[0:00]
guys want to hear a funny story every
[0:03]
time uh I was leaving this park like I
[0:05]
am now I would see this other RV that
[0:08]
looked exactly like mine and thought wow
[0:10]
how cool is that like mine must be a
[0:12]
popular model right well turns out it
[0:16]
was mine I'd been looking at mine the
[0:18]
whole time I didn't even know
[0:23]
turn hi friends so I got an hour to
[0:28]
go oh it's been a very contemplative
[0:31]
Pride for me mostly just about my family
[0:34]
it's always been very toxic and I just
[0:37]
don't know how to handle them like I
[0:38]
don't know how to talk to them and
[0:40]
explain to them what I
[0:41]
need how to set boundaries with them how
[0:44]
to talk to them cuz we never had a
[0:48]
healthy conversation in our
[0:51]
lives and I just want to move on and
[0:55]
live my life kind of free of all of that
[0:58]
I don't even want like
[1:01]
I just part of me just wants to just cut
[1:04]
off communication from
[1:06]
them I love my mom I'm not talking about
[1:10]
her am talking about my other parent
[1:14]
though um he's been very kind and
[1:17]
helpful you know to some extent but it
[1:21]
doesn't make up for a lifetime of
[1:25]
abuse and I just every time I have to go
[1:29]
to this house it
[1:31]
just there is so much ink strapped up in
[1:34]
me every time I had to go to this house
[1:35]
I hate going here every time he texts me
[1:39]
like I
[1:40]
just I just
[1:44]
can't is that really what I was planning
[1:46]
to talk about
[1:47]
though
[1:49]
um so I woke up real scared this morning
[1:53]
when I got um cuz I've done it I've I've
[1:57]
started
[1:58]
booking camg crowns
[2:01]
um for my
[2:02]
R to
[2:05]
Nevada I I am excited about that I
[2:09]
think it's almost like a spiritual
[2:11]
journey for me I think there is
[2:13]
something there for me that I need to
[2:15]
just be there
[2:17]
for
[2:19]
so I'm so new to this life that I just
[2:23]
I'm trying to be cautious so I basically
[2:25]
booked like like I'd Drive about 200
[2:28]
miles and then i' book up you
[2:31]
know something that basically you can
[2:33]
book on recreation.gov I'm not trying to
[2:35]
stay at other kind of campgrounds yet so
[2:38]
basically something
[2:41]
National
[2:42]
and usually for two days two nights um
[2:47]
just so that I put a rest day in there
[2:50]
in between each day that I'm traveling
[2:53]
just because I don't know what to expect
[2:55]
yet I just don't
[2:56]
know um one time I had to book it for
[2:59]
three nights because it ended on a
[3:00]
weekend and they wouldn't let you they
[3:03]
made they made you book the whole
[3:04]
weekend but that was
[3:07]
interesting and you know I booked like
[3:09]
five places so far and that got me to
[3:11]
somewhere in Missouri I
[3:13]
think um I don't know if I'll keep doing
[3:15]
it
[3:17]
because I kind of want to find out how
[3:19]
far can I travel every day if I was just
[3:21]
driving my
[3:22]
Jeep I could travel all day long and
[3:25]
that's what I would do when I drove to
[3:26]
Phoenix especially like on my way back I
[3:29]
I well on the way there I did it in 3
[3:32]
days on the way back I did it in two and
[3:35]
that was over 2,000
[3:39]
mil but I'm sure I can't do that in a
[3:43]
camper just I don't know it's 200 mil
[3:47]
enough or not enough so I just got to
[3:49]
find
[3:50]
out and then and then maybe keep looking
[3:54]
my my way there I think that I'll end up
[3:56]
there
[3:58]
sometime in like the thir week of
[4:01]
May so obviously this means I'm not
[4:03]
getting my dental work done I really
[4:05]
wanted to partly because I just think
[4:07]
I'd look a lot better on camera but
[4:09]
that's not a good reason so I am who I
[4:13]
am I just red my teeth from out and Dew
[4:16]
I'm you know that that's who I am that's
[4:19]
what I did to
[4:21]
myself and I just don't want to spend
[4:24]
the money it would be risky right now
[4:27]
for me to do that $10,000 that's a a lot
[4:29]
of
[4:31]
money so I'm just just going to go
[4:36]
and once I've been there and I've
[4:39]
experienced the place I'll figure out
[4:41]
from there what I'll do next at some
[4:43]
point I think I'll have to come back
[4:44]
here and finish up my not to work I
[4:47]
would like to I mean everybody would
[4:48]
like to have teeth right I can't eat
[4:51]
steak
[4:53]
um you can eat a lot of things you'd be
[4:56]
surprised what you can eat but there are
[4:57]
some things you can't and not everything
[4:59]
is easy that's for
[5:02]
sure ah this guy didn't go around me I'm
[5:04]
trying to be so polite but okay you lost
[5:08]
your chance
[5:09]
dude
[5:13]
so yeah just feeling contemplative like
[5:16]
I was saying I woke
[5:18]
up afraid but not now I don't know why
[5:22]
that happens it happened before I got my
[5:24]
camper too and you know before I left
[5:28]
but I'll get a over that like like
[5:31]
everything
[5:33]
else um there's something else I've been
[5:35]
contemplating talking about I'm not sure
[5:37]
if I
[5:39]
should it's a little bit
[5:42]
dark
[5:45]
and I'm honestly not sure if I even can
[5:48]
talk about it on
[5:50]
here so I'm going to just say this
[5:57]
much I can't believe I lost L my
[6:00]
journals like I'm grieving that
[6:04]
actually like part of me almost wants to
[6:07]
cry about
[6:08]
it that was a long period of my life I
[6:11]
wanted to sit down and read those one
[6:13]
day I'll never be able to
[6:20]
now and I just I don't know what I'm
[6:22]
doing anymore like I
[6:24]
just feel so lost in this world I always
[6:27]
have but
[6:33]
I just don't know where my place in this
[6:35]
universe is I have really really
[6:37]
struggled with that I don't know I'm
[6:40]
just I guess I feel old I feel worn out
[6:42]
I feel
[6:45]
like I feel like my story is ending I
[6:49]
don't mean to depress you guys I'm sorry
[6:51]
for that if I
[6:52]
am I
[6:55]
just want to have as good a life as I
[6:58]
can until it's over whenever that is cuz
[7:00]
I don't know when that is and I just
[7:03]
I've said this before it's like I don't
[7:05]
know if I'm at the middle of my life or
[7:07]
if I'm at the
[7:09]
end cuz I've been smoking you know since
[7:11]
I was like
[7:15]
16 I have to quit cuz I'm at the point
[7:19]
where it's definitely harming me like I
[7:23]
don't have the energy I used
[7:26]
to I don't eat healthy at all still
[7:29]
drinking Mountain do like all these
[7:31]
things they're
[7:33]
just they're just killing me and I have
[7:37]
to change or this probably is the end of
[7:40]
my
[7:43]
story I don't want it to
[7:46]
be you know I really
[7:49]
don't I guess I just feel sad
[7:52]
today I'm not sure why I just
[7:55]
do so I missed my cats the first day
[7:59]
that they were not with me but I didn't
[8:01]
miss them after that so much except when
[8:04]
I was in laying in bed and I kept like I
[8:07]
you know cuz I'm going through a drve I
[8:09]
I'm like not very comfortable sleeping
[8:12]
right now and anytime I'd move around I
[8:14]
would expect my cats to be there and I'm
[8:17]
always like thinking
[8:19]
about them being in the bed with me so
[8:21]
you know to not disturb
[8:23]
them it happened a bunch of
[8:27]
times bear with me I'm driving through a
[8:30]
town
[8:32]
now um it's my
[8:36]
journals that's why I'm sad it's just
[8:38]
such a stark reminder of how much I've
[8:42]
changed my life
[8:46]
irrevocably um I think that's why even
[8:51]
though you know that's not 100%
[8:54]
true I can always make new choices and I
[8:57]
tell myself that this doesn't have to be
[8:58]
forever I
[9:01]
can you know I can make new choices if I
[9:04]
need
[9:04]
to you know I don't know if that's
[9:07]
always true either like life is not
[9:11]
always that good to
[9:15]
you Mom is texting
[9:18]
me how bet my packages are
[9:21]
there that's good news I
[9:25]
bet um
[9:30]
I don't know I'll get over it guys just
[9:32]
having a
[9:41]
moment you feel like
[9:45]
that pretty soon I
[9:48]
will have my cats in this car in this
[9:52]
vehicle I'm going to try something new
[9:55]
I'm going to let them out of their
[9:57]
carriers they'll probably stay in them
[10:00]
but if they're just open I think maybe
[10:02]
that'll just be more calm I
[10:05]
hope I'm
[10:14]
hoping I love my cats but they are true
[10:18]
terrorists like they are so much work
[10:20]
all the
[10:21]
time and I just don't
[10:24]
know how I'm going to manage having them
[10:28]
with me on this stream
[10:30]
Journey but I have to try I have to
[10:33]
they're my they're my cats they're my
[10:36]
life they're one part of my life I
[10:39]
wouldn't want to give
[10:40]
up as terrible as they can be cats are
[10:44]
amazing guys they really are I've had
[10:47]
cats my whole life never really had a
[10:50]
dog thought about
[10:53]
it
[10:55]
um but boy they seem like even more work
[10:58]
really
[10:59]
and yet it would be different dogs are
[11:02]
different my house and it's getting
[11:05]
pretty empty I'm going to show you
[11:07]
around just wanted to say um in some
[11:10]
ways it's hard to believe I gave all
[11:12]
this up but I I was very comfortable
[11:15]
here I could have stayed here and
[11:17]
remained comfortable but Comfort felt
[11:19]
like stagnation and I just had to I had
[11:22]
to
[11:23]
leave so I'm not regretting this but it
[11:26]
is surreal front door
[11:29]
living room basically empty
[11:32]
now well it is
[11:36]
empty
[11:41]
kitchen
[11:43]
hallway we've had many chats down this
[11:45]
hallway haven't
[11:47]
we bathroom cat's room mostly those are
[11:52]
just boxes that I got to throw
[11:54]
out my mom's room/ guest room
[11:59]
my
[12:01]
room um that stuff still has to come
[12:03]
with me somehow at least most of it does
[12:06]
I need to look through a little bit but
[12:08]
yeah basically it all needs to go
[12:10]
somehow I have some insulating
[12:13]
insulating I still need to
[12:16]
do um you know hopefully I can sell
[12:19]
those one day my mom will hold on to
[12:22]
them and then if we head this
[12:25]
way get to my office it was a beautiful
[12:28]
office
[12:30]
this it's pretty empty I
[12:33]
think
[12:36]
yeah so this was my
[12:38]
life 3 and 1/2 years in this
[12:44]
house my mom did a really nice job
[12:46]
cleaning it she did that Sunday I wasn't
[12:51]
here
[12:55]
um yeah
[13:01]
it was a good life
[13:03]
here I had a good life here I
[13:06]
did now I have a different life man I
[13:10]
think it's a little more exciting so I
[13:13]
can't really regret all that just you
[13:16]
know I wish I had more space really
[13:19]
do but I will make do with my cats we
[13:22]
will make do and then one day hopefully
[13:24]
we can just upgrade to something a
[13:26]
little longer to get more comfortable
[13:28]
driving those things and it's a couple
[13:30]
years from now and I don't need to do it
[13:32]
anytime
[13:33]
soon um it is a small space I think for
[13:36]
me and two cats but just that's just how
[13:39]
I feel I think other
[13:41]
people could do it you know I mean I can
[13:44]
do it I'm going to do it I am doing it
[13:49]
so
[13:53]
yeah this is where it all started so I'm
[13:56]
in my parents car that I got for them
[13:58]
some time ago cuz I need had to bring my
[14:01]
cats and a bunch of stuff I'm going to
[14:03]
let them Room free in here I'm hoping
[14:05]
that'll work out I'm just going to sit
[14:06]
here for a few minutes and hope that
[14:08]
they figure out what they want to do cuz
[14:12]
they love to torture me on the
[14:14]
drive okay that will definitely not work
[14:17]
Oliver what about you
[14:22]
Bailey I mean you really should be in
[14:24]
your carrier dude it's open but you
[14:26]
should still be in it
[14:31]
really I don't know that that'll work
[14:33]
Oliver maybe in the camper but here I
[14:36]
don't
[14:38]
know what
[14:42]
El all right let's figure this out okay
[14:45]
guys cuz I'm trying to give you some
[14:47]
Freedom here but you also have to be
[14:49]
safe I have to be
[14:50]
[Music]
[14:52]
safe okay I'm taking some advice from
[14:56]
YouTube guys I know some of you I know
[14:58]
some of you you will want to complain I
[15:00]
don't care all right don't even bother
[15:02]
cuz this is what I'm
[15:03]
doing um you don't have to agree with
[15:06]
all my decisions these are my cats I'll
[15:09]
decide what's best for them sorry if
[15:11]
that sounds rude but I just know how cat
[15:13]
owners
[15:14]
are
[15:17]
um this is just something we're trying
[15:20]
if I don't think it's safe I will stop
[15:21]
and I will do something about it but you
[15:24]
know these cats don't like being locked
[15:25]
up and we have a 3-hour drive and it's
[15:27]
going to be nighttime by by the time we
[15:29]
get there I'm just going to sit here for
[15:31]
a few minutes and wait for them
[15:34]
to um you know decide where they want to
[15:36]
be and then we'll
[15:40]
go yeah it's looking like Bailey wants
[15:43]
to just chill my coats right there so
[15:45]
he's just kind of chilling on it but
[15:46]
I'll sit down on it once we start going
[15:49]
oh we're still exploring and he sneezes
[15:51]
I think it's a light thing honestly I
[15:53]
think he sneezes where there's light he
[15:55]
always does it in a window Tour on like
[15:57]
the TV screen it's weird there must like
[16:01]
there's got to be a
[16:03]
correlation all right guys figure out
[16:05]
where you want to be okay because we're
[16:06]
going to move
[16:08]
soon I think what I'll do is I'll just
[16:10]
back up a little bit and then stop you
[16:12]
know just back out in the drive a little
[16:13]
bit and then just stop and see how they
[16:15]
react to that so far this is not working
[16:17]
great
[16:18]
cuz I'm just looking out the windows and
[16:21]
not sitting somewhere where I think
[16:23]
they'd be safe
[16:24]
so Oliver I really want you to sit down
[16:27]
come here Oliver
[16:29]
these cats haven't seen me for two days
[16:31]
either so they're really disobedient
[16:33]
right now very
[16:35]
unruly
[16:36]
Bailey are you guys going to chill for
[16:39]
me cuz I'm going to need that come here
[16:41]
Oliver come here
[16:43]
Oliver somebody come up here all right
[16:45]
one of you one of you come up here okay
[16:48]
thank you Bailey guys you can't be
[16:52]
roaming around like this I let you out
[16:55]
but you've got to chill somewhere okay
[17:02]
oh yeah that's not going to work dude
[17:05]
come on up here Oliver Oliver come come
[17:10]
here Oliver Oliver let go Oliver iiver
[17:17]
come on let go right
[17:19]
here would you guys you guys are you
[17:22]
guys are so much work man you always are
[17:25]
and I don't want you up there not here
[17:27]
you're going to get us in trouble okay
[17:28]
okay seriously hey hey be
[17:33]
nice it's
[17:37]
okay oh guys I am going to put you back
[17:40]
in the cages I will do it Oliver I have
[17:43]
never seen him act like that well except
[17:45]
lately it's
[17:46]
weird Bailey come over here all right
[17:49]
come on over here come here come
[17:56]
here oh my God just you guys are very
[18:00]
impossible come on over here Bailey come
[18:04]
on sit there sit there
[18:08]
please no no sit
[18:12]
down Oliver you're ridiculous
[18:21]
man okay I admit this is not my best
[18:23]
idea ever
[18:29]
can you imagine trying to get them back
[18:30]
in their
[18:34]
cages guys we're leaving all right just
[18:37]
going to go for a short drive and see
[18:39]
how that goes and then um if they
[18:42]
haven't settled down by then they're
[18:43]
going back in the cages now that is more
[18:46]
like
[18:46]
it cats are doing pretty good over there
[18:50]
very pleased with that site this might
[18:52]
actually work
[18:54]
out we're doing really well Oliver is
[18:57]
just kind of sitting on the Bailey's cat
[18:59]
carrier and just watching everything
[19:01]
which is so cool I I knew that he would
[19:04]
just love it that he would love to just
[19:06]
see the scenery as we drive so I really
[19:09]
believe that in the camper
[19:11]
he is just going to have a BL Bailey's
[19:16]
different as long as he's chill and he
[19:18]
is right now then we'll be
[19:20]
fine I'm so glad things are going so
[19:23]
well so you um you know I need driving
[19:26]
directions where I'm going so you'll
[19:27]
probably hear that go off everyone once
[19:28]
in a while since I'm not in my Jeep I
[19:30]
don't
[19:31]
have you know my integrated display I'm
[19:35]
using my
[19:36]
phone but anyways I just want to talk to
[19:38]
you about some stuff
[19:42]
guys um so you've seen my dad he's been
[19:46]
on on my videos and you've seen him be
[19:48]
helpful but you don't really know this
[19:50]
man and I just I'm sorry for being so
[19:53]
personal but I want to talk about this
[19:55]
so I want you guys to understand me
[19:57]
better and to understand me better you
[19:59]
need to know what kind of father I have
[20:02]
and how I was raised by
[20:05]
him so I'm
[20:08]
driving my vehicle right now this car is
[20:10]
mine it's in my name it's titled to me I
[20:13]
bought it I bought it for my
[20:16]
mother but um I gave them the title so
[20:20]
they can change it over before I leave I
[20:22]
needed to borrow it today because the
[20:24]
cat cares take up a lot of space and I
[20:26]
have a bunch of stuff that I wanted to
[20:28]
take with for me today so I've got like
[20:30]
a new cat tower for my cats I got a
[20:32]
bunch of stuff of petmart for
[20:35]
them and um I got my own stuff that you
[20:38]
know I needed to help make the place
[20:40]
safe before we start traveling
[20:42]
again and my dad just has this tendency
[20:44]
of just being totally negative like to
[20:49]
anything that that like comes up so when
[20:52]
my mom tells him I need to borrow the
[20:54]
car my car by the way you can just hear
[20:57]
him being super negative and abrasive to
[21:00]
her and it's like
[21:02]
why just I don't get it like that's his
[21:06]
initial reaction to everything is just
[21:09]
to
[21:10]
be negative and I picked that up from
[21:13]
him and I work very hard not to be like
[21:16]
that but that's like nothing compared to
[21:19]
what it was like growing up with this
[21:21]
man
[21:23]
so I I like I already said this once it
[21:26]
was like growing up with an alcoholic
[21:28]
who doesn't drink I spend all of my time
[21:32]
when I'm around all the way up into my
[21:33]
late 30s because there was a couple of
[21:35]
times when I've had to live with them um
[21:39]
and I'll get into why at some point but
[21:41]
basically they moved in with me and
[21:43]
completely derailed my life I ended up
[21:45]
losing my house had to move in with them
[21:46]
in my late
[21:47]
30s and guys don't fight
[21:51]
okay and
[21:53]
um even in my late 30s it was like the
[21:56]
same patterns I was constantly
[21:58]
monitoring my behavior
[22:01]
and his reaction to it every time I left
[22:05]
my room I basically lived in my bedroom
[22:07]
because I didn't want to bother the guy
[22:09]
you know he has spent the last like 15
[22:13]
years sitting on a couch doing nothing
[22:15]
with his life by the way and so I come
[22:17]
out of my bedroom and I'll walk into the
[22:20]
living room and I'll look at him just to
[22:21]
see what kind of mood he's in and I've
[22:23]
been doing that since I was a
[22:24]
child it is no way for a kid to live to
[22:27]
have to sit there and monitor how their
[22:30]
parent will react to them will he be
[22:33]
nice will he be mean like it was a house
[22:37]
filled
[22:38]
with just terrible memories just
[22:43]
constantly having to deal with someone
[22:45]
like that is very hard and it made me
[22:49]
super judgmental of
[22:50]
myself it destroyed my
[22:55]
self-confidence it was bad and I even in
[22:58]
my in a quarter mile use the left two
[23:00]
lanes to turn left to stay on Kentucky
[23:02]
34 West
[23:04]
guys so I'm going to give you a couple
[23:06]
of exles of how this is still a problem
[23:09]
so I had asked him to stop watching my
[23:12]
channel
[23:13]
because first of all it kind of feels
[23:15]
like he's reading my diary in a sense
[23:18]
use the left two lanes to turn left to
[23:20]
stay on Kentucky 34 West and I don't I
[23:23]
don't mind that part so much even though
[23:24]
I don't want him in my life like that
[23:26]
like cuz we're not close um as long as
[23:29]
I'm not hearing about it from him I
[23:31]
don't really care I can't decide what
[23:33]
he's going to watch right um but he's
[23:36]
constantly commenting on it every time I
[23:39]
see him or he'll text me like everything
[23:42]
I'm doing he's commenting on and giving
[23:43]
his advice and it's just often bad
[23:47]
advice but more than that um continue on
[23:51]
Kentucky 34 West for one and a half
[23:53]
miles right and the very next day he
[23:56]
texted me and he told me where to go and
[23:58]
drain my tanks because he knew that my
[24:01]
tanks were full now there I have two
[24:04]
problems with that one he's not
[24:07]
respecting a boundary I'm trying to S
[24:09]
with him and two he's basically telling
[24:12]
me that I'm too dumb to figure out how
[24:14]
to do that myself like I can't figure
[24:16]
out how to drain my tanks like I I can't
[24:19]
figure that out I I don't I'm not I'm
[24:22]
not bragging but I have an IQ of 140
[24:25]
like this guy has been treating me like
[24:27]
a dum child since I was a kid and I'm
[24:31]
just so tired of it I have been judged
[24:34]
by him my whole life even when he's
[24:36]
being nice he's not really being nice
[24:39]
he's just another example I asked him to
[24:43]
come with me to the campground that
[24:44]
first time because I really wanted to
[24:46]
have someone in that passenger seat with
[24:49]
me and he was the only one that I could
[24:53]
ask like if I could have asked the devil
[24:55]
I would have like that's how I kind of
[24:57]
think of him
[24:59]
and we're hooking up my
[25:02]
Jeep and I'm telling him so once the
[25:04]
drive shaft disconnected I have a manual
[25:07]
transmission it needs to be in first
[25:08]
gear he's like you're going to tear up
[25:10]
your engine blah blah blah just going
[25:13]
off on me and I'm like dude I'm not
[25:15]
wrong about this so I have to pull out
[25:18]
the manual and prove it to him and it's
[25:21]
like he just never listens to me he he
[25:24]
doesn't believe anything I tell him he
[25:26]
he said well I just wanted to make sure
[25:28]
you read it right I mean what this is
[25:32]
the man that raised me and he used to
[25:35]
sit me down in the living room and just
[25:38]
sit there and just tell me why in a qu
[25:41]
mile turn left onto Wilderness Road for
[25:43]
hours and it was horrible and I hated it
[25:47]
so much that there were times that I was
[25:49]
homeless by choice I would just leave I
[25:51]
didn't want to deal with
[25:54]
him it's just like guys I mean this is
[25:58]
just touching the surface of this man it
[26:01]
was bad turn left onto Wilderness Road I
[26:04]
just don't know
[26:06]
like I just don't know
[26:11]
how sorry in a quarter mile turn right
[26:14]
on East Main
[26:16]
Street
[26:20]
um I just I can't have this man in my
[26:23]
life he makes me miserable every time I
[26:26]
have to drive to his house I just
[26:30]
it's just the most depressing thing I
[26:32]
just absolutely hate having to do it I
[26:34]
hate being around
[26:36]
him um he's just not nice he he seems to
[26:41]
think he's changed at 70 but he has not
[26:43]
changed not really and I watched at the
[26:46]
light turn right on East Main Street you
[26:49]
know my whole life um I just felt so bad
[26:53]
for her because she could have had such
[26:55]
a better life she kept choosing this man
[26:59]
who was in a quarter mile turn left onto
[27:01]
South Fourth Street I just think it's
[27:03]
sad um she had a rough childhood and I
[27:06]
understand why I mean for her it was
[27:08]
stability Comfort all that kind of
[27:11]
stuff that's just I always wish that she
[27:15]
could have been a little bit more Brave
[27:16]
I would have had a better life she would
[27:18]
have had a better life my brother would
[27:19]
have had a better life we're all screwed
[27:21]
up because of this man all of
[27:25]
us and so I just want to get away from
[27:27]
him I don't even you know I love him
[27:31]
there are times when I want to talk to
[27:33]
him not often but sometimes maybe
[27:35]
there's something I want to talk to him
[27:37]
about I wish he would just let me
[27:39]
initiate the contact and leave it at
[27:42]
that but he doesn't he he just keeps
[27:47]
pushing me and I I just I am so close to
[27:50]
the point of breaking off contact not
[27:53]
just with him but with my mother because
[27:54]
you can't separate the two you just
[27:56]
can't and if that happens
[28:00]
I mean I don't know who do I blame
[28:02]
myself or
[28:03]
him because I have got to do what's
[28:06]
healthy for me and what's healthy for me
[28:09]
is being very far away from the
[28:12]
sky I know a lot of people have have
[28:15]
father issues that's you know I don't
[28:18]
know if it's an American thing a
[28:19]
worldwide thing what but it's a common
[28:24]
thing but man I I just keep
[28:29]
my life should have I should have
[28:30]
flourished and I didn't
[28:33]
because of all the crap he put me
[28:36]
through the times I was homeless just
[28:38]
the emotional abuse at the light turn
[28:40]
left onto South Fourth Street so much
[28:43]
you know emotional abuse and
[28:46]
manipulation my whole
[28:48]
life and I watched him do it to
[28:51]
everybody everybody but especially me he
[28:54]
had a continue on South Fourth Street
[28:56]
for one mile for just uring me
[29:00]
mentally and you don't just get over
[29:02]
that you don't get over that because he
[29:04]
helped you do a couple things with your
[29:05]
camper and he thinks he's just a great
[29:08]
guy now or
[29:09]
something it's just I'm trying to I
[29:13]
don't know that I'm explaining this real
[29:15]
well in my head I was thinking about
[29:17]
what I'd say and this is what's coming
[29:20]
out guys I just I
[29:24]
wish honest to God I wish I had been
[29:26]
raised by somebody else I really
[29:29]
do um I will
[29:34]
never he robbed me of a good
[29:39]
life and he keeps doing it so I said in
[29:44]
a video one day that I know the day I
[29:48]
said this in my video and the video is
[29:50]
some titled something like saying
[29:51]
goodbye to my old life I know the day
[29:53]
that my life got derailed and it's the
[29:55]
day he moved into my house when I was
[29:57]
like not sure what age I
[30:00]
was
[30:01]
um I mean I had to be in my 30s I guess
[30:05]
parents were living in Michigan I was
[30:06]
living in
[30:07]
Kentucky
[30:09]
and one day my mom just wrote this
[30:12]
message on my Facebook in a quar mile
[30:14]
continue on to us 127 South houstonville
[30:17]
Road my mom writes this message on my
[30:20]
Facebook that says please save me
[30:23]
LOL
[30:25]
and basically she's just saying I want
[30:28]
to live with you and she's my mother I
[30:30]
love her to death I'll do anything for
[30:31]
her have my whole
[30:33]
life
[30:35]
and so they move in with me but what she
[30:38]
wasn't thinking about was that she was
[30:40]
putting the darkest possible soul on
[30:43]
Earth in my house with me and it
[30:46]
derailed my life
[30:48]
completely to the point I lost my house
[30:51]
lost my job cuz that man there's no one
[30:54]
on this planet who continue on us 7
[30:58]
South for 47 miles it just sucks the
[31:00]
happiness right out of
[31:04]
me and I had to move in with them and
[31:06]
then for like the next 6 years 5 years 6
[31:09]
years I don't know I'm in this house
[31:11]
with him just feeling tortured every
[31:14]
single
[31:16]
day and I
[31:20]
just I am so tired of it I I'm not
[31:25]
like I the thing is
[31:28]
my mom has a hereditary condition a
[31:30]
kidney disease and they thought she
[31:32]
would have died decades ago I did
[31:35]
everything in my power to make sure I
[31:36]
was always close to
[31:38]
her
[31:40]
and that meant putting up with my dad
[31:43]
and I think now I made a mistake that I
[31:45]
should never have done that I I didn't
[31:48]
live for myself I lived for her and it's
[31:52]
sad because she's probably nearing the
[31:54]
end of her life now and it is going to
[31:56]
destroy me when that happens guys it is
[31:58]
going to destroy
[32:00]
me but I had to do something for myself
[32:03]
this
[32:05]
time and you know she kept choosing him
[32:08]
those were her
[32:09]
choices and I kept choosing her and
[32:12]
those were my
[32:16]
choices family Dynamics they
[32:19]
suck this is really awesome to see
[32:21]
Bailey was looking out the windows but
[32:23]
now he's just chilling up there but he
[32:24]
was he was looking out the windows like
[32:26]
cing around on the just like Oliver was
[32:29]
this is going to work out I he was so
[32:31]
happy I was worried but I think this is
[32:35]
going to work out I mean imagine our
[32:37]
trip to Nevada like it's going to be so
[32:39]
cool with my cats Bailey you're so
[32:41]
pretty dude you're so
[32:45]
pretty so this is how how completely he
[32:49]
derailed my life at the time I was
[32:51]
running my alliance in Eve online and
[32:54]
like over a thousand people were foll
[32:56]
were a part of my group like I was there
[32:58]
leader you know I had built this
[33:00]
enormous Community online I had friends
[33:03]
things were going great I loved my life
[33:05]
I had a good
[33:07]
job I was doing everything I needed to
[33:09]
to fix my teeth but then he moved into
[33:12]
my house and he just
[33:14]
stopped doing anything he sat on my
[33:17]
couch and watched Netflix all day long
[33:20]
he live I am a programmer so I use use
[33:22]
the internet all the time and I'm
[33:24]
playing an online game he quadr drup the
[33:29]
amount of bandwidth that I was using in
[33:31]
my house on a monthly basis just from
[33:33]
watching Netflix cuz that's all he did
[33:36]
he didn't look for a job he didn't do
[33:38]
anything and it just I just it just
[33:42]
really got under my
[33:44]
skin
[33:47]
and like I just it is so hard to explain
[33:51]
like my mom
[33:52]
will get real defensive and protect him
[33:57]
if she thinks that
[33:59]
I'm I'm trying to explain this I don't
[34:02]
know how like like I had a problem with
[34:05]
that and I'm trying I'm trying to
[34:07]
constructively explain this to
[34:10]
them but no it doesn't work that way in
[34:13]
my
[34:14]
family and now we're dead we never
[34:17]
learned to communicate like normal
[34:19]
people like I was saying he used to sit
[34:21]
me down on the couch and just sit there
[34:23]
and Crush my spirit for hours at a time
[34:27]
like it was a game to him I will never
[34:32]
understand how you could do that to your
[34:34]
son I always felt like he was competing
[34:36]
with me and I never understood that
[34:38]
either it was
[34:40]
like he couldn't just like support me
[34:43]
and help me to thrive in life it was
[34:47]
like he made it his goal to do the
[34:51]
opposite I mean I definitely have Daddy
[34:53]
Issues guys that is the source of a lot
[34:57]
of my problem
[34:58]
problems so you know once it became time
[35:03]
and there's other stuff like I'm gay
[35:06]
and you know I'm older so it's easier to
[35:09]
accept now but back then people didn't
[35:12]
and I knew that because I watched how my
[35:15]
parents were whenever that subject came
[35:17]
up and it was not good so I didn't feel
[35:20]
comfortable coming out to them I hated
[35:23]
myself I cried myself to sleep every
[35:25]
single night and
[35:28]
there would be times my mom would try to
[35:29]
get me to tell her I was Kay and I would
[35:31]
get so defensive it's like I'm not
[35:33]
coming out to you like if you want and
[35:37]
you know she would say something
[35:38]
like um if you are it's okay well no
[35:42]
because your behavior tell me it's not
[35:44]
okay because I hear dad bashing gay
[35:46]
people and you're not doing anything
[35:48]
that shows me that you actually like
[35:52]
accept gay people like I don't you know
[35:54]
there's nothing in my life that tells me
[35:56]
that that's the case so why why would I
[35:58]
believe what you're telling me like I
[36:00]
was not raised well I just wasn't and I
[36:04]
know that's the case for millions and
[36:06]
millions and millions and millions of
[36:08]
people so I don't want it to sound
[36:11]
like you know poor me it
[36:17]
just it's just you know I just knew that
[36:21]
at some point I was going to tell you
[36:22]
guys these things because I'm trying to
[36:25]
make this channel as authentic as I can
[36:28]
and you're going to see my issues come
[36:30]
up you've already seen them I have a
[36:33]
really hard time talking to other people
[36:37]
and I mean I do believe it's because of
[36:40]
them for one thing they never taught us
[36:42]
how
[36:43]
to like everything is just so messed up
[36:47]
in my
[36:49]
head I'm trying so hard to move on from
[36:52]
it all are you okay Bailey why are you
[36:55]
crying buddy
[36:57]
wait is that
[37:00]
Oliver I can't tell sometimes I can't
[37:02]
tell it's weird which one Oliver or
[37:09]
Bailey I TR don't know I hope you guys
[37:12]
are okay though I think you I don't know
[37:14]
Oliver one hit he's probably under one
[37:15]
of the
[37:17]
seats okay so here's the big one when
[37:20]
you throw your kid out of the house you
[37:22]
are abandoning them you are rejecting
[37:25]
them you are telling them that they are
[37:26]
not worthy human beings being that they
[37:29]
are such scum that you cannot even
[37:31]
tolerate them in your
[37:33]
house when you do that to your child you
[37:36]
are destroying their spirit and that is
[37:38]
what my parents did to me don't do it
[37:42]
find another way as I'm being tailgated
[37:45]
right now and I absolutely hate that and
[37:48]
I just I'm going to bring this up many
[37:50]
times in my videos when I'm driving
[37:51]
because I'm just going to keep reminding
[37:53]
everybody I get it like a lot of you are
[37:56]
probably going to be the people I'm
[37:57]
complaining about I'm sorry but it's
[38:00]
wrong stop tailgating it's wrong you're
[38:02]
not getting anywhere faster why are you
[38:05]
trying to pressure other people to go
[38:06]
faster I'm going the speed
[38:08]
limit That's the Law you go the speed
[38:12]
limit you should not R tailgating
[38:14]
anybody it's unsafe if something comes
[38:17]
out in front of my vehicle and I have to
[38:19]
slam on the brakes you have like a
[38:21]
millisecond to respond to that it is so
[38:24]
dumb I don't understand why people do it
[38:26]
there is no no reason why you cannot
[38:29]
just obey the speed limits drive at
[38:31]
reasonable distances you're not getting
[38:34]
anywhere faster you're
[38:36]
not everybody does it I get it but it's
[38:39]
wrong and I really really hate people
[38:41]
who do it I really do seriously just
[38:44]
stop doing it if you're one of those
[38:46]
people who does it just stop be
[38:48]
considerate of other people it's not
[38:52]
that hard like I don't understand why
[38:55]
what happened in the world that made
[38:57]
people so self-centered so self-absorbed
[39:01]
that they don't think about anybody but
[39:03]
themselves
[39:05]
anymore that is no way to live that is
[39:08]
no way for a society to function and we
[39:11]
are failing because of
[39:13]
it like there's no reason to tailgate me
[39:17]
it's silly it's dumb you're not going to
[39:20]
get me to go faster I get that you can
[39:22]
definitely pressure some people into it
[39:25]
but that's just rude don't you think why
[39:27]
why would you do it I
[39:30]
just that's one thing that really
[39:32]
aggravates
[39:33]
me just be polite be polite to people
[39:37]
what happened to civility I'm sorry I
[39:40]
sound so negative guys I'm not trying
[39:44]
to I guess so this is one thing you
[39:47]
might want to know about me
[39:50]
um I don't have very good control over
[39:54]
how I sound like my emotions will come
[39:57]
out
[39:58]
this like I don't know if I can explain
[40:00]
it while right now Mee are you okay dude
[40:02]
what are you doing back there what's
[40:05]
wrong you want to come up here come on
[40:08]
up here buddy come on you can do it come
[40:11]
on come here baby come on come on you
[40:15]
got this you got this you're a good boy
[40:19]
I love you you're so cute you're so
[40:24]
precious I mean you could sit on my lap
[40:27]
maybe like you could try it you could
[40:30]
try it thanks for the
[40:32]
headbunt thank you for the headbunt you
[40:35]
can do it just like but you got to lay
[40:38]
down if you do
[40:40]
okay just lay down if you
[40:43]
do I love you
[40:46]
too I love you too
[40:49]
buddy I love you too you're going to go
[40:51]
back there okay I understand I
[40:55]
understand yeah that's a good spot up
[40:57]
there though it really is yeah see that
[41:00]
guy tailgating us isn't that rude I'd
[41:02]
yell at him too just keep yelling at him
[41:05]
maybe he'll
[41:07]
stop I just love it when the moon is out
[41:10]
guys it's so pretty I've always loved
[41:12]
the
[41:13]
moon this is nice to see Bailey's just
[41:16]
chilling in the back window he meows
[41:19]
sometimes but not like he used to you
[41:21]
know it's just nice just I didn't expect
[41:24]
him to be the exploring
[41:26]
type um I think they're both going to
[41:28]
like it in the camper like when we're
[41:30]
driving I think I think it's going to be
[41:32]
an awesome trip all the
[41:36]
way I don't know why I get to Nevada
[41:39]
like it's just going to be awesome we're
[41:40]
going to it's just going to be so fun to
[41:42]
do this with my cats I am so glad I was
[41:45]
really debating it cuz I just didn't
[41:47]
know if it would work
[41:50]
but see I doubt myself too much I doubt
[41:53]
myself all the time and if I can just
[41:56]
push through my outs things usually work
[41:59]
out and that's what I'm trying to do
[42:02]
it's kind of like that movie I forget
[42:04]
the name of it but I was like the guy
[42:05]
had to say yes to everything it feels
[42:08]
like that I just need to keep saying yes
[42:12]
I know right
[42:14]
Bailey sorry for the lighting guys we're
[42:17]
almost
[42:18]
there um I just wanted to talk about
[42:21]
some real fast so I know some of you
[42:24]
left some comments for me after my last
[42:26]
video about me losing my journals I
[42:28]
haven't had a chance to read them yet um
[42:30]
I saw like a sentence or two and and I'm
[42:34]
grateful for the nice comments cuz I
[42:36]
know they were nice um I wanted you and
[42:39]
one of you asked a question I just
[42:41]
wanted to clear it out so I definitely
[42:43]
lost my journals and I know what
[42:45]
happened I kept my journals in a a black
[42:47]
bag at my
[42:49]
house um a very big one cuz there are a
[42:51]
lot of journals there are probably like
[42:53]
30 of
[42:54]
them and when I went to Phoenix I needed
[42:58]
that bag so I took them out of out of it
[43:00]
all my journals out of that bag I put
[43:02]
them somewhere went to Phoenix and my
[43:06]
mom and my dad were at my house doing
[43:08]
stuff there and I'm pretty sure my mom
[43:10]
threw them away um it was an accident
[43:13]
I'm sure she didn't
[43:15]
know but they're
[43:18]
gone and I
[43:21]
know I mean I don't
[43:24]
know like I don't know why you guys
[43:26]
would say about
[43:29]
that
[43:32]
um I don't think I can truly express to
[43:35]
you how much of a loss that is to me
[43:38]
because for one thing I have a horrible
[43:40]
memory I think that I block a lot of
[43:43]
stuff out for my life and my journals I
[43:46]
really wanted to go back and look at
[43:48]
them one day and I was going to do that
[43:50]
soon now in 2 miles take Exit 11 for US
[43:53]
31 East toward Kentucky 90 West US 68
[43:56]
West
[43:58]
and now I'll never be able to and it
[44:00]
just breaks my
[44:02]
heart the there are very few things in
[44:05]
life that
[44:06]
I as far as possessions go that I care
[44:08]
about and that was number one like it
[44:11]
was number one if that was the only
[44:14]
possession I could have ever own that
[44:15]
thing they went with me everywhere I
[44:17]
went it did not matter what my situation
[44:19]
was my journals came with me like I
[44:23]
can't imagine a worst loss it is
[44:25]
devastating to me
[44:28]
I'm just I'm so heartbroken about it but
[44:31]
it's done and there's nothing I can do
[44:33]
about it they're gone
[44:35]
forever we're home Al's already playing
[44:38]
feels
[44:42]
nice no time at all already playing we
[44:45]
just got
[44:46]
here already destroying
[44:51]
stuff Bailey's over there I made a big
[44:55]
mess bring our something but I'll get it
[44:56]
clean cleaned
[44:57]
up they're doing good very
[45:02]
happy so it wasn't stressfree driving
[45:05]
home but I mean the longer you know I
[45:08]
went on the worst Bailey got but it was
[45:10]
a lot better than all the other times
[45:13]
Oliver was just chilled the whole time
[45:15]
he's been chill every single time so
[45:18]
far I think they're going to embrace
[45:20]
this life with me I'm really really
[45:22]
happy about that I mean we are days away
[45:25]
from our next leg of our trip our next
[45:28]
Campground and then one week there and
[45:30]
then after that every 2 to 3 days we are
[45:33]
somewhere else until we get to
[45:35]
Nevada I
[45:38]
am I am very hopeful and happy and
[45:41]
excited
[45:44]
and a little bit scared maybe I don't
[45:47]
know um depends on the moment I guess
[45:51]
but mostly I'm just thrilled absolutely
[45:53]
thrilled things are just I'm really
[45:55]
thrilled
[45:57]
it's been a long day um so this is you
[46:00]
know I'm going to get stuff organized in
[46:01]
here and I will talk to you guys
[46:04]
tomorrow on day 13 I hope you guys have
[46:06]
a good
[46:20]
night you guys having fun down
[46:23]
there said a had butt
[46:30]
Oliver hey
[46:32]
Oliver here go Bailey up to the
[46:37]
bed
[46:39]
Oliver I'm going to get your
[46:43]
toy yeah I get my
[46:49]
toy I love my cats they're everything to
[46:53]
me
