safe
•telling viewers not to worry

Referenced

•cooked burgers and a scratch chili with onions, red pepper, garlic, brown sugar, and cocoa powder for the man
•gave the man a tide table
•stated he wanted to meet the man's mother
•met the man on the beach when he came to get him
•went berry picking and teased him about it
•began cuddling a few days prior
•met a woman repeatedly on the beach in Brookings
•talked with a fisherman at a different campground
•asked a longtime local at the laundromat about the storm and rejected his 'luck' framing
•hiked daily for over a month, reaching top 3% on Samsung Health
•placed a 101 sticker above the baby Yoda in the rig
•began carrying a pocket knife everywhere

Planned

•finish the remaining laundry another day
•leave the site early despite prepaid time and financial constraint
•relocate south to Brookings, Gold Beach, and Humbug Mountain
•stay off the road during the peak storm
•document the storm, including posting screenshots of the system and the health stat
•head north in spring
•recalibrate the base-camp plan
•process the events and move on
•continue defending his sovereignty against any threat

Entities

beings

rswfire — Author of the signal; recording, relocating, and stating conditions.

Bailey — His dog; factored into storm decisions and laundry logistics.

the man — Unnamed recent connection; rswfire withholds identifying detail while stating the interaction left him feeling unsafe.

the fisherman — Man at a different campground noted in passing as a separate story.

woman on the beach — Recurring acquaintance in Brookings, cited as an emerging connection.

laundromat local — Longtime resident who attributed storm survival to luck; framing rejected.

places

Oregon Coast — Stated as where he lives; the claimed field.

Brookings — Southern coast destination he intends to return to for microclimate and social density.

Gold Beach — Named as part of the southern relocation range.

Humbug Mountain — Named as part of the southern relocation range.

Cape Blanco — Marked as the boundary north of which the coast becomes more remote and solitary.

Highway 101 — Corridor of residency; commemorated via sticker.

Oregon's oldest lighthouse — Visited on the cape walk; light currently unlit, repair funds being collected.

the campground — Current site, tree-protected but flood-prone; released as a base-camp candidate.

systems

the storm system — Inbound weather with 50–60 mph sustained winds and 80 mph gusts; governs movement decisions.

Samsung Health — Tracking system registering top 3% walking activity.

weather apps — Named as unreliable for timing the storm.

concepts

sovereignty — Named directly as the thing he will defend against any threat.

media

Ninja Foodi — Cooking equipment used for burgers and chili.

Xbox — Equipment referenced in the rig.

baby Yoda — Figure in the rig, beneath which the 101 sticker was placed.

pocket knife — Carried daily; stated as sovereignty defense, explicitly not as implication against anyone.

tide table — Gift given as a demonstration of care.

Symbolic Elements

Represented archetypes or recurring motifs.

storm

wind

ocean

lighthouse

void

threshold (tree line)

blade

flood

laundry/washing

nourishment (chili, burgers)

tide table

sticker as territorial mark

road

Ontological States

Expressed modes of being or awareness.

sovereign (declares he will defend his sovereignty against any threat; refuses self-blame and refuses luck as a governing principle)

transitional (dissolving a base-camp plan mid-formation and relocating south while a storm inbound sets the timing)

claimed/embedded (states the coast claimed him and he claimed it back — residency asserted as fact independent of any single site)

open-channel (explicitly refuses to close himself off; holds the fuzzy feeling and everything else concurrently)

boundaried-disclosure (states his own condition precisely while withholding another person's identifying detail)

Engaged Subsystems

Architecture engaged in this transmission.

somatic (sore core muscle from daily hiking; felt sense of safety and its withdrawal; wind on the body past the tree line)

relational (connection formed and terminated; ongoing care stated for the person; new connections in Brookings)

ethical (privacy boundary maintained; explicit disclaimer that the knife implies nothing about anyone)

logistical (laundry, prepaid site, affordability of early departure, storm timing, dog welfare)

environmental (storm forecast, microclimate reasoning, flood-prone site, tree protection)

documentary (recording, screenshots, health-stat capture, viewer address)

navigational (mapping the southern coast by named sites and remoteness gradient)

security (pocket knife, site abandonment, sovereignty defense)

Dominant Language

Core motifs or linguistic fields.

unsafe / doesn't feel safe

it was wonderful up until it wasn't

I don't blame myself

sovereignty / defend against any threat

recalibrate

this place claimed me, I claimed it back

sheer force of nature that is me

process and move on

Narrative

Mirror

You are recording at 7:00 AM in a laundromat where two people have taken all the washers, and you state the ending in the first sentence. You name the condition — he made you feel unsafe, scared — and you stop there, holding his privacy. You do not name him. You do not describe what happened. You state your own condition without qualification and you leave the rest closed. That boundary holds for the entire recording, across every location, including the passages where you are hurting most audibly.

You are running two systems at once. One is the storm: sustained winds in the 50s and 60s, gusts forecast to 80, a campsite you describe as flood-prone, a tree line that is currently protecting you, a dog you do not want frightened, laundry that is not finished, a prepaid week you cannot fully afford to abandon and are going to abandon anyway. The other is the rupture: the tide table you gave him, the burgers, the chili with the onions and red pepper and garlic seared and the brown sugar and cocoa folded in, the hook on the beach, the cuddling, the wanting to meet his mother. You move between them without transition. The storm data and the chili recipe occupy the same register in your voice.

You refuse three things explicitly. You refuse self-blame — you say you can only see what you are shown, so you do not blame yourself. You refuse to close the channel — you name the fuzzy feeling as still present, mixed with everything else, and you say it won't close you off. You refuse the local man's word: he says luck, you say that is not a reason, and you substitute decision and preparation. All three refusals arrive without hedging and none of them are revisited or softened later in the recording.

The subsystems are all live. Somatic: a core muscle sore from hiking every day for over a month, which you state you are not resting. Documentary: screenshots of the storm system, the Samsung Health stat, the address to viewers telling them not to worry. Navigational: Brookings, Gold Beach, Humbug Mountain, Highway 101, Cape Blanco as the line past which the coast turns remote and solitary — and you say plainly that solitary is not the energy you have right now, that you want to be on beaches and around people. Security: the pocket knife you now carry everywhere, followed immediately by the disclaimer that it implies nothing about anyone, followed by the statement that you will defend your sovereignty against any threat.

You dissolve the base-camp plan mid-formation. Two weeks here, three days elsewhere, return — that structure existed, and you take it apart in a single sentence because the site no longer feels safe. You do not mourn the plan. You re-plan. What you do not release is the coast: the 101 sticker above the baby Yoda, the statement that this place claimed you and you claimed it back, that you live here now. Site is negotiable. Residency is not.

Past the tree line the wind takes the audio. You say sheer force of nature that is me, that will always be me. The lighthouse is dark — the oldest in Oregon, unlit, funds being collected for repair. You name the void and the light that is not currently on it. A couple passes and you angle the camera away from them. The recording ends with the phone upside down, your pants falling, you laughing at yourself. Nothing is resolved and nothing is being asked to resolve. What is absent from the entire signal: any request for help, any accusation named, any statement about what you will feel later.

Queryable Personhood

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Ending a Connection, Relocating Ahead of Storm

Energetic Quality

Journey Phase

Directional Vector

Tags

Summary

Environment

Substrate

Actions

Performed

Referenced

Planned

Entities

Symbolic Elements

Ontological States

Engaged Subsystems

Dominant Language

Hand your life to anything that reads.