Assessing Camper Level While Tapering Off Opioids

01HWJXDH0RDV8HP7D71W6HBME9

PUBLIC

April 28, 2024 rswfire PUBLISHED

Temp 0.20

Density 0.60

Energetic Quality

steady under somatic load

Journey Phase

transitional — opioid discontinuation in progress alongside physical relocation

Directional Vector

toward level — physical, chemical, and self-authored

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Transcript

[0:00] it's 10:30 in the morning on Saturday M

[0:04] just staring at me over

[0:07] there oliv's

[0:09] outside um doing all right so

[0:13] far I feel it a little bit like I get

[0:16] this feeling that's I don't know how to

[0:18] describe it well I always the way I

[0:20] describe it it's like it's like gravity

[0:23] in your body is all messed up it's a

[0:25] weird

[0:26] feeling um I'm doing all right the fur

[0:31] baby the

[0:32] fur I was just sitting here and thinking

[0:36] we're not very level like I took a video

[0:39] I forgot I'd taken it and I I need to

[0:42] try to find it so I can clip it to you

[0:44] guys

[0:46] jeez um just showing how un level we are

[0:50] cuz I could really see it from my

[0:54] Jeep and I'm thinking maybe I should try

[0:57] to fix that today cuz it's real windy

[0:59] out here I don't I know if it's good or

[1:01] bad or you know like a neutral thing but

[1:04] you can you know you're rocking and I

[1:07] don't see how level is going to change

[1:08] it but mean I'm my you know my my

[1:15] um why does this happen to me the slide

[1:19] you know it's out real far

[1:23] and it just feels like you know it's

[1:25] waiting down that way and I just don't

[1:27] know if that's a good or a bad thing or

[1:29] not

[1:33] what to do it I'm going to have to get

[1:34] cleaned up in here cuz I bring a bunch

[1:35] of stuff in

[1:37] here

[1:39] and

[1:40] um you know and then I'll put the cats

[1:43] outside and their stuff and just they'll

[1:45] be away from here and then I can bring

[1:47] the thing in and just try to get a level

[1:50] maybe I might do that thinking about it

[1:54] this is this is how Bailey is yes

[1:56] everyone this is how my cat is

[2:00] oh my

[2:02] god he has no you know he doesn't

[2:05] respect personal space at

[2:08] all oh you got to

[2:11] CH and he's very

[2:13] heavy always thought he weighed like 30

[2:16] lbs but I guess it's more like 15 feels

[2:18] like

[2:22] 30 he has a good

[2:25] camp surprised you're not outside though

[2:28] it's just real hot out there I think

[2:29] that's

[2:31] why surprised Oliver's out there I mean

[2:34] these cats always surprise me soon as I

[2:37] sto my last video Oliver was crying to

[2:39] come inside so he's in here now all

[2:42] right

[2:44] Oliver decided you know what I could use

[2:47] some

[2:48] coffee I just wanted to

[2:51] say I'm glad I'm going through this I

[2:55] I've wanted off these pills for

[2:58] years I don't like goat guys

[3:02] and cuz

[3:04] they're just dangerous you know the way

[3:07] they just kind of like cigarettes they

[3:10] just kind of get into your system and

[3:12] they don't let go they don't let go

[3:15] easy and I don't like that I don't like

[3:19] When Something's Got a Hold on

[3:22] Me So yeah here we go I'm trying to make

[3:24] coffee in this place oh let me just show

[3:26] you what what I'm dealing with here cats

[3:29] it won't leave me alone you know always

[3:31] got to be in my SPAC

[3:33] always a whole bunch of stuff cuz you

[3:35] know that was the last of stuff for my

[3:38] house Bailey just staring at me like

[3:42] he's so expectant like constantly need

[3:45] for

[3:46] attention um of course my coffee maker

[3:49] way down

[3:50] there which I'm trying to get to oliv

[3:54] would you please let me get to my coffee

[3:56] maker I could really use some coffee man

[3:59] like give me a minute

[4:05] dude oh no I thought I clean this I

[4:09] where I did I think I did just not very

[4:13] well because I'm so worried about those

[4:16] tanks all the

[4:18] time Oliver come on man it's the main

[4:22] thorough you don't have to be in the

[4:25] L um

[4:28] [Music]

[4:30] yeah lost my turn of

[4:33] thought I could use some coffee I hope

[4:36] they don't make me worse though you know

[4:38] maybe the caffeine's not so good for me

[4:40] right now say I'm drinking Mountain Dew

[4:46] right Oliver he is all over me and it's

[4:49] cuz he wants me to feed

[4:51] him I know what you're up to

[4:54] ol and I can't get coffee before he's

[4:57] been dealt with

[4:59] deal with

[5:02] him oh what would you like today

[5:05] Oliver I know you want soup which is at

[5:09] the bottom I didn't think this F very

[5:13] well my mom so responsible for this too

[5:17] like the Popsicles give me a sec I know

[5:21] better than to spoil these cats you know

[5:24] so I know my cats but you know my mom

[5:27] well she treats them like her little

[5:28] grand babies

[5:30] look I get

[5:35] stuck you're welcome

[5:37] Oliver so ants have been a problem

[5:42] still I don't know what to do I can't

[5:45] like put them on some kind of feeding

[5:48] schedule these cats would they'd kill

[5:51] me would absolutely kill

[5:55] me

[5:57] um milk

[6:00] my chocolate and my

[6:04] [Music]

[6:07] CH this is not easy I'm just so

[6:13] old I'm hoping I'll feel a lot better

[6:17] getting off these

[6:18] things like I do have really bad

[6:22] headaches um some physical pain from

[6:25] like no it wants water again God I hate

[6:30] this

[6:31] thing oh my God I did get some water at

[6:35] the store

[6:37] though I'm not putting the water that's

[6:39] in my tanks there

[6:43] that's

[6:44] where

[6:46] water Oliver you can't possibly be done

[6:50] already

[6:56] C really

[7:01] just so much effort all the

[7:10] time for me

[7:12] biley not

[7:17] you there's a distinction in his

[7:21] mind what are you doing I know you see

[7:24] what I'm doing over

[7:27] here I know you do

[7:30] oh this is so inconvenient so

[7:35] inconvenient you know what I'm not sure

[7:37] that I've I don't think I've turned my

[7:39] computer on since we

[7:41] moved so worried about that

[7:45] thing I hope it's

[7:49] okay wow this is a cat

[7:55] CLA somebody's been up on my computer

[8:09] yeah coffee sounds

[8:12] good

[8:13] what I don't know I don't don't I'm not

[8:17] saying the

[8:18] word not a

[8:23] chance

[8:25] uhoh goodness thesee I do it oh yeah

[8:30] that's a withdraw thing too that was the

[8:31] first one though so they're probably

[8:33] coming soon I

[8:35] guess oh my God they

[8:37] are no I don't want to go through

[8:43] that oh God

[8:46] no what will the neighbors

[8:49] think oh my God I did not pick a great

[8:53] swap for like

[8:55] this

[8:58] um yeah

[9:00] whatever it's fine I do feel very tired

[9:04] now I guess that's you know I should

[9:07] expected

[9:08] that here I am planning all kinds of

[9:11] like get this place organized let's go

[9:14] level this thing you know yeah

[9:19] right

[9:21] maybe my thinking is I just need to

[9:23] treat today like any other day do my

[9:27] best

[9:28] like manage any symptoms that come up

[9:31] but you know just try to live a normal

[9:33] life like I should try to you know make

[9:37] some burgers on the grill today I've

[9:38] only done it

[9:40] once um you guys saw me do

[9:43] it I think I have better patties this

[9:46] time and Ms

[9:49] so do that it's real hot out I didn't

[9:53] check to see what the temperature

[9:55] is it's hot a lot it's hot enough that

[9:58] the cats don't want to be

[10:00] outside you know that's hot cats don't

[10:03] want to be outside something's wrong in

[10:05] the

[10:07] world

[10:09] so I don't

[10:11] know really want to try to be productive

[10:14] despite what I'm going

[10:15] through feel that's the

[10:17] answer you

[10:19] know

[10:21] [Music]

[10:24] coffee very hot very good

[10:31] very

[10:35] hot I really wish the cats will go

[10:38] outside though and just give me some

[10:39] space

[10:41] like it's the whole point of buying them

[10:43] all that stuff guys it's so nice out

[10:48] there I yeah a little hot

[10:51] but yeah I guess they should be in

[10:56] here I'll get this cat over here look at

[11:01] you ruling over all of us see how you're

[11:04] looking at your

[11:07] brother

[11:09] yeah no room I have nowhere to sit

[11:12] really like oh I canot sit over here but

[11:15] it's not level like that's when I

[11:17] realized it was really not

[11:21] level yeah this is not lovable so I got

[11:25] to fix it I can't be like this for the

[11:27] next 5 days

[11:32] you know I'm thinking about thinking

[11:34] about just turning my PlayStation on and

[11:36] having to fun of that but I'd be sitting

[11:39] here if I did this is not working I got

[11:44] to do it despite it

[11:47] all so I don't know if it's cuz we're

[11:50] like right on on the lake you know but

[11:53] it just rocks in here like a boat the

[11:55] wind is so strong that's partly why they

[11:58] don't want to be out too which is so

[12:00] windy I Stak down some of their stuff in

[12:03] the grass but I couldn't stake down the

[12:05] stuff that's closer to the

[12:07] camper and that stuff just moving wildly

[12:11] don't you dare jump up here don't do

[12:14] it

[12:16] [Music]

[12:18] um I'm just wondering about the stress

[12:21] on my my camper you know my

[12:26] home my new home probably fine right

[12:31] but maybe not when you're this

[12:34] unable kind of wondering if that solar

[12:36] stuff was a good idea does weigh a

[12:38] [Music]

[12:42] lot so beautiful out

[12:49] there how do I get on that

[12:52] water I need a boat where do you run a

[12:55] boat

[12:57] or yeah like a

[13:01] robot what would Huckleberry b or Tom

[13:05] whatever what would those guys use

[13:07] Tom when they went on a river cuz that's

[13:10] what I

[13:12] want a normal

[13:14] boat a rowboat I want a

[13:19] rowboat or maybe something like an

[13:21] Enders game where you're just

[13:24] like planks of wood on you know the

[13:27] water and you're just chilling like it's

[13:28] this little time Island I would love

[13:32] that I need to stop dreaming it's not

[13:35] getting me anywhere I think all my

[13:37] neighbors are leaving one has already

[13:39] left I think the one back there it looks

[13:42] like they might be packing up very

[13:45] slowly so hopefully they're leaving

[13:47] today just feels weird like we're way

[13:50] too close to each

[13:53] other and all the places I booked are

[13:56] like that I didn't understand like it

[13:58] makes sense now um these little pulloff

[14:02] sites that you have

[14:05] they're you know they're everywhere and

[14:07] then they put these pulloff sites like

[14:09] what I have right next to all these

[14:11] other ones that people can back

[14:15] into and they're just everywhere you

[14:19] know doesn't feel like the last

[14:21] Campground which was wonderful I loved

[14:23] it there I

[14:27] did that's where I want to be i l it

[14:31] there it was Private it was peaceful

[14:34] There Were Trees

[14:40] everywhere this is how you learn though

[14:42] right or maybe you learn by watching

[14:44] people like me do the wrong thing I

[14:47] don't

[14:51] know I sound negative who we are

[14:57] rocking so I don't mean to sound so

[14:59] negative

[15:00] like I'm just being dramatic that's part

[15:03] of my personality too guys probably have

[15:05] not figured that out yet cuz it is very

[15:08] subtle even my parents didn't realize it

[15:10] I guess until this

[15:13] year

[15:16] um I'm just being dramatic I'm gay all

[15:18] right like that's what we do some of us

[15:25] anyway

[15:27] um but mine's are more version of it

[15:30] just because of the way I was raised I

[15:32] guess I don't

[15:35] know always fearing what other people

[15:38] think of me that kind of

[15:40] thing never truly being

[15:44] myself I'm trying though I

[15:47] just you know what I screwed up a minute

[15:50] ago it doesn't matter if I'm being

[15:52] negative you don't like it you can just

[15:54] click off

[15:55] right um

[15:59] cuz that's me

[16:01] like judging myself and is my behavior

[16:05] appropriate for you it doesn't matter

[16:07] it's got to be appropriate for me right

[16:10] it could get real crazy just put my

[16:12] monitor on the floor with my PlayStation

[16:15] it's play down there where it feels more

[16:17] level I might do that cuz like

[16:21] wow no I should level this thing like a

[16:24] normal person let's go take a look and

[16:27] see what the situation is like

[16:31] I mean how bad is it right somehow this

[16:35] thing comes down I'm probably going to

[16:37] pinch my fingers that's not going to be

[16:39] fun look at that I'm doing it from the

[16:41] cam yeah this is going to hurt me hold

[16:43] on come

[16:45] on very bad at this stuff

[16:48] guys there we

[16:50] go don't worry I caught you I'll always

[16:53] cat

[16:55] you

[16:57] okay okay my shoes

[17:00] on you stay here Bailey just cuz I'm

[17:04] going out doesn't mean you have

[17:06] to don't even want to be out here this

[17:09] is not working come

[17:11] on oh my God this is a really weird way

[17:15] to live I'm going to keep saying that

[17:17] I'm putting that on a t-shirt

[17:18] too it's a weird way to

[17:21] live yes that would be an awesome

[17:24] t-shirt Bailey come on I really need you

[17:27] to just chill for me all right

[17:29] [Music]

[17:30] chill these cats don't know the meaning

[17:33] of the B oh

[17:35] God that could have been a

[17:41] disaster I'm watching that

[17:44] door don't trust you

[17:46] guys all right let's see how we're

[17:50] doing so front to back that's basically

[17:54] level right

[17:56] so just going to be back

[18:01] here holy crap we are not even close to

[18:04] level are

[18:06] we I need to lift this

[18:09] side like a lot oh my God my cats are

[18:13] going to hate

[18:15] me um yeah that's way worse than last

[18:19] time oh crap I knew it didn't feel right

[18:23] in

[18:25] there let me just kind of assess the

[18:27] situation

[18:34] here this is the best way to approach

[18:36] this

[18:38] problem I have to bring that stabilizer

[18:42] up basically like on level ground like I

[18:46] could put it anywhere and

[18:49] like

[18:52] yeah yeah I'm going to have to I need to

[18:56] bring that side up

[18:59] a

[19:01] lot Le my little bricks my Legos will

[19:04] have a purpose today I

[19:07] guess wow it is nice out here

[19:10] guys H I'm just going to chill here away

[19:13] from the

[19:16] cats oh just like 30 minutes ago so hot

[19:21] what

[19:23] happened that breeze holy crap that's

[19:26] nice

[19:34] temperature fluctuations that's another

[19:36] withraw symptom

[19:39] so um that's one of the worst It's Kind

[19:43] like hot flashes you

[19:46] know something changed cuz it was so

[19:48] bright out here too and I was like I

[19:50] need my sunglasses it's not terrible

[19:53] now

[19:55] huh I've had to bring my Awning in a few

[19:58] times cuz the

[20:01] wind seems all right right now yeah I'm

[20:05] getting a hot

[20:07] flash oh God I hate this part of withraw

[20:10] just

[20:13] awful here's here is my here's some

[20:16] wisdom from me

[20:18] guys it's not really wisdom it's common

[20:22] sense I think

[20:23] but um I'm trying to sound you

[20:27] know something

[20:31] um anything that does this to your body

[20:33] when you stop taking it is bad like

[20:36] don't do it nothing can make you feel

[20:39] this

[20:40] way just nothing if if it's you know you

[20:43] can smoke pot and you're fine the next

[20:46] day

[20:48] um I don't know what else but I'm just

[20:51] saying like op it's they're bad cuz if

[20:55] they make you feel like this and what

[20:57] are they doing to you you you

[21:01] know I guess I'll like post this stuff

[21:03] up for you now and um maybe I'll post

[21:06] later after I'm going to try to get this

[21:08] thing M today they be dry man if you

[21:12] look at my camper from this angle you

[21:14] can definitely tell that it is

[21:17] struggling on one side and that is a

[21:20] side I thought

[21:22] was the closer you get to it the worse

[21:24] it looks like wow

[21:28] definitely need to get level and stay

[21:31] level and learn to stay level all that

[0:00] it's 10:30 in the morning on Saturday M

[0:04] just staring at me over

[0:07] there oliv's

[0:09] outside um doing all right so

[0:13] far I feel it a little bit like I get

[0:16] this feeling that's I don't know how to

[0:18] describe it well I always the way I

[0:20] describe it it's like it's like gravity

[0:23] in your body is all messed up it's a

[0:25] weird

[0:26] feeling um I'm doing all right the fur

[0:31] baby the

[0:32] fur I was just sitting here and thinking

[0:36] we're not very level like I took a video

[0:39] I forgot I'd taken it and I I need to

[0:42] try to find it so I can clip it to you

[0:44] guys

[0:46] jeez um just showing how un level we are

[0:50] cuz I could really see it from my

[0:54] Jeep and I'm thinking maybe I should try

[0:57] to fix that today cuz it's real windy

[0:59] out here I don't I know if it's good or

[1:01] bad or you know like a neutral thing but

[1:04] you can you know you're rocking and I

[1:07] don't see how level is going to change

[1:08] it but mean I'm my you know my my

[1:15] um why does this happen to me the slide

[1:19] you know it's out real far

[1:23] and it just feels like you know it's

[1:25] waiting down that way and I just don't

[1:27] know if that's a good or a bad thing or

[1:29] not

[1:33] what to do it I'm going to have to get

[1:34] cleaned up in here cuz I bring a bunch

[1:35] of stuff in

[1:37] here

[1:39] and

[1:40] um you know and then I'll put the cats

[1:43] outside and their stuff and just they'll

[1:45] be away from here and then I can bring

[1:47] the thing in and just try to get a level

[1:50] maybe I might do that thinking about it

[1:54] this is this is how Bailey is yes

[1:56] everyone this is how my cat is

[2:00] oh my

[2:02] god he has no you know he doesn't

[2:05] respect personal space at

[2:08] all oh you got to

[2:11] CH and he's very

[2:13] heavy always thought he weighed like 30

[2:16] lbs but I guess it's more like 15 feels

[2:18] like

[2:22] 30 he has a good

[2:25] camp surprised you're not outside though

[2:28] it's just real hot out there I think

[2:29] that's

[2:31] why surprised Oliver's out there I mean

[2:34] these cats always surprise me soon as I

[2:37] sto my last video Oliver was crying to

[2:39] come inside so he's in here now all

[2:42] right

[2:44] Oliver decided you know what I could use

[2:47] some

[2:48] coffee I just wanted to

[2:51] say I'm glad I'm going through this I

[2:55] I've wanted off these pills for

[2:58] years I don't like goat guys

[3:02] and cuz

[3:04] they're just dangerous you know the way

[3:07] they just kind of like cigarettes they

[3:10] just kind of get into your system and

[3:12] they don't let go they don't let go

[3:15] easy and I don't like that I don't like

[3:19] When Something's Got a Hold on

[3:22] Me So yeah here we go I'm trying to make

[3:24] coffee in this place oh let me just show

[3:26] you what what I'm dealing with here cats

[3:29] it won't leave me alone you know always

[3:31] got to be in my SPAC

[3:33] always a whole bunch of stuff cuz you

[3:35] know that was the last of stuff for my

[3:38] house Bailey just staring at me like

[3:42] he's so expectant like constantly need

[3:45] for

[3:46] attention um of course my coffee maker

[3:49] way down

[3:50] there which I'm trying to get to oliv

[3:54] would you please let me get to my coffee

[3:56] maker I could really use some coffee man

[3:59] like give me a minute

[4:05] dude oh no I thought I clean this I

[4:09] where I did I think I did just not very

[4:13] well because I'm so worried about those

[4:16] tanks all the

[4:18] time Oliver come on man it's the main

[4:22] thorough you don't have to be in the

[4:25] L um

[4:28] [Music]

[4:30] yeah lost my turn of

[4:33] thought I could use some coffee I hope

[4:36] they don't make me worse though you know

[4:38] maybe the caffeine's not so good for me

[4:40] right now say I'm drinking Mountain Dew

[4:46] right Oliver he is all over me and it's

[4:49] cuz he wants me to feed

[4:51] him I know what you're up to

[4:54] ol and I can't get coffee before he's

[4:57] been dealt with

[4:59] deal with

[5:02] him oh what would you like today

[5:05] Oliver I know you want soup which is at

[5:09] the bottom I didn't think this F very

[5:13] well my mom so responsible for this too

[5:17] like the Popsicles give me a sec I know

[5:21] better than to spoil these cats you know

[5:24] so I know my cats but you know my mom

[5:27] well she treats them like her little

[5:28] grand babies

[5:30] look I get

[5:35] stuck you're welcome

[5:37] Oliver so ants have been a problem

[5:42] still I don't know what to do I can't

[5:45] like put them on some kind of feeding

[5:48] schedule these cats would they'd kill

[5:51] me would absolutely kill

[5:55] me

[5:57] um milk

[6:00] my chocolate and my

[6:04] [Music]

[6:07] CH this is not easy I'm just so

[6:13] old I'm hoping I'll feel a lot better

[6:17] getting off these

[6:18] things like I do have really bad

[6:22] headaches um some physical pain from

[6:25] like no it wants water again God I hate

[6:30] this

[6:31] thing oh my God I did get some water at

[6:35] the store

[6:37] though I'm not putting the water that's

[6:39] in my tanks there

[6:43] that's

[6:44] where

[6:46] water Oliver you can't possibly be done

[6:50] already

[6:56] C really

[7:01] just so much effort all the

[7:10] time for me

[7:12] biley not

[7:17] you there's a distinction in his

[7:21] mind what are you doing I know you see

[7:24] what I'm doing over

[7:27] here I know you do

[7:30] oh this is so inconvenient so

[7:35] inconvenient you know what I'm not sure

[7:37] that I've I don't think I've turned my

[7:39] computer on since we

[7:41] moved so worried about that

[7:45] thing I hope it's

[7:49] okay wow this is a cat

[7:55] CLA somebody's been up on my computer

[8:09] yeah coffee sounds

[8:12] good

[8:13] what I don't know I don't don't I'm not

[8:17] saying the

[8:18] word not a

[8:23] chance

[8:25] uhoh goodness thesee I do it oh yeah

[8:30] that's a withdraw thing too that was the

[8:31] first one though so they're probably

[8:33] coming soon I

[8:35] guess oh my God they

[8:37] are no I don't want to go through

[8:43] that oh God

[8:46] no what will the neighbors

[8:49] think oh my God I did not pick a great

[8:53] swap for like

[8:55] this

[8:58] um yeah

[9:00] whatever it's fine I do feel very tired

[9:04] now I guess that's you know I should

[9:07] expected

[9:08] that here I am planning all kinds of

[9:11] like get this place organized let's go

[9:14] level this thing you know yeah

[9:19] right

[9:21] maybe my thinking is I just need to

[9:23] treat today like any other day do my

[9:27] best

[9:28] like manage any symptoms that come up

[9:31] but you know just try to live a normal

[9:33] life like I should try to you know make

[9:37] some burgers on the grill today I've

[9:38] only done it

[9:40] once um you guys saw me do

[9:43] it I think I have better patties this

[9:46] time and Ms

[9:49] so do that it's real hot out I didn't

[9:53] check to see what the temperature

[9:55] is it's hot a lot it's hot enough that

[9:58] the cats don't want to be

[10:00] outside you know that's hot cats don't

[10:03] want to be outside something's wrong in

[10:05] the

[10:07] world

[10:09] so I don't

[10:11] know really want to try to be productive

[10:14] despite what I'm going

[10:15] through feel that's the

[10:17] answer you

[10:19] know

[10:21] [Music]

[10:24] coffee very hot very good

[10:31] very

[10:35] hot I really wish the cats will go

[10:38] outside though and just give me some

[10:39] space

[10:41] like it's the whole point of buying them

[10:43] all that stuff guys it's so nice out

[10:48] there I yeah a little hot

[10:51] but yeah I guess they should be in

[10:56] here I'll get this cat over here look at

[11:01] you ruling over all of us see how you're

[11:04] looking at your

[11:07] brother

[11:09] yeah no room I have nowhere to sit

[11:12] really like oh I canot sit over here but

[11:15] it's not level like that's when I

[11:17] realized it was really not

[11:21] level yeah this is not lovable so I got

[11:25] to fix it I can't be like this for the

[11:27] next 5 days

[11:32] you know I'm thinking about thinking

[11:34] about just turning my PlayStation on and

[11:36] having to fun of that but I'd be sitting

[11:39] here if I did this is not working I got

[11:44] to do it despite it

[11:47] all so I don't know if it's cuz we're

[11:50] like right on on the lake you know but

[11:53] it just rocks in here like a boat the

[11:55] wind is so strong that's partly why they

[11:58] don't want to be out too which is so

[12:00] windy I Stak down some of their stuff in

[12:03] the grass but I couldn't stake down the

[12:05] stuff that's closer to the

[12:07] camper and that stuff just moving wildly

[12:11] don't you dare jump up here don't do

[12:14] it

[12:16] [Music]

[12:18] um I'm just wondering about the stress

[12:21] on my my camper you know my

[12:26] home my new home probably fine right

[12:31] but maybe not when you're this

[12:34] unable kind of wondering if that solar

[12:36] stuff was a good idea does weigh a

[12:38] [Music]

[12:42] lot so beautiful out

[12:49] there how do I get on that

[12:52] water I need a boat where do you run a

[12:55] boat

[12:57] or yeah like a

[13:01] robot what would Huckleberry b or Tom

[13:05] whatever what would those guys use

[13:07] Tom when they went on a river cuz that's

[13:10] what I

[13:12] want a normal

[13:14] boat a rowboat I want a

[13:19] rowboat or maybe something like an

[13:21] Enders game where you're just

[13:24] like planks of wood on you know the

[13:27] water and you're just chilling like it's

[13:28] this little time Island I would love

[13:32] that I need to stop dreaming it's not

[13:35] getting me anywhere I think all my

[13:37] neighbors are leaving one has already

[13:39] left I think the one back there it looks

[13:42] like they might be packing up very

[13:45] slowly so hopefully they're leaving

[13:47] today just feels weird like we're way

[13:50] too close to each

[13:53] other and all the places I booked are

[13:56] like that I didn't understand like it

[13:58] makes sense now um these little pulloff

[14:02] sites that you have

[14:05] they're you know they're everywhere and

[14:07] then they put these pulloff sites like

[14:09] what I have right next to all these

[14:11] other ones that people can back

[14:15] into and they're just everywhere you

[14:19] know doesn't feel like the last

[14:21] Campground which was wonderful I loved

[14:23] it there I

[14:27] did that's where I want to be i l it

[14:31] there it was Private it was peaceful

[14:34] There Were Trees

[14:40] everywhere this is how you learn though

[14:42] right or maybe you learn by watching

[14:44] people like me do the wrong thing I

[14:47] don't

[14:51] know I sound negative who we are

[14:57] rocking so I don't mean to sound so

[14:59] negative

[15:00] like I'm just being dramatic that's part

[15:03] of my personality too guys probably have

[15:05] not figured that out yet cuz it is very

[15:08] subtle even my parents didn't realize it

[15:10] I guess until this

[15:13] year

[15:16] um I'm just being dramatic I'm gay all

[15:18] right like that's what we do some of us

[15:25] anyway

[15:27] um but mine's are more version of it

[15:30] just because of the way I was raised I

[15:32] guess I don't

[15:35] know always fearing what other people

[15:38] think of me that kind of

[15:40] thing never truly being

[15:44] myself I'm trying though I

[15:47] just you know what I screwed up a minute

[15:50] ago it doesn't matter if I'm being

[15:52] negative you don't like it you can just

[15:54] click off

[15:55] right um

[15:59] cuz that's me

[16:01] like judging myself and is my behavior

[16:05] appropriate for you it doesn't matter

[16:07] it's got to be appropriate for me right

[16:10] it could get real crazy just put my

[16:12] monitor on the floor with my PlayStation

[16:15] it's play down there where it feels more

[16:17] level I might do that cuz like

[16:21] wow no I should level this thing like a

[16:24] normal person let's go take a look and

[16:27] see what the situation is like

[16:31] I mean how bad is it right somehow this

[16:35] thing comes down I'm probably going to

[16:37] pinch my fingers that's not going to be

[16:39] fun look at that I'm doing it from the

[16:41] cam yeah this is going to hurt me hold

[16:43] on come

[16:45] on very bad at this stuff

[16:48] guys there we

[16:50] go don't worry I caught you I'll always

[16:53] cat

[16:55] you

[16:57] okay okay my shoes

[17:00] on you stay here Bailey just cuz I'm

[17:04] going out doesn't mean you have

[17:06] to don't even want to be out here this

[17:09] is not working come

[17:11] on oh my God this is a really weird way

[17:15] to live I'm going to keep saying that

[17:17] I'm putting that on a t-shirt

[17:18] too it's a weird way to

[17:21] live yes that would be an awesome

[17:24] t-shirt Bailey come on I really need you

[17:27] to just chill for me all right

[17:29] [Music]

[17:30] chill these cats don't know the meaning

[17:33] of the B oh

[17:35] God that could have been a

[17:41] disaster I'm watching that

[17:44] door don't trust you

[17:46] guys all right let's see how we're

[17:50] doing so front to back that's basically

[17:54] level right

[17:56] so just going to be back

[18:01] here holy crap we are not even close to

[18:04] level are

[18:06] we I need to lift this

[18:09] side like a lot oh my God my cats are

[18:13] going to hate

[18:15] me um yeah that's way worse than last

[18:19] time oh crap I knew it didn't feel right

[18:23] in

[18:25] there let me just kind of assess the

[18:27] situation

[18:34] here this is the best way to approach

[18:36] this

[18:38] problem I have to bring that stabilizer

[18:42] up basically like on level ground like I

[18:46] could put it anywhere and

[18:49] like

[18:52] yeah yeah I'm going to have to I need to

[18:56] bring that side up

[18:59] a

[19:01] lot Le my little bricks my Legos will

[19:04] have a purpose today I

[19:07] guess wow it is nice out here

[19:10] guys H I'm just going to chill here away

[19:13] from the

[19:16] cats oh just like 30 minutes ago so hot

[19:21] what

[19:23] happened that breeze holy crap that's

[19:26] nice

[19:34] temperature fluctuations that's another

[19:36] withraw symptom

[19:39] so um that's one of the worst It's Kind

[19:43] like hot flashes you

[19:46] know something changed cuz it was so

[19:48] bright out here too and I was like I

[19:50] need my sunglasses it's not terrible

[19:53] now

[19:55] huh I've had to bring my Awning in a few

[19:58] times cuz the

[20:01] wind seems all right right now yeah I'm

[20:05] getting a hot

[20:07] flash oh God I hate this part of withraw

[20:10] just

[20:13] awful here's here is my here's some

[20:16] wisdom from me

[20:18] guys it's not really wisdom it's common

[20:22] sense I think

[20:23] but um I'm trying to sound you

[20:27] know something

[20:31] um anything that does this to your body

[20:33] when you stop taking it is bad like

[20:36] don't do it nothing can make you feel

[20:39] this

[20:40] way just nothing if if it's you know you

[20:43] can smoke pot and you're fine the next

[20:46] day

[20:48] um I don't know what else but I'm just

[20:51] saying like op it's they're bad cuz if

[20:55] they make you feel like this and what

[20:57] are they doing to you you you

[21:01] know I guess I'll like post this stuff

[21:03] up for you now and um maybe I'll post

[21:06] later after I'm going to try to get this

[21:08] thing M today they be dry man if you

[21:12] look at my camper from this angle you

[21:14] can definitely tell that it is

[21:17] struggling on one side and that is a

[21:20] side I thought

[21:22] was the closer you get to it the worse

[21:24] it looks like wow

[21:28] definitely need to get level and stay

[21:31] level and learn to stay level all that

2:26

Planning Route to Great Basin National Park

Apr 22, 2024

1:43

Day 12: Missing Journals and Retrieving Cats

Apr 22, 2024

46:56

Driving Cats to Camper, Documenting Family History

Apr 23, 2024

12:47

Documenting Day 13 of RV Life at Campsite

Apr 24, 2024

15:34

Recording Late-Night Before Camp Move, Day 14

Apr 24, 2024

2:40

Contemplating Platform Control and New Morning Rituals

Apr 24, 2024

15:03

Organizing Camper Storage on Day 14

Apr 24, 2024

10:22

Mapping RV Route to Great Basin National Park

Apr 24, 2024

9:37

Closing Out Day 14 Before Departure

Apr 25, 2024

37:19

Preparing Travel Day With Cats and Tapering Plan

Apr 25, 2024

2:32

Departing Solo for Tennessee with Cats and RV

Apr 25, 2024

36:41

Rain, Power Loss, and First Weeks in the Camper

Apr 26, 2024

9:26

Recovering Journals, Driving to Carthage Walmart

Apr 26, 2024

21:31

Cooking First Chili in the Camper on a Windy Day

Apr 27, 2024

5:43

Explaining Why Tapering Is Not Available

Apr 27, 2024

3:23

Clearing the House, Recovering the Journals

Apr 27, 2024

21:34

Assessing Camper Level While Tapering Off Opioids

Apr 28, 2024

3:14

Waking to an Emptied Campground, Recalibrating the Day

Apr 28, 2024

2:11

Leveling the RV, Weighing Travel Pace

Apr 28, 2024

2:53

Day One of Withdrawal at the Campground

Apr 29, 2024

4:23

Documenting First Night Off Opioids

Apr 29, 2024

20:41

Walking the Campground on Site 77

Apr 29, 2024

3:19

Setting Up Twitch Stream Without Sleep

Apr 29, 2024

6:08

Addressing Trolls, Gray Tank, and Cat Housing Decision

Apr 30, 2024

2:55

Relocating Cats to Parents Early in Camper Life

Apr 30, 2024

6:58

Handing Off Cats and Leaving the House

Apr 30, 2024

5:29

Recalibrating Route Plan Mid-Drive Through Tennessee

May 1, 2024

12:08

Day 21 Systems Check and Final Walkthrough

May 1, 2024

13:46

Moving Sites, Restocking, Renaming the Channel

May 1, 2024

17:15

Dumping Tanks and Repositioning to New Site

May 2, 2024

2:07

Acknowledging Loneliness as Structural Recalibration

May 2, 2024

12:20

Recording Post-Withdrawal Day at New Campground Site

May 2, 2024

8:07

Recounting the Land Deal and Choosing the Camper

May 2, 2024

0:50

Rerouting Travel Plans at Lake Cumberland

May 3, 2024

6:33

Addressing Tramadol Withdrawal Timeline and Channel Direction

May 4, 2024

3:28

Morning Camper Routine and Tramadol Withdrawal Notes

May 4, 2024

1:34

Reassigning Freed Storage Space Under the Bed

May 4, 2024

1:28

Sharing Wooden Book-Folding Hobby on Camera

May 4, 2024

11:00

Organizing Camper, Naming Land and Cabin Goal

May 4, 2024

37:19

Preparing Travel Day With Cats and Withdrawal Plan

May 5, 2024

8:16

Documenting Withdrawal Recurrence and Severing Medical Trust

May 5, 2024

PUBLIC

April 28, 2024 rswfire PUBLISHED

Temp 0.20

Density 0.60

Energetic Quality

steady under somatic load

Journey Phase

transitional — opioid discontinuation in progress alongside physical relocation

Directional Vector

toward level — physical, chemical, and self-authored

Narrative

At ten-thirty on a Saturday morning, two weeks into living in the camper, rswfire sat with a cat staring at him from across the room and described the feeling in his body as gravity gone wrong — the way he always describes it, because there is no better phrase for it. Oliver was outside. Bailey was where Bailey always is, which is directly in the frame. The wind was up off the lake and the camper was rocking, and somewhere in the middle of noticing the rocking he remembered the video he had taken from the Jeep and forgotten about, the one that showed how far out of level the unit was sitting. The slide was extended far on one side. It felt, he said, like the whole thing was weighted that way. He did not know yet whether that was good or bad or neutral. He knew he might fix it today.

The plan assembled itself in fragments: clean the interior, move the cats and their gear outside, bring the slide in, get level. What actually happened first was coffee, or the attempt at it. The coffee maker was at the bottom of the stack — the last load out of the house, still boxed and piled where it had landed — and Oliver had positioned himself in the main thoroughfare and would not move until he had been fed. rswfire negotiated the thoroughfare, dug for the soup at the bottom, noted that his mother is partly responsible for how these cats expect to be treated, and got the water from the store jugs rather than the tanks, because he is careful about the tanks. Somewhere in the excavation he registered that he had not turned his computer on since the move, and that something had been walking on it. The coffee, when it finally happened, was very hot and very good.

He said plainly that he was glad to be going through this. He had wanted off the pills for years — described them as getting into a system the way cigarettes do, not letting go easy — and stated the objection directly: he does not like when something has a hold on him. The symptoms he named as they arrived. The first yawn, and the recognition that more were coming. The headaches. The fatigue that landed right on top of all his organizing ambitions. A brief thought about the neighbors and what they would think, followed immediately by the correction — whatever, it's fine. He set the standard for the day out loud: treat it like any other day, manage what comes up, live normally. Make burgers on the grill. He had only done it once before and he had better patties this time.

Outside, the heat was strong enough that the cats had opted out of it entirely, which he took as diagnostic. Inside, there was nowhere to sit, and when he tried to sit anyway he felt the plane of the floor and it confirmed what the Jeep had shown him. He considered the alternative — put the monitor on the floor with the PlayStation, play down there where it feels more level — and then declined it. He named the temptation and moved past it: level the thing like a normal person. He wondered aloud about the stress the tilt was putting on the camper, on his home, and whether the solar array was a good idea given what it weighs on one side. He looked at the lake and said he wanted a rowboat, or the thing from Ender's Game, planks on the water, a little time island. Then he said he needed to stop dreaming because it was not getting him anywhere.

He talked about the neighbors packing up, about the pull-off sites stacked too close together, about the last campground with trees and privacy that he loved and wants to be at again. He heard himself sounding negative and named it — dramatic, part of his personality, subtle enough that even his parents did not catch it until this year — and traced it to being raised fearing what other people think, to never truly being himself, to trying. And then he corrected the correction, which is the turn the whole morning had been building toward: it does not matter if he is being negative, anyone who does not like it can click off, because judging whether his behavior is appropriate for the viewer is the wrong measurement. It has to be appropriate for him.

Then he put his shoes on and went out. He brought the slide in from outside, anticipating pinched fingers, caught a cat at the doorway before it could get through — don't worry, I caught you, I'll always cat you — and told Bailey that his going outside did not obligate anyone else to. He said, as he had said before and would say again, that this is a really weird way to live, and that it belongs on a t-shirt. He walked the length of the camper and made the assessment: front to back, basically level. Side to side, not close. Not even close. Worse than last time. He needed to lift that side a lot, which meant bringing the stabilizer up and putting the leveling blocks — his Legos — to work. He allowed that the cats were going to hate him for it.

He stayed outside a minute after the assessment, away from the cats. The heat that had driven them indoors half an hour earlier had turned into a breeze he called nice, and he named the swing itself as a symptom — the temperature fluctuations, the hot flashes, the part of withdrawal he ranks among the worst. He had brought the awning in several times already because of the wind. Sitting there in it, he offered what he called common sense rather than wisdom: anything that does this to your body when you stop taking it is bad, and if it can make you feel this way, consider what it was doing to you all along. Then he looked at the camper from that angle, the one where the lean is undeniable, where the closer you get the worse it looks, and said what the day had been assembling into a single sentence — that he definitely needed to get level, and stay level, and learn to stay level.

Summary

rswfire records from inside his camper at 10:30 AM on a Saturday, parked at a lakeside site with strong wind. He states he is on day-of tapering off opioid pills, describing the physical register as "gravity in your body is all messed up," along with headaches, physical pain, fatigue, sneezing, and temperature fluctuations he identifies as hot flashes.

The cats — Bailey and Oliver — are present throughout. Oliver moves in and out of the camper; Bailey stays close and blocks his movement. rswfire feeds Oliver, notes he cannot put the cats on a feeding schedule, and states his mom contributes to spoiling them.

He makes coffee, navigating stacked boxes from the last of his house belongings, and notes he is uncertain whether caffeine will help or worsen symptoms. He observes he has not turned on his computer since the move and finds cat claw marks on it.

The central practical thread is leveling the camper:

He notices the rocking and slope from inside, recalls having taken a video showing how unlevel it is
He goes outside and assesses: front-to-back is level, but one side is "not even close"
He identifies the fix as raising the low side using the stabilizer and his leveling blocks ("my Legos")
He notes the slide is extended far and questions the weight load, including whether the solar setup was a good idea
He decides to move the cats and their gear outside before doing the work

Other material covered:

Site conditions — sites are close together and pull-off style; he compares unfavorably to the previous campground, which was private and treed, and notes neighbors appear to be packing up
Water — he bought water at the store rather than using tank water; states ongoing concern about the tanks
Plans — grill burgers, get the space organized, possibly play PlayStation; he states his approach is to "treat today like any other day" and be productive despite symptoms
Boats — he describes wanting a rowboat or raft to get out on the lake

He states a direct position on the pills: he is glad to be getting off them, has wanted off for years, and compares their hold to cigarettes. He offers a statement to viewers that anything producing these effects on cessation is bad.

Midway he flags that he may sound negative, names being dramatic as part of his personality and connects it to being gay and to being raised fearing others' judgment, then corrects course: he states the standard is whether his behavior is appropriate for him, not for the audience.

He closes by looking at the camper from outside, confirming the visible tilt, and stating the intention to "get level and stay level and learn to stay level."

Environment

Interior and exterior of an RV parked at a lakeside campsite on the Oregon coast, mid-morning on a Saturday, roughly two weeks after moving in. The camper sits noticeably out of level with the slide extended far on one side; strong wind rocks the unit, and rswfire compares the motion to being on a boat. Temperature swings between hot sun and sudden breeze.

Inside: stacked belongings from the last load out of the house, a coffee maker buried at the bottom, an unturned-on computer, water jugs bought at the store rather than drawn from the tanks, and two cats — Bailey and Oliver — occupying most available surface. Outside: staked-down cat gear in the grass, an awning that has been retracted several times, neighboring pull-off sites close enough to hear, a lake in view, and a stabilizer jack with leveling blocks he calls his Legos.

Substrate

The signal holds a single architecture expressed on three registers simultaneously: a camper out of level, a body in withdrawal from long-term pills, and a self-presentation calibrated against imagined viewer judgment. rswfire treats all three as the same problem — something has a hold and he intends to remove it — and states the corrective explicitly: behavior must be appropriate for him, not for the audience. The ontological position is sovereign maintenance under variable conditions: he documents symptoms without deferring to them, declines to suspend ordinary function, and closes by naming the operating standard as get level, stay level, and learn to stay level.

Actions

Performed

•recording video inside and outside the camper
•narrating withdrawal symptoms as they occur
•making coffee
•feeding Oliver
•moving stacked belongings aside
•noting cat claw marks on the computer
•yawning, identifying it as a withdrawal marker
•putting shoes on and stepping outside
•retracting the camper step by hand
•checking level front-to-back and side-to-side
•assessing the stabilizer and lift required
•correcting his own self-judgment mid-recording
•stating the audience may click off

Referenced

•took an earlier video showing the camper unlevel
•moved the last of the household belongings into the camper
•booked multiple close-quartered pull-off sites
•stayed at a prior campground he describes as private and treed
•installed solar equipment on the camper
•bought water at the store
•staked down cat gear in the grass
•retracted the awning several times in wind
•grilled burgers once previously
•took the pills for years

Planned

•clean and organize the camper interior
•put the cats and their gear outside
•level the camper using blocks and the stabilizer
•grill burgers with better patties
•treat the day as a normal day and manage symptoms
•find and clip the earlier unlevel video
•possibly turn on the PlayStation
•post this footage and possibly record again later
•acquire a rowboat

Entities

beings

rswfire — Recording subject; documenting opioid discontinuation and camper leveling from inside his new home

Bailey — Cat; described as heavy, constantly proximate, disregarding personal space

Oliver — Cat; moves between inside and outside, demands feeding before coffee

his mother — Named as co-responsible for the cats' feeding expectations; treats them as grandchildren

his parents — Referenced as not having recognized his dramatic register until this year

places

the camper — His new home; out of level, slide extended, rocking in wind

the lake — Adjacent water body; source of wind exposure and of the rowboat orientation

the previous campground — Prior site he names as private, peaceful, and treed — the reference standard for siting

systems

the Jeep — Vantage point from which the camper's unlevel state first became visible

the solar equipment — Roof-mounted weight he questions as a load factor on the unlevel side

the water tanks — Onboard system he monitors constantly; not using their water for drinking

the stabilizer and leveling blocks — Tools for the correction; he calls the blocks his Legos

the pills — Opioids he is discontinuing; described as getting into the system and not letting go

the computer — Not powered on since the move; found with cat claw marks

PlayStation — Considered and set aside as sedentary alternative to the leveling work

concepts

"a really weird way to live" — Recurring self-coined phrase he proposes putting on a t-shirt

level — Operating standard stated across physical, chemical, and self-regard registers

media

Huckleberry Finn / Tom Sawyer — Invoked as the reference for the rowboat he wants

Ender's Game — Invoked for the image of floating planks — a small time island on water

Symbolic Elements

Represented archetypes or recurring motifs.

level / plane

gravity

wind

water

boat

rocking

grip / hold

threshold (doorway, step, going outside)

ballast (solar weight on one side)

island

Ontological States

Expressed modes of being or awareness.

sovereign (states that appropriateness of behavior is measured against himself, not viewers)

transitional (discontinuing long-term opioids while newly relocated into full-time camper living)

embedded (fully inside the system he is documenting — camper, cats, wind, body all in the same frame)

recalibrating (correcting the camper's plane and his own self-judgment in the same session)

Engaged Subsystems

Architecture engaged in this transmission.

somatic (withdrawal registered as gravity displacement, hot flashes, headaches, fatigue, yawning)

infrastructural (camper leveling, stabilizer, blocks, tanks, solar load, awning)

domestic (coffee, feeding cats, unpacking, cleaning, grill plans)

relational (cats as constant proximity demand; mother, parents, neighbors as field presences)

self-referential (audience address, self-judgment surfaced then declined)

ecological (wind, heat, lake, site density, prior campground comparison)

Dominant Language

Core motifs or linguistic fields.

level / not level

withdrawal / off these pills

they don't let go

gravity in your body

rocking / wind

appropriate for me

a weird way to live

Narrative

Mirror

You are documenting from inside a camper that is out of level, on a Saturday morning two weeks into living in it, while discontinuing long-term opioids. You state the somatic register directly — gravity in your body is all messed up, headaches, fatigue, temperature swings you name as hot flashes, the first yawn arriving and you marking it as a withdrawal signal the moment it happens. You do not stop recording when the symptoms register. You keep the camera running through the hot flash, through the tiredness, through the moment you say you don't want to go through that. The documentation continues at the same rate the symptoms do.

Five subsystems are running simultaneously and you are tracking all of them. The infrastructural one — slide extended far on one side, solar weight you are questioning, stabilizer, leveling blocks you call your Legos — you assess by walking outside and looking at the camper from an angle, and you report the finding without adjustment: front to back is basically level, the other axis is not even close, worse than last time, and the closer you get the worse it looks. The domestic one runs continuously underneath: coffee maker at the bottom of a stack, water bought at the store because you will not draw from the tanks, food produced for Oliver before you produce anything for yourself. The ecological one is wind you compare to a boat, heat the cats will not go out into, neighbors close enough that you note when one leaves and hope another follows. The relational one is two cats occupying every surface, including the one you would sit on. The self-referential one surfaces once, is named, and is set down.

That last movement is the sharpest event in the signal. You say you sound negative. You say you don't mean to. You explain it as being dramatic, attach it to how you were raised, to fearing what other people think, to never truly being yourself. Then you stop mid-explanation and correct the frame in your own words: it doesn't matter if you're being negative, you can just click off, that's me judging myself, and is my behavior appropriate for you — it doesn't matter, it's got to be appropriate for me. You do not soften the correction or return to the apology afterward. The address to the viewers continues, but the deference does not.

You are pointed at level, and you say so on every register available. You state you have wanted off these pills for years, that they don't let go, that you don't like when something's got a hold on you. You state that the camper has to be fixed, that you cannot be like this for five days, that you will do it despite it all. You state the operating standard for the day as treating it like any other day — manage symptoms, be productive, make burgers on the grill. You consider putting the monitor and PlayStation on the floor where it feels more level, name that as the crazy option, and choose the leveling blocks instead. You close on get level and stay level and learn to stay level.

What is present: continuous self-observation without deferral to what is observed, a stated standard measured against yourself, physical work initiated while the body is under load, and a running assessment of the structure you live in. What is conspicuously absent: any request. You do not ask the viewers for help, advice, or sympathy. You do not ask how to level the camper. You do not name an endpoint for the taper, a timeline, or a condition under which you would stop. The dreaming — the rowboat, the plank of wood on the water, the little time island — appears once, is named as dreaming, is cut off with it's not getting me anywhere, and does not return. The phrase you keep returning to instead is that this is a weird way to live, and you say you are going to keep saying it, and you say you would put it on a shirt.

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Assessing Camper Level While Tapering Off Opioids

Energetic Quality

Journey Phase

Directional Vector

Tags

Summary

Environment

Substrate

Actions

Performed

Referenced

Planned

Entities

Symbolic Elements

Ontological States

Engaged Subsystems

Dominant Language

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