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Good morning, YouTube. 7 o'clock in the
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morning here. Just waking up. Probably
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look at it, especially at my
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age. It's a new day. Looks like it's
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going to be a beautiful day. And it's a
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new year for me. This is the day after
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my
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birthday. I am now officially 48 years
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old. And it feels
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good. It feels amazing.
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I don't think a year ago I would have
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been able to say that if I was still
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living in my house, sedating myself,
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stagnating. But on my 47th birthday, I
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did something brave and I changed
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everything. And now I can
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say that I've spent a year transforming
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my
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life
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and I'm in really good
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shape physically,
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mentally, spiritually, although I'm not
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spiritual,
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but some kind of dimension
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there, sematically,
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cognitively. I'm in the best place I've
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been in in a very long time, probably
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ever in my life, because I truly love
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myself in a way that I never did in the
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first first 48 years of my
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life. So, let me start with some some
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good news. I've secured my campsite
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until Friday. So, I'm not going to be
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scrambling to try to figure out where to
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be every day, every night.
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That would have been a difficult
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situation and I'm glad I won't have to
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go through
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it. Uh there's a couple of reasons why.
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So, um yesterday I sent out a request to
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my audience asking for help. I received
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help from one person. Her name is Laura.
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She sent me $25. I want to thank you
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personally. Thank you. I'll send out an
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email to just thanking you um that
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way. and my aunt who I hadn't talked to
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in decades, literal decades,
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uh she sent me some money, um
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$200.
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And that's because my mom reached out to
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her and asked and she and she
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helped. This happened while I was in
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Newport. I was visiting John. John had
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$40 he was going to give me so that um I
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could put feel in my
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Jeep. And I just wanted to see him for
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my birthday. didn't want to spend it by
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myself. But because of what happened, I
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gave him his money back because that was
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everything he had. Cuz that man is a
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true friend. He was willing to give me
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everything. He had his own fuel money.
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In fact, that was the the money for his
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truck. He was going to just stay home
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for the rest of the
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month.
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And I'm glad that, you know, it didn't
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turn out that way. So, I am in a good
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situation as far as all of that. I could
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still use some assistance if you're
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willing and you're able. Um cuz I'm
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going to need fuel for my Jeep cuz
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that's what powers my RV is when I
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charge my batteries this morning. I need
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food. I'd love to be able to get some
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groceries that I can stock in my fridge
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now that I know I can keep my RV
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batteries going and my fridge going.
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Um yeah, just basic supplies.
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So
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um okay so let me see where do I want to
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go from here. So
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um I'm calling this my public channel
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moving
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forward if you're seeing this on on
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YouTube on you know just general
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audiences my public channel and I have a
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private channel and that would be my
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subscription service on
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YouTube. Um, you'll always find links in
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the descriptions for this stuff so that
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you can sign up if you want to. There's
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going to be a video about my day
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yesterday on my private channel because
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I need to protect
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um the sanctity of my journey
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um certain certain aspects of my life,
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you know, just from the general public.
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I shouldn't there's certain things I
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don't want to share with the entire
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world. I want to share with those who
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are aligned with my journey, who
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resonate with it,
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who who choose to be part of it in a
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real way. So, you'll find those things
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in my private channel. Um, I got to get
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my stuff set up and get my internet out
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here so I can upload that. But I talk
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about my day yesterday,
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um, and my plans, what I'll be doing in
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a week from now, and what my plans are
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for the next year.
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a lot of
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plants. Um, last night I went through
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Oh, another thing I want to talk about.
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So, I'm using social media a little bit
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more. Again, I generally hadn't for
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years, but um because of my situation, I
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got on Facebook yesterday asking for
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help there,
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too. I mean, even though I didn't
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receive any, um, it's kind of funny.
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There were a couple of friend requests
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waiting for me. there are people that
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I've met on the Oregon coast and um you
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know I just uh decided maybe it's a good
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thing to to start using those things so
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that people can reach me outside of
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YouTube without using email I guess and
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we'll see how that goes. Um I'll start
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including links like that in the
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description as
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well. So that was the other thing. Now,
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the last thing,
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um, last night I went through and I
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created a curated list of public videos
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that you can watch right now about my
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journey over the past year. I'm going to
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walk you through what each of these
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are. And if you want, they're there for
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you to
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watch. Um, I'm going to make a playlist
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also, and I'll put that in the
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description. So, it starts with the
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rupture. That's the day I decided that I
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was leaving my house. Didn't have an RV
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yet, but I had made the decision to to
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blow up my life, create a new
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one. Then there's the
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goodbye. That was my last day in my
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house before
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um before I would be the day before my
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birthday or when I would be leaving my
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house for the last time and and moving
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to a campground. And I talk about things
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in there
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about what I was leaving behind
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and how I was choosing to live moving
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forwards. Then there's the first day and
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that just shows you some video from some
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footage from my first day, you know, a
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year and one day
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ago, my first day on the campgrounds.
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Then there's the talk. And I'm just
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sitting at a picnic bench like I am
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right now. Got a picnic bench right
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here. Those are my notes.
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[Music]
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Um, and it was an important video to me
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because that day for some reason just
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felt very important. It was my I was two
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weeks into my journey. It was the last
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day that I was going to be at my first
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campground. So, I was moving to my
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second campground on that day. I had a
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lot going on and I was just starting to
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really get into
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um I was learning
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to I mean I had fears wrapped around
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moving that thing. I was going to a
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different state, a different campground.
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I had a whole lot going on and it just
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that day felt in felt
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important. It shapes my
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journey. And then there's the reckoning
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and that's in two parts. And that's me
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going through tramod withdrawal cold
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turkey on that second
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campground. I took 300 milligrams of
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tramod a day for years and I couldn't
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wait. Is that right? 50 time six. Yeah,
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300 a day. Sometimes I say 180. I don't
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know why I do that. I've noticed that in
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videos. It was 300. There were 50
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milligram tablets. Took six of those a
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day. Anyways, I quit taking those cold
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turkey. That was I was I was done
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sedating myself. I was done
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um was done living a life that made me
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feel small. That was caused, you know,
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that caused me all the that led me to
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this journey in the first place.
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And you know, so there's two videos
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called the reckoning where I'm just
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starting to go through that
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process. I did it. I never looked
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back. Then there's the severing and that
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is when I decided to stop speaking to my
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parents because of emotional abuse over
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a
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lifetime. This journey wasn't just
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about living a different way. It was
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about internal growth, overcoming a lot
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of things
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that a lot of things that
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made this was part of the shedding
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process. Stopped talking to my parents
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for 3
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months. At the time I made that, I
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didn't talk to my mom for three
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months. Um, then there's the deepening
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In that video, I go to Cumberland Falls,
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place that I'd fallen in love with. And
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I feel like there were a lot of seeds
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placed in that video that um you can see
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start to take shape over the course of
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my journey. Like my love for water, even
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though every campground I was at had a
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lake or something, cuz you know,
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campgrounds tend to be around them, this
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was different. I fell in love with
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Cumberland Falls, um, Cumberland Lake,
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and I went hiking on a trail. I was like
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starting to, you know, get back into all
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of the things that I loved
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and starting to feel
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confident that that date felt
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important. Next is the trolls. And this
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is just a video where I talk about all
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the trollish comments I was getting and
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I put some I pasted some of them up on
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the screen and
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um so I'm highlighting that behavior
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that we've normalized as a society that
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we say to just ignore which only allows
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it to fester and keep
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growing cuz that's what we do in our
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society. We ignore don't we? I
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don't. So there's a video for that.
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Next is the hike and it's two hours long
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and that's when I went to the natural
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bridge in Kentucky. I stayed at a cabin.
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I can't remember how long I stayed there
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for. Stayed there for close to a week I
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think. And I did some hiking there that
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was very important cuz I had been hiking
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there for decades. Although I had
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stopped for quite a long time at that
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point in my life and this was a way of
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me reconnecting with the place I love.
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And that is an very important video to
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me.
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Um the next is the rescue and that's
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when I rescued
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um an abandoned kitten that I named
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Luna. She just showed up on my
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campsite right after I got back from the
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natural bridge and um she was she would
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have died. She had fleas. She had um
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parasites, several different kinds of
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parasites inside of her and um she was
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starving. I got her
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healthy in my little tiny environment
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with another cat, you know, Bailey.
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And I asked my audience to help cuz at
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that point in my journey, things were
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getting hard. Nobody helped. And this
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um this was upsetting to
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me. This just a pattern that keeps
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getting proven to me over and over
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again. It feels like people just aren't
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connecting with me and they're not
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connecting with
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um I have so many thoughts but I'm not
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going to get into it. Anyways, so
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[Music]
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um the next is the
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forge. I'm pretty sure in that video I
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talk about how disappointed I
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am about the outcome of that. I ended up
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having to give her to
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um a shelter before I left because
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couldn't afford to keep her and it would
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have been very difficult. But I got her
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healthy. Very proud of that. Next is the
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dream. At this point, I'm in Oregon.
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It's only a couple months ago. I'm
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talking about my life over the next
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year, what I had plans.
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Um, but it didn't work out that way
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because of what happened at the the
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state parks. The next one is called the
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framing. In that video, I talk about
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um how how people with fragmented
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cognition would view me to help you
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better understand me. Um, even though
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it's not a framing I accept for myself,
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it's how many other people might be able
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to go, "Oh, maybe then it starts to make
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sense to them.
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Next is the
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betrayal. That's when I got kicked out
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of the state parks. And on that day,
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um, this was the day they kicked me out.
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I had to be out within 24 hours. My
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heart rate was spiking for hours. My
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watch is going off in that video telling
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me that my heart rate is too high. And I
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record a video walking everyone through
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the two months of my time there. For the
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first time, I talk about this publicly.
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I had been avoiding talking about my
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volunteering because I didn't really
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know where to draw the line yet. So, I
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had stopped using YouTube for months and
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they kicked me out anyways. So, I I
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walked you through what happened to me
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and they used that as the justification
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for permanently dismissing
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me. Um, next is the letter and this is
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where I document publicly
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things that I thought were important for
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the volunteer coordinator of the whole
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program to know about my time there for
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those two months. Um cuz I was wronged.
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I I was abused by their leadership and
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um I at that time was hoping that she
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would help protect me. She did
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not.
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Um and so I decided to read that letter
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publicly and put it into the public
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record so that it is always there.
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Um, the next
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[Music]
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video trying to remember what this one
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is. So, the next there's four more
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videos past this. Well, three. This will
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be the fourth one. Um, and they're about
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my most recent time and you know. So,
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um, those are what I have so far. I'm
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going to put them into a playlist.
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And you're welcome to watch
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them. Going to leave it there.
